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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by katia on February 2, 2004, at 2:52:44
In reply to Hi Karen Kay, posted by Eve1 on February 1, 2004, at 22:34:19
Why do you believe that you have bipolar-like symptoms? What are they? How do you know your blood count goes down? I've often experienced flu-like symptoms on ADs. But that was before I got the BP dx.
talk to us - we're here to support one another.
Katia
Posted by katia on February 2, 2004, at 3:01:42
In reply to Re: BP freakin', posted by fluffy on January 16, 2004, at 17:27:36
Hey Fluffy!
How're ya doing?
I've actually been doing fantasically! I can't believe how well I do OFF of meds. I think that maybe I've been cured of BP! I'm not being thoughtless in that either. i think maybe I was put too much into a box/label with that dx. I think for sure it exists, but I think it can pass too. I feel so good. All I take is Seroquel and fish oil. I sleep fine. I feel happy. I feel like I'm a part of this world instead of apart from this world. It's amazing. I'm not sure meds were the answer for me! I'm doing brilliantly without them!I had another session with that psychic (remember in Oct. I had one with her). She said that Iwas overly medicated and that if I take meds then I need to take a minimal amount. My system is sensitive.
For the past few weeks all I've been doing is looking for a house to buy. it's so depressing because 300K doesn't get you anything but a termite infested fixer upper (and there were SWARMS of people today looking at such a place). I'm still very hopeful. I'll find something for me. BTW, my psychic is in TX- Dallas.
Where are you?
How are you?
I think about you lots and BArbara and Karen Kay.
But things have died down a bit no?
it's ok b/c i've been so absorbed with my own life.
hope to hear from yas...
Katia
Posted by Karen_kay on February 2, 2004, at 8:41:31
In reply to Hi Karen Kay, posted by Eve1 on February 1, 2004, at 22:34:19
Well hello Partner! I don't have time to write much as I'm just up before class. But I'm so impressed with your post, how could I not get back? :)
Why do you believe you have symptoms of Bipolar Disorder? Do you have syptoms of depression and mania or hypomania? Do you alternate between feeling depressed and feeling elated with racing thoughts or grandious ideas? This is something to discuss with your doctor. I know that when I was on SSRI's alone (without a MS) they caused me to become manic.
I'm sorry you are struggling right now. I really am. I wish none of us had to struggle with anything in our lives. I wish we had every wish handed right to us, and we could live out all of our dreams just as we want. But, unfortunetly, that isn't the way life works. So, with the struggling comes the payoff. But, I like to think that at least we struggle for some reason, I hope at least.
I'll write more later, PROMISE! I just have to get ready for a stupid German class, where they speak in a language I'll never begin to understand and ask me questions I'll never-ever know the answers to! Oh, bother! Will you go for me, pretty please?? You'd think I'd have the hang of it by now, but I swear it's all Greek to me... :)
Posted by Karen_kay on February 2, 2004, at 16:52:14
In reply to Re: BP freakin' » fluffy, posted by katia on February 2, 2004, at 3:01:42
Heya!!! I have a sister named Barbara!! Strange the way the world works sometimes...
I'm thinking of discontinuing Topamax.... I fear I'm getting dumb, and I'm so dumb in fact that I'v just noticed how dumb I am :( I can't spell, I can't communicate very well... I used to be the first person done with tests and now I just don't have enough time to complete the blasted things....
I'm thinking of free-balling it.... No meds... What do you think??? Can I do it??? I'm talking to my therapist about it tomorrow (did I spell that right??) We'll see...
Posted by katia on February 2, 2004, at 17:22:10
In reply to Re: BP freakin' » katia, posted by Karen_kay on February 2, 2004, at 16:52:14
Hi karen,
Have you felt like this all the time on Topamax? Or you're just realizing you've been dumb all this time? :-)
I'd definitely talk about it with your therapist.
