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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 18 to 42 of 47. Go back in thread:
Posted by sigismund on December 22, 2013, at 14:16:11
In reply to Re: i don't like the internet anymore » sleepygirl2, posted by Phillipa on December 22, 2013, at 9:25:26
>Facebook to me is more real than babble.
It must be a lot bigger.
Posted by alexandra_k on December 22, 2013, at 14:36:09
In reply to Re: i don't like the internet anymore » sleepygirl2, posted by Phillipa on December 22, 2013, at 9:25:26
> I've reconnected with people from High School, old home town, and joined some book clubs, found some really great authors, and at times talk with my kids on there. Lately it has been rather dead like here but then it's that time of years. Facebook to me is more real than babble.
There's your answer right there.
I don't have any desire to reconnect with people from High School or my old home town.
Facebook is more real...
That is kind of the problem.
It is a social networking thing. Which means there is pressure to manage your image. Or at least... There is for someone like me... Who... Needs to take effort to present a somewhat coherent face to the world.
It is interesting to keep up with people having kids... Getting married... Moving countries / universities...
Stuff that gives them a coherent and linear timeline. Probably like what my last t was trying to get out of me.
I guess mostly people just post little odds and ends about things they find interesting. Some of them are. Get to read about the housing market in San Fran and about various conferences around the world.
Maybe it is just that in the past I got side-tracked by the stupid little games. Then I didn't want my colleagues to know I was playing them (and I certainly didn't want a lot of notifications about them in their newsfeeds)... Ugh.
Posted by vbs on December 22, 2013, at 16:35:23
In reply to Re: i don't like the internet anymore, posted by alexandra_k on December 21, 2013, at 20:11:52
Virgin Mobile Awe is a great smartphone that's affordable. I've had mine for about three weeks now & I love it. It has Facebook, Twitter, YouTube & Instagram.
Posted by alexandra_k on December 22, 2013, at 18:27:51
In reply to Re: i don't like the internet anymore » alexandra_k, posted by vbs on December 22, 2013, at 16:35:23
thanks people.
i'm alright.
i won't let the salient few get to me. i have more properly realized that MOST of my facebook friends aren't particularly active on facebook... I do see the use in inviting people en masse etc etc.
i drank a few too many beers (seemed like a good idea at the time). i think i need to ease up on that. mostly because... it gets me feeling down, rather.
i went to the gym this morning and feeling much better about everything.
i will see about a smart phone. it has been on my one day list for a while now... i'll see... university has apps for various things... guess i worry i'm missing out on things... getting old ahaha. out of date. like those old people who won't use the ATM and want to do everything via the teller.
jan 3... when things reopen. that's my deadline for getting my supervisor this next chunk of work.
i... don't know what to say... i don't know that it is realistic to think that i'll be ready to submit come March. i... am afraid. my being a student there is very central for my identity. i can't face the thought of being booted / leaving the program. i want to do a summer school course in calculus. there is one... i think i'll need it... have looked at past years exams for chemistry and physics... the physics is meant to be an easy pass for people who have done it before but it won't be for me. chemistry looks like a foreign language. all the work i've done in it already only takes me through the first few questions (as in i see how to answer them - not even i actually can answer them without looking things up right now and even then i'm not entirely sure i got the answers right). anatomy and physiology is... synthetic / figure it out questions. wow.
macro-economics clashed. surprisingly there is a pharmacy course on the open schedule that it looks like i can take. maybe because it has a 2,000 word essay requirement which makes it not an easy pass for some science people. drugs and society. seems to have overlap with the open lectures i was listening to last year... how people find new molecules etc etc etc.
gym is only closed on the actual stat days... so... gym and writing... i'll ease off the beer...
i'm going to be okay.
Posted by baseball55 on December 22, 2013, at 19:38:20
In reply to Re: i don't like the internet anymore, posted by alexandra_k on December 21, 2013, at 20:11:52
I have never gone on twitter. I got a face book page. I don't know why. I never look at it. I get emails from people wanting to "friend" me and I delete them. I hate text messages. When people text me, I call them up and try to talk. I use email only for work. I hate it when friends email. I call them to respond. I want to have real, physical, human connections. This virtual stuff makes me unhappy.
