Posted by alexandra_k on April 10, 2014, at 23:32:38
In reply to Social Anxiety, posted by Angela2 on April 10, 2014, at 17:50:33
I have social anxiety, too. Sorta. I... Don't really know how to relax around people. Have this fear of putting my foot in it / making a social blunder.
I've come to learn that confidence goes a long way in smoothing things over...
And I'm supposed to simply have a thicker skin because there is this jostling and / or teasing game that (especially guys) like to play... And girls sometimes have this whole 'oooooooh yeeeeeah she's SUCH A BITCH' form of camaraderie...
But I don't ever feel relaxed around such things...
One things that guys sometimes get into (that I find really rather great) is the idea of DOING THINGS together. Not talking... But just doing things. I think that is why people like things like team sports. For the moments when everyone just shuts their yap and... Works together. Helps them feel like... Part of something greater than themselves. I get this from books (feeling like part of history or part of an intellectual community / family) but most other people get something from being with others in the now.
Group fitness classes are like this, too. Dance... Stuff like that.
If someone had have suggested this to me, mostly I would have found it kinda tacky... But now I'm sorta coming around... To the idea of things like clubs. Where you have some interest in common. Perhaps ideally something that you can do on your own and with others. So when you feel lonely you can do the on your own part and hold them in mind while you are doing it. If that makes any kinda sense...
For all my grumbly complaining:
I need to study more in public spaces. I've come to learn that the main places on campus advertised as study areas are where people go who like to think of themselves as studying... And that the real study gets done in the out of way corners that the popularists never find... E.g., the very top floor of the library after 6pm. I've heard of semi-mythical places, too, like architecture libraries... And there being spaces over in biological science... Somewhere... Etc... Basically... I need to go exploring. It isn't like other places I"ve been to where security's job is to kick everybody out...
Why?
Because there is the possibility... That I find people with similar study habits to me. Who I can work... Alongside. Take a 5 minute break with every 50 minutes or so. Catch some of their 'in the zone' for when I'm not feeling on form...
Sometimes it is about hanging out in public spaces... Where you are likely to meet similar others. Museums. Art galleries. Whatever.
When you said about school... Being correspondance... I did worry for you, kinda. Because there isn't much sense of community that way.
I'm currently doing 1 class. I have a 1 hour lecture M, Tu, W, F. And a 3 hour lab every fortnight on Thursday. It is enough to... Keep me sane, somehow. Desensitise me to people somewhat. If I don't have that class... I start to really get panicky / afraid. Because I find it hard to get out otherwise. Default tendency: To stay by myself in my room. Hangover from childhood when other options weren't available to me. I need to be... Pushed. Hard. To explore. But typically... Really loves walks... Especially now... There are nice places to go visit... Parks. Art galleries. Pleasant people in quiet libraries etc...
Can you think about whether your social anxiety gets better (a bit. Sort of... desensitises?) if you have scheduled things to be doing. Whether it be a group fitness class... An art class... Whatever...
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1063978
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20140312/msgs/1064007.html