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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Guy on April 20, 2012, at 19:02:01
I'm wondering if others have the desire to run away, try to get off meds and regain their health. I have been struggling with extreme panic and anxiety for 17 years and am at the end of my rope. I guess I am treatment resistant, especially when it comes to AD's. I have just watched a youtube about Dignitas, a Swiss non-profit organization that offers euthanasia for terminally ill people (a category we with mental illness do not fall into). Anyway, my immediate family has become dysfunctional because of all the trouble I have caused over the years. The guilt is killing me! Would it not be better to crawl into a hole somewhere by myself and try to stop my mind from racing all the time? I have had absolutely no success with meditation, mindfulness, belly breathing and all the rest. Maybe I can find a deserted island somewhere.
Posted by papillon2 on April 21, 2012, at 5:19:55
In reply to Desire to run away, posted by Guy on April 20, 2012, at 19:02:01
Yes, but whenever I've tried to reduce my medication I've gone downhill pretty quickly.
And considering psychomotor retardation is a big feature of my depression, if I tried to axe meds completely and run away I wouldn't get very far. LOL.
Life with meds sucks. Life with untreated mental illness sucks more.
Hang in there buddy.
Posted by Phillipa on April 21, 2012, at 9:57:25
In reply to Re: Desire to run away, posted by papillon2 on April 21, 2012, at 5:19:55
First panic age 24 and low dose of valium and miltown worked great. And being young when felt better felt cured, acted cured and carried on with life til late 40's when thyroid and menopause started it again. I try and take the least amount of benzos and keep busy but have to be with someone if do that some days better than others. I've run it doesn't work. Phillipa
Posted by Phil on April 21, 2012, at 10:19:12
In reply to Desire to run away, posted by Guy on April 20, 2012, at 19:02:01
> I'm wondering if others have the desire to run away, try to get off meds and regain their health.
>>>>I'd run as far as my doc's office to get off meds.
I have been struggling with extreme panic and anxiety for 17 years and am at the end of my rope. I guess I am treatment resistant, especially when it comes to AD's.
>>>>Benzo's, low dose atypical chill pill?
I have just watched a youtube about Dignitas, a Swiss non-profit organization that offers euthanasia for terminally ill people (a category we with mental illness do not fall into).
>>>>I'm not the only one one that enjoys uplifting programs.
Anyway, my immediate family has become dysfunctional because of all the trouble I have caused over the years.
>>>>They became dysfunctional because they are dysfunctional. Families handle this stuff in different ways. Do they study your illness. Educate themselves?
The guilt is killing me! Would it not be better to crawl into a hole somewhere by myself and try to stop my mind from racing all the time? I have had absolutely no success with meditation, mindfulness, belly breathing and all the rest. Maybe I can find a deserted island somewhere.
>>>>A therapist told me that guilt is a wasted emotion. You should find the right meds, they are out there. You'll really get stressed living in a hole. Sooner or later you'll have to wash clothes, go to McDonald's, renew your drivers license.
You need something that will help with anxiety, that's your goal. What's your doc say about it?
Posted by LostBoyinNCReturns on April 21, 2012, at 11:41:44
In reply to Desire to run away, posted by Guy on April 20, 2012, at 19:02:01
> I'm wondering if others have the desire to run away, try to get off meds and regain their health. I have been struggling with extreme panic and anxiety for 17 years and am at the end of my rope. I guess I am treatment resistant, especially when it comes to AD's. I have just watched a youtube about Dignitas, a Swiss non-profit organization that offers euthanasia for terminally ill people (a category we with mental illness do not fall into). Anyway, my immediate family has become dysfunctional because of all the trouble I have caused over the years. The guilt is killing me! Would it not be better to crawl into a hole somewhere by myself and try to stop my mind from racing all the time? I have had absolutely no success with meditation, mindfulness, belly breathing and all the rest. Maybe I can find a deserted island somewhere.
Have you ever thought about institutionalizing yourself? Voluntarily? Perhaps removing yourself from your family? And perhaps have you considered something like clozapine? I am sure it is very effective for something like extreme anxiety and panic. Being permanently inpatient would make administration of clozapine much easier and safer.
