Posted by Willful on April 21, 2012, at 11:52:39
In reply to Desire to run away, posted by Guy on April 20, 2012, at 19:02:01
I hope by the time you read this, you'll be feeling less self-accusatory and in less pain.
I've had the wish to be better, not to suffer, to get away from whatever it is-- my own thoughts, my limitations, etc-- not to mention I've had the thought that my bf would be better off with another gf-- and that I"m ruining his life-- or that it would be better without me.
But you may need a different doctor-- even if you've tried different ones-- maybe you haven't found the right one. Or you need someone to talk to-=- like a therapist.
Have you by the way, tried just using xanax and not ADs? or going to a place where you can consult someone who's a real expert in the field? the average psychiatrist will just give you the same old thing-- and not be aware of all the other things out there-- or not feel that he has the expertise to supervise treatment with them.
Dont blame yourself though. Self-blame is just self-destructive and as someone pointed out-- what your family does with this is their existential choice-- and their life struggle-- not yours. Yes, you may have an effect-- but it's not about BLAME, is what I"m saying. It's about self-acceptance and then working in your limitations and failings-- as they need to also.
There are tough patches in life-- maybe even years long. It's hard to get through. But there are options within yourseslf and with help from others who truly can help you. The more you do to find those people, and to do better, tiny step by step within yourself, the more you'll find your way out.
By the way, have you ever tried DBT? A good DBT therapist helped me immensely.