![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 33. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Crazy Horse on April 15, 2006, at 9:29:05
I remember it like it was yesterday, my first psychiatric break down. It was at the end of a stressful junior year in college. It started with severe panic attacks and eventually horrible, bed ridden, Depression. When i finally got in to see a psychiatrist i was diagnosed with panic attacks and major depression. I thought my life was over.
He started me on Imipramine and Ativan. I was also seeing a psychotherapist 2 times a week. I remember asking my pdoc how long this would last and if i would ever be normal again. He said something like 6 wks., and yes i would probably be "normal" again because the imipramine would correct the chemical imbalance in my brain and after approx. 1 yr. on imipramine i could taper off and theoretically the imbalance would be corrected...yea right! Remember, this was 25 yrs. ago.
Well, it literally took about a year to even start to feel better. That year was a nightmare, many, many times, i contemplated suicide and only by the grace of God i didn't carry through. I remember begging God to let me die..I hated living, and saw no future for myself. My fiance' at the time dumped me as i'm sure she though i would never amount to anything. I was so hurt, so lonely, and so miserable.Well, my pdoc was wrong, the imipramine did not permanantly correct the imbalance. Here i am 25 yrs. later and i continue to fight this illness every day of my life. God has been good to me, I have a wonderful wife of 20 years, and 2 beautiful children. Since my initial "break down" i've had so many more i have lost count. Been hospitalized many times, one time for 2 1/2 mos. Tried nearly every psych. med known to man, seen many "specialists" and my diagnosis has been updated to Chronic major depression w/ some atypical features, OCD, GAD, and social phobia.
I'm now 47yrs. and i know i will continue to battle this illness until i take my last breath. Currently, as most of you know i'm doing very well on parnate, and my hope is that this will last, but my true feelings is that it won't, nothing ever does for me. I pray to God every day that my boy's will never suffer from any mental illness of any kind,and so far so good, no signs whatsoever.
Thanks for listening, it felt "therapeutic" to write this post. Please, others share your experiences as well. God bless you all.
-Crazy Horse
Posted by Glydin on April 15, 2006, at 10:12:16
In reply to Unfortunately, I am a Lifer...., posted by Crazy Horse on April 15, 2006, at 9:29:05
I'm a lifer, too. I have made an uneasy peace with the chronic nature of my disorders. While that should be a "depressing" thought for me, the fact is, my entire paradyme changed for the better once I finally came to a point of acceptance. Strange, but true.
Here's to a good long run of remission....
and much hope to finding and retaining that for us all.
Posted by bassman on April 15, 2006, at 10:30:17
In reply to Unfortunately, I am a Lifer...., posted by Crazy Horse on April 15, 2006, at 9:29:05
Crazy Horse,
Thanks for the sharing-I see a lot of similarities in my life, although you've had it harder than I have. I even had the same pdoc and TCA story, except I went absolutely nutcake anxious, even at a low dose. I guess he didn't know about starting panic disorder folks on very low doses. I haven't been in the hospital, but that's just because when I was ready to go, my therapist told me I'd be worse off-and I think he was right. I've had the same relapses and the concerns about my kids-except that I very much see the same depression/panic in one of my grownup daughters, who won't take meds/go see a therapist. I sometimes wonder if "normal" people appreciate how fortunate they are to just do things and not have to battle anxiety/depression at the same time. I'm "between" meds that work, so I empathize with the "how long will this set of meds work?" concern. Best of luck, man.
bassman
Posted by Crazy Horse on April 15, 2006, at 10:36:42
In reply to Re: Unfortunately, I am a Lifer...., posted by bassman on April 15, 2006, at 10:30:17
> Crazy Horse,
> Thanks for the sharing-I see a lot of similarities in my life, although you've had it harder than I have. I even had the same pdoc and TCA story, except I went absolutely nutcake anxious, even at a low dose. I guess he didn't know about starting panic disorder folks on very low doses. I haven't been in the hospital, but that's just because when I was ready to go, my therapist told me I'd be worse off-and I think he was right. I've had the same relapses and the concerns about my kids-except that I very much see the same depression/panic in one of my grownup daughters, who won't take meds/go see a therapist. I sometimes wonder if "normal" people appreciate how fortunate they are to just do things and not have to battle anxiety/depression at the same time. I'm "between" meds that work, so I empathize with the "how long will this set of meds work?" concern. Best of luck, man.
> bassmanBest of luck to you also bassman. Thanks for sharing.
