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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by alesta on July 21, 2008, at 16:38:54
decided it would be safer to do it here. i am in
so much pain and people keep putting me down...i
just want to stop it. (they say nice things too but that doesn't take away the pain or help anything...the damage is done.) here is a post i intended to put on another site but decided i'd put it here. please don't judge me you guys.you insinuated that i was a drug addict...i'm not a drug addict, or an alcoholic, i don't smoke...i may be temporarily mentally impaired from stress, depression, being attacked by many people (subliminal communication will be the death of me), and having someone in my life that i've had to spend a lot of time with recently who has confused my thoughts and mentally/emotionally exhausted me to the point where i almost fell out of the passenger seat of a vehicle the other day. so before you mistakenly conclude anything about someone know that there are a ton of things you do not know. (i've been told i'm stupid by tons of people. it hurts even more the 50th time.) i am not jesus either. good god. never claimed to be so if you are angry because i am buckling under all of this mass hatred just be happy that i am containing it and not releasing it on you. i have yet to find a way to access ALL the hurt and release it. just let this die, for god's sake, before i do. i can't take anymore. (please note this is not really directed to this forum but the world at large. if you have not judged me or expected anything from me, i thank you so much.) i am in deep emotional pain people. do i have to spell it out? maybe you are trying to kill me. or don't know what you're doing. and if you just miss me then i feel no hatred toward you. i try to stay away from the tv and radio now and email but it's impossible. i seriously wish i was dead. and how in the hell do i explain this to a therapist. oh god....the world thinks i'm an idiot b/c i am too shy to face them and too scared to see if i could face the disappointment they would feel if they finally met me and all their fantasies might come crashing down. i would just die. i mean...i'm a REAL person..so now i am deemed an idiot by everyone. i'm not an extravert anymore but an introvert...i don't handle a lot of attention or people very well now. and i see human nature in a whole new way now...it feels like there's evil everywhere.
i just want it all to go away. i saw that someone really cared the other day..not what they could get from me but that they really cared....i don't get that very much. i don't care what people think of me anymore i just want it to stop. i have to get myself back and that won't happen until people stop kicking me. i remember anna nicole smith commenting about people kicking her after her son died, wondering why...that's how i feel...i'm so distressed and they keep on....i guess b/c they hear the nice things said and are jealous, but they shouldn't be. i need help....can't explain this to anyone so i can't get it out...
Posted by Larry Hoover on July 21, 2008, at 17:36:39
In reply to wanted to post this on another site but, posted by alesta on July 21, 2008, at 16:38:54
Posted by Partlycloudy on July 21, 2008, at 17:43:38
In reply to wanted to post this on another site but, posted by alesta on July 21, 2008, at 16:38:54
I'm sorry you're hurting. I know what it's like.
PartlyCloudy
Posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on July 21, 2008, at 19:46:34
In reply to wanted to post this on another site but, posted by alesta on July 21, 2008, at 16:38:54
Alesta,
I hear your pain, and I am really, really sorry. T f&*^ing world is so cruel sometimes (more often then not), I don't really know what to say. But I have this to offer. A song (lyrics) which fit really well. In the verses, are all of the "tapes" in this persons head that keep playing back and over again. Have a read. I'll post the song. It's quite something. I hope you somehow get to feeling better. You deserve it. It is "Tapes" by Alanis Morissette from her new cd.
===================================
I am someone easy to leave
Even easier to forget
A voice, if inaccurateAgain: Im the one they all run from
Diatribes of clouded sun
Someone help me find the pause buttonAll these tapes in my head swirl around
Keeping my vibe down
All these thoughts in my head arent my own
Wreaking havocIm too exhausting to be loved
A volatile chemical
Best to quarantine and cut offAll these tapes in my head swirl around
Keeping my vibe down
All these thoughts in my head arent my own
Wreaking havocIm but a thorn in your sweet side
Youd better off without me
Itd be best to leave at onceAll these tapes in my head swirl around
Keeping my vibe down
All these thoughts in my head arent my own
Wreaking havoc
-------------
link to song: http://tinyurl.com/6q8hhwI hope you find some comfort in knowing you are not alone. Far far far from alone. Please take good care of yourself. You *deserve* it. Best.