I think there is something to the idea that when you are chronically and severely mentally ill, you can drag your family down both financially and emotionally. Eventually it can get to the point where it sort of becomes irresponsible for you to continue living with them. I say this in SOME cases, not all. Some families can handle a family member with severe and persistent mental illness better than others. And some families cannot handle another family member with severe and persistent mental illness at all. Either financially or patience level wise.
Also, have you been screened for sleep apnea? Untreated sleep apnea is associated with agitation, irritability, anxiety, panic in some cases. The oxygen desaturations sleep apnea causes creates a "fight or flight" physiology response in your body that can make you feel both totally worn out but sometimes, also very anxious during the daytime.
Just some ideas.
Eric
Posted by Willful on April 21, 2012, at 11:52:39
In reply to Desire to run away, posted by Guy on April 20, 2012, at 19:02:01
Hi Guy,
I hope by the time you read this, you'll be feeling less self-accusatory and in less pain.
I've had the wish to be better, not to suffer, to get away from whatever it is-- my own thoughts, my limitations, etc-- not to mention I've had the thought that my bf would be better off with another gf-- and that I"m ruining his life-- or that it would be better without me.
But you may need a different doctor-- even if you've tried different ones-- maybe you haven't found the right one. Or you need someone to talk to-=- like a therapist.
Have you by the way, tried just using xanax and not ADs? or going to a place where you can consult someone who's a real expert in the field? the average psychiatrist will just give you the same old thing-- and not be aware of all the other things out there-- or not feel that he has the expertise to supervise treatment with them.
Dont blame yourself though. Self-blame is just self-destructive and as someone pointed out-- what your family does with this is their existential choice-- and their life struggle-- not yours. Yes, you may have an effect-- but it's not about BLAME, is what I"m saying. It's about self-acceptance and then working in your limitations and failings-- as they need to also.
There are tough patches in life-- maybe even years long. It's hard to get through. But there are options within yourseslf and with help from others who truly can help you. The more you do to find those people, and to do better, tiny step by step within yourself, the more you'll find your way out.
By the way, have you ever tried DBT? A good DBT therapist helped me immensely.
Willful
Posted by huxley on April 22, 2012, at 6:26:01
In reply to Desire to run away, posted by Guy on April 20, 2012, at 19:02:01
> I'm wondering if others have the desire to run away, try to get off meds and regain their health. I have been struggling with extreme panic and anxiety for 17 years and am at the end of my rope. I guess I am treatment resistant, especially when it comes to AD's. I have just watched a youtube about Dignitas, a Swiss non-profit organization that offers euthanasia for terminally ill people (a category we with mental illness do not fall into). Anyway, my immediate family has become dysfunctional because of all the trouble I have caused over the years. The guilt is killing me! Would it not be better to crawl into a hole somewhere by myself and try to stop my mind from racing all the time? I have had absolutely no success with meditation, mindfulness, belly breathing and all the rest. Maybe I can find a deserted island somewhere.
Hi Guy,Yes my friend I know the exact feeling you speak of and have felt it many times. But truth be told I was too much of a chicken to run away.
Give yourself a little leeway with your guilt, you have done the best you can with what has been dealt to you. Alot of us do life alot tougher than others but not many will ever give you kudos for that.I got off my meds, and am feeling pretty good now. Getting off them was an extremly nasty road to travel for 1.5 years and really in hindsight I wouldn't do it again without someone monitoring me because I really had some nasty thoughts in my head.
Have you tried exercise? Might help, might not but what have you got to loose.
I started getting panic attacks for the first time as part of Zyprexa withdrawal. One thing that really helped me conquer them was willing them to happen.. when I first got the funny feeling that preceedes a panic attack I would challange it and demand that I have a panic attack, try to make myself have one. Sounds stupid but it worked for me. The only reason you have them is because you dont want too.
good luck with your battle.
Posted by bleauberry on April 22, 2012, at 8:22:32
In reply to Desire to run away, posted by Guy on April 20, 2012, at 19:02:01
Well, for sure, in my mind anyway, if you are feeling this way....then yes get off the meds. Why? Because they aren't doing anything useful. Simple as that.