Posted by baseball55 on December 22, 2013, at 19:53:41
In reply to Re: i don't like the internet anymore » alexandra_k, posted by baseball55 on December 22, 2013, at 19:38:20
Do you need calculus? if you need physics, then you need calculus, but do you need physics for a pre-med program? I guess physicians do stuff with radiology that are physics-based. I never thought about medicine and physics.
Chemistry is really a breeze. Seems intimidating, and there is a lot of memorization, but there's a logic to chemistry -- not an easy logic, but a logic -- whereas biology and physiology have no logic at all. Just rote memorization
Posted by alexandra_k on December 22, 2013, at 20:36:47
In reply to Re: i don't like the internet anymore » baseball55, posted by baseball55 on December 22, 2013, at 19:53:41
> Do you need calculus? if you need physics, then you need calculus, but do you need physics for a pre-med program? I guess physicians do stuff with radiology that are physics-based. I never thought about medicine and physics.
just the one: 'physics for life sciences'. mechanics, thermal physics, wave motion, electricity and instrumentation. it is meant to be about last year high school level - but instrumentation stuff is new for everyone.
this is meant to be one of the 4 easier papers to help lighten the load. but since my background is in things like english literature, education, philosophy, social psychology, and cognitive neuroscience... uh... the 'easier' papers are mostly novel content for me.
> Chemistry is really a breeze. Seems intimidating, and there is a lot of memorization, but there's a logic to chemistry -- not an easy logic, but a logic
it seems nice and lego-landish. tractatus-like. or something... i've just started learning the functional groups but i don't know any synthesis reactions as yet. i'm a bit worried about balancing equations. sometimes they give us products and we are supposed to say how much of whatever we get out of it. i think we do stuff about rates of synthesis, too.
i think mostly what the summer school calculus will do is give me a better idea of how much trouble i am likely to have with numbers... and i can see about getting extra help supports in place before the start of the year if i need extra help. it might just be that i benefit from the extra practice. i know i get better at working with numbers when i am working with numbers... even silly things like grading... data entry... i'm not particularly number literate... and so... i wasn't really given the opportunity to develop higher level conceptual apparatus... i might be a bit of a slow learner...
> -- whereas biology and physiology have no logic at all.
physiology has logic! i did anatomy / physiology at tech (exercise science) and really freaking loved it! it is fairly synthetic... what i liked most about the anatomy / physiology exam was that there wasn't any labelling of bony landmarks or whatever... but there were puzzle type questions that you needed to figure out... like house ahahaha. what i like about physiology is understanding the components of the system and how they work together... then when you get a certain output trying to figure the different ways in which things can break down... figure how probing different things will help tease things apart / pinpoint the problem. like electrical circuits or something i guess ahaha. like... trying to come up with a theory of mind on the basis of behavior and stroke etc...
it is messier than legoland, though, i take your point about that. i suspect it has something to do with non-linearity (and feedback loops) but i don't even really know what that means ahahaha.
it is funny how different people seem to take to the different papers. i mean... some people say they really loved the epidemiology paper (seems a lot like a more precise version of critical thinking to me, i think i will enjoy it a lot) whereas other people say they really loved the chemistry (or that they found it easy / enjoyable)...
i don't know what i'll take to... i had trouble with basic arithmetic... so i sort of gave up on math real early. then that prevented me learning the hard sciences... then discovering all anybody seems to want is mathematical modellers. sigh.
bio-medical engineering.
sigh.
Posted by alexandra_k on December 22, 2013, at 22:39:26
In reply to Re: i don't like the internet anymore, posted by alexandra_k on December 22, 2013, at 20:36:47
ah... i see now...
this is the thing to do. it will be how i'll get to meet the highly motivated returning older people who don't have a background in math / physics / chemistry. the social people / those with experience in the field... aka: the ones who might help haul my *ss through the interview if i can help them haul their *ss*s through the academic part... quid pro quo clarisse...there is a calculus paper... a physics paper (which is full but i bet if i show up they won't turn me away)... then the chemistry runs a week long course later, once the summer school is finished.
i'll need to ask if i can suspend my enrollment for my thesis or something... until next summer... if i want this to work (and i want this to work really a whole f*ck*ng heap) then i'm going to need to put in some preparatory work...
also... i'm so tired of being left to flouder by myself. so tired...
get supervisor work for the 3rd... then tell him my cunning plan...
i think (fingers crossed) that the enrollment people don't mind...