Jay
Posted by TexasChic on July 21, 2008, at 20:40:07
In reply to wanted to post this on another site but, posted by alesta on July 21, 2008, at 16:38:54
I'm sorry somebody's making you feel bad about yourself, I guess I'm kind of in the same boat. I'm also being more or less called an idiot. But you and I aren't the ones who can think of nothing better to do than bash someone else to make ourselves feel better. So seriously, who are the idiots here?
-T
Posted by kid47 on July 22, 2008, at 12:21:55
In reply to wanted to post this on another site but, posted by alesta on July 21, 2008, at 16:38:54
Sorry that things suck for you right now. Hold on as best you can. Stuff usually gets better in time. I gotta say it was nice to see your name around these parts again. Maybe you should hang out with us for a while. I need somebody to play with. ;)
Peace and Happiness
kid
Posted by alesta on July 29, 2008, at 15:06:20
In reply to Re: wanted to post this on another site but, posted by TexasChic on July 21, 2008, at 20:40:07
aww..hi guys! :) it's nice being here again...i wish i could hang out here more. i tried to leave a site when i noticed i was being bullied and no one stepped in whatsoever....i loved the people there a lot and it hurt SO much to leave. i tried to let them know that but no one cared. so then i went back...i guess to try and make a difference and it got *much* worse. Texaschic...i remember when i was here before that you were talking about being bullied in the workplace...i didn't really *get* it then. well now i do and i'm so sorry you have gone through this. people don't understand how it changes you and how it feels. and the rage you have inside. i never had this level of anger inside me...and there's this devastating depression with it and fear. the bullying went way beyond the web site though. i need to get past this so i can give again...feel compassion the way i used to. i still manage to keep my anger inside...not vent it on innocent people. i'm trying to find healthy ways to get it out but it's not easy to do. so it's still just stuck here inside me. i need to get it out..
jay...that was such a beautiful, warm post...thank you man.:) i'm gonna have a listen to the song later on today. i really like the lyrics to it and it will probably help me deal. glad to know others can relate to what i feel.
also, i'm not myself but there are people that mean something to me and gestures of kindness that have stayed with me. i just had to let you know that i'm ok.:)
Posted by alesta on July 29, 2008, at 15:24:37
In reply to Re: wanted to post this on another site but » alesta, posted by kid47 on July 22, 2008, at 12:21:55
> Sorry that things suck for you right now. Hold on as best you can. Stuff usually gets better in time. I gotta say it was nice to see your name around these parts again. Maybe you should hang out with us for a while. I need somebody to play with. ;)
>
> Peace and Happiness
>
> kidtried to squeeze everything into that last post unsuccessfully :)...kid...lol...you're too cute. it's good to see you too man. playmate? hmmm. you always were the bad boy of the forum.:-)
great seeing ya. oh and...peace and happiness to you. cheers babe!
:-)
Posted by alesta on July 29, 2008, at 15:34:19
In reply to Re: wanted to post this on another site but » alesta, posted by Partlycloudy on July 21, 2008, at 17:43:38
> I'm sorry you're hurting. I know what it's like.
> PartlyCloudypc....i hope you're doing ok. ((((pc))))))
please take care.:)
Posted by alesta on July 29, 2008, at 15:53:21
In reply to {{{{{{{alesta}}}}}}} (nm), posted by Larry Hoover on July 21, 2008, at 17:36:39
Posted by gardenergirl on July 29, 2008, at 21:14:41
In reply to Re: wanted to post this on another site but, posted by alesta on July 29, 2008, at 15:06:20
Hi alesta. Just wanted to say hi. It's good to hear from you here, even if it's because things are rough. I remember you, though. '
wishing you peace and love
gg
Posted by Larry Hoover on July 29, 2008, at 22:25:54
In reply to thanks larry....take care man (nm) » Larry Hoover, posted by alesta on July 29, 2008, at 15:53:21
This is the end of the thread.
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