![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 20 of 20. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Penny on October 15, 2003, at 10:56:22
Okay, I don't usually complain about therapy or my T, but feeling a need right now. Saw her last night and I was telling her about tired I am *all* the time, and how I managed to do a couple of things this weekend, but even that was a major effort, and it doesn't make sense to me since my mood has improved, and since I know it's not med-related, b/c I'm only taking Wellbutrin now, which has always been activating for me, and I'm taking my thyroid med and my vitamins (with iron), but I just have no energy.
And I was saying how there's always the standby advice, "Lose some weight, get more exercise, eat right" but that exercise is really out of the question b/c it is all I can do to pull myself out of bed, and then I spend most of my time wishing I was back in bed.
Anyway, her advice was that I needed to make myself do things even when I don't want to. And I remarked that maybe I'm just lazy, and she said that could be part of it, though she thinks it goes deeper than that.
But I guess my problem is that I felt like she was exasperated with me. I don't know what she was expecting me to talk about, but I was hoping for some ideas, maybe, on how to deal with this feeling of not being able to accomplish anything, of being 'stuck' and too doggone tired to do anything about it, and instead I got the "just do it" talk. Which made me feel like she really doesn't understand. And I've never felt that way toward her. But I think the session ended on an uncomfortable note, and I was kinda glad to be out of there, and I think she sensed that. And she alluded to some things that I think she could have expanded on (like her comment that my feeling of laziness probably goes deeper). But she didn't.
And, yes, I know she's not a mind-reader, but I just wanted some more support from her than I feel like I got. And now I'm frustrated and I really want to cancel my appointment with her tomorrow.
Plus, I'm not paying her the full fee for our sessions right now - she's keeping track of what I owe her that I can pay her when I'm able - and I wonder if that's starting to frustrate her. Right now I'm paying her $10 a session, plus she gets about $80 a session from insurance, but I'm supposed to be paying her a little over $34. And, like I said, she said I could pay it when I'm able, and it's not like I'm out spending money - I have all of $130 in the bank right now, and I get paid on Friday, but I'm living off of babysitting money, and I wish I could pay her more, but I can't. And I will pay her when I can, and I think she knows that, and I recommended cutting back on sessions, but she was insistent about seeing me 2 times a week, so that's what we're doing. And I guess I should trust that if she has a problem with what I am paying her, she will say something, but I still wonder if she's starting to think maybe I'm not worth the time and effort. I don't know...
P
Posted by justyourlaugh on October 15, 2003, at 11:37:11
In reply to frustrating therapy session, posted by Penny on October 15, 2003, at 10:56:22
may i put in my 2 "pennys"?
try not to focus on the money issue..she still gets more than half..i am sure she will get by..
penny , you could get a blood check..i cant seem to keep my thyroid balanced..
i know the feelings that you have expressed,,and have to deal with them daily..
last year i couldnt even seem to get the kids to school and had the board calling and threating me..
i am doing better and still feel like laying down (always)but have been "just doing it"..
i force myself to the dishwasher with promises of bubble baths and clean sheets...
getting out the door is my major battle...
but i will walk on glass for my kids ..so i "get on with it"..
gee i dont think this has helped penny...
it kind of turn into a selfish post about me...
sorry..
oh yah one method i use sometimes is...after a bath(while still in the tub)i pour a bucket of cool (not cold..)fresh water over my head...its great for the hair and skin and helps me fell more alive...
thinking of you as i go lay on the couch ...it will be okay after a nice little nap..
j
Posted by Penny on October 15, 2003, at 11:59:44
In reply to Re: frustrating therapy session » Penny, posted by justyourlaugh on October 15, 2003, at 11:37:11
JYL,
Thanks for your two 'pennys.' tee hee. :)
I am sorry you have to go through the same stuff - at least I don't have munchkins, as I suspect it would make it that much harder. But I'm glad you are able to do it.
I just have 2 lazy dogs - someone asked, "don't your dogs wake you up in the morning?" and my response was, "no, they just sleep." Just like me.