-CH
Posted by valene on April 15, 2006, at 14:46:34
In reply to Unfortunately, I am a Lifer...., posted by Crazy Horse on April 15, 2006, at 9:29:05
Tyler, I am so sorry you have suffered such a long time with depression and anxiety. I hope that the Parnate keeps working for you :-) I am glad you have such a wonderful wife ! Many people end up losing their spouse or partner due to the fact they just don't know how to cope. I have been through lots of anxiety for the past 20 some years along with depression, sometimes bad, and I feel fortunate also that my husband is very understanding.
Val
> I remember it like it was yesterday, my first psychiatric break down. It was at the end of a stressful junior year in college. It started with severe panic attacks and eventually horrible, bed ridden, Depression. When i finally got in to see a psychiatrist i was diagnosed with panic attacks and major depression. I thought my life was over.
>
> He started me on Imipramine and Ativan. I was also seeing a psychotherapist 2 times a week. I remember asking my pdoc how long this would last and if i would ever be normal again. He said something like 6 wks., and yes i would probably be "normal" again because the imipramine would correct the chemical imbalance in my brain and after approx. 1 yr. on imipramine i could taper off and theoretically the imbalance would be corrected...yea right! Remember, this was 25 yrs. ago.
> Well, it literally took about a year to even start to feel better. That year was a nightmare, many, many times, i contemplated suicide and only by the grace of God i didn't carry through. I remember begging God to let me die..I hated living, and saw no future for myself. My fiance' at the time dumped me as i'm sure she though i would never amount to anything. I was so hurt, so lonely, and so miserable.
>
> Well, my pdoc was wrong, the imipramine did not permanantly correct the imbalance. Here i am 25 yrs. later and i continue to fight this illness every day of my life. God has been good to me, I have a wonderful wife of 20 years, and 2 beautiful children. Since my initial "break down" i've had so many more i have lost count. Been hospitalized many times, one time for 2 1/2 mos. Tried nearly every psych. med known to man, seen many "specialists" and my diagnosis has been updated to Chronic major depression w/ some atypical features, OCD, GAD, and social phobia.
>
> I'm now 47yrs. and i know i will continue to battle this illness until i take my last breath. Currently, as most of you know i'm doing very well on parnate, and my hope is that this will last, but my true feelings is that it won't, nothing ever does for me. I pray to God every day that my boy's will never suffer from any mental illness of any kind,and so far so good, no signs whatsoever.
>
> Thanks for listening, it felt "therapeutic" to write this post. Please, others share your experiences as well. God bless you all.
>
> -Crazy Horse
Posted by Crazy Horse on April 15, 2006, at 16:53:42
In reply to Re: Unfortunately, I am a Lifer...., posted by valene on April 15, 2006, at 14:46:34
Thank you Val. I'm sorry you have to suffer with this terrible illness also. We are both fortunate to have loyal and understanding spouses. God bless you. :)
Tyler
Posted by Glydin on April 15, 2006, at 18:19:23
In reply to Re: Unfortunately, I am a Lifer.... » valene, posted by Crazy Horse on April 15, 2006, at 16:53:42
I just wondered. I have phillipa's feeling folks don't accept me today.
Posted by ed_uk on April 15, 2006, at 19:02:33
In reply to Is it my breath? » Crazy Horse, posted by Glydin on April 15, 2006, at 18:19:23
What's wrong G? What do you mean?
Ed xo
Posted by Glydin on April 15, 2006, at 19:26:59
In reply to Re: Is it my breath? » Glydin, posted by ed_uk on April 15, 2006, at 19:02:33
Hi Handsome,
It was mainly just a little joking. I swear there are times I post and someone will post a response to EVERYONE who posted on the thread but me. I'm beginning to think I'm coming off offensive, not coming off right, or maybe it IS a hygiene thing (smile).
I think I'll blame my sensitive nature right now on the hormones from h&ll with this perimenopause mess.
Otherwise, I'm doing quite great - very thankfully. Thanks for checking. That very sweet of you.
How are you doing?
Posted by ed_uk on April 15, 2006, at 19:41:21
In reply to Re: Is it my breath? » ed_uk, posted by Glydin on April 15, 2006, at 19:26:59
Hi G
Don't worry, people aren't ignoring you!!!