I've only been on seroquel for sleep and about 12 grams of fish oil a day for about three weeks now. And I feel very good. I think I'd be dangerously close to more than hypomania and then crashing if it wasn't for the seroquel regulating my sleep. I definitely need it because I'm very awake these days...I'm also in the process of buying a house/townhouse (looking for one) and that's exciting. I've got Trileptal here in case I need to go on something new. I'm not going on it yet. I want to see how I do on only the above meds. I feel a shift in energy for sure, a good one. But I get a bit manicky sometimes (racing thoughts - shards of energy flying around in my brain - but I'm not going over the edge and I haven't crashed yet, so I'm wondering if I am cycling or have just leveled out for a bit.
Tomorrow I start Antabuse. It's my decision. I want to eliminate drinking altogether from my life. Ironically enough, I haven't been craving it either - like I"m satisfied on nothing but a hot bath!
How long have you been on Topamax?
Katia
Posted by Karen_kay on February 3, 2004, at 8:46:03
In reply to Re: BP freakin' » Karen_kay, posted by katia on February 2, 2004, at 17:22:10
Hiya! I've been on Topamax since last Summer, the beginning of anyway. It has helped me so very much, I can't even express how much it has helped me. But, I really get the feeling that I'm dumb now. And I didn't used to be.... Oh, what to do, what to do????
I've just noticed that it's taking be 50 minutes to finish tests, when normally it would take me 15. And my grades have suffered, as well as motivation, due to the fact that concepts just aren't "clicking" like they used to. And my writing skills aren't what they used to be either. And I can't spell for the life of me. Now, I'm not claiming I was ever a spelling Bee champ or anything, but I have a hard time spelling simple words like "beginning"... Come on now, that's just not right!!!! I have a dictionary at my side 24/7......
I'm seriously considering taking a holiday... My therapist even suggested it.... I can't have this kind of mess while I'm in school, as I have a partial scholarship and loans as well.... AND I REFUSE TO TRY DEPAKOTE.... I'll not gain 80 lbs.... Maybe I'm just being impulsive.. I'm sure I'll stick it out. Just having another moment of doubt. Isn't there a full moon coming? I am a moon child you know.....
Oh, I miss hypomania so much. I miss the motivation to accomplish something with my life.. Oh, to be you for one day and get my work done... Can we switch? Just for a week, promise...
Posted by katia on February 3, 2004, at 15:06:29
In reply to Re: BP freakin' » katia, posted by Karen_kay on February 3, 2004, at 8:46:03
Hi,
I'm not sure if this is hypomania (maybe a teensy bit). It could be just a new and improved me coming through after years of hell.I would give Depakote a try if I were you. I just was scared of the PCOS possibility. I didn't gain any weight on it.
Cognitive abilities are as important as feeling well mood-wise. If Topamax is giving you this then it may be time to change.
good luck!
Katia
Posted by Eve1 on February 3, 2004, at 15:12:37
In reply to Re: Hi Karen Kay » Eve1, posted by katia on February 2, 2004, at 2:52:44
I have phases of deep depression and mania. Now like you mention the mania part that involves being up all night thinking creative ideas one after the other till morning started a few years after using antidepressants. But the other part of mania "irritable, harmful to myself has always been part of me". Since very young I could remember getting angry at others and hurting myself, I did not really want to be like that. About the white blood count, it happend the first time 6 years ago after being on Prozac for 2 years. One night I got a very high fever of 104.5 that would not go down with anything I took, I was sick for 7 days. I went to the ER, there they found the blood problem. At first they did not know what was causing it, everything past thru our minds. Until on doctor ordered that Prozac would not be given to me, the next morning my white blood cell count was almost normal. Eventually the drug manufactures send a letter to my Psy. confirming that to some individuals this is a posible adverse reaction. Now for the past 3 years I was taking Celexa "which is in the same family of drugs" and for those 3 years I always had aches and pains, similar to the flu but not as bad. During these three years I took pain medicine every other day. I know this is a long story. Maybe next time I'll finish it. I just started on the Topomax 25mg 2x a day. I'm worry that it might not work. I'll keep you posted. Thank you for your support.
