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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Kath on February 26, 2007, at 16:22:06
Hi All,
Why can't life be nice? *****moan****
I feel quite unsettled, moaney, complainy, scared.
Son's GF went back to Vancouver a week ago. Had planned to fly back, then changed to bus-ing back on Saturday with friend from out there. (A fellow 'meth' using 'friend')
So they are still there. My son is beside himself with worry. He's been drinking beer to cope...and is up to a pack a day smoking.
I spoke with her last Friday & she sounded fine. Just spoke with her a while ago & she sounds out-of-it. Sort of drawly. Very vague about coming back.
SO - I assume she's using. It 'reads' like a soap opera. I saw how she looked when they arrived back here after using for only 2 months. I am afraid for her. But mostly I'm upset for my son. He is SOOOOOO stressed out, which is one of the worst things for psychosis. I am actually pretty MAD. Why did she have to go out there to 'get their things'. I guess she wanted to see her friend. I am really, really upset.
I feel helpless (and am).
I told her that I love her & care about her & want her back here SAFE. I said I could tell that things were happening. That I was here to help her.
What more can I do? If somebody asked me that, I'd say, "NOTHING".
But I don't WANT to not be able to do anything!
I do NOT want this to be real. I have visions of her all strung-out; skinny; unhealthy etc. My mind fast-forwards.
I don't want to have to have stuff keep happening. I want things to be progressing forward without PROBLEMS keeping interrupting. I am trying to do the mindfulness; to do EFT-tapping, which ususally helps. When I get feeling like this, I just want to be numb or asleep or something. But when you're asleep you have to wake up.
Kath
Posted by Phillipa on February 26, 2007, at 21:51:41
In reply to Son's GF in Vanc...DOESN'T sound good on phone, posted by Kath on February 26, 2007, at 16:22:06
Kath I know you care but there is nothing you can do for her. Take care of you and you Son. She has to want to get help before she's ready it won't work. Love Phillipa
Posted by muffled on February 26, 2007, at 22:09:20
In reply to Son's GF in Vanc...DOESN'T sound good on phone, posted by Kath on February 26, 2007, at 16:22:06
Kath my heart bleeds for you it really does.
Try not to get into the vortex.
Come alonside, but not IN.
So hard.
Addiction is a nightmare.
I can say no good thing about it all.
Just do what you need to take care of yourownself.
Accept any and all support to yourself.
This is not selfish.
This is survival.
Thats all you can do.
I will pray, but I dunno if God listens to me cuz i not very Godly, but I will try for you.
Muffled
Posted by Kath on February 26, 2007, at 23:52:23
In reply to Re: Son's GF in Vanc...DOESN'T sound good on phone » Kath, posted by muffled on February 26, 2007, at 22:09:20
Thanks for your support!
I shall try my VERY best. I could sleep, was on Chat for a while, just checking in here, then I'll go to bed again as the:
warm milk,
valerian,
2 herbal sleepy pillsare kicking in!!! :-)
Thx for your words Phillipa and also for yours muffled & your prayers. I suspect that God listens to anyone's prayers & yours are MOST welcome.
Sometimes it helps me to just know that others are aware of how things are for me & that they care.
Thanks so much, luv, Kath
Posted by Jo U.K on February 27, 2007, at 6:41:38
In reply to Son's GF in Vanc...DOESN'T sound good on phone, posted by Kath on February 26, 2007, at 16:22:06
Kath,
so sorry to read your post, what a pity his GF appears to be using again. And very hard on your son too, just as he was doing so well. Still, hopefully all is not lost Kath, perhaps with your support you can help him through this. I'm absolutely sure you're doing all you can, and after that, well, their lives are in their own hands I guess.
Your frustraion is palpable, feeling for you Kath,
hope today has been better.
Warm wishes, take GOOD care of yourself,
Jo
Posted by Kath on February 27, 2007, at 12:36:36
In reply to Re: Son's GF in Vanc...DOESN'T sound good on phone, posted by Jo U.K on February 27, 2007, at 6:41:38
Thanks Jo.
I just finished with an appointment with the fill-in for son's case manager. She's away this week.
The fill-in was great. He spent an hour & a half with me - at my house! This is the most wonderful service I can imagine!! And free!!
He asked me if I'm interested in seeing someone in addition to the HOPE team, to help me deal with MY issues that all this is triggering. I said that I'd LOVE to but they're usually too expensive. He said he always tries to find someone who's covered by OHIP & therefore free!!!
Son meets with him this afternoon, & we already have an appointment on Thