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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 14 to 38 of 41. Go back in thread:
Posted by SLS on February 14, 2009, at 21:45:51
In reply to Re: No Valentine this year. Maybe next year. » yellowbird01, posted by SLS on February 14, 2009, at 21:35:38
> I just don't like to see women taken advantage of by the likes of former scumbags like me.
Actually, I was never a scumbag. I was just very, very confused. I hurt my ex-wife very badly, and I never forgave myself for it. It is probably the only thing that I have not forgiven myself for. She deserved far better than what she got from me.
- Scott
Posted by Bobby on February 14, 2009, at 23:14:54
In reply to Re: No Valentine this year. Maybe next year. » yellowbird01, posted by SLS on February 14, 2009, at 21:35:38
Some men understand very little about women except for how to string them along. And he will do so successfully, as long as you think there might be any chance for love and union.
Guilt and memories can string you along successfully as well. Forgiveness must be complete---just like kids and dogs do. Don't beat yourself up forever---at least you have a conscience. I hope next year someone digs that.
Posted by Garnet71 on February 15, 2009, at 2:47:41
In reply to No Valentine this year. Maybe next year., posted by SLS on February 14, 2009, at 9:22:27
You will all find your true love when you are ready for it to manifest in your life...both spiritually and emotionally ready.
..until then, continue to work on yourself. Be the best person you can be with the gifts you have been given.
If it has not happened yet, then you are not ready. Everything in life is circular; it is bound to happen sooner or later.
Posted by SLS on February 15, 2009, at 6:46:09
In reply to Re: No Valentine this year. Maybe next year., posted by Garnet71 on February 15, 2009, at 2:47:41
> You will all find your true love when you are ready for it to manifest in your life...both spiritually and emotionally ready.
>
> ..until then, continue to work on yourself. Be the best person you can be with the gifts you have been given.
>
> If it has not happened yet, then you are not ready. Everything in life is circular; it is bound to happen sooner or later.That was nice.
:-)
- Scott
Posted by SLS on February 15, 2009, at 6:51:17
In reply to Re: No Valentine this year. Maybe next year. » SLS, posted by Bobby on February 14, 2009, at 23:14:54
> > Some men understand very little about women except for how to string them along. And he will do so successfully, as long as you think there might be any chance for love and union.
> Guilt and memories can string you along successfully as well. Forgiveness must be complete---just like kids and dogs do. Don't beat yourself up forever---at least you have a conscience. I hope next year someone digs that.
Guilt actually trapped me in a relationship with a woman for a few years. I did not want to end it, even though I had never been in love with her. I felt guilty and did not want to hurt her. Besides, our lives had been choreographed by others, and I would feel guilty if I didn't follow the script. I was a real mess. I didn't understand and act on my emotions.
- Scott
Posted by Kath on February 15, 2009, at 16:11:54
In reply to Re: No Valentine this year. Maybe next year. » yellowbird01, posted by SLS on February 14, 2009, at 21:35:38
Dear Scott,
This:
"You deserve better than a friend bearing expensive gifts. You deserve a lover bearing his soul."BLEW me away totally!
You may have been less than you'd like to have been in the past, but thank you for being so real, open & wise in that post to yellowbird. I'm sure it was not easy for her to read, & maybe it was or was not accurate, but guess what? That quote above certainly is accurate!!!
Love, Kath
PS - I've always viewed you as special.
Posted by Kath on February 15, 2009, at 16:14:18
In reply to Re: No Valentine this year. Maybe next year., posted by Garnet71 on February 15, 2009, at 2:47:41
Wow - one of those wise posts that I print out!
K
>You will all find your true love when you are ready for it to manifest in your life...both spiritually and emotionally ready.
>
> ..until then, continue to work on yourself. Be the best person you can be with the gifts you have been given.
>
> If it has not happened yet, then you are not ready. Everything in life is circular; it is bound to happen sooner or later.
Posted by SLS on February 15, 2009, at 16:15:58
In reply to Re: No Valentine this year. Maybe next year. » SLS, posted by Kath on February 15, 2009, at 16:11:54
Posted by yellowbird01 on February 15, 2009, at 17:41:11
In reply to Re: No Valentine this year. Maybe next year. » yellowbird01, posted by SLS on February 14, 2009, at 21:35:38
Thanks Scott. Not too harsh... i'm sure everything you've said it right. There's a lot of weird things going on but i just have to accept that weird or not, whether they make any sense or not, it doesnt matter. He said he doesnt want to be with me and that's the bottom line. Ouch.
Thanks for responding, here and on psych. You werent too harsh. One day at a time...
Posted by Kath on February 15, 2009, at 20:51:58
In reply to Re: No Valentine this year. Maybe next year. » SLS, posted by yellowbird01 on February 15, 2009, at 17:41:11
> One day at a time...