From:Eve1
Posted by Karen_kay on February 4, 2004, at 12:51:56
In reply to Re: BP freakin' » Karen_kay, posted by katia on February 3, 2004, at 15:06:29
So, what are you on now exactly? Oh, I long for the days of hypomania :( I'm thinking that I can handle the "brain-slowness" I'm sure that's a technical term somewhere :) that I'm getting from topamax. I'm still able to concentrate and get stuff done, it just takes longer. I'm sure in a few days, I'll change my mind. Then in a few more days, I'll change my mind again.;.. I'm like that you know..
So, how are you doing? How's the house hunting going? You could always buy me one while you're at it :) I'm always looking for a sugar daddy/mommy. I'm not choosy and I make good company...
I'm SOOO glad the "new and improved" you is coming out! Like a shining star, I can't wait to see!!!
Posted by Karen_kay on February 4, 2004, at 12:58:16
In reply to Re: Hi Karen Kay, posted by Eve1 on February 3, 2004, at 15:12:37
I'm sorry to hear of all your troubles. At least you got good drugs in the hospital, right?? :)
Are you planning on tapering up the Topamax? since you only take 50 mgs a day, that doesn't seem like a very high dose. I take 300 mgs a day. Hmmmm.... I'm no expert so I don't know?? Are you also taking an AD with the topamax? You said you previously took Celexa (Oh, those were the days... My sister used to give me those and they were called '""Karen Crazy Pills@!!!!!") but are you currently on them as well??? We have to keep this topic on meds, so I can't really chat. If you'd like to chat more, go to the Social board. I don't frequent this board often, as don't have much input on meds.... But, I'm ont he Social and Psychology Boards quite often. But, I'll respond to your posts here, don't get me wrong :) Let me know what all you're taking and I can tell you what to expect as you taper up, if you do....
And by all means, finsih your story..
Posted by katia on February 4, 2004, at 13:18:44
In reply to Thinkin of stickin » katia, posted by Karen_kay on February 4, 2004, at 12:51:56
Hi karen,
I wouldn't say that I was hypomanic - edging on it though. I am starting to come down a bit from that. That was a long run - like 4 weeks. I'm usually a two day cycler. I don't think I'm heading the other way (depression), but I have to be careful. I am just on about 12mg of Seroquel for sleep and 12gs of fish oil a day. Yesterday, I started Antabuse. It's expensive - 62$ for a month's worth. so I cut them in quarters and it will last me four months. It's psychological- if i know I'm on any of it, I won't drink. My system's sensitive anyway and less does more for me.
I've got Trileptal samples here if I feel I need to go on something. At this point it feels good to be somewhat med free - minimal meds - after a year and a half of trial and error and being in a daze. Now I can start from ground zero. I was over medicated I think. It'll be interesting to see how no alcohol will affect my mood as I've used that in the past as medication. Not in the past four weeks though. I haven't had much of a craving. I'm excited to see what I become sans alcohol.
You know, have you thought about reducing your topa dose? You could be overmedicated. Just a thought. And sorry, no can do. I NEED a sugar daddy. Everyone says that this is a bold aggressive move on my part to buy a 350K house with no money saved and working as a waitress. But I'm determined. Things appreciate here quickly.
katia
Posted by fluffy on February 5, 2004, at 10:36:33
In reply to Re: BP freakin' » fluffy, posted by katia on February 2, 2004, at 3:01:42
Hello gals.
Honestly, I don't really understand not wanting to be on meds at this juncture. I am feeling sooooo much better now. I'm taking 500mg of Depakote, and I've been solid as a rock for a month now. No more rapid cycling, no more depressions. I thought that Depakote wasn't as helpful w/ depression, but it sure has been for me, unless it's some kind of fluke. It feels like it took the edge right off. Within a week, I had no thoughts of suicide, my energy was back, and I'm sleeping OK. I still have a bit of a problem with sleep, but oh well. I've never felt better.
I'm not gaining weight and my appetite hasn't increased. As far as PCOS is concerned--who really knows? Whatever. I'm just glad I'm not rapid cycling and depressed out of my mind.
You guys sound like you are doing well, but I'm really concerned about the drug vacation business. I think it's too risky, and could cause more harm than good. But that's my conservative side talking.