I'm not bad myself thank you :)
ed xx
Posted by Crazy Horse on April 15, 2006, at 20:30:28
In reply to Re: Unfortunately, I am a Lifer.... » Crazy Horse, posted by Glydin on April 15, 2006, at 10:12:16
> I'm a lifer, too. I have made an uneasy peace with the chronic nature of my disorders. While that should be a "depressing" thought for me, the fact is, my entire paradyme changed for the better once I finally came to a point of acceptance. Strange, but true.
>
> Here's to a good long run of remission....
> and much hope to finding and retaining that for us all.
>
Amen to that! I'm sorry, i didn't mean to ignore you, I'm just having kind of a crummy day..real tired.
I agree with Acceptance too...it has helped much since the day i finally accepted my illness, and the fact that there is no cure, but at least we do have and are getting better meds..making are lives at least livable. Unfortunately, it took me about 12 yrs. to finally accept the fact that this is my life and my cross to bare.-Crazy Horse
Posted by Glydin on April 15, 2006, at 22:06:49
In reply to Re: Unfortunately, I am a Lifer.... » Glydin, posted by Crazy Horse on April 15, 2006, at 20:30:28
> Amen to that! I'm sorry, i didn't mean to ignore you, I'm just having kind of a crummy day..real tired.~~~ No problem, Tyler. I'm having a sensitive day. I'm sorry yours is crummy.
> I agree with Acceptance too...it has helped much since the day i finally accepted my illness, and the fact that there is no cure, but at least we do have and are getting better meds..making are lives at least livable. Unfortunately, it took me about 12 yrs. to finally accept the fact that this is my life and my cross to bare.
~~~ It make a big difference with my ability to cope. It was as if I had more strength and more conviction to fight once I determined the fight would be a long one and would not be a "one" (or "won" would also work) and done deal.
It is my prayer your remission is a good long ever improving one. It is wonderful you have found a treatment that's working for you.
Best,
Glydin
Posted by john berk on April 15, 2006, at 22:22:57
In reply to Unfortunately, I am a Lifer...., posted by Crazy Horse on April 15, 2006, at 9:29:05
Hi Crazy Horse,
My struggle almost parallels yours,
i was first diagnosed with ocd and depression at 16,
was hospitalized at that point for a month, no one seemed to know what to do with me, my anxiety was through the roof, i couldn't eat more than a small meal a day, [lost 14 lbs. in 1 month in the hospital] and was released with just valium to tide me over.i drank to self-medicate for many years, until i went through a very hard withdrawal at 25, i too was put on tofranil, stayed sober 1.5 years, and got alot better, but the ocd never subsided, just went from one obsession to a new one.
i thought for all intents and purposes i would eventually drink myself to death, because i could not face reality with the ocd obsessions and rituals, i too lost the girl i wanted to marry at 20, then went through many relationships not really caring if they worked out, i didn't want to burden a girl with my problems, i still feel that way most times.
it is funny, i don't have children, but i pray everyday that my beloved neice Emily never has to know anything of mental illness, if God blesses me with one thing, that is all i ask.i feel well today, i have to take it one day at a time, because i feel i am a lifer too, i just hope things stay close to the way they are now.
just being sober and coping, and enjoying my family is all i ask!!!
btw, i got your babblemail, thank you, i hope you got my return letter. God bless you and your family, Happy Easter...john
Posted by john berk on April 15, 2006, at 22:29:53
In reply to Re: Unfortunately, I am a Lifer.... » Crazy Horse, posted by john berk on April 15, 2006, at 22:22:57
Hey, also, Glydin, Bassman, Valene, and my good friend Ed_uk, as well as Crazy horse, have a great holiday weekend, you are all great and supportive people, peace....john
oh, and my fond friend Philipa, luv ya....john
Posted by Glydin on April 15, 2006, at 23:15:59
In reply to Re: Unfortunately, I am a Lifer...., posted by john berk on April 15, 2006, at 22:29:53
>
> Hey, also, Glydin, Bassman, Valene, and my good friend Ed_uk, as well as Crazy horse, have a great holiday weekend, you are all great and supportive people, peace....john~~~ You offer wonderful support here too.
A great holiday weekend to you.
Glydin
Posted by Crazy Horse on April 15, 2006, at 23:21:28
In reply to Re: Unfortunately, I am a Lifer...., posted by john berk on April 15, 2006, at 22:29:53
>
> Hey, also, Glydin, Bassman, Valene, and my good friend Ed_uk, as well as Crazy horse, have a great holiday weekend, you are all great and supportive people, peace....john
> oh, and my fond friend Philipa, luv ya....johnHey John, Thanks for your post. Wow, we have a lot of similarities. I'm really glad we have become friends, I can tell you are one very special human being! I've got plenty more i want to talk to you about ocd...thanks for the Babble e-mail. Well my friend, i wish you and yours a wonderful, and very Happy Easter. God bless you John.
