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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Poet on December 4, 2003, at 20:39:18
The last few sessions have been hard, we've been talking about something from my childhood that I now wish I'd never told her.
Today, I came out and said I don't want to talk about it anymore. That it was better when I just kept burying it deeper and deeper. I said I'm sliding backwards at high speed for every step I take forward and I can't handle it anymore.
She said that she sees that I am going forward, even if I don't. She said it would be better to work through it, but she promises not to bring it up. When I'm ready to talk about it again, and I bring it up, she'll assume it's okay to work on it again.
I feel like therapy should be second to career on my failure list. I am such a coward on facing painful things. I should cancel my membership in the Perfect Therapy Patient/Client Club.
Poet
Posted by Dinah on December 4, 2003, at 21:28:19
In reply to I think I'm failing therapy, posted by Poet on December 4, 2003, at 20:39:18
And don't turn in that card. You followed the number one rule and were honest with your therapist.
And she's right and you're right. You'll deal with this if or when you're ready and not one bit before. It wouldn't do you any good to do it before.
Take it easy on yourself. Therapy isn't a straight line, and, at least in my experience, there is plenty else to work on. :) Maybe you could concentrate on the present for a while.
Posted by lost-in-therpy on December 4, 2003, at 22:29:29
In reply to Re: You aren't failing therapy » Poet, posted by Dinah on December 4, 2003, at 21:28:19
hey i have been in therpy for awhile and i have ups and downs ull make it through ... when u r ready u will know it !!! good luck keep us updated!!
Posted by DaisyM on December 4, 2003, at 22:49:34
In reply to I think I'm failing therapy, posted by Poet on December 4, 2003, at 20:39:18
Poet,
I think I know exactly what you mean. I too am questioning the value in revisiting very old events. I really regress and feel so out of control. For me, this is truly a reason to run from therapy. There is NOTHING worse for me than feeling out of control. My dreams have returned to falling -- which my Therapist has said represent about as out of control as you can get!
However, I must admit that when I ignore this inner turmoil, it may go quiet for a few weeks and then returns with a vengence. Either by feeling really really down, or weepy or anxious (most likely) or I get more and more unproductive. I didn't realize it at the time, but this underlying "stuff" is what the rest of my life is balanced on. And now, since there is so much to balance, it has exploded under the pressure, making a mess all over everything else. Essentially, I turn something over, and there it is again. Yuck!
I believe that if you must process this past event,you will be able to judge that because it won't leave you alone. The hardest part for me is admitting in therapy that "it" is back and being willing to go there, which is painful. If you don't feel this, then moving on is probably a good thing.
I am impressed that your Therapist is leaving it up to you. Mine does this too, but sometimes he slows me or changes the direction because I'm getting overwhelmed by fear.
I'm in that place right now of not knowing if I'm ready to go the next step or what the right next step is...but I'm not turning in my card and neither should you!
I agree with Dinah -- you were "perfectly" honest. Good for you!
Posted by Poet on December 5, 2003, at 9:01:51
In reply to I think I'm failing therapy, posted by Poet on December 4, 2003, at 20:39:18
Thanks, I'm still a card carrying PTPC member
Posted by noa on December 5, 2003, at 11:31:21
In reply to I think I'm failing therapy, posted by Poet on December 4, 2003, at 20:39:18
Not at all, Poet!!!
It is so great that you told her it was getting too raw to continue talking about. And she responded well, I think, by not pursuing the topic so directly, and letting you take the lead on that.
I have found in my therapy that some of the diffiuclt work like you describe is done is spurts. Safety is so important and having a therapist who doesn't push too hard is essential.
I think of it like this: I have these wounds. Sometimes, it is necessary to open them up a bit and look inside to see what is there. BUT, opening them up too quickly, or exploring the wounds too deeply while they're still so raw, can be damaging. But it's kind of a trial and error process. When it feels too tender, it may be time to close the wound up somewhat or altogether, and take a break, and come back to it when it feels ok to do so. ANd I feel like it is so important that I feel control over when the wound gets opened up and that my therapist respects that. If I didn't feel like I had this control, I would not feel safe.