Be careful and take care. Something will click soon.
Katy
Posted by katia on February 5, 2004, at 14:07:37
In reply to Depakote is not a sexy drug, but it works, posted by fluffy on February 5, 2004, at 10:36:33
Hi katy,
Good for you! Glad to hear it. i had a feeling it would work. I have been feeling better for the past month - very good. But I feel like I'm starting to lose my grip. The good mood is starting to become ugly and I feel the depression creeping up. Sigh. Maybe I am bipolar after all...I've been crazy obessessed with buying a house. I put my first offer in yesterday to a townhouse that was JUST put on the market that day and already there were two others outbidding me. It's starting to get to me. It's tough process buying a house esp. in this cut throat envirnonment. I'm losing my enthusiasm and energy and stability...is it the house situation or my mood disorder? It's so confusing. Maybe I'm just having a bad day. I just started Antabuse that could be it. I'm sick of being on meds and think I do better w/o at this point. Even the antabuse is too much I think.It is amazing the assurance I feel when (possibly?) hypomanic- the absolute conviction that I have finally transformed and gotten to solid optimistic ground; that I have a clear head now and won't let depression creep back in - I feel too in control. But it does. It's so crazy how much I don't want to admit that my good mood was hypomanic. I just can't do it. I think what happens in the next few days will be an indicator as to if I'm cycling or not. And it's the f-cked up mixed states that get me - I'm experiencing a mild one today - a prelude to more to come? Hope not.
Oh boy....this is not easy.
I'll ride this out and see if it gets worse or better.
good to hear from you. I was wondering what was happening.
katia
Posted by fluffy on February 5, 2004, at 14:26:31
In reply to Re: Depakote is not a sexy drug, but it works » fluffy, posted by katia on February 5, 2004, at 14:07:37
Hi Katia--
I don't really understand. Have you been wondering whether you are bipolar or not? Sounds like you keep testing the waters and doubting your diagnosis. This is healthy to a point. You want to make sure you are getting correct treatment. Sounds like you've been doubting for awhile now. Maybe do one of those questionaires again to be concrete and objective. I remember you telling Barb-cat and I about your depressions, and they sounded very real. You have bad reactions to AD's. Sounds like bipolar to me. (me no doc, though) Have you and your therapist been very concrete about your diagnosis? Or has your pdoc given you any indication that there is something else going on or a comorbid condition?
Not knowing if you are hypomanic is unfortunately a SYMPTOM of being hypomanic. It's very possible you are. Too bad that can't happen when we're depressed, right?
Buying a house is like, um, a HUGE decision!! Is there a rush on buying a house for you?? I don't know your financial situation, but from what you say, you are a student, and you wait tables. A $300,000 house is waaaaaayyyyy out of your ballpark financially unless you have some mega-money tucked away. Again--not trying to be preachy. But if you are indeed hypomanic, then you might make a hasty decision on something you can't own up to later. I'm feeling kind of protective of you right now!
If you must test the waters though, then waiting to see what happens with your mood may indeed tell you if you were hypomanic and are still cycling. My bet is that you are, since you aren't taking a mood stabilizer right now. Fish oil alone just doesn't cut it for most people. And I don't know the seroquel dose, but if it's for sleep, then it's probably not an optimal dose. At least you have that. What's the hesitation on taking Trileptal? You have some squirreled away you said? did your doctor prescribe this for you? I'd get to it. Trileptal had very few side effects for me (i.e. feeling groggy or drugged.) it was very mild, and I only stopped it because of the adverse sodium weirdness.
Keep me updated on what you decide to do.
Take lots and lots of care,
Katy
Posted by katia on February 5, 2004, at 18:40:56
In reply to Re: Depakote is not a sexy drug, but it works, posted by fluffy on February 5, 2004, at 14:26:31
> Hi Katia--
>
> I don't really understand. Have you been wondering whether you are bipolar or not? Sounds like you keep testing the waters and doubting your diagnosis. This is healthy to a point.