I should definitely try the cool water trick, in the morning, after my shower. Rinse off in cool water. Though that will get harder to tolerate as the weather turns cold. The mornings are dark, the weather is turning colder, and I just want to stay snuggled down under the covers. Brrrr....
Hope you are doing well today.
P
Posted by underthecs on October 15, 2003, at 13:04:39
In reply to frustrating therapy session, posted by Penny on October 15, 2003, at 10:56:22
>>I still wonder if she's starting to think maybe >>I'm not worth the time and effort.
I feel the same way at times. But when I discuss this w/my therapist, I learn that's not the case at all. Since therapists are people too (well, most of them :-), they're just going to be off sometimes.
I do sometimes get angry when my therapist does not "read my mind" as well as I want him to. But then when I talk that out, or write it out, it seems to get a lot of crap out of the way and real work gets done. In other words, when I have a crappy session, I get pissed about it, dump it on my therapist, and then it seems like I just jumped another hurdle/impasse. It's hard to explain.
Thanks for your post. Hope you are good.
Posted by Adia on October 15, 2003, at 13:58:59
In reply to frustrating therapy session, posted by Penny on October 15, 2003, at 10:56:22
Dear Penny,
Hi..
I am sorry you are feeling frustrated or you wanted more support from her and things didn't turn out so well.
When I feel my therapist doesn't understand me or she says something which hurts me or wasn't what I expected, I feel I lose my sense of safety and hope...I feel I am all alone inside again.
She often tells me she can't read my mind always, that she can't know if I don't tell her and that sometimes she may be wrong or maybe I need to explain more something...that it is wonderful when we can communicate almost without words and she can know exactly what I feel but that sometimes she can't...
I hang on to that and I try to think that if there is a misunderstanding or if I feel hurt by her in any way, or she says something I don't like or don't agree with, I will be able to talk with her and tell her my true feelings and hopefully I will feel her closer to my heart again. It really hurts when I feel she doesn't understand me and I feel so lost afterwards. But I try to think that she is human and she can't know what's in my heart..
I am sorry you feel insecure..because of the money issue. If she had a problem with that she would have told you..Maybe you could share these fears you are having with her so she can reassure you that of course you are worth the effort and the time...
I too can't pay my therapist in time and she waits for me and when I can't pay and go a month for instance without paying her when I know I should, I feel bad , sort of as if I didn't have the right to be there and it makes it all harder.
But I am sure your therapist knows you will pay her as soon as you are able to, and she's okay with that. Don't be sooo hard on yourself.
Sometimes too when my therapist doesn't understand or I feel the session is not as close as others, I try to tell myself that she is human too and maybe she had a bad day..I do hope you can talk to her tomorrow and let her know how you felt and feel...
I understand about feeling tired all the time..
My psychiatrist tells me to exercise at least 3 times a week but I feel she just doesn't get it that sometimes I spend all my energy just getting out of bed and making myself something to eat or going out to work.
anyway, I wanted to reach out and encourage you to talk with your therapist tomorrow...
let her know how you're feeling...
My cat is like your dogs too.. :o) If I stay in bed till 12 he stays with me. I try to set myself one little goal a day, it doesn't have to be something big, sometimes it's just making dinner or forcing myself to go out...I wish you a better session tomorrow...let us know how it goes...
Adia.> Okay, I don't usually complain about therapy or my T, but feeling a need right now. Saw her last night and I was telling her about tired I am *all* the time, and how I managed to do a couple of things this weekend, but even that was a major effort, and it doesn't make sense to me since my mood has improved, and since I know it's not med-related, b/c I'm only taking Wellbutrin now, which has always been activating for me, and I'm taking my thyroid med and my vitamins (with iron), but I just have no energy.
>
> And I was saying how there's always the standby advice, "Lose some weight, get more exercise, eat right" but that exercise is really out of the question b/c it is all I can do to pull myself out of bed, and then I spend most of my time wishing I was back in bed.