So, I think backing off a bit from this topic is not at all a sign of any failure in therapy. The fact that you were able to do any exploration of this difficult topic is a sign of great progress. AND, being able to tell your therapist when it hurt too much is also a sign of progress.
I know that when I was a child, I didn't have such control over being vulnerable to hurt. LEarning how to take control of that is an important part of my therapy. Exploring those wounds is also, but it won't work if I feel too vulnerable--it not only won't work, but feeling compelled to go forward with exploration that makes me feel unsafe would just be like repeating what's already happened again, not helping me recover from it.
My therapy has been long term because I need to feel like I can visit and revisit hard things at a pace that feels tolerable and helpful. Sometimes I talk about superficial stuff, sometimes really painful stuff, sometimes a combo. Sometimes it is enough to just touch briefly on a painful issue and then put it away for another time. Having a therapist with patience who understand this, which it seems you do, is essential (and a gift in today's managed care environment).
I hope my rambling makes sense.
Posted by lookdownfish on December 5, 2003, at 14:13:02
In reply to Re: Failing Therapy? TOTALLY NOT!!! » Poet, posted by noa on December 5, 2003, at 11:31:21
Posted by Poet on December 5, 2003, at 14:56:12
In reply to Re: You aren't failing therapy » Poet, posted by Dinah on December 4, 2003, at 21:28:19
Hi Dinah,
We're going to work on "current" issues. Including not being so hard on my self, self-esteem and all other self-hatred issues. Deep down they probably are all the result of my childhood, but I think working backwards is better for me.
I'll keep my membership card active.
Poet
Posted by Poet on December 5, 2003, at 14:58:05
In reply to Re: You aren't failing therapy, posted by lost-in-therpy on December 4, 2003, at 22:29:29
Thanks for your support. Therapy, lately, just seems to be all downs.
I promise to do updates on how things are going.
Poet
Posted by Poet on December 5, 2003, at 15:15:46
In reply to Re: I think I'm failing therapy » Poet, posted by DaisyM on December 4, 2003, at 22:49:34
Hi Daisy,
I'm in full failure mode because I feel I am regressing. I know that bad stuff from my childhood contributed to the mess I am today, I just can't handle it right now.
My therapist is good about backing down when I need her to. Before it's always been for minor issues, I say I don't want to talk about that today. This time I said ever again.
She asked if I was angry at her for working on something that I'm not comfortable with (yes) and if I was afraid of losing control (yes, again.)
I just felt like I'm failing therapy because I'm supposed to be able to talk about anything and feel in control. I think she thinks I don't trust her. Oh, oh, I'm being hard on myself, that's one of the things we're going to work on now.
My membership card is still active.
Poet
Posted by Poet on December 5, 2003, at 15:29:03
In reply to Re: Failing Therapy? TOTALLY NOT!!! » Poet, posted by noa on December 5, 2003, at 11:31:21
Hi noa,
Your "rambling" made perfect sense.
My therapist is good at backing away when I tell her I don't want to talk about something. Before it was minor things: I don't want to talk about that, today. This time I said ever again.
She told me at the beginning that she believes in taking things slow, so I know we won't talk about my childhood until I'm ready.
I know I can't permanently stitch up the open wound, but I need to keep a bandage on it until I can handle the pain.
I'm keeping my perfect therapy club membership active. I really thought that I was a failure in therapy because I don't just blurt out everything. I didn't think that being honest with her was the perfect response to my pain.
Poet
Posted by DaisyM on December 5, 2003, at 15:33:16
In reply to Re: I think I'm failing therapy » DaisyM, posted by Poet on December 5, 2003, at 15:15:46
They really don't get that seperation of "trusting them" and just plain old "trusting" do they?
I want to scream sometimes that I just don't trust MYSELF -- of course, I never do.
Glad you are keeping your card.
This is the end of the thread.
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