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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 19 of 19. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by DaisyM on December 11, 2003, at 18:10:03
We've all had "issues" it seems this week. I want to know how everyone did with talking about stuff == or didn't. I just don't want to go first because it has only been an hour, and I'm still processing.
Who's up?!
Posted by Karen_kay on December 11, 2003, at 18:55:23
In reply to Calling for follow-up - How did Therapy go? , posted by DaisyM on December 11, 2003, at 18:10:03
see my rant.... I look forward to hearing everyone else's though :)
Posted by DaisyM on December 11, 2003, at 20:15:03
In reply to Calling for follow-up - How did Therapy go? , posted by DaisyM on December 11, 2003, at 18:10:03
Ok, I've been stewing now for 3 hours. I feel like I really really messed up --- and I've dialed 6 times to apologize and I hang up everytime. Because I don't know what to say and I feel ridiculous.
He asked me to sink into my feelings. I couldn't. I just couldn't. I went in there today over the top anxious but without really knowing what the anxiety is attached to. So he asked me to sit with it. maybe close my eyes. (nope!) I felt like I couldn't breathe but I couldn't think of anything to say. He kept saying it was alright, he gave me lots of space, I knew he was there and yet...
So we talked about my dream. I'm being stalked, confronted with something, by an unknown (I can't see his face) person. He asked me if it was him? Was I afraid of what we were getting close to? I told him I don't know and I don't. He said let's assume it is -- could I finish the dream now...in this safe place. I tried to reach inside. But all I came up with is that I am terrified of being needy again, of depending on him. We then talked about him getting sick and the anxiety that has now shown up. He thinks there is a connection, at least subconsciously.
So I talk about how much I hated the feelings therapy brings up for me. How I didn't feel it was fixable. How it was taking too long and how I NEEDED a cognitive explaination for what was happening to me. How I felt like I had no more purpose. And how I didn't want to cry. And on, and on.
He did give me a summary of what he thinks has led me to this place and told me that it was all so scary because essentially I was rewriting my life script. And asked me to look at how long I have been denying my needs and feelings and how short a time I've been working on this (7 months). Told me it was perfectly normal to go forward and back and then forward again. That he could see that I was sad and needed support -- I wasn't just being a drama-queen (my phrase.) And that he was there to help me, not threaten me. And even, that he would see me Christmas eve if I wanted so I didn't have to skip...
I feel awful, terrible, like the worst ever therapy-client. Let's summarize: he's not allowed to get sick, he has become threatening and he must work on Christmas Eve. I wouldn't be surprised if he decides I'm too much to deal with completely.
I still want to call him. I still don't know what I would say or ask for. :(
Posted by Dinah on December 11, 2003, at 20:27:09
In reply to Re: Calling for follow-up - (long), posted by DaisyM on December 11, 2003, at 20:15:03
> I feel awful, terrible, like the worst ever therapy-client. Let's summarize: he's not allowed to get sick, he has become threatening and he must work on Christmas Eve. I wouldn't be surprised if he decides I'm too much to deal with completely.
I understand that you feel that way. But he's told you he thinks your reactions are understandable and in no way awful or terrible. He wants to see you on Christmas eve because he wants to help you feel like he'll be there for you. Don't try to second guess what's good for him. It's his job to take care of himself. Altogether it sounds like the farthest thing from thinking you're too much to deal with.
>
> I still want to call him. I still don't know what I would say or ask for. :(I somehow suspect he would be delighted that you would call and let yourself need him. If you don't feel comfortable calling him at home you can always call him during working hours tomorrow. What do you think you need to ask for or tell him? Any clues?
Posted by DaisyM on December 11, 2003, at 22:31:36
In reply to Re: Calling for follow-up - (long), posted by Dinah on December 11, 2003, at 20:27:09
Oh Dinah...I just don't know what I want or need. *sob* :(
But, you made me feel a little bit better. Do you really think it's Ok to call? What do I say? This is what I want to say:
"Hi, I'm worried that I was totally out of line yesterday saying all those negative things. I'm worried it was too much for you. I'm worried you felt criticized and now believe that you can't help me. I've moved from totally anxious, crawling out of my skin, to totally destroyed, wanting to keep the covers over my head. I'm sorry I'm calling."
Is that just too pathetic? *sigh*
Posted by Dinah on December 11, 2003, at 22:49:07
In reply to Re: Calling for follow-up - (long) » Dinah, posted by DaisyM on December 11, 2003, at 22:31:36
That sounds fine. Therapists are different about between session calls, but mine would be just fine with that one. It sounds like your therapist wants you to feel more able to express your dependency, so I'm thinking he wouldn't mind, although I could be wrong of course. I wouldn't hesitate to call and tell him that tomorrow. I sometimes really really need to know that everything's ok, and my therapist would far prefer I call than that I work myself up into a meltdown.