>
> Anyway, her advice was that I needed to make myself do things even when I don't want to. And I remarked that maybe I'm just lazy, and she said that could be part of it, though she thinks it goes deeper than that.
>
> But I guess my problem is that I felt like she was exasperated with me. I don't know what she was expecting me to talk about, but I was hoping for some ideas, maybe, on how to deal with this feeling of not being able to accomplish anything, of being 'stuck' and too doggone tired to do anything about it, and instead I got the "just do it" talk. Which made me feel like she really doesn't understand. And I've never felt that way toward her. But I think the session ended on an uncomfortable note, and I was kinda glad to be out of there, and I think she sensed that. And she alluded to some things that I think she could have expanded on (like her comment that my feeling of laziness probably goes deeper). But she didn't.
>
> And, yes, I know she's not a mind-reader, but I just wanted some more support from her than I feel like I got. And now I'm frustrated and I really want to cancel my appointment with her tomorrow.
>
> Plus, I'm not paying her the full fee for our sessions right now - she's keeping track of what I owe her that I can pay her when I'm able - and I wonder if that's starting to frustrate her. Right now I'm paying her $10 a session, plus she gets about $80 a session from insurance, but I'm supposed to be paying her a little over $34. And, like I said, she said I could pay it when I'm able, and it's not like I'm out spending money - I have all of $130 in the bank right now, and I get paid on Friday, but I'm living off of babysitting money, and I wish I could pay her more, but I can't. And I will pay her when I can, and I think she knows that, and I recommended cutting back on sessions, but she was insistent about seeing me 2 times a week, so that's what we're doing. And I guess I should trust that if she has a problem with what I am paying her, she will say something, but I still wonder if she's starting to think maybe I'm not worth the time and effort. I don't know...
>
> P
Posted by Poet on October 15, 2003, at 15:13:56
In reply to frustrating therapy session, posted by Penny on October 15, 2003, at 10:56:22
Hi Penny,
I wouldn't let the money issue bother you. What you are contributing isn't half as much as the $80 insurance payment she automatically gets. You have an understanding that you are paying what you can, and will pay more when you can.
My therapy isn't covered by my insurance and I pay about half of what my T could be getting with someone else. She knows my financial situation as your therapist knows yours. Don't sweat it.
I'm sorry you're feeling so down. You need to talk more to her about being stuck. Being stuck and sad is horrible. I know I've been there. I feel for you.
Take a nap, let your body and mind rest.
Poet
Posted by Penny on October 15, 2003, at 15:37:44
In reply to Re: frustrating therapy session » Penny, posted by Poet on October 15, 2003, at 15:13:56
I'll post more tomorrow, as I have to leave the office in just a minute to catch the bus, but wanted to say thanks to all of you for taking the time to read and respond to my post. I haven't cancelled my appointment with my T and probably won't, though part of me is still tempted. I just really dread going tomorrow, b/c I know that until I say something to her about yesterday's session, I won't feel any better.
P
Posted by Tabitha on October 15, 2003, at 16:12:28
In reply to frustrating therapy session, posted by Penny on October 15, 2003, at 10:56:22
Penny, I've never liked the pep talk or prodding-- it just makes me feel worse. Maybe some find it motivating but I don't. Then again, if I just complain all hour and she listens patiently, I come out feeling kind of yucky, like I've been overindulged. I just don't think there's much that can help when you're in that state of hating your intertia, but not able to break out of it.
As others have probably said, just tell her how you felt about the session. Maybe you can find a better approach that way.
Posted by kara lynne on October 15, 2003, at 19:08:56
In reply to frustrating therapy session, posted by Penny on October 15, 2003, at 10:56:22
Hi Penny,
I just wanted you to know that I went into my counseling session today and said, "I need to talk about the state that comes before 'just do it', because I'm stuck there." So we did, and it was helpful. Teary, but helpful. I wish whoever said that had to feel exactly the way we do for a day first--hey, why not a month, or years on end...we do!Also, I said *exactly* the same thing--that I can hardly get out bed. Worse that that, I don't want to. If it makes you feel any better I've run into a few people who are feeling the same way lately--at least physically if not emotionally. Yesterday my friend said she wondered if the city had been gassed with some neurotoxin, it was so bad.