Monte
P.S. I will add you and your girfriend to my daily prayer list. If you would, please add me to yours. :)
Posted by ed_uk on April 16, 2006, at 6:03:07
In reply to Re: Unfortunately, I am a Lifer...., posted by john berk on April 15, 2006, at 22:29:53
Happy Easter John :)
Eddy
Posted by MARTY on April 16, 2006, at 12:03:43
In reply to Unfortunately, I am a Lifer...., posted by Crazy Horse on April 15, 2006, at 9:29:05
Very touching post.
Man.. what can I say? except that you're an inspiration to me! imagine, I'm 27 years old and living the same struggle as your since only 12 years now. Not long ago I've had the biggest suicidal depression of my life where I really though nothing good would never happen to me: being on disability all my life, never being able to have children.. etc
And now I'm reading from a survivor that is it possible to not only survive this all of our lifes but also LIVE some good thing through this.
That's something I would never though possible not long ago. That gives hope, that gives a model to follow. You are doing very well with the challenge god put in your way and so seeing it's possible inspire me and others to do well or even as well as you.Do you get what I mean ? I guess it's not lowering the pain your living in your desire to "recovering" completly from your disease and forget about it for the rest of your life. But it certainly means that you're definitively one of the few who got the best chance to recover before he die.. if a fighter like you can't recover before the end.. not a lot of people can!
Continue to fight! Because, everybody here will agree... your worth it.
I personnaly see your survival to your past and the way you succeed in transforming 'surviving' to 'living' as a great victory upon the cruelty of this world, the higher challenge of life.
Congratulation Monte
Your new friend, Marty
> I remember it like it was yesterday, my first psychiatric break down. It was at the end of a stressful junior year in college. It started with severe panic attacks and eventually horrible, bed ridden, Depression. When i finally got in to see a psychiatrist i was diagnosed with panic attacks and major depression. I thought my life was over.
>
> He started me on Imipramine and Ativan. I was also seeing a psychotherapist 2 times a week. I remember asking my pdoc how long this would last and if i would ever be normal again. He said something like 6 wks., and yes i would probably be "normal" again because the imipramine would correct the chemical imbalance in my brain and after approx. 1 yr. on imipramine i could taper off and theoretically the imbalance would be corrected...yea right! Remember, this was 25 yrs. ago.
> Well, it literally took about a year to even start to feel better. That year was a nightmare, many, many times, i contemplated suicide and only by the grace of God i didn't carry through. I remember begging God to let me die..I hated living, and saw no future for myself. My fiance' at the time dumped me as i'm sure she though i would never amount to anything. I was so hurt, so lonely, and so miserable.
>
> Well, my pdoc was wrong, the imipramine did not permanantly correct the imbalance. Here i am 25 yrs. later and i continue to fight this illness every day of my life. God has been good to me, I have a wonderful wife of 20 years, and 2 beautiful children. Since my initial "break down" i've had so many more i have lost count. Been hospitalized many times, one time for 2 1/2 mos. Tried nearly every psych. med known to man, seen many "specialists" and my diagnosis has been updated to Chronic major depression w/ some atypical features, OCD, GAD, and social phobia.
>
> I'm now 47yrs. and i know i will continue to battle this illness until i take my last breath. Currently, as most of you know i'm doing very well on parnate, and my hope is that this will last, but my true feelings is that it won't, nothing ever does for me. I pray to God every day that my boy's will never suffer from any mental illness of any kind,and so far so good, no signs whatsoever.
>
> Thanks for listening, it felt "therapeutic" to write this post. Please, others share your experiences as well. God bless you all.
>
> -Crazy Horse
Posted by rvanson on April 16, 2006, at 21:33:33
In reply to Unfortunately, I am a Lifer...., posted by Crazy Horse on April 15, 2006, at 9:29:05
> I remember it like it was yesterday, my first psychiatric break down. It was at the end of a stressful junior year in college. It started with severe panic attacks and eventually horrible, bed ridden, Depression. When i finally got in to see a psychiatrist i was diagnosed with panic attacks and major depression. I thought my life was over.
