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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Angela2 on April 10, 2014, at 17:50:33
I have social anxiety. I've had it for years and it sucks. I got these CDs and workbook series about conquering social anxiety by someone named Dr. Richards from the Social Anxiety Institute. They're very good. I have had them for quite a while. I have gone to them on and off, b ut have been making it a more regular thing now. I'm on CD #11. So yeah, that part is going well. I kinda feel Like I have no friends though. Actually, it's true, I don't have hardly anyone. I'm working to change this though. And make stronger the relationships that I do have.
Posted by Partlycloudy on April 10, 2014, at 19:23:16
In reply to Social Anxiety, posted by Angela2 on April 10, 2014, at 17:50:33
It's hard, I have it too. MeetUp.org has helped me get out with other people, but sometimes I have to step back.
Keep trying. Volunteering might help, too.
It's pushing that stupid envelope ALL the time. If I had a dog, I would walk it and talk to neighbours. My cat is not cooperative.
((((Hugs))))
PC
Posted by alexandra_k on April 10, 2014, at 23:32:38
In reply to Social Anxiety, posted by Angela2 on April 10, 2014, at 17:50:33
I have social anxiety, too. Sorta. I... Don't really know how to relax around people. Have this fear of putting my foot in it / making a social blunder.
I've come to learn that confidence goes a long way in smoothing things over...
And I'm supposed to simply have a thicker skin because there is this jostling and / or teasing game that (especially guys) like to play... And girls sometimes have this whole 'oooooooh yeeeeeah she's SUCH A BITCH' form of camaraderie...
But I don't ever feel relaxed around such things...
One things that guys sometimes get into (that I find really rather great) is the idea of DOING THINGS together. Not talking... But just doing things. I think that is why people like things like team sports. For the moments when everyone just shuts their yap and... Works together. Helps them feel like... Part of something greater than themselves. I get this from books (feeling like part of history or part of an intellectual community / family) but most other people get something from being with others in the now.
Group fitness classes are like this, too. Dance... Stuff like that.
If someone had have suggested this to me, mostly I would have found it kinda tacky... But now I'm sorta coming around... To the idea of things like clubs. Where you have some interest in common. Perhaps ideally something that you can do on your own and with others. So when you feel lonely you can do the on your own part and hold them in mind while you are doing it. If that makes any kinda sense...
For all my grumbly complaining:
I need to study more in public spaces. I've come to learn that the main places on campus advertised as study areas are where people go who like to think of themselves as studying... And that the real study gets done in the out of way corners that the popularists never find... E.g., the very top floor of the library after 6pm. I've heard of semi-mythical places, too, like architecture libraries... And there being spaces over in biological science... Somewhere... Etc... Basically... I need to go exploring. It isn't like other places I"ve been to where security's job is to kick everybody out...
Why?
Because there is the possibility... That I find people with similar study habits to me. Who I can work... Alongside. Take a 5 minute break with every 50 minutes or so. Catch some of their 'in the zone' for when I'm not feeling on form...
Sometimes it is about hanging out in public spaces... Where you are likely to meet similar others. Museums. Art galleries. Whatever.
When you said about school... Being correspondance... I did worry for you, kinda. Because there isn't much sense of community that way.
I'm currently doing 1 class. I have a 1 hour lecture M, Tu, W, F. And a 3 hour lab every fortnight on Thursday. It is enough to... Keep me sane, somehow. Desensitise me to people somewhat. If I don't have that class... I start to really get panicky / afraid. Because I find it hard to get out otherwise. Default tendency: To stay by myself in my room. Hangover from childhood when other options weren't available to me. I need to be... Pushed. Hard. To explore. But typically... Really loves walks... Especially now... There are nice places to go visit... Parks. Art galleries. Pleasant people in quiet libraries etc...
Can you think about whether your social anxiety gets better (a bit. Sort of... desensitises?) if you have scheduled things to be doing. Whether it be a group fitness class... An art class... Whatever...
Posted by gadchik on April 11, 2014, at 6:33:38
In reply to Social Anxiety, posted by Angela2 on April 10, 2014, at 17:50:33
Add me to social anxiety list. I married the one guy I could actually eat in front of! I always had a prob eating in front of other people. ive gotten over that a long time ago, but still felt like I couldn't relax around others. I started hiking with a neighbor in 2008, just about everyday for miles,and learned that being silent with someone isn't so bad, and talking to someone is also easier whist walking! And well, I have to give a shout out to Klonopin. Even tho Im not taking it now, Im on valium, tapering, it did help get me out of my shell. Also with age, comes confidence, so Im getting there...I hope the best for all of us!