Also, $80 bucks is a lot. If your therapist is focused on not getting her co-pay I wouldn't be too happy. I know the feeling when you think someone is exasperated (whether or not she actually is) and it's no fun, especially when you really need the support.
But we're not! Here's hoping you feel better soon...
Kara
Posted by Dinah on October 15, 2003, at 20:28:35
In reply to frustrating therapy session, posted by Penny on October 15, 2003, at 10:56:22
I got the "just do it" pep talk not too long ago. Complete with examples of his personal experience of not feeling like going in to work and doing it anyway. Well.... I suppose I'm glad that he does. But I just ended up still not doing stuff and hating myself for it. :( It may be true, but sometimes those truisms are just a bit too simplistic to be truly useful. "Do it anyway" (slaps self on the head) Well thank you. I hadn't thought of that. I'm all better now. No need to pay your fee any more. Grrrrr....
Sigh.
Posted by Penny on October 16, 2003, at 13:56:01
In reply to Re: frustrating therapy session » Penny, posted by Dinah on October 15, 2003, at 20:28:35
Well, it's 20 'til 3 and I have therapy at 6. And I'm no more sure about how to broach this subject than I was yesterday.
Last time (I guess the only time) she said something that upset me, she caught on pretty quickly and brought it up in the next session. She then explained how she didn't intend the statement the way I took it. I already knew that, but I guess it was good that she said it anyway.
Thanks again, to all of you, for responding to my post. I know most of us have been in a similar place. It's funny, b/c I often talk with her about how people like Dr. Phil are always making statements like, "If it's not working for you, change it!" as though THAT is going to fix matters! And how she agrees with CBT, to an extent, but thinks that it seriously oversimplifies things - that it has its purpose and can be highly effective, but that it's not the end-all and be-all of therapeutic methods. So, I suspect she knows too how 'just doing it' is easier said than done.
And, still, I find myself dreading tonight's session. Because if I bring it up, then I have to discuss it, and that's uncomfortable. And if I don't bring it up and she does, I have to discuss it, and that's still uncomfortable. And if I don't bring up and she doesn't either, then I will probably continue to ruminate over what was said and how it made me feel.
I don't know what I'm afraid of. I mean, the worst thing that can happen is for me to tell her and she stand by her statement. Which might happen. Though I know also that she will sympathize with me and where I'm coming from, and that she will try to put it a different way that makes it more acceptible to me. Because that's how she is.
My worst fear? That she gets angry with me - that she's just plain tired of listening to me continue to gripe about how I can't do this and I can't do that, and that she tells me so. And I guess that's not the end of the world, even though it probably won't happen, ya' know? I guess I just realize, though, that if she was to get angry with me and express it, that I would probably leave our session tonight feeling terrible about myself and then spiral downhill quickly. Because my moods aren't very stable and I recognize that it wouldn't take much to send me into the Pit.
Then I see my pdoc tomorrow, and last time we were talking about something (my thyroid medication) and I (gasp) mispronounced a word and he corrected me, but chuckled at the same time, and now I feel like an idiot, though I laughed too. And I guess I could point out to him that every time he wrote me a script for Lamictal, he spelled it Lamictyl, but I won't. And why, oh why, do I hold on to little mistakes that I make (including mispronouncing a word that I don't use in normal conversation) and beat myself up with them??? You know, I'm still horrified by some of the things I've done in the past - stupid things I've said - even when no one caught me on them...
And that's another story. Sorry for rambling...
:-b
P
Posted by fallsfall on October 17, 2003, at 6:26:47
In reply to Re: frustrating therapy session, posted by Penny on October 16, 2003, at 13:56:01
Oh, Penny.