Going forward with med treatmetns, you will want to avoid going in directions you have already been. For example you mentioned the antidepressants. My guess is they were the serotonin based antidepressants...don't go there again. If you were to explore other antidepressants you would want to look at ones that are focused more on noroepinephrine. You didn't mention if you have tried a couple SSRI+TCA combos. Because if you haven't, it needs to be at the top of the list.
Have you tried Parnate? Nardil? If not, you are nowhere near the end of your rope.
I guess after 17 years you've tried several of the benzos? Antipsychotics? Those can offer quick knock down of your symptoms, but do come with side effects.
By the time someone has suffered this long, many of them have already come to the harsh realization that modern medicine is not yet equipped with the wisdom to deal with this so they take control of the steering wheel themselves....self education....in fact many of the most miraculous stories in medicine resulted when the patients themselves guided their own journey with their MD as a participant but not the main focus. That said, the things you want to know a ton about include lead, mercury, lyme bacteria, inflammation.
At this point I think your approach should be 2-prong.....
1. Keep trying for the substance that can at least give you some relief and moderate increase of quality of life. Where you've been in the past tells you where not to go to again. The substance you are looking for could be an herb or a med. I personally prefer the herbs because they don't just mask symptoms they do a whole lot of disease fighting stuff too, with idea of preventing the symptoms from ever being born in the first place.
2. Do other stuff besides psych meds. Herbs, food choices. My eyes tell me people generally do not know about the power and potential of the chemicals found in plants. And they generally do not get the crucial link between the gut and disease....the right foods will help, the wrong foods will hurt. Foods are not equal. Just because something tastes good or seems widely accepted as ok does not mean you personally should be eating it. As anyone with gluten sensitivity knows.Look, we live in the shadow of the valley of death. Every single thing on this earth will die, rot, and degrade. This is not our home. We are merely passing through, being ushered on our way to a perfect place so compelling that no man has the brain power to even comprehend it. Without a guide, we will get lost and die in the dark of the valley. The single greatest gift you could get to fight your disease is not a med or a herb. It is simply....wisdom. Wisdom to know what to do. Wisdom to find the choices the doctor hasn't mentioned. Wisdom to be able to start throwing suspicion at certain possible causes. Wisdom to test those hunches. Wisdom to navigate the dark and not fear it. All of that comes from choosing the shephard who guides us through the valley. Jesus is His name.
Chronic suffering can cause dysfunction in just about any family. Again, the One who can rescue that situation is Jesus.
Not sure if you wanted to hear the Godly stuff or not, doesn't matter, it is part of the bigger picture and cannot be separated from the meds or herbs. They all go together for the most complete healing.
The suffering isn't killing you.....it's saving you! God knows what He is doing. This is a hostile world while it is temporarily under the rule of the fallen angels (Satan and demons) and only God knows the safest path to get us from here to where He wants us to be.....the safest way is through the valley not over the mountain tops. Your suffering could actually be the blessing that saves you.
Posted by Mistermindmasta on April 22, 2012, at 22:17:35
In reply to Desire to run away, posted by Guy on April 20, 2012, at 19:02:01
This may be a silly suggestion but have you tried things like eliminating gluten an dairy from your diet to see if maybe they worsen your symptoms? This may sound crazy, if I didn't know that it makes me feel pure garbage when I eat them. Not to underestimate your situation of course... Just saying, it worked for me! Also have you tried a zero sugar diet?? I have been in a zero sugar diet since 2001 and I can say for me sugar consumption drastically increases depression and anxiety. Just my 2 cents.
> I'm wondering if others have the desire to run away, try to get off meds and regain their health. I have been struggling with extreme panic and anxiety for 17 years and am at the end of my rope. I guess I am treatment resistant, especially when it comes to AD's. I have just watched a youtube about Dignitas, a Swiss non-profit organization that offers euthanasia for terminally ill people (a category we with mental illness do not fall into). Anyway, my immediate family has become dysfunctional because of all the trouble I have caused over the years. The guilt is killing me! Would it not be better to crawl into a hole somewhere by myself and try to stop my mind from racing all the time? I have had absolutely no success with meditation, mindfulness, belly breathing and all the rest. Maybe I can find a deserted island somewhere.
Posted by zazenducke on April 24, 2012, at 9:05:09
In reply to Desire to run away, posted by Guy on April 20, 2012, at 19:02:01
How are you today?
This is the end of the thread.
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