>
> He started me on Imipramine and Ativan. I was also seeing a psychotherapist 2 times a week. I remember asking my pdoc how long this would last and if i would ever be normal again. He said something like 6 wks., and yes i would probably be "normal" again because the imipramine would correct the chemical imbalance in my brain and after approx. 1 yr. on imipramine i could taper off and theoretically the imbalance would be corrected...yea right! Remember, this was 25 yrs. ago.
> Well, it literally took about a year to even start to feel better. That year was a nightmare, many, many times, i contemplated suicide and only by the grace of God i didn't carry through. I remember begging God to let me die..I hated living, and saw no future for myself. My fiance' at the time dumped me as i'm sure she though i would never amount to anything. I was so hurt, so lonely, and so miserable.Your story is so close to mine its not funny.
I had a bad case of flu/mono virus in 1980, and after that my life had changed completely with a full case of depression, social anxiety and insomnia.
My GF at the time was wierded out by my symptoms and took off running too, but I didnt miss her much after a few weeks.
My condition doesnt allow me to become very mad or glad anymore, unlike normal people.
Hoping this Emsam will help, but like you am resistant to current medical treatments.
May I ask if you ever had the chance to use the FDA banned anti-depression medication, Merital, back about 1985, before they pulled it off the market?
Posted by Crazy Horse on April 16, 2006, at 21:40:59
In reply to Re: Unfortunately, I am a Lifer...., posted by rvanson on April 16, 2006, at 21:33:33
> > I remember it like it was yesterday, my first psychiatric break down. It was at the end of a stressful junior year in college. It started with severe panic attacks and eventually horrible, bed ridden, Depression. When i finally got in to see a psychiatrist i was diagnosed with panic attacks and major depression. I thought my life was over.
> >
> > He started me on Imipramine and Ativan. I was also seeing a psychotherapist 2 times a week. I remember asking my pdoc how long this would last and if i would ever be normal again. He said something like 6 wks., and yes i would probably be "normal" again because the imipramine would correct the chemical imbalance in my brain and after approx. 1 yr. on imipramine i could taper off and theoretically the imbalance would be corrected...yea right! Remember, this was 25 yrs. ago.
> > Well, it literally took about a year to even start to feel better. That year was a nightmare, many, many times, i contemplated suicide and only by the grace of God i didn't carry through. I remember begging God to let me die..I hated living, and saw no future for myself. My fiance' at the time dumped me as i'm sure she though i would never amount to anything. I was so hurt, so lonely, and so miserable.
>
> Your story is so close to mine its not funny.
>
> I had a bad case of flu/mono virus in 1980, and after that my life had changed completely with a full case of depression, social anxiety and insomnia.
>
> My GF at the time was wierded out by my symptoms and took off running too, but I didnt miss her much after a few weeks.
>
> My condition doesnt allow me to become very mad or glad anymore, unlike normal people.
>
> Hoping this Emsam will help, but like you am resistant to current medical treatments.
>
> May I ask if you ever had the chance to use the FDA banned anti-depression medication, Merital, back about 1985, before they pulled it off the market?
>
>
Thanks for your post. I wish you the very best with EMSAME, it sounds like an excellent med.No, i never tried Merital, never even heard of it. Take care and God Bless.
-Crazy Horse
Posted by Crazy Horse on April 17, 2006, at 9:52:58
In reply to Re: Unfortunately, I am a Lifer.... » Crazy Horse, posted by MARTY on April 16, 2006, at 12:03:43
> Very touching post.
>
> Man.. what can I say? except that you're an inspiration to me! imagine, I'm 27 years old and living the same struggle as your since only 12 years now. Not long ago I've had the biggest suicidal depression of my life where I really though nothing good would never happen to me: being on disability all my life, never being able to have children.. etc
>
> And now I'm reading from a survivor that is it possible to not only survive this all of our lifes but also LIVE some good thing through this.
> That's something I would never though possible not long ago. That gives hope, that gives a model to follow. You are doing very well with the challenge god put in your way and so seeing it's possible inspire me and others to do well or even as well as you.
>
> Do you get what I mean ? I guess it's not lowering the pain your living in your desire to "recovering" completly from your disease and forget about it for the rest of your life. But it certainly means that you're definitively one of the few who got the best chance to recover before he die.. if a fighter like you can't recover before the end.. not a lot of people can!
>
> Continue to fight! Because, everybody here will agree... your worth it.
>
> I personnaly see your survival to your past and the way you succeed in transforming 'surviving' to 'living' as a great victory upon the cruelty of this world, the higher challenge of life.