I'm just catching up on this thread.
It sounds like you see last night's session as a lose-lose-lose situation. You bring it up, or she brings it up, or nobody brings it up and you still feel lousy. Don't you hate that? But you know (and I know) that if you bring it up that at least you will feel like you are dealing with things. I hate those sessions - walking through the door and knowing that I have to do something that will make me miserable. I sit down, take a deep breath, and jump in. I know it won't be better any other way. I might as well do what needs to be done.
I hope it went well for you last night.
I had a session like that yesterday. His response was "You sound angry at me". I suppose I was. But he took it seriously and we talked about how he says one thing and I hear another. I also complained about things that he does that don't help (10 minutes lectures - I'm lost after about 2 minutes). I know I could have worded it nicer, but it was so hard to get it out of my mouth that I have to be satisfied with passing on the information and hope that he forgives my lack of tact. Overall, we got a lot accomplished.
I hope you did too. Let us know!
Posted by Penny on October 17, 2003, at 8:14:08
In reply to Re: frustrating therapy session » Penny, posted by fallsfall on October 17, 2003, at 6:26:47
Well, I'm ashamed to say that I didn't deal with it directly. And it was probably fairly obvious that I didn't want to be there. So, the first part of the session I spent just talking about 'stuff' - taking the GRE in November, grad school, etc. Then I kind of stopped talking. I couldn't even look at her. And she sat patiently, just waiting. And I would say something small. Nothing deep. And finally I said, "And I'm sure you are probably tired of hearing me say how I can't do this and I can't do that." And she said, "Not tired - concerned that you feel this way, but I'm not tired of listening to you talk about it." Which is what I needed her to say. And we talked some about Dr. Phil's "If it's not working for you, change it!" theory and her comment was that she feels like he's never known depression, probably never experienced a major loss in his life, just doesn't know what it's like when things are rough - that he seems too superficial. And I agreed.
So, I didn't bring up the fact that I was upset after Tuesday's session, but I did bring up (in a round-about way) some of the issues (the 'just do it' philosophy, the fear that she is tired of hearing me complain) and her responses to those things were what I needed them to be. So I feel a little better.
But, my mood is still dropping and I see my pdoc tonight and I'm dreading it b/c I know he's going to want to start me on something else, and I don't really want to take anything b/c nothing really works. But that's another subject...
P
Posted by fallsfall on October 17, 2003, at 9:04:19
In reply to Re: frustrating therapy session, posted by Penny on October 17, 2003, at 8:14:08
Penny,
You did well at your session last night. I can relate to well with "I couldn't look at her, couldn't talk about anything else, and she just waited for me". Ugh.
But you started in on the conversation, and she gave you some reassurance, which should make it easier to continue with it the next time. Be brave. She sounds tolerant and wanting to help.
Meds. Hmmmm. I've been on them for going on 9 years. Lots of different ones. It is easy to feel that working through the side effects won't be worth it because it probably won't help. But, surprisingly, sometimes they DO help. I've read enough of your posts to know that you are pretty miserable. I would hate to see you refuse new meds and bypass a chance to feel better.
It is all so complicated!
Posted by justyourlaugh on October 17, 2003, at 9:32:41
In reply to Re: frustrating therapy session » Penny, posted by fallsfall on October 17, 2003, at 9:04:19
pennylane,
i understand how frustrating the "medication cycle" can be...
hold out for hope that one will be right for you,,dont get pushed into taking something you dont want,,its your body..
i find looking up every detail about a medication is my best defence..the search here from other posters is so informative,,you will never get that anywhere else...
takecare pennylane
j
Posted by Dinah on October 17, 2003, at 11:05:34
In reply to Re: frustrating therapy session, posted by Penny on October 17, 2003, at 8:14:08
Sounds like you did good. And so did your therapist.
And I know what you mean about meds. I haven't met many that had a good net effect.