?
good for them too?
yes?
Posted by Dr. Bob on December 22, 2013, at 23:21:09
In reply to Re: i don't like the internet anymore, posted by alexandra_k on December 22, 2013, at 1:45:50
> i don't understand this idea of broadcasting the same thing to everyone.
I have to say, that gave me a chuckle. Then I saw:
> i am differently social with different people.
and then I got what you were saying. Just use the Internet differently than other people?
Bob
Posted by sigismund on December 23, 2013, at 1:31:54
In reply to Re: i don't like the internet anymore » baseball55, posted by baseball55 on December 22, 2013, at 19:53:41
>Chemistry is really a breeze. Seems intimidating, and there is a lot of memorization, but there's a logic to chemistry -- not an easy logic, but a logic -- whereas biology and physiology have no logic at all. Just rote memorization
I would have liked biology; lots and lots of classification. Never liked experimental sciences.
Posted by alexandra_k on December 23, 2013, at 2:28:34
In reply to Re: i don't like the internet anymore, posted by sigismund on December 23, 2013, at 1:31:54
> I would have liked biology; lots and lots of classification. Never liked experimental sciences.you would have liked psychiatry, then :)
Posted by sleepygirl2 on December 23, 2013, at 9:56:55
In reply to Re: i don't like the internet anymore, posted by sigismund on December 23, 2013, at 1:31:54
I took a lot of chem, and I've got to say, I'm still not sure what all that was about. It's another language that I only learned the most basic phrases in. Biology, however, I love that stuff.
I loved microbiology and parasitology. It was a short hobby of mine. I liked anatomy and physiology, most of it. I liked looking at the brain.
Off on a tangent I go...
Posted by Phillipa on December 23, 2013, at 10:01:49
In reply to Re: i don't like the internet anymore » sigismund, posted by sleepygirl2 on December 23, 2013, at 9:56:55
I loved Nursing all of it. How I wish could do again. So much to learn and so many to help. Phillipa
Posted by baseball55 on December 23, 2013, at 21:42:19
In reply to Re: i don't like the internet anymore, posted by alexandra_k on December 22, 2013, at 20:36:47
If you're going to take calculus, have you taken pre-calculus (what used to be called analytical geometry)? Calculus is impossible without pre-calc.
Posted by alexandra_k on December 23, 2013, at 22:22:36
In reply to Re: i don't like the internet anymore, posted by baseball55 on December 23, 2013, at 21:42:19
> If you're going to take calculus, have you taken pre-calculus (what used to be called analytical geometry)? Calculus is impossible without pre-calc.
it is meant to be calculus for people who have no calculus.
i hear everything is impossible if you... never learned your three times tables. whatever... i guess one just has to pick a place to start and then run with it.
Posted by alexandra_k on December 23, 2013, at 22:23:18
In reply to Re: i don't like the internet anymore, posted by alexandra_k on December 23, 2013, at 22:22:36
oh. i hear our math is different from your math. which is what makes the GRE particularly hard for us. even the mathematically inclined among us.
Posted by alexandra_k on December 23, 2013, at 22:24:34
In reply to Re: i don't like the internet anymore, posted by alexandra_k on December 23, 2013, at 22:22:36
> it is meant to be calculus for people who have no calculus.actually... better than that. it is calculus for people who have no calculus who want to go on to study physics / math for engineering / science. so i guess they will tell us what we need to know for those courses hopefully in a way that we can understand. it they are any good, that is.
Posted by alexandra_k on December 25, 2013, at 16:26:03
In reply to Re: i don't like the internet anymore, posted by Dr. Bob on December 22, 2013, at 23:21:09
> > i don't understand this idea of broadcasting the same thing to everyone.
> I have to say, that gave me a chuckle. Then I saw:
> > i am differently social with different people.
