Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 279749

Shown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

This is bad??

Posted by karen_kay on November 14, 2003, at 13:14:22

So I decided to finally do a search for my therapist of the internet and found a picture of his wife, purely by accident...Promise. I am dissappointed for a few reasons. I know this sounds horrible, but I would have thought he would be married to Nicole Kidman or something. It is not that I am trying to belittle his wife in anyway, don't get me wrong, it is just that I hold him on such a pedestal that finding this information has shattered the image I had of him in a way. Also, now I feel really bad because I feel as though I have invaded his personal life. I ran a search for him, I really didn't mean to find a picture of his wife. Also, what disturbs me even more, the picture was taken on their wedding day and he is not in the picture, it is a picture of her in her gown with her dog... is this strange? Should I feel bad? I've learned my lesson. Any thoughts to help alleviate some guilt would be nice... Karen

 

Re: This is bad?? karen_kay

Posted by Poet on November 14, 2003, at 14:23:16

In reply to This is bad??, posted by karen_kay on November 14, 2003, at 13:14:22

Hi Karen,

I'm jealous, my internet searches haven't revealed anything about my therapist. Don't feel guilty over finding that picture, if something's on the internet, anyone can access it, so it's fair game.

What I find odd is that she's with the dog. Was it a site for people and their pets? Then it makes sense, because even if she's not so cute, the photo would be. Otherwise odd indeed.

If it's any comfort, my doctor is very pretty, but her husband is gorgeous. Turn around and look twice gorgeous. He's a doctor, too, and we all work for the same medical group (I'm in administration.) I see my doctor this Thursday for a meds check and I'm afraid I'll get nervous and blurt out how's your hotty husband?

Poet

 

Re: This is bad?? Poet

Posted by karen_kay on November 14, 2003, at 14:33:37

In reply to Re: This is bad?? karen_kay, posted by Poet on November 14, 2003, at 14:23:16

Yeah, it was a site for that particular breed of dogs. What is odd is that she was in her wedding gown holding the mutt.. Isn't that peculiar? Doesn't that strike you as strange? Please don't tell me I am alone in thinking this? I called my therapist and left him a voice mail saying we need to Finally put an end to my crush. I keep bringing it up and he says my crush is beneficial, as it keeps me coming back in. I keep telling him that I will continue therapy without the crush. Why won't he help me get over my crush? I feel like he enjoys it. I'm sure he must get a kick out of it. I'm just afraid I'll end up driving past his house or something. (I don't know where he lives or anything, that's why I wnat to get this crush over with). And I have a habit of getting crushes like this so I need to resolve this! Oh, why does he have to be so yummy? Karen

 

Re: This is bad?? karen_kay

Posted by Dinah on November 14, 2003, at 16:10:27

In reply to Re: This is bad?? Poet, posted by karen_kay on November 14, 2003, at 14:33:37

I had my wedding photographer take a picture with me and each of my three favorite dogs alive at the time. The two boys wore little bow ties. The girl a jewelled collar. They were members of my family. Closer to me than my brother by far. The photographer was at my house taking pictures of me and my family. Me and my mother. Me and my father. Me and my dogs.

I haven't got a photo on the internet, but they are framed and in my study.

 

Re: This is bad??

Posted by DaisyM on November 14, 2003, at 16:59:07

In reply to Re: This is bad?? karen_kay, posted by Dinah on November 14, 2003, at 16:10:27

I think you are being too hard on yourself. Think of it this way, in the "old" days, before the internet, clients actually had to "stalk" their therapist to get any information or relief from their questions -- and this had to be so much worse than just typing something into a box from the safety of your own home - while they are safe in theirs. I agree that anything on the net is fair game - it isn't like you paid for a private detective search.

As to your disappointment -- try turning it around, or maybe inside - out. He obviously isn't only interested in "skin deep" which is good and maybe she pursued him since he is so "yummy." :)

I guess the question for you to think about is how would you expect him to help you get over this crush? He can't exactly give you a list of his bad traits, you already know he is off limits and you've talked about it before with him. I think a replacement object is in order -- are there possibilities in your life? (married, boyfriend, etc?) I'm also guessing you made light of the subject, perhaps lighter than you should have, since it is now an issue. Maybe a thoughtful conversation about your tendency to develop crushes will do the trick. Just "thypking" (typing thoughts) out loud. Good luck! -D

 

Re: This is bad?? Dinah

Posted by karen_kay on November 14, 2003, at 17:00:36

In reply to Re: This is bad?? karen_kay, posted by Dinah on November 14, 2003, at 16:10:27

I love my dog as well and have several framed photos of him in my home. What I find odd is the missing groom and the fact that she is actually holding the dog while wearing the dress. I too would consider having a photo with my dog, but not holding him against my dress.. Should I feel guilty coming across a photo of my therapist's wife? I realy hope I didn't offend you. The part I found odd is the fact that the groom, who is much cuter than the dog, is missing and she is holding the dog against her dress. Karen

 

Re: This is bad?? DaisyM

Posted by karen_kay on November 14, 2003, at 17:11:58

In reply to Re: This is bad??, posted by DaisyM on November 14, 2003, at 16:59:07

> I think you are being too hard on yourself. Think of it this way, in the "old" days, before the internet, clients actually had to "stalk" their therapist to get any information or relief from their questions -- and this had to be so much worse than just typing something into a box from the safety of your own home - while they are safe in theirs. I agree that anything on the net is fair game - it isn't like you paid for a private detective search.
> Thanks for the reassurance. I told my sister about it and she will not stop teasing me.