Posted by Penny on October 20, 2003, at 9:39:12
In reply to Re: frustrating therapy session » Penny, posted by Dinah on October 17, 2003, at 11:05:34
And told him that my mood had been dropping, and he wants me to go back on Lamictal. Which I stopped Friday before last. And I don't want to, b/c I don't think it will help. I've been on soooo many meds now, and I just haven't found any that have a lasting positive effect. And I trust him, but he's not a miracle worker (unfortunately). But anyway...
So this doesn't get re-routed - my pdoc and I talked a couple of weeks ago about transference and his comment to me was that he tries to be open about himself and his life so as to seem as much like a 'real person' as possible, to help prevent transference. Not that he doesn't see the place for it - he used to offer psychotherapy as well and in those situations he encouraged it - but now he would rather that his patients not project other feelings onto him, though he said when it does happen, he deals with it openly.
And, yet, I still see him as a father figure in a major way. He's pretty much the opposite of my dad - he's a little older than my dad (only 3 years), more intelligent (my dad only *thinks* he knows everything...), successful, driven, caring, compassionate, patient, kind, etc. etc. etc. NO - he's not perfect. In fact, I was just thinking on Friday and this weekend how I bet he's a demanding father to his children (He has 5 and the oldest one is about 6 years younger than I am). I say that b/c when we talk about my future plans - taking the GRE, graduate school, etc., he's every encouraging but it occurs to me that *I* don't want to disappoint him. I mean, I know, for example, that his oldest isn't in 'traditional' college, which I think is interesting considering he, his father, and both his brothers are physicians. So his oldest is sort of bucking the trend. And he seems proud of her - but I have a feeling that, while he is supportive of what she is choosing to do with her life, he still expects her to be the best at whatever she chooses to do. And I see him take a fatherly stance with me also - he even offered to read my essay for grad school (he knows I want to be a therapist).
On one hand, it's nice to know that he sees my potential and that he thinks of me as intelligent and able to succeed - on the other hand, sometimes I'm glad he's not my dad! His legacy would be a hard one to live up to...
P
Posted by Dinah on October 20, 2003, at 13:26:20
In reply to Re: well, saw my pdoc..., posted by Penny on October 20, 2003, at 9:39:12
Were you feeling better before you stopped?
I think I like your pdoc. Mine is a blank slate who really doesn't spend much time with me. I like him because he doesn't scare me like my last pdoc, but I don't tell him very much. If I suggest a med he'll go along with it usually. And he doesn't get mad when I hate them and stop them. So I guess he's good enough.
But yours sounds really great (as a pdoc, not necessarily a dad).
By the way, my therapist makes a great therapist/mom. But I think I wouldn't like him as a real mom.
Posted by Penny on October 20, 2003, at 14:37:45
In reply to Re: well, saw my pdoc... » Penny, posted by Dinah on October 20, 2003, at 13:26:20
I was on a med cocktail in the spring that appeared to be working well, but my doc and I fiddled a bit with the meds (dropped Provigil, started Adderall XR) to see if I could get past the 'feeling tired all the time' problem - and, instead, I headed downhill again into a major depression, which culminated with my being in the hospital for a week. Of course, there's also the chance that it wasn't the meds that caused the crash, but the change in seasons. Who knows? But I've not been doing well ever since, and I was taking so much that I didn't know what was of benefit and what wasn't. So, with his agreement, I began weaning off of them, so I could see what was doing what. And what I discovered was that I didn't really feel a great deal better, but I certainly didn't feel any worse. But week before last I felt pretty good, and he's attributing that to the low dose of Lamictal, but I disagree. I'm hesitant to start it up again. I just don't know.
>I think I like your pdoc. Mine is a blank slate who really doesn't spend much time with me. I like him because he doesn't scare me like my last pdoc, but I don't tell him very much. If I suggest a med he'll go along with it usually. And he doesn't get mad when I hate them and stop them. So I guess he's good enough.
But yours sounds really great (as a pdoc, not necessarily a dad).
By the way, my therapist makes a great therapist/mom. But I think I wouldn't like him as a real mom.