>
> Congratulation Monte
>
> Your new friend, Marty
>
>
> > I remember it like it was yesterday, my first psychiatric break down. It was at the end of a stressful junior year in college. It started with severe panic attacks and eventually horrible, bed ridden, Depression. When i finally got in to see a psychiatrist i was diagnosed with panic attacks and major depression. I thought my life was over.
> >
> > He started me on Imipramine and Ativan. I was also seeing a psychotherapist 2 times a week. I remember asking my pdoc how long this would last and if i would ever be normal again. He said something like 6 wks., and yes i would probably be "normal" again because the imipramine would correct the chemical imbalance in my brain and after approx. 1 yr. on imipramine i could taper off and theoretically the imbalance would be corrected...yea right! Remember, this was 25 yrs. ago.
> > Well, it literally took about a year to even start to feel better. That year was a nightmare, many, many times, i contemplated suicide and only by the grace of God i didn't carry through. I remember begging God to let me die..I hated living, and saw no future for myself. My fiance' at the time dumped me as i'm sure she though i would never amount to anything. I was so hurt, so lonely, and so miserable.
> >
> > Well, my pdoc was wrong, the imipramine did not permanantly correct the imbalance. Here i am 25 yrs. later and i continue to fight this illness every day of my life. God has been good to me, I have a wonderful wife of 20 years, and 2 beautiful children. Since my initial "break down" i've had so many more i have lost count. Been hospitalized many times, one time for 2 1/2 mos. Tried nearly every psych. med known to man, seen many "specialists" and my diagnosis has been updated to Chronic major depression w/ some atypical features, OCD, GAD, and social phobia.
> >
> > I'm now 47yrs. and i know i will continue to battle this illness until i take my last breath. Currently, as most of you know i'm doing very well on parnate, and my hope is that this will last, but my true feelings is that it won't, nothing ever does for me. I pray to God every day that my boy's will never suffer from any mental illness of any kind,and so far so good, no signs whatsoever.
> >
> > Thanks for listening, it felt "therapeutic" to write this post. Please, others share your experiences as well. God bless you all.
> >
> > -Crazy Horse
>
>
Thank you for the kind words Marty...it means a lot to me. You are a fighter too my friend, don't ever even think of giving up..EVER. A long time ago i decided that no matter how bad things get, SUICIDE WILL NOT BE AN OPTION FOR ME!!!Over the years i've gotten stronger...sometimes not "better" but stronger to cope. I do believe in God and i know if not for my faith i would not be here today. Daily prayer gives me strength, hope, and perserverence. Without my faith in God i would have "pulled the trigger" many years ago!
Don't get me wrong, Life with this disease is always a struggle...even with great meds like Parnate. But you learn "little tricks" to help you keep going one day at a time.
I'm glad we have become friends Marty. You remind me a lot of myself. You have a great sense of humour, and laughing is one of those "tricks" that help me. Aside from getting too nasty sometimes, I think God is okay with the joking around. :) I will always do anything that i can to help you my friend...when i find someone that i like i'm like a good dog..ha ha, Loyal to the end. Be strong Marty, My hope, my prayer, and my gut feeling is that Parnate is going to work very well for you. A good man like yourself deserves to feel well.
Your friend,
Monte
Posted by MARTY on April 17, 2006, at 16:06:21
In reply to Re: Unfortunately, I am a Lifer.... » MARTY, posted by Crazy Horse on April 17, 2006, at 9:52:58
:) Very happy to be your friend too Monte! I'll do my best to support you the best I can. Your help, support, optimist and fighter spirit are very valuable to me and already inspire me alot. Am not a very 'influensible" person and you already do have inluence me, because I trust you a lot, that in a very positive way: as an exemple.. I may have taken much more time to made my mind about Parnate or would simply may have never really think seriously to try it.. but you did give me sufficient optimist and hope to help me make the move and make it NOW.
(BTW, never I will get a bad feeling about you if it ain't working for me LOL you didn't propose me THE meds that would work for me with 100% chance.. you gave me optimist about another med at a time where I was desasperate and was already seeing my self returning to a got damn SSRI.. imagine! ahah)
Buddy, honestly I hope Parnate will work as this level for you forever as much as I wish it will be my med. As much as I would like to help you, I wish I would never have to because it would mean you would need some.. you would just feel well...
I wish you a great present and an ever better future!
Marty
Hey people.. can you feel the love? eheh LOL
> > Very touching post.