> As to your disappointment -- try turning it around, or maybe inside - out. He obviously isn't only interested in "skin deep" which is good and maybe she pursued him since he is so "yummy." :)
> and yummy he is!! I just hope she treats him as well as he deserves, you know? :(

> I guess the question for you to think about is how would you expect him to help you get over this crush? He can't exactly give you a list of his bad traits, you already know he is off limits and you've talked about it before with him. I think a replacement object is in order -- are there possibilities in your life? (married, boyfriend, etc?) I'm also guessing you made light of the subject, perhaps lighter than you should have, since it is now an issue. Maybe a thoughtful conversation about your tendency to develop crushes will do the trick. Just "thypking" (typing thoughts) out loud. Good luck! -D
> I just can't understand why he won't help me to get over the crush. I do have to thank you because you always seem to be so helpful to me. I called and left him a voice mail saying that we need to find a way to resolve my crush on him, as it is interfering with my therapy. I had to leave it on voicemail because I refuse to discuss it seriously with him during our sessions. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and the problem is that he overheard me making a comment aobut my therapist with my sister one day. Now he makes fun of me for it. He always says "are you going to see your boyfriend today?" But, I know he is very annoyed by it. And, having this crush also stops me from beign completely honest with my therapist, especially about a lot of issues I have aobut sex. And, these crushes are a pattern I tend to have, typically on professors and bosses. So, I should take care of it once and for all! Thanks Daisy! You have been helpful, as always! Karen

 

Re: This is bad?? karen_kay

Posted by Dinah on November 14, 2003, at 17:39:08

In reply to Re: This is bad?? Dinah, posted by karen_kay on November 14, 2003, at 17:00:36

No, you didn't offend me. But I can answer your question. The picture was chosen because it was a dog website. The groom wasn't in the picture because it was probably taken at the home before the wedding and the groom wouldn't have been there. The photographer takes a bunch of pictures of the bride at home before the wedding getting ready with the bridesmaid and family, and that's the only time *to* take a picture with the dogs since they're usually not invited to the wedding and reception. And the dog was probably sparkling clean for the occasion and held up against the dress because it made for a better photo. My two little dogs were in my arms for the photo. The big one was next to me sitting on the sofa. I had put my arm around him, but the photo ended up being one of me laughing as he looked at me like I was nuts. That dog had a lot of dignity, and didn't appreciate the black bow tie, the bustle of bridesmaids and photographer, and the indignity of posing.

 

Re: This is bad?? Dinah

Posted by karen_kay on November 14, 2003, at 18:13:11

In reply to Re: This is bad?? karen_kay, posted by Dinah on November 14, 2003, at 17:39:08

It does make sense now, it just seemed odd as that was the only picture from teh wedding I saw. Also, I have never had a wedding, so I really am not familiar with the picture taking process. The picture just appeared strange to me. Thanks for clearing it up. Maybe I wish she was odd. And I guess I just wish the groom was in the picture:( Karen

 

Now.....

Posted by karen_kay on November 14, 2003, at 18:14:26

In reply to Re: This is bad?? Dinah, posted by karen_kay on November 14, 2003, at 18:13:11

Should I tell him I saw a picture of his wife? Or hsould I even tell him I was looking for him on the net? This could be bad.... Karen

 

Re: Now..... karen_kay

Posted by Elle2021 on November 14, 2003, at 19:29:42

In reply to Now....., posted by karen_kay on November 14, 2003, at 18:14:26

First of all, don't feel bad about searching for him on the internet. I think that is all too common. I did it...but my search yeilded no results. From the other posts that I have read, seems like everybody else has done this too. Should you tell him you saw a picture of his wife? I don't think so. Might lead him to jump to conclusions. And, I wouldn't mention you looked him up on the net. So all in all, don't worry, it was just natural curiosity that guided your actions. :) Elle

 

Re: Now.....

Posted by Joslynn on November 15, 2003, at 10:01:32

In reply to Re: Now..... karen_kay, posted by Elle2021 on November 14, 2003, at 19:29:42

I recall reading on here that someone's therapist got upset that she searched for her on the internet, but I don't see what the big deal is. Whenever I am going to see any new professional or going on a job interview or even going on a date with someone I don't know well, I put that name in google, just to see what comes up. You wouldn't want to find out that your therapist is posting on some white supremacy web site or something!

(My therapist and pdoc don't have anything interesting on the internet about them, just their names on some boring professional listings. But neither of them seem all that internet savvy.)