~ ~ or one minute, when necessary.
xoxo Kath
Posted by yellowbird01 on February 15, 2009, at 22:05:43
In reply to Re: No Valentine this year. Maybe next year. » yellowbird01, posted by Kath on February 15, 2009, at 20:51:58
Posted by Bobby on February 16, 2009, at 0:07:21
In reply to Re: No Valentine this year. Maybe next year. » Bobby, posted by SLS on February 15, 2009, at 6:51:17
I would say that I have wasted years in relationships too----but I've learned a lot from them. Knowledge is not cheap---everything has it's price. And I should have said--in my previous post---that it also takes a lot of guts to put yourself out there in this thread Scott. That-- coupled with the fact that you're almost always trying to help people here--should be a chick magnet--in and of itself.
Posted by DG77 on February 16, 2009, at 14:06:02
In reply to Re: No Valentine this year. Maybe next year. » SLS, posted by yellowbird01 on February 15, 2009, at 17:41:11
> Thanks Scott. Not too harsh... i'm sure everything you've said it right. There's a lot of weird things going on but i just have to accept that weird or not, whether they make any sense or not, it doesnt matter. He said he doesnt want to be with me and that's the bottom line. Ouch.
>
> Thanks for responding, here and on psych. You werent too harsh. One day at a time...I think most of us have been there in that "Ouch" state. In most cases, as time goes on and we're able to look back, we end up thankful that we didn't end up with *that* person. We come to a realization that our lives are better without them, often because we found someone better, though we can also reach that point in the absence of that. So, while it hurts like hell now, I think you can look forward to a time when you'll be glad you're not still with him.
Posted by Garnet71 on February 16, 2009, at 14:28:31
In reply to Re: No Valentine this year. Maybe next year. » Garnet71, posted by Kath on February 15, 2009, at 16:14:18
Thanks Kath. As for me, NO dating. I still have rescue fantasies sometimes - which in my view, is a pretty good indicator that I should not be out looking...So I'm sort of hiding out from the potential. Having recently gained weight helps me fulfill my plan!! Someday it will find me, though. When the time is right.
I think the 'one' for me might someday evolve from a true friendship. I'm certainly not going to make the mistake again in thinking attraction/chemistry is a precursor to a good relationship.
Posted by Kath on February 16, 2009, at 16:49:59
In reply to Re: No Valentine this year. Maybe next year. » SLS, posted by Bobby on February 16, 2009, at 0:07:21
> I would say that I have wasted years in relationships too----but I've learned a lot from them. Knowledge is not cheap---everything has it's price. And I should have said--in my previous post---that it also takes a lot of guts to put yourself out there in this thread Scott. That-- coupled with the fact that you're almost always trying to help people here--should be a chick magnet--in and of itself.
~ ~ I'm not in the market but if I were it'd sure be a chick magnet to me! ;-)) Kath
Posted by SLS on February 16, 2009, at 17:31:45
In reply to Chick magnet...., posted by Kath on February 16, 2009, at 16:49:59
Gosh.
This wonderful stuff couldn't have come at a better time. I think I have been trying too hard to flirt with women recently instead of just being myself.
Thanks folks.
- Scott
Posted by 10derHeart on February 16, 2009, at 18:42:09
In reply to Chick magnet...., posted by Kath on February 16, 2009, at 16:49:59
I also completely agree with you, Kath. Scott is special, and we don't even 'know' him :-)
I always tell my T., who is still trying to wrap his head around it, or trying to believe I really mean it or something - that for me, integrity is the sexiest, most attractive thing about a man. May sound odd, but it's totally accurate for me. If you do the right thing when no one knows and no one's looking - I'm putty....
Followed closely, of course, by stuff like compassion, decency, kindness, and so forth.
Not that I couldn't make a list of physical things that are ever-so-sexy......but, here's the thing... have you ever noticed, you may find someone pleasing to look at (maybe even gorgeous) then they open their mouths and speak, or they interact with you or others in a cruel, dishonest, or other bad way - that they suddenly, appear to - and I do mean physically - look *different* - no longer attractive AT ALL? I think it's because, sadly, the bad stuff on the inside leaked out... :-(
anyway....just sayin' Scott, Kath knows of what she speaks.
My "market status" will remain uncommented on at this time ;-)
-10der-who-has-maybe-said-too-much-Heart
Posted by Kath on February 17, 2009, at 12:45:00
In reply to Re: Chick magnet.... » Kath, posted by 10derHeart on February 16, 2009, at 18:42:09
I agree with you!!!
Kath
Posted by Kath on February 17, 2009, at 12:51:02
In reply to Re: Chick magnet.... » Kath, posted by SLS on February 16, 2009, at 17:31:45
See - once again, you're able to be open, honest & look at yourself!!!
One day, someone will be lucky enough to find you!!
I don't like flirting, personally. It might be exciting & flattering, but I sort of think, somewhere in the back of my mind that "if he can flirt with me, he can flirt with others"
I ALWAYS say that the very bestest way to have a better chance at a good relationship is to start out as friends. I also think that if people have an interest & pursue it, they'll meet others with the same interest. From there, friendships can develop & from THERE, the sky's the limit.