** Hi Katy,
500mg of Depakote I think is a good dose. It's not too much, but just enough to help you, esp. with your weight.I just keep feeling like I've just transformed out of an old state of being - a spiritual sort of transformation. I guess there are many factors to it all, but I want to ride out being un-medicated for awhile to see where I go. Pre-meds, I was UNAWARE of being bipolar; so it was all confusing. AND then I was on ADs for a year - you know how that goes - then all this overmedication with the wrong MS. Now, I have the awareness of BP w/o all those drugging hazy meds and I just want to see what happens w/ minimal meds. I'm not on nothing. Seroquel is big b/c it gets me to sleep and that's the big key to stopping mania. I think there's something to be said for the fish oil. My psychic (who lives in Dallas BTW)(who I really believe in) says that my system is very sensitive and i need less meds than the average person and I have been feeling that as well. I'm actually ok at the moment - not too much of either high or low. And I have passed through major astrological cycle (I believe this) and astrologically speaking I'm more balanced now than I have been in over 80 years. I know it sounds crazy, but I feel it to my bones a shift in energy on a deeper level than just "mood" related. I feel like I've come into my own skin and power and it's just getting better. AND it's important to let the old energy run out without medicating that to see where I stand with this new energy. I'm not opposed to going on meds later, but if I do now it'll confuse things. I need to start from ground zero.
I guess I am second guessing bipolar for myself. This may be something I need to go through. Yes, I fit the description, but it's not everything of who I am. I'm still in the process of sorting out what's what.
buying a house...yes very risky and bold. But it feels like a good move. I'm sick of being a poor person renting. I want to get my foot in the door and if that means taking a risk then so be it. BTW, a 300K house here is more like a 80K house anywhere else in the country. i promise - it's like comparing rubles to dollars. You just can't make the comparison. It just has to be done. I'm determined and there's no going back.
So what if this is hypomania? Good things come out of this energy too. It can make things happen.
(me no doc, though) Have you and your therapist been very concrete about your diagnosis? Or has your pdoc given you any indication that there is something else going on or a comorbid condition?Yes, on a "clinical" level I'm bipolar. It all seems so vague anyway.
>
> Not knowing if you are hypomanic is unfortunately a SYMPTOM of being hypomanic. It's very possible you are. Too bad that can't happen when we're depressed, right?The depression has been real that's for sure. And more than likely I am bpII. And i am delicate. I can be thrown off balance easily and I'm just trying to monitor myself now.
I'm feeling kind of protective of you right now!
>
**Good to know you care!**I do have Trileptal at hand in case I need it. I honestly am just not up to getting drugged out right now and going through all that trial and error again. It made me worse. Again, I need to start from ground zero and address the current symptoms, not that old stuff that is probably being washed away for good. Do I make sense? To me I do!
I thought about you when, unfortunately I got sucked into the bachelorette - that guy from Texas is absolutely adorable! Are they all like that there? The accent is so charming.
take care!
katia
Posted by Eve1 on February 5, 2004, at 20:36:23
In reply to Re: Hiya Eve! » Eve1, posted by Karen_kay on February 4, 2004, at 12:58:16
Hello: Karen
I thank you for replying to my posts. And yes I think this 50mg of topamax a day is to little. I feel all anxious,and sad. "I have had numbness and tingly feeling in my hands, very strong Did you?" I had to take my old leftover celexa pills, until I see my Doctor. I hope I could wait, its supposed to be in two weeks. I have had insomnia for many years, for which I take ambien, will I need to take the ambien always? or you think that the topamax at a higher dose cause some sleep? I also take Lorazepam "ativan" 1mg 6x a day for anxiety. What you think will I have to continue the ativan? increase or decrease? I'm sorry If I'm asking to many questions, I know your not a doctor, but you know the effects of this medication topamax better than anyone else I know. Any little insite could help me.