Posted by baseball55 on April 11, 2014, at 20:17:19
In reply to Re: Social Anxiety » Angela2, posted by gadchik on April 11, 2014, at 6:33:38
It really is easier to talk to someone while walking, or while driving. You don't have to keep looking at one another and I kind of feel freer with that lack of constant eye contact. I have three friends with whom I regularly walk or do something like go to a museum.
Posted by Poet on April 12, 2014, at 17:18:02
In reply to Social Anxiety, posted by Angela2 on April 10, 2014, at 17:50:33
Add me to the social anxiety team. I recommend movies for social outings with friends: no taking for around two hours and afterwards you have something to talk about.
Clonazepam as needed gets me through other social situations and work.
Poet
Posted by Angela2 on April 16, 2014, at 15:00:09
In reply to Re: Social Anxiety » Angela2, posted by Partlycloudy on April 10, 2014, at 19:23:16
Hey PC! Thanks for the support. I am looking into volunteering at a library. It's still in the incubation period, so I'm not acting on it yet. It might be boring too..I could always try it..if I'm looking into it still next week. and see how I like it.
Taking a walk sounds nice. Even without a dog.
I am part of a social anxiety meet up in my area, actually. There's a lot of nice people there, some weirdos too, lol.
To be honest, I haven't answered these posts yet cuz when I think of social anxiety, I think of making progress, or trying to. and hard work mentally. I just can't deal with that right now. I still have the workbook and CDs though. Perhaps I will read through some of itjust for 15 min. tonight. or later.
Posted by Angela2 on April 16, 2014, at 15:19:38
In reply to Re: Social Anxiety, posted by alexandra_k on April 10, 2014, at 23:32:38
> I have social anxiety, too. Sorta. I... Don't really know how to relax around people. Have this fear of putting my foot in it / making a social blunder.
Hey Alexandra K, I'd say thats social anxiety. Everyone who has social anxiety, I am learning, has their own form of it. mild, severe, moderate, sensitive, etc. I'm glad to know that I'm not alone. I wonder if a lot of people on forums like this have social anxiety. I know that I come here for support because I can't always get it in real life (due to social anxiety).
>
> I've come to learn that confidence goes a long way in smoothing things over...
>
> And I'm supposed to simply have a thicker skin because there is this jostling and / or teasing game that (especially guys) like to play... And girls sometimes have this whole 'oooooooh yeeeeeah she's SUCH A BITCH' form of camaraderie
haha, Alex, sometimes I really dislike people and feel like I don't belong either. I can't stand when I am having a problem, like depression or anxiety, and people try to get me to see "how I'm taking it is wrong," it's not wrong to feel the way you do. I just think there's a balance that really, only YOU can know. Your intuition, etc. I think that sometimes people who want to help, give misguided, or sometimes just BAD advice. In the form of advice that sounds valid, lol.
>
> But I don't ever feel relaxed around such things>
> One things that guys sometimes get into (that I find really rather great) is the idea of DOING THINGS together. Not talking... But just doing things. I think that is why people like things like team sports. For the moments when everyone just shuts their yap and... Works together. Helps them feel like... Part of something greater than themselves. I get this from books (feeling like part of history or part of an intellectual community / family) but most other people get something from being with others in the now.
>
> Group fitness classes are like this, too. Dance... Stuff like that.
Yes. Doing things together, but not having to have an interactive discussion about it.that is my motto. I am good with one on one too. But sometimes I just feel like I'm being stared at and I do not like that.>
> If someone had have suggested this to me, mostly I would have found it kinda tacky... But now I'm sorta coming around... To the idea of things like clubs. Where you have some interest in common. Perhaps ideally something that you can do on your own and with others. So when you feel lonely you can do the on your own part and hold them in mind while you are doing it. If that makes any kinda sense...
>
> For all my grumbly complaining:
>
> I need to study more in public spaces. I've come to learn that the main places on campus advertised as study areas are where people go who like to think of themselves as studying... And that the real study gets done in the out of way corners that the popularists never find... E.g., the very top floor of the library after 6pm. I've heard of semi-mythical places, too, like architecture libraries... And there being spaces over in biological science... Somewhere... Etc... Basically... I need to go exploring. It isn't like other places I"ve been to where security's job is to kick everybody out...
>
> Why?
