Posted by LostBoyinNCReturns on April 21, 2012, at 11:41:44
In reply to Desire to run away, posted by Guy on April 20, 2012, at 19:02:01
> I'm wondering if others have the desire to run away, try to get off meds and regain their health. I have been struggling with extreme panic and anxiety for 17 years and am at the end of my rope. I guess I am treatment resistant, especially when it comes to AD's. I have just watched a youtube about Dignitas, a Swiss non-profit organization that offers euthanasia for terminally ill people (a category we with mental illness do not fall into). Anyway, my immediate family has become dysfunctional because of all the trouble I have caused over the years. The guilt is killing me! Would it not be better to crawl into a hole somewhere by myself and try to stop my mind from racing all the time? I have had absolutely no success with meditation, mindfulness, belly breathing and all the rest. Maybe I can find a deserted island somewhere.
Have you ever thought about institutionalizing yourself? Voluntarily? Perhaps removing yourself from your family? And perhaps have you considered something like clozapine? I am sure it is very effective for something like extreme anxiety and panic. Being permanently inpatient would make administration of clozapine much easier and safer.
I think there is something to the idea that when you are chronically and severely mentally ill, you can drag your family down both financially and emotionally. Eventually it can get to the point where it sort of becomes irresponsible for you to continue living with them. I say this in SOME cases, not all. Some families can handle a family member with severe and persistent mental illness better than others. And some families cannot handle another family member with severe and persistent mental illness at all. Either financially or patience level wise.
Also, have you been screened for sleep apnea? Untreated sleep apnea is associated with agitation, irritability, anxiety, panic in some cases. The oxygen desaturations sleep apnea causes creates a "fight or flight" physiology response in your body that can make you feel both totally worn out but sometimes, also very anxious during the daytime.
Just some ideas.