Thank You Very Much,
From
Eve1
Posted by Karen_kay on February 5, 2004, at 23:02:42
In reply to Re: Depakote is not a sexy drug, but it works » fluffy, posted by katia on February 5, 2004, at 18:40:56
So, I'm a moon child (being a Cancer and all) and the full moon's coming. Is that what's wrong? Or is it, "Say it and it happens" philosophy? Well, I've been recently wanting so badly to be hypomanic and *bam* all of the sudden, my prof asked me if I was on some sort of medication that was making me "speedy." He noticed that I "seemed to get a kick" out of a film we were watching, and no one else thought it humorous! Imagine that. Also, I've noticed that the language German sounds rather similar to Pig Latin, whereas I decided to interupt class and ask the person behind me "in an outside voice" (of course I can't distinguish between inside and outside voice just yet, they sound the same to me right now) "Does this sound like F- Pig Latin or what?" And of course the prof and the class heard my outburst.
And I've been having giggling otburst in class. Which I don't know how to even begin to explain. And I can't stop giggling. And I always have 5 songs in my head at once, but I become confused, as I can't choose 1 song to sing. I took a math test today and I couldn't begin to tell you anything aobut it, except that I'm quite confident I did well.... Though I haven't a clue what it was about :) Oh dear me..... Say it and it happens???? The full moon, as I am heavily influenced by the moon, being a moon child... The only problem is that my law prof wants an email explaining my outburst... And I can only imagine what it will say :) Maybe I will try to seduce him... Thinking of calling my Pdoc, but not to raise my meds, he's rather sexy too... Oh, I must get sex off my mind... But what else is there to think aobut right now?? ARG!!!! Sorry! Should I even bother to post this? Sure, why not? You don't mind, do you? Just a note to tell you how I'm doing. I really hope everyone else is as fabulous as I am.... But, I'm quite sure outsiders aren't seeing that I'm feeling quite so well :( That's rather sad, isn't it???
Posted by Karen_kay on February 5, 2004, at 23:13:49
In reply to Re: Hiya Eve!, posted by Eve1 on February 5, 2004, at 20:36:23
Oh Eve.... If you read my last post, you could surely tell that I'm not quite in a state to answer your questions, though I WOULD MOST CERTAINLY LOVE TO ANSWER ANY AND ALL QUESTIONS YOU EVER HAVE!!! Don't get me wrong. As for the tingleingyness (huh??? you understand that right??) I could say it, just not spell it :) it is VERY common and DOES go away in time... Most of the side effects go away in time, it just takes awhile.. The rest of your questions, I'm barely able to concentrate right now, so I know if I tried to answer them, the anwers would end up being about puppies and plantations, with something about common law marriage. So, let me get back to you about that... Wait, let me take another looksie... Hold tight for a second..
Well, for me personally, Topamax didn't affect my sleep. But I am very medication resistant (did that come out right???) I'm like the medication Terminator.... Not very many drugs affect me. I have very little side effects with drugs... I know that headache queen takes (or used to take) topamax... she may be able to tell you more aobut the side effects as well.... I know my mom used to take ambien for sleep.
OK, what I can say.... Once you get your mood stabilized, I would think that your anxiety should decrease. I know mine has quite a bit... If your mood is stabilized, then you should have a more normal sleep cycle, as well as less anxiety. If that doesn't happen, you may want to look into therapy. Are you currently involved in therapy? I'm in LOVE with it! And my therapist. In fact, I called him yesterday to proclaim my undying love and devotion to him... Oh, I'm pathetic :) Nope, I'm hypomanic....
Posted by Eve1 on February 5, 2004, at 23:53:04
In reply to Re: Hiya Eve!, posted by Eve1 on February 5, 2004, at 20:36:23
Hi,
Thanks for your prompt response. I'm sure lol reading your "ladies!" post, your are having a great time. And thanks again for the info.From
Eve1
Posted by katia on February 9, 2004, at 2:58:17
In reply to Depakote is not a sexy drug, but it works, posted by fluffy on February 5, 2004, at 10:36:33
Hi all fellow bunnykins!
Ok, since being diagnosed and finally being off of meds, i have a questions for all BPs out there.
When you feel manic, does your skin buzz and you feel in your lungs an exhileration to where you can barely breath? Like its fibrating? like your skin is alive and pulsating? I've been experiencing such intensity the past night. I feel like I can barely contain myself and just need to interupt everyone and scream and yell ONLY and JUST to relieve this exhilerating vibrating feeling I have inside of my body.