> and then I got what you were saying. Just use the Internet differently than other people?i don't understand how you got a chuckle out of it. is it because the main reason why most people seem to like facebook is precisely because they get to broadcast the same thing to everyone - in the sense they can just post it once instead of needing to notify everyone individually?
i guess i will just use it differently. i mean, there is little else to be done.
i am just sad that the masses discovered it at all. that now i need to figure out better search strategies to avoid all the crappy copy-pasted articles 'written' by 10 year olds that google seems to be increasingly throwing up on the first few pages of my search...
maybe i need a better search engine / better search strategy. i want broader than library database but narrower than standard google... google scholar is even a mixed bag these days... sigh.
is that sort of the idea of twitter / blogs... word of mouth... however many degrees of separation... social networking...
never mind reading something and assessing it on its merits. there is too much sh*t out there... need some way to do an initial cull at the very least. so... who said it / who are they endorsed by.
i see.
that was what was good about the internet. i thought. it wasn't like that.
Posted by Dr. Bob on December 27, 2013, at 2:32:52
In reply to Re: i don't like the internet anymore » Dr. Bob, posted by alexandra_k on December 25, 2013, at 16:26:03
> > > i don't understand this idea of broadcasting the same thing to everyone.
>
> > I have to say, that gave me a chuckle. Then I saw:
>
> > > i am differently social with different people.
>
> > and then I got what you were saying.
>
> i don't understand how you got a chuckle out of it.Because you broadcast a lot here. :-)
Bob
Posted by alexandra_k on December 27, 2013, at 19:28:51
In reply to Re: i don't like the internet anymore, posted by Dr. Bob on December 27, 2013, at 2:32:52
> Because you broadcast a lot here. :-)
ah. the illusion of anonymity. i don't know who these twitter people are... but they better not be my work colleagues or supervisors or people i know from high school or... whatever.
if they are... then i don't think i want to know. i don't know that i could cope with that.
Posted by alexandra_k on December 27, 2013, at 19:35:02
In reply to Re: i don't like the internet anymore » Dr. Bob, posted by alexandra_k on December 25, 2013, at 16:26:03
i used to have a journal. at high school. things weren't really going so well for me. at school. at life. one of the tasks we had to do for english (my best class, i guess, insofar as i liked reading books) was to do a journal. i'm not entirely sure what we were supposed to be doing... vague memories of the grading criterion... a couple entries per week... some stuff with different styles...
i hadn't done it. then... well... i'd had a fight with my mother or something... in my room... feeling angry and hurt and alone... and i started writing. developed the half-*ss*d poetry style i do in an attempt to get some extra style marks for poetry. or something. just a whole bunch of stuff... and i got an A. i don't think i got an A for anything else at high school.
and things continued like that. i didn't really do any work... i mostly got in trouble for drinking and drugs and not attending... but i kept handing those journals in... and... i guess it was what saved me from being properly expelled. on multiple occasions.
ended up in an inappropriate relationship with one of my teachers... one who... read my journal over a period of a few years. to grade it. you know... anyway... that is probably why i feel it best not to meet anyone who reads my journal. if that makes sense. actually it doesn't make sense... i just... i don't know. i don't know what i'm staying.
Posted by alexandra_k on December 27, 2013, at 21:08:48
In reply to Re: i don't like the internet anymore, posted by alexandra_k on December 27, 2013, at 19:35:02
i never had anyone to talk to.
one of my therapists said to me. when i was like 'but nothing much happened to me, really'. she was like 'but you never had anyone to talk to'. and... she was right - i didn't.
but i was highly verbal. had a lot going on in that respect. round and round and round and f*ck*ng round inside of me... because... i didn't have anyone to talk to.
the journal was the first opportunity i had to write stuff down and... give to to someone. get it away from me. and then... get something back. some kind of... acknowledgement. the odd comment here and there. i felt... less alone. and sometimes the odd comment would speak to me and help. but it helped to just feel less alone.
babble is my journal now. i don't know what to say. i... it is all the stuff i can't talk about. not to anyone. i... don't know what to say.
