Posted by noa on December 5, 2003, at 11:31:21
In reply to I think I'm failing therapy, posted by Poet on December 4, 2003, at 20:39:18
Not at all, Poet!!!
It is so great that you told her it was getting too raw to continue talking about. And she responded well, I think, by not pursuing the topic so directly, and letting you take the lead on that.
I have found in my therapy that some of the diffiuclt work like you describe is done is spurts. Safety is so important and having a therapist who doesn't push too hard is essential.
I think of it like this: I have these wounds. Sometimes, it is necessary to open them up a bit and look inside to see what is there. BUT, opening them up too quickly, or exploring the wounds too deeply while they're still so raw, can be damaging. But it's kind of a trial and error process. When it feels too tender, it may be time to close the wound up somewhat or altogether, and take a break, and come back to it when it feels ok to do so. ANd I feel like it is so important that I feel control over when the wound gets opened up and that my therapist respects that. If I didn't feel like I had this control, I would not feel safe.
So, I think backing off a bit from this topic is not at all a sign of any failure in therapy. The fact that you were able to do any exploration of this difficult topic is a sign of great progress. AND, being able to tell your therapist when it hurt too much is also a sign of progress.
I know that when I was a child, I didn't have such control over being vulnerable to hurt. LEarning how to take control of that is an important part of my therapy. Exploring those wounds is also, but it won't work if I feel too vulnerable--it not only won't work, but feeling compelled to go forward with exploration that makes me feel unsafe would just be like repeating what's already happened again, not helping me recover from it.
My therapy has been long term because I need to feel like I can visit and revisit hard things at a pace that feels tolerable and helpful. Sometimes I talk about superficial stuff, sometimes really painful stuff, sometimes a combo. Sometimes it is enough to just touch briefly on a painful issue and then put it away for another time. Having a therapist with patience who understand this, which it seems you do, is essential (and a gift in today's managed care environment).
I hope my rambling makes sense.
poster:noa
thread:286665
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031202/msgs/286821.html