I LOVE my pdoc (not in THAT way!). He's just been a God-send, seriously. My first two pdocs were terrible. The first just sat there with his legs crossed taking notes and saying "mmm hmmm" and the second would lean back in his chair and FALL ASLEEP - I later found out he had narcolepsy, but he never let me know. And he never asked me, not once, if I was feeling suicidal. And then he decided I needed ECT, even tho' I had only been on about 4 different meds at that point, and no combos.So, I decided I needed a new doc. And I found mine while looking for a woman pdoc (there were only a couple in my area and they couldn't see me). I was on 80 mgs of Paxil with no refills, my former pdoc wouldn't return my calls, and I was suicidal - so I called my current doc's clinic and said, "Can you see me any sooner than next week?" and the receptionist said, "Can you be here at 8 in the morning?" and, of course I said yes.
I showed up there at 8 a.m., and they gave me different psych tests on paper, and then they took me in an examining room - like at a *real* doc's office :-) - and he came in - no suit, just khakis and a button-front shirt with his sleeves rolled up, and a stethoscope around his neck. And he did a mini-physical and neurological exam, and then he took me in his office to talk to me and went through my tests and explained to me why the Paxil wasn't working, and so on. It was just so unlike what I had experienced - I was amazed that he knew so much about the meds and about the brain...
And at some point (don't remember if it was my first visit or not) he ran bloodwork on me. They had a lab in their office.
And before he started me on Geodon, he had his nurse run an EKG - they actually had the machine in their office too.
Anyway - he's *technically* a neuropsychiatrist, and did research in molecular genetics after college. Still keeps up on the research in that area. And he's taken it upon himself to fix all of my health problems - headaches, thyroid, anemia, sleep problems, depression & anxiety, etc. He's talked to my gp, he recommended my therapist when I moved, etc.
He sets his appointments for 45 minute increments. Though I rarely spend less than an hour with him. And he's been seeing me as his last patient on Friday nights - sometimes he's there with me until 9 p.m. And we talk about general stuff - he really knows what's going on with me. I've told him about my family stuff, and about my issues with men, and so on. And I know about him too - about his parents and his children and his dogs, cats and horses. I think he works too much, but I'm glad he's available to me. He really goes above and beyond the call of duty to help me - all of his patients have his pager number, and he will get back with you immediately if it's an emergency. And he knows I can't afford to see him weekly at what I'm supposed to pay him, so I pay him $5 and he writes the rest of my copay off. And he knew I couldn't afford all the meds I was on, so he'd been supplying me with samples for most things for nearly as long as I've been seeing him.
Sorry for going on and on - I'm sure that's more than you wanted to know. I just think he is fantastic. Can't help it.
P
Posted by Dinah on October 20, 2003, at 16:26:56
In reply to Re: well, saw my pdoc... » Dinah, posted by Penny on October 20, 2003, at 14:37:45
I don't blame you. He sounds wonderful. I'm so happy for you!
Mine does 15 minutes meds checks and if I try to stray into, well... shall we say the more dramatic aspects of my illness... he gets even more poker faced and seems vaguely disapproving. It may be transference on my part of course. He's so darn blank that I can read what I like. But I have sort of been trained not to mention self injury or suicidal ideation except in the most dry and matter of fact way (if at all).
Once my therapist was out of town and unreachable when I was having strong suicidal ideation. I called this guy and he said (very mildly) "Well, that doesn't sound good. I don't usually do therapy with you, but if your therapist doesn't have a backup, call me and we'll schedule something." And he just sounded so.... dry. I was so embarassed that the suicidal ideation disappeared. An effective treatment method, I must confess.
I'm not sure I really like him, because it doesn't feel right to have a pdoc that you don't feel like you can be honest with. But there are a lot of very bad ones out there, and I don't want to jump into the fire. :(
Thank heavens yours was there when you needed him! And to have him follow all of the possibly psych related stuff as well! That would be great.
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