It's like the inside of me is chewing on tobacco. there's this juice and it's - whoa! Now I know how to describe - my whole body feels like on the verge of an organsm, but not in a sexual way - just tipping on breathlessness. Almost like an itching.
My question is - is this hypo/mania? I'm trying to monitor myself right now and see where I am in the mood monitoring range,as I am NOT on meds now (besides Seroquel for sleep). I just took my Seroquel so hopefully I'll die down.
Feed back from fellow BPs out there? What does mania feel like to you - the euphoric kind?
KATIA!
Posted by Karen_kay on February 9, 2004, at 12:22:11
In reply to Bunnykins! Mania anyone?, posted by katia on February 9, 2004, at 2:58:17
Oh girlie, seems we are on the same page!!! I have a problem with this energy inside of me that I can't get out... My WHOLE body is alive and moving and I don't know what to do! So, I giggle and laugh! And people don't like it! Or maybe they do! Or I just don't care! HA! Screw them, I say!
I giggle a lot. I called my mom and wouldn't stop talking. She tried to talk and I wouldn't let her. And I don't really always make sense. And I overdisclose. And I flirt. With old men, with profs. I blew my German prof a kiss today! I don't yell, but I talk. To EVERYONE!!! And I LOVE everyone! I feel like I have enough energy to run a marathon.
That's what hypomania feels like to me. I have songs in my head and I sing them out loud. While I'm walking to class.
Now, mania, I get naked in the streets. And my mind doesn;t have a clue what;'s going on! Everything that's pretty now turns scary and ugly and confusing. UI can't find a pencil or use it when it's right in front of me. I'm overexcited to the point that I'm just plain confused. I don't know what's oging on and I'm scared.
Posted by katia on February 9, 2004, at 14:02:41
In reply to Re: Bunnykins! Mania anyone? » katia, posted by Karen_kay on February 9, 2004, at 12:22:11
Hi,
Yep. that's sounds familiar. Let's see - last night at work I disclosed the fact that I haven't had a bowel movement in three days to the chefs and people I work with in a loud funny way due to the fact that I race out of bed in the past few mornings and look for more houses to buy... fight or flight - digestion is the first thing to shut down. I "mooned" a coworker (flipped my top up). A good mood can instantly turn sour and back again in a matter of minutes if something doesn't go right - esp. at work. I can go from tears to laughter and back again thrice. But all this feels normal for me. I seem to lack appropriate "disclosure" boundaries *sometimes* and wear my heart on my sleeve. Everyone knows everything about me. And then I cringe and feel I need to hide away in shame afterwards when the energy dies down. I'm also skipping therapy appointments - which could be a sign. I can't stand sitting in there for a whole 50min. trying to "process". And therapy is normally my lifeblood. (I'm talking therapy, not seeing my psychiatrist - he just prescribes meds).
And the energy can get ugly - I guess you could call it a mixed state. I think you described it earlier. This whole cycle that you described - how long is it? days? weeks? months? I think I go in and out of highs and lows in general ways that last month(s)- I'm in a high now I think (or is this normal?) and within the general high or low I rapid cycle within it I'm seeing. Like some days are normalish and some days are very activating/energized and some days are irritable and sad; but energized so. So I guess it would be mixed states when I appear to cycle. It's a racy alive pulsating time. It's this whole buying the house thing that is stimulating me. Sensitive types...anything can loop me.
Are you still on Topamax? How old are you? I'm 33.
Katia
Posted by Karen_kay on February 9, 2004, at 15:08:33
In reply to Re: Bunnykins! Mania anyone? » Karen_kay, posted by katia on February 9, 2004, at 14:02:41
Hiya, I'm 23 (or 24.. I can never remember....) But, that at least gives you an estimate, right? My mood doesn't turn ugly until I become manic. Hopefully that won't happen. Crossing fingers and toes as I type....