Posted by alexandra_k on December 29, 2013, at 16:18:50
In reply to Re: i don't like the internet anymore, posted by alexandra_k on December 27, 2013, at 21:08:48
i lost my journal when i got together with her. and then i didn't have anyone to talk to, again. just about our relationship, i guess... but that kind of took over. and i didn't have anyone to talk to about the things that were concerning me the most.
and then i got all depressed and stuff. and i got a therapist. eventually. and she would journal stuff i said to her in my file notes. and nurses and doctors and so on and so forth would read her interpretation and interpret that themselves and try and give me a right talking to about this and that that they thought was what was wrong with me and what i needed to do etc etc etc.
and so i couldn't talk to her anymore. was fairly mute in sessions, really. i wanted to... but i couldn't.
and then however many years later i find babble. and i talk here. and i met a babbler... and that was mostly okay. because she wasn't terribly active here (in a personal way) and she was so very cautious about her own privacy. and then i met damos. and that was okay. and we became friends and hung out quite a bit... and i was scared that that might change things for me. that this wouldn't be a place for me anymore... but it didn't. i think some combination of our being friends and nothing more... and his not posting here as much as he did before.
and when i got blocked it was like... like i'd been suspended from school or something. and i didn't have anyone... anywhere to talk, again. and i didn't understand why you blocked me. i couldn't make sense of it. so i couldn't get any sort of power over it in terms of thinking that if only i did this or that or whatever then it wouldn't happen again. so i felt powerless in the hands of capricious gods. and i feel apart, rather.
i guess i mostly forgot is how i found my way back. and because i thought i'd be stuck into writing up about now... and i was posting at babble around the time i got my masters done so maybe i could tap into some of that... i don't know.
computers scare me now. because they don't seem anonymous the way they used to be. i'd have a password on my computer and a password on my email and a password on a couple other places... and things felt kind of safe and protected.
but now there are to many different passwords and logins with different constraints... more than my memory can handle so i gotta write that sh*t down. and then it doesn't feel safe anymore. and my computer tries to save everything to autocomplete stuff - so then i don't get what is the point of the password anymore. and places want your real information to log in. none of this anonymous stuff. they want your real name and real address and a working phone number. they want to know what primary school you went to and what your first pets name was. your best friend in high school and your mothers maiden name. i have a serious aversion to providing this kind of information...
and so things don't feel anonymous anymore. the computer does stuff and i don't know what it is doing. automatically logs me in to the mac game store or whatever when my system boots up. has my credit card details saved to file for ease of purchase. has it always auto running in the background. google searches my emails to try and provide more inspirational advertisements. skype wants an open internet channel... always...
sh*t sh*t sh*t it is full of sh*t. and... invasive.. and... like there is no place in this world where i can be me. where i can relax and let my guard down and not have... people use me for their own ends. whether it be some sense of righteousness they get for giving me a talking to or whatever... people more seriously trying to take advantage.. getting to know people better... well... i guess that is when they start trying to change me. trying to make me be like them. when they... really become invasive / insensitive to me. people will have you on.... and when you opt out of the jostling / vaguely concealed insults etc rubbish then they will steamroll you. just because they can. i write people off then. because i don't want to be friends with people like that. but apparently that is just how people are. even the good ones among them. this strategy of mine just... leaves me with nothing. i don't know how to keep people at arms length. there isn't any place in this world that is safe for me.
Posted by alexandra_k on December 29, 2013, at 16:25:40
In reply to Re: i don't like the internet anymore, posted by alexandra_k on December 29, 2013, at 16:18:50
and gmail wants to keep you auto logged in. and wants to synch up a bunch of stuff AND I DON"T WANT THINGS TO BE SYNCHED I WANT THINGS TO BE FRAGMENTED AND IT WILL NOT LET ME. it wants to link up different gmail accounts. it wants to put my real picture on my gmail accounts. it wants it to be easy to video chat to people.
i can't even get my mac id straight without contacting the customer support people and telling them that various accounts they have (for different things) are different addresses for the same person. why should i have to tell them this? it is none of their f*ck*ng business. i shuold be able to check my cloud settings (make sure it isn't keychaining things i don't want it to) without telling them what town my mother grew up in ffs.
i... i don't like this at all.
Posted by alexandra_k on December 29, 2013, at 16:33:33
In reply to Re: i don't like the internet anymore, posted by alexandra_k on December 29, 2013, at 16:25:40
yesterday my mac informed me it was sending apple an error report. it isn't ask me if i wanted to send mac an error report. it told me that that was what it was going to do.
i don't like this.
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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