As for the not-so-gorgeous wife...your reaction was interesting, I would have the opposite one. I would be relieved she didn't look like Nicole Kidman. I guess it would give me hope that you don't have to be beautiful to have a nice, handsome husband. (Not that I'm not pretty in my way, but I am no Nicole Kidman!)

I don't see the need to "confess" finding the pic, unless you think it could bring about an important conversation. I guess it's up to you.

Ha, if I were you, I would probably be jealous not just of the wife, but of the dog! E.g., "How come the dog gets to snuggle with him? What does the dog have that I don't have?" etc. But that's me. :)

 

Re: Now.....

Posted by karen_kay on November 15, 2003, at 12:18:57

In reply to Re: Now....., posted by Joslynn on November 15, 2003, at 10:01:32

> I recall reading on here that someone's therapist got upset that she searched for her on the internet, but I don't see what the big deal is. Whenever I am going to see any new professional or going on a job interview or even going on a date with someone I don't know well, I put that name in google, just to see what comes up. You wouldn't want to find out that your therapist is posting on some white supremacy web site or something!

>This is true! And I did use google, not some spy software or anything like that. The sad part is that I was so determined I used about 4 ours of my time to search through all of the results. Ughh! I think I have a problem. And have had similar ones like this in the past. I just wanted some info like where he attened school, I really didn't want personal info, and this is why I feel guilty now.


>
> As for the not-so-gorgeous wife...your reaction was interesting, I would have the opposite one. I would be relieved she didn't look like Nicole Kidman. I guess it would give me hope that you don't have to be beautiful to have a nice, handsome husband. (Not that I'm not pretty in my way, but I am no Nicole Kidman!)

>The reason his wife concerns me is that I fear it feeds the fire, so to speak, that maybe I have a chance with this stupid infatuation. (I HATE admitting this :( Also, I have this deep need for him to have a really beautiful wife. You know, like I expect him to have the perfect stepford wife, and now my illusion doesn't exist anymore.

> I don't see the need to "confess" finding the pic, unless you think it could bring about an important conversation. I guess it's up to you.

>I almost want to confess so that I won't feel so guilty. I feel like I have envaded his private life. I shouldn't know anything about his family. And now I do and I feel horrible for it. But, I'm also scared that I won't be a perfect client if I admit to googling him, or even worse admit to what I found. But, I really feel guilty and I don't want to feel guilty anymore. I guess the guilt will go away. It was an accident. And I didn't find a picture of his wife by choice. But, I think that by being completely honest with him he will realize how important it is to me to finally put an end to this crush.

> Ha, if I were you, I would probably be jealous not just of the wife, but of the dog! E.g., "How come the dog gets to snuggle with him? What does the dog have that I don't have?" etc. But that's me. :)

He he... Now that I think aobut it, I am jealous of the doggie. Every time I talk about my dog during sessions, he perks right up. I even brought in a picture of my dog once. Maybe I'll bring in another. Or, I can just try pinning a tail to my butt, maybe that will get his attention? Maybe then we can snuggle?
Karen

 

Re: Now..... karen_kay

Posted by Elle2021 on November 16, 2003, at 3:06:15

In reply to Re: Now....., posted by karen_kay on November 15, 2003, at 12:18:57

>I almost want to confess so that I won't feel so guilty. I feel like I have envaded his private life.

As far as I can see, you didn't really invade his privacy. Things you put on the net are things you want people to see. Obviously, his wife is really proud of her dog and wanted the picture up on the website for all who inquire to take a peep.

As for the crush thing, you definitely need to bring it up. It is evident through reading your posts that it is becoming a serious problem for you. Be honest, but don't mention the internet search. You didn't do anything wrong.
Elle

 

Re: Now.....Karen

Posted by Pfinstegg on November 16, 2003, at 22:20:43

In reply to Re: Now..... karen_kay, posted by Elle2021 on November 16, 2003, at 3:06:15

My therapy works differently. I have to say everything that I think- that's the deal- and then see what comes of it. Psychoanalysts make a big point of that, and, hard as it is, I mostly like it, as I learn a lot about myself, and my trust in him increases as I keep letting him know the most shameful things about myself. About looking up his wife, inadvertently- if you told him everything, it would lead right into your transference crush, feelings of jealousy, secret feelings of superiority that she's not so gorgeous, etc.- wouldn't it? There would be a lot of stress involved, but all these feelings are so important to you that I think you might be glad if you talked about them all openly.

Pfinstegg

 

Re: Now.....Karen

Posted by karen_kay on November 17, 2003, at 6:06:28

In reply to Re: Now.....Karen, posted by Pfinstegg on November 16, 2003, at 22:20:43

>. About looking up his wife, inadvertently- if you told him everything, it would lead right into your transference crush, feelings of jealousy,

secret feelings of superiority that she's not so gorgeous, etc.- wouldn't it? ******WOW***** Maybe you are right, but I would not want to insult him by saying something so harsh to him. Now, how can I find a way to approach this issue without it hitting so close to his home? And this whole time he thought maybe I had problems with my self esteem, ie, it was nonexistant. Ha! Girl, you hit the nail on the head!! Thanks!
Karen


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