I'll go to my therapy appointment. And I go to class, usually. This is when I get my stuff done! I get projects done for class. I take tests and think I do well, not sure jsut yet how I actually did, but I think I got an A... Though, I have no clue what was on the test... We'll see! Maybe things will turn sour after I get the test back???
But, I don't have mixed episodes at all. And I'm glad for that one. Mine's pure heaven, until I become manic. Then, I shoplift, get nakie (and I mean completely!) in public, spend money that I can not spend, ect.... And my driving, we'll not even talk about that.
I'm still on Topamax. I don't understand what happened. I don't care right now, as long as I do't become depressed. If that happens, I'll go see my Pdoc and spit on him if I have to!!!!
My cycle is strange. I was depressed for over 2 years... My manic phase once lasted for a little over a week. Hypomania just strikes me, I don't really have a certain cycle... It's strange like that. I can have several episodes of hypomania with or without mania, then a year later have a bout of depression that lasts for over a year... I don't understand this crap one bit. Maybe I'm not in tune with my mind or body? Maybe it's the state of the world or stressors? I haven't a clue. When my dad died, I turned manic. Strange, I would have thought I would have become depressed. But, a year later, I became depressed and basically stayed that way for 2 years. Except that I took soem antidepressants which made me manic, but it was UGLY!!! I recall calling my md (not Pdoc because I wasn't dx or anything) and saying, "If I kill myself tonight, it's on your head!" That was a pretty scary time for me. Once I quit the AD, I was somewhat normal, but still depressed and started seeing a doctor who dx me with Bipolar. He "couldn't handle" it so I started seeing a Pdoc and the rest is history baby!!!!
Yeah, I remember once when I was hypomanic, I started telling everyone around me, who I didn't even know, my medical history!!! OMG!!! Could you imagine?? Glad I'll never see them again, and if I do, I won't remember who they are! Shew!
Be careful not to sign any papers until you are a bit more stable hun, ok! Don't want to end up like Tom Hanks in "The Pit" now do you???
I'm lucky though, I don't get sensitive or irritable... Just happy and a bit "out there" Heck, half the time, I don't even know what I'm talking about !!!!
Posted by katia on February 9, 2004, at 18:16:09
In reply to Re: Bunnykins! Mania anyone? » katia, posted by Karen_kay on February 9, 2004, at 15:08:33
Hi,
Yes, interesting the hypomania is peeking through on Topamax. Again - it is Topamax...you've gotten unusual results.
After a week of mania, what happens? Do you start meds or does it just go away on its own?
I'm just trying to get a feel for other's experience so I can see what's "normal" and what I am experiecing...
Oh, btw, too late on the signing of papers! I just put a bid on a house!
I feel grounded in this decision at least. It's just the process of buying the house (good decision) that induces some hypo stuff.
Katia
Posted by Karen_kay on February 11, 2004, at 15:13:42
In reply to Re: Bunnykins! Mania anyone? » Karen_kay, posted by katia on February 9, 2004, at 18:16:09
I don't understand why the hypomania is peaking through either. It just hit me in the head one day. And now it's starting to turnugly, I fear. Oh, darn the luck.. Maybe a visit with my Pdoc? He's rather yummy! I'll ask aobut his wife. And if they're happy. And if i could make him happier, just for a moment anyway....
In the past, it's gone away on it's own. Again, my cycles, as they call them???, are strange... I can have a year of depression at a time. And i can have spurts of hypomania, a well as mania, without depression following. At least I think. My memory is so screwy. Guess we'll find out, woj't we. My vision's not so well. I think I should go lie down for a while. But, I think typically mania, or hypomania if Bipolar II is followed by depression or vice versa. I'll let you know what happens with me. I feel like your little guinea pig. Will you feed me and hug me and kiss me good night?
When you put the bid on the house, were you hypomanic, or did that cause it? Crossing my fingers for you hun! I think if i talk to my Pdoc, he would raise my med (topamax) or add lithium to it to make sure I don't cycle itno mania. But, this is starting to turn ugly, as my assignment from my therapist wasn't a good one and my thoughts aren't bright and fuzzy anymore.... He's a jerk sometimes and he knew I was hypomanic. Why do they do that? Does anyone know?
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