>
> Because there is the possibility... That I find people with similar study habits to me. Who I can work... Alongside. Take a 5 minute break with every 50 minutes or so. Catch some of their 'in the zone' for when I'm not feeling on form...
>
> Sometimes it is about hanging out in public spaces... Where you are likely to meet similar others. Museums. Art galleries. Whatever.
Alex, that is a really good idea. Thank you. I forget that. That I am being social. Even if It's not some big event. I cango to the library, museum, stand in back at exercise class, maybe strike up a convo, etc.The exercise class I'm in now is kind of weird. I told my teacher after the first class that I have social anxiety. Now I don't want to go back cuz I feel weird about that lol. It's also kinda interactive.
I will do my best to go to the rest of the classes, but if I don't go, I don't go.
>
> When you said about school... Being correspondance... I did worry for you, kinda. Because there isn't much sense of community that way.
>
> I'm currently doing 1 class. I have a 1 hour lecture M, Tu, W, F. And a 3 hour lab every fortnight on Thursday. It is enough to... Keep me sane, somehow. Desensitise me to people somewhat. If I don't have that class... I start to really get panicky / afraid. Because I find it hard to get out otherwise. Default tendency: To stay by myself in my room. Hangover from childhood when other options weren't available to me.----ok, so basically, I did the same thing as a child/ teenager, etc. I hung out alone in my room a lot. So it's kind of become a habit. It has. It may be ingrained in my behavior.
I need to be... Pushed. Hard. To explore. But typically... Really loves walks... Especially now... There are nice places to go visit... Parks. Art galleries. Pleasant people in quiet libraries etc...
>
> Can you think about whether your social anxiety gets better (a bit. Sort of... desensitises?) if you have scheduled things to be doing. Whether it be a group fitness class... An art class... Whatever...
My social anxiety does get better. I was a waitress for 3 years and was quite desensitized to that.You have inspired me a lot Alex. I may print some of these posts out so I can look at it another time.
Take care.
Posted by Angela2 on April 16, 2014, at 15:24:41
In reply to Re: Social Anxiety » Angela2, posted by gadchik on April 11, 2014, at 6:33:38
Wow, that's a long time ago, do you still hike gadchick? It sounds refreshing and makes me want to go for a walk / hike. I believe completely that with age comes confidence. I've heard that before too, from people older than me. I may have problems, but I am really beginning to not give a care what people think about me in some situations I woulda died in in high school and in my 20s. it's no big deal.
Posted by gadchik on April 16, 2014, at 17:54:48
In reply to Re: Social Anxiety » gadchik, posted by Angela2 on April 16, 2014, at 15:24:41
yes, still hiking daily for miles with my neighbor. we even argue sometimes, which I used have a lot of trouble with...couldn't ever disagree with people cause it brought too much attention to me. now I stand up for myself! and if I want to lay on my front porch with my feet up on the wall and arms up and out behind me, looking quite the oddball, I don't give a rat's a*s (it relaxes me!!) what the neighbor's think : )
Posted by Angela2 on April 16, 2014, at 21:51:05
In reply to Re: Social Anxiety » gadchik, posted by baseball55 on April 11, 2014, at 20:17:19
Thank you for the advice Baseball. I want to go to a museum now :P
Posted by Angela2 on April 16, 2014, at 21:53:12
In reply to Re: Social Anxiety, posted by Poet on April 12, 2014, at 17:18:02
I don't like taking medication for anxiety for some reason. I don't work right now. Thank God. But I think I am going to look into volunteering tomorrow. I do love a good movie!
haha, we're a social anxiety team! We are the SATs!!!
Posted by Beckett on April 26, 2014, at 0:51:18
In reply to Re: Social Anxiety » Poet, posted by Angela2 on April 16, 2014, at 21:53:12
A social anxiety meet up sounds kinda good. Where would one find such a thing? There was CBT group therapy for social anxiety that I attended. We laughed at the irony. This helped for awhile. I had one on one CBT for this, too, and being accountable to someone helped. But it didn't stick. I don't think social anxiety is often cured but rather managed with greater or lesser positive results. My case is complicated by recurrent major depression. Or the other way around. Right now I would never leave the house. I only leave if I have exhausted all other possibility, and when out, I try and think I am invisible. I really need to challenge myself.
It is easier to walk with someone. Otherwise, there is too much casting about, not knowing what to do, like even how to hold one's face while conversing! Exercise helps dispel anxiety, too.
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