Posted by Poet on December 11, 2003, at 23:37:57
In reply to Calling for follow-up - How did Therapy go? , posted by DaisyM on December 11, 2003, at 18:10:03
Hello everyone,
Poet's been self-medicating (alochol, not food) it's not that my session, today, was bad, it's that I feel guilty for spending the entire time on trivial stuff. She knew what I was doing, but lived up to her promise not to talk about my childhood until I bring it up.
She said that sometimes it takes years to work through issues, and it's okay to go slow. I just ended up feeling like I was stuck forever.
Sorry, for this pathetic update. I hope I sleep soon.
Poet
Posted by cubic_me on December 12, 2003, at 7:35:28
In reply to Re: Calling for follow-up - How did Therapy go? , posted by Poet on December 11, 2003, at 23:37:57
i know I havent written much in a long while, but I've been lurking!
I've been going slow in therapy too, and feeling worse every time. I wish it would make me feel better, but it doesnt :(
Sorry for the negativity, _me x
Posted by Karen_kay on December 12, 2003, at 10:42:51
In reply to Re: Calling for follow-up - (long), posted by DaisyM on December 11, 2003, at 20:15:03
((((((Daisy))))))) I'm sending you so many hugs, I so very much hope you are feeling better today. I wish I had checked last night before I went to sleep.
Do you think that you are afraid to become amost dependent upon him because others have let you down in the past? You've had to become dependent upon noone else but yourself essentially and now you do have someone else that you can confide in, your therapist. And that is a bit scary. It is really hard to start trusting someone else now. And it is hard to show your feelings once again. I'm always afraid my therapist might laugh at me. It's like I've been programmed not to have feelings. And it's almost easier not to.Why couldn't you sink into your feelings? Were you scared of what might happen, of what they were, of what you were feeling? If you are feeling this anxious hun, as hard as it is you should try to tap into "the why". Do you think it is because he asked you that direct question about your past? I know that sometimes my therapist will say something that doesn't bother me at all until I get home or several days later.
I know that if my therapist offered to see me on Christmas Eve I would be glowing for days. I wouldn't take him up on the offer, but just knowing that he did offer would help reassure me that he is there to help. Think of it that way. He cares about you getting better. Think about it. How many other clients do you think he offered to help on Christmas Eve? Not many.Maybe after thinking about the anxiety for a few, you may be able to come up with an explanation as to why it started. Can you recall exactly when it began? Does it get more intense at any time? (Like when the phone rings.. if that's the case you could be anxious he is going to cancel again) Do you think you're anxious because he canceled, or are you anxious because he wasn't there for you when you needed him to be? That's understandable entirely! I would be heart broken if mine had to cancel!
And also, I don't see how you messed up, really.... Every time my therapist tells me to close my eyes, I refuse. He started to ask me to do something and before he could even finish his sentence I refused. Just trying to put things in perspective for you! I would be the Queen of Screw-Ups :)
I really hope you slept well last night! And your dream.... Something is catching up with you. Did you feel threatened in your dream? I would say if so, then I wouldn't think it was him. Maybe some of the issues you are dealing with catching up with you. Maybe somethign you are avoiding. Maybe it is time to start facing them. I don't know. Just a guess?
Take care of yourself. I would take care of you if I were there :(
Karen
Posted by DaisyM on December 12, 2003, at 14:40:59
In reply to Re: Calling for follow-up - (long) » DaisyM, posted by Karen_kay on December 12, 2003, at 10:42:51
Thanks Karen, for the hugs and support. I feel calmer today, but today is easy because I'm home with a sick child and am putting all this anxiety to use cleaning out cupboards! And, I called him and apologized for being so negative/critical yesterday. He hasn't called back, but I told him he didn't have to if he didn't have time today. So I'm working away pretending like I don't care if he calls back. :(
I'm relatively sure the anxiety is about him, not that he is threatening but what he brings out in me. I regress and then I get needy and it is frightening. I try not to hold back but the words are so hard,even though I've said them before. I don't know what set it off so badly right now. I think it is the combination of my husband's illness getting worse, which happens in the winter, a month ago in therapy we discussed the possibility of my Therapist not being there for me "one time" and then he got sick, and wasn't. Plus work has been reallyreallyreally stressful the past two weeks. I think I'm cracking under all of it.
I also think I'm a pain in the #*s! I like your perspective on Christmas Eve though. It is better than my thoughts about being such a dependent baby that he HAS to see. I am really glad that he isn't going away however. I should tell him that.
Ok, back to cleaning. Thanks again for the support.
Posted by Karen_kay on December 12, 2003, at 15:04:35
In reply to Re: Calling for follow-up - (long) » Karen_kay, posted by DaisyM on December 12, 2003, at 14:40:59
Funny, it seems everyone is having pretty negative (um.... sorry emotional) sessions right now. Maybe it is the season? Or our frame of mind? Hmmm... I don't know. But I checked out my grades and they aren't nearly as bad as I thought! At least I have one positive thing to cling to right now! Maybe things can start looking up from there...