> >
> > Man.. what can I say? except that you're an inspiration to me! imagine, I'm 27 years old and living the same struggle as your since only 12 years now. Not long ago I've had the biggest suicidal depression of my life where I really though nothing good would never happen to me: being on disability all my life, never being able to have children.. etc
> >
> > And now I'm reading from a survivor that is it possible to not only survive this all of our lifes but also LIVE some good thing through this.
> > That's something I would never though possible not long ago. That gives hope, that gives a model to follow. You are doing very well with the challenge god put in your way and so seeing it's possible inspire me and others to do well or even as well as you.
> >
> > Do you get what I mean ? I guess it's not lowering the pain your living in your desire to "recovering" completly from your disease and forget about it for the rest of your life. But it certainly means that you're definitively one of the few who got the best chance to recover before he die.. if a fighter like you can't recover before the end.. not a lot of people can!
> >
> > Continue to fight! Because, everybody here will agree... your worth it.
> >
> > I personnaly see your survival to your past and the way you succeed in transforming 'surviving' to 'living' as a great victory upon the cruelty of this world, the higher challenge of life.
> >
> > Congratulation Monte
> >
> > Your new friend, Marty
> >
> >
> > > I remember it like it was yesterday, my first psychiatric break down. It was at the end of a stressful junior year in college. It started with severe panic attacks and eventually horrible, bed ridden, Depression. When i finally got in to see a psychiatrist i was diagnosed with panic attacks and major depression. I thought my life was over.
> > >
> > > He started me on Imipramine and Ativan. I was also seeing a psychotherapist 2 times a week. I remember asking my pdoc how long this would last and if i would ever be normal again. He said something like 6 wks., and yes i would probably be "normal" again because the imipramine would correct the chemical imbalance in my brain and after approx. 1 yr. on imipramine i could taper off and theoretically the imbalance would be corrected...yea right! Remember, this was 25 yrs. ago.
> > > Well, it literally took about a year to even start to feel better. That year was a nightmare, many, many times, i contemplated suicide and only by the grace of God i didn't carry through. I remember begging God to let me die..I hated living, and saw no future for myself. My fiance' at the time dumped me as i'm sure she though i would never amount to anything. I was so hurt, so lonely, and so miserable.
> > >
> > > Well, my pdoc was wrong, the imipramine did not permanantly correct the imbalance. Here i am 25 yrs. later and i continue to fight this illness every day of my life. God has been good to me, I have a wonderful wife of 20 years, and 2 beautiful children. Since my initial "break down" i've had so many more i have lost count. Been hospitalized many times, one time for 2 1/2 mos. Tried nearly every psych. med known to man, seen many "specialists" and my diagnosis has been updated to Chronic major depression w/ some atypical features, OCD, GAD, and social phobia.
> > >
> > > I'm now 47yrs. and i know i will continue to battle this illness until i take my last breath. Currently, as most of you know i'm doing very well on parnate, and my hope is that this will last, but my true feelings is that it won't, nothing ever does for me. I pray to God every day that my boy's will never suffer from any mental illness of any kind,and so far so good, no signs whatsoever.
> > >
> > > Thanks for listening, it felt "therapeutic" to write this post. Please, others share your experiences as well. God bless you all.
> > >
> > > -Crazy Horse
> >
> >
> Thank you for the kind words Marty...it means a lot to me. You are a fighter too my friend, don't ever even think of giving up..EVER. A long time ago i decided that no matter how bad things get, SUICIDE WILL NOT BE AN OPTION FOR ME!!!
>
> Over the years i've gotten stronger...sometimes not "better" but stronger to cope. I do believe in God and i know if not for my faith i would not be here today. Daily prayer gives me strength, hope, and perserverence. Without my faith in God i would have "pulled the trigger" many years ago!
>
> Don't get me wrong, Life with this disease is always a struggle...even with great meds like Parnate. But you learn "little tricks" to help you keep going one day at a time.
>
> I'm glad we have become friends Marty. You remind me a lot of myself. You have a great sense of humour, and laughing is one of those "tricks" that help me. Aside from getting too nasty sometimes, I think God is okay with the joking around. :) I will always do anything that i can to help you my friend...when i find someone that i like i'm like a good dog..ha ha, Loyal to the end. Be strong Marty, My hope, my prayer, and my gut feeling is that Parnate is going to work very well for you. A good man like yourself deserves to feel well.