With a friendship as the base, that base is always there.
With flirting or even a whirlwind physical attraction as the base, those things aren't always there & what's there when they wear out or wear off?
Hugs, Kath
Posted by DG77 on February 17, 2009, at 15:11:21
In reply to Re: Chick magnet.... » SLS, posted by Kath on February 17, 2009, at 12:51:02
If flirting with women is wrong, I don't want to be right...lol. I know what you mean, though, Scott. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think you're mostly referring to the "trying too hard" part. After all, you can still be yourself and flirt.
As for starting things off with flirting vs friendship, I'm not sure either is "wrong". Who's to say that a relationship that starts out as a flirtation doesn't continue to have that flirtation at its core for years and years? Even though they predate me by a few decades (yes I had to specify that...lol), the "Thin Man" movies come to mind as an illustration of a couple who don't let the fact that they're married to each other keep them from flirting as if they'd just met. It doesn't happen that way in real life nearly as often as it should, but it does happen. :)
Posted by Kath on February 18, 2009, at 10:35:21
In reply to Re: Chick magnet...., posted by DG77 on February 17, 2009, at 15:11:21
>Who's to say that a relationship that starts out as a flirtation doesn't continue to have that flirtation at its core for years and years?~ ~ Good point.
I think my reaction was probably to the word 'flirting' & I realize that like many other words, different people might interpret it differently! And the minute I hear it - I think of a couple of people in my DH's family (one of them in his mid-60's) who are almost obnoxious in their flirting with all & sundry females!!
So, sorry - I think I was carrying that bigtime into my thinking, as well as ex-husband's behaviour!!!
:-) Kath
Posted by SLS on February 18, 2009, at 11:05:54
In reply to Re: Chick magnet...., posted by DG77 on February 17, 2009, at 15:11:21
> If flirting with women is wrong, I don't want to be right...lol.
Woohoo! I couldn't stop, even if I wanted to.
> know what you mean, though, Scott. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I
think you're mostly referring to the "trying too hard" part.Yes. That's it exactly, and I think it shows and probably is a turn-off.
> After all, you can still be yourself and flirt.
Woohoo! (again).
I love women. I guess that would probably show on its own without trying too hard.
> As for starting things off with flirting vs friendship, I'm not sure either is "wrong". Who's to say that a relationship that starts out as a flirtation doesn't continue to have that flirtation at its core for years and years? Even though they predate me by a few decades (yes I had to specify that...lol), the "Thin Man" movies come to mind as an illustration of a couple who don't let the fact that they're married to each other keep them from flirting as if they'd just met. It doesn't happen that way in real life nearly as often as it should, but it does happen. :)
My greatest love started out as a flirtation . We became friends first. Eventually, I found depth in her and a whole bunch of stuff inside her that appealed to me and that drew me closer to her. I found her inside more attractive to me than her outside at first. Eventually, she became the most beautiful woman in the world. I fell in love with her after first knowing her for 9 months and without ever having had thoughts of romance. When she finally opened up to me, I was mush. I wanted to grow old with this woman, and I swear that I would have died for her. Our strong feelings for each other were mutual, and it showed. At a restaurant, we could not keep our eyes off each other. Sometimes, when I looked around, I would catch someone watching us with a smile on their face. It was real, and it never got old.
What happened you ask?
I'll leave that part of the story for another day.
- Scott
Posted by Phillipa on February 18, 2009, at 20:29:47
In reply to Re: Chick magnet.... » DG77, posted by SLS on February 18, 2009, at 11:05:54
Hey not fair you flirty man!!!!! Love Phillipa just getting into the meat of the story. Love Romances
Posted by JadeKelly on February 18, 2009, at 23:50:16
In reply to Re: Chick magnet.... » DG77, posted by SLS on February 18, 2009, at 11:05:54
Posted by SLS on February 19, 2009, at 7:02:21
In reply to Re: Do you have a daughter perhaps? (nm) » SLS, posted by JadeKelly on February 18, 2009, at 23:50:16
Hi Jade.
> Do you have a daughter perhaps?
None that I am aware of.
Any particular reason?
:-)
If I did, she would be somewhere between 18-20 years old. I really did want to have children when I was in my 20s, but things just didn't work out. I wouldn't mind marrying into children, but I would not want to pass along my genes. That's okay, though. My brother has insured the continuance of the family legacy.
I am now going to a college where there are very few students over the age of 30. These kids grow up faster now than they did 30 years ago. They even look older. I have to admit that it is sort of like being trapped in a candy store and knowing that you can never have any, lest you be shot dead.
A real problem I have is that part of me last remembers being age 22 before the depression set in more permanently. It was like being in a coma for decades. Coming out of it many years later, my eye hasn't matured along with the rest of me. (Not that I am that old). I still look at younger women as being my contemporaries. Thirty-something.
Today is my birthday. I am a young 49.
I think I just burst a few bubbles.
- Scott
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