I'm sorry your child is sick. And I'm sure he'll call back (if he's smart he will!!). And this season tends to make everyone a bit anxious. So, back to the distraction, eh? That's always my favorite excuse too! :)
Posted by DaisyM on December 12, 2003, at 15:24:05
In reply to Re: Calling for follow-up - (long) » Karen_kay, posted by DaisyM on December 12, 2003, at 14:40:59
I left a message this morning basically saying I felt like I owed him an apology for being so negative and critical yesterday. But that he didn't have to call me if he didn't have time today. (Now, you know I wanted him to call back, right?)
He did! He said all the right things: he didn't think I was being negative about him, I was just despairing, which was not only allowed but understandable. His feelings were not hurt, and if they ever were he would tell me and we would work through it. I said I was worried that he was fed up and "done." He said he could see why I might worry about that, how I might worry that I had pushed him away and he couldn't "hold me." Not true, he said. If my anxiety is about therapy then we will just keep working on it.
He also said we aren't done, not even close. That he can't imagine a scenario where he would just quit, there wasn't anything we couldn't work through and he was in it for the long haul. (now this worries me, how long is long?!)
And, Dinah, you were right. He said he was glad I called.
I'm going to refuse to allow myself to feel bad about calling or get freaked about Monday. At least, I'm gonna try!
Posted by DaisyM on December 12, 2003, at 15:28:11
In reply to Re: Calling for follow-up - How did Therapy go? , posted by Poet on December 11, 2003, at 23:37:57
I hate that stuck feeling! But my guess is you will move along pretty soon because you recognize what it is you don't want to talk about. Sometimes you can talk about not talking.
It isn't easy...I'm sorry it is so hard for you right now. At least she is respecting your wishes. Maybe this one of those, be careful what you wish for things.
Posted by DaisyM on December 12, 2003, at 15:34:13
In reply to Re: Calling for follow-up - How did Therapy go? , posted by cubic_me on December 12, 2003, at 7:35:28
Going slow is hard but sometimes the only way. I too wish I came away feeling better. I have a friend who "loves" going, she comes back all giddy like her life problems are all solved. But, I think she has a VERY directive Therapist who does corrective thinking and give out lots of advice. Which works for her very well.
But in the long run I know these things take time. Hang in there. I think I agree with Karen. 'Tis the season...
Posted by Dinah on December 12, 2003, at 15:50:31
In reply to I called. He called back, posted by DaisyM on December 12, 2003, at 15:24:05
That's great! You've crossed a dependency hurdle. Congratulations. Sometimes risk taking pays off, doesn't it?
:-)
Posted by Dinah on December 12, 2003, at 15:55:11
In reply to Calling for follow-up - How did Therapy go? , posted by DaisyM on December 11, 2003, at 18:10:03
He took off Wednesday and Thursday and still was feeling a bit sick today, tho he didn't appear anywhere near as sick as Tuesday.
Since we couldn't spend the entire session commiserating on his illness, I tried mightily to make it productive. I tossed out subject after subject, any one of which had the potential of being a session unto itself. But nothing stuck.
I hadn't realized how much I depend on his participation to keep the session moving. Somehow in my mind it always seems more like a monologue than it must actually be.
That's ok though. He wasn't at his best, and it seems kind of nice to know that I can accept that sessions will be dull as dishwater from time to time while also knowing overall our therapy is fine.
Posted by DaisyM on December 12, 2003, at 16:29:12
In reply to Hum drum session, posted by Dinah on December 12, 2003, at 15:55:11
It is easier to take the risk if someone not only pushes a little but is around to catch your back. So thanks for doing both.
I'm sorry your sessions was just "so-so". I've only had a few of those but I'm pretty new at this. The few times it happened, he usually asks me "what happened on...?" We weren't connecting. And we try to figure out why. I guess you know why. Being sick clouds the brain. So who did therapy for whom today?
Posted by Dinah on December 12, 2003, at 21:58:52
In reply to Re: Hum drum session » Dinah, posted by DaisyM on December 12, 2003, at 16:29:12
My pleasure. I'm sure you'll do the same for me some day when I need it. That's what's great about this place.
I'm afraid precious little therapy got done on either side today. :) He did give me a bit of good advice though. And I did feel some sense of connection, though not as much as usual. I'm working on eye contact, and it's kind of funny, so we both get to laugh over the process. Slide to the eyes, slide away, try to focus, slide away again. lol.
Posted by DaisyM on December 12, 2003, at 22:08:45
In reply to Re: Hum drum session » DaisyM, posted by Dinah on December 12, 2003, at 21:58:52
Eye contact is a funny thing. When I am really intense about what I'm saying, or if he is, it is dead on, straight in the eye. When I am remembering, or searching internally, it is anywhere but at him. Luckily he has great windows so I can look out at the trees. :)
Sometimes I feel like I'm pleading with him silently with my eyes, usually the message is "can we stop now?"
This is the end of the thread.
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