>
> Your friend,
>
> Monte
>
Posted by Crazy Horse on April 17, 2006, at 17:15:42
In reply to Re: Unfortunately, I am a Lifer.... » Crazy Horse, posted by MARTY on April 17, 2006, at 16:06:21
Man, Marty you are so cool..and i mean that. It's so weird because you remind me so much of my best friend..it's almost freaky. I can't believe how good of friends you and i have become in what, less than 2 weeks. I think Parnate's going to work for you and i will do everything in my power to help you through anything such as side effects that may occur. Please relax and just get prepared for Parnate to blow you away. Don't worry about augmentation as i stated, if needed believe me i've got more than enough amunition for both of us! Thanks for being my best psycho-babble buddy! :)
Monte
P.S. Send me a picture-(you have my e-mail address) of you and your girfriend, or just of yourself if don't have one of you guys together.
Posted by MARTY on April 17, 2006, at 17:41:09
In reply to Re: Unfortunately, I am a Lifer.... » MARTY, posted by Crazy Horse on April 17, 2006, at 17:15:42
:D Here we got for the sentimental part again! LOLLLI agree.. I have this feeling I always being knowing you! You too make me thing about some of my friends.. no joke.
I'm very positive about Parnate dude.. it's the withdrawal symptoms (down, insecurity) that hit my confidence about everything.. but before AND after that I'm 100% ready to be Parnated with total confidence! If theres any problems you bet I'll pick in your knowledge about what could augment it.. I wish we would be thurdays.. Big Time!
Let's keep positive! you're contageous man.
Your new Crazy friend ...
Marty (soon to be Parn Start)> Man, Marty you are so cool..and i mean that. It's so weird because you remind me so much of my best friend..it's almost freaky. I can't believe how good of friends you and i have become in what, less than 2 weeks. I think Parnate's going to work for you and i will do everything in my power to help you through anything such as side effects that may occur. Please relax and just get prepared for Parnate to blow you away. Don't worry about augmentation as i stated, if needed believe me i've got more than enough amunition for both of us! Thanks for being my best psycho-babble buddy! :)
>
> Monte
>
> P.S. Send me a picture-(you have my e-mail address) of you and your girfriend, or just of yourself if don't have one of you guys together.
Posted by maxime on April 18, 2006, at 12:36:43
In reply to Unfortunately, I am a Lifer...., posted by Crazy Horse on April 15, 2006, at 9:29:05
if you had deep brain stimulation you wouldn't be a lifer. think positive
maxime
> I remember it like it was yesterday, my first psychiatric break down. It was at the end of a stressful junior year in college. It started with severe panic attacks and eventually horrible, bed ridden, Depression. When i finally got in to see a psychiatrist i was diagnosed with panic attacks and major depression. I thought my life was over.
>
> He started me on Imipramine and Ativan. I was also seeing a psychotherapist 2 times a week. I remember asking my pdoc how long this would last and if i would ever be normal again. He said something like 6 wks., and yes i would probably be "normal" again because the imipramine would correct the chemical imbalance in my brain and after approx. 1 yr. on imipramine i could taper off and theoretically the imbalance would be corrected...yea right! Remember, this was 25 yrs. ago.
> Well, it literally took about a year to even start to feel better. That year was a nightmare, many, many times, i contemplated suicide and only by the grace of God i didn't carry through. I remember begging God to let me die..I hated living, and saw no future for myself. My fiance' at the time dumped me as i'm sure she though i would never amount to anything. I was so hurt, so lonely, and so miserable.
>
> Well, my pdoc was wrong, the imipramine did not permanantly correct the imbalance. Here i am 25 yrs. later and i continue to fight this illness every day of my life. God has been good to me, I have a wonderful wife of 20 years, and 2 beautiful children. Since my initial "break down" i've had so many more i have lost count. Been hospitalized many times, one time for 2 1/2 mos. Tried nearly every psych. med known to man, seen many "specialists" and my diagnosis has been updated to Chronic major depression w/ some atypical features, OCD, GAD, and social phobia.
>
> I'm now 47yrs. and i know i will continue to battle this illness until i take my last breath. Currently, as most of you know i'm doing very well on parnate, and my hope is that this will last, but my true feelings is that it won't, nothing ever does for me. I pray to God every day that my boy's will never suffer from any mental illness of any kind,and so far so good, no signs whatsoever.
>
> Thanks for listening, it felt "therapeutic" to write this post. Please, others share your experiences as well. God bless you all.
>
> -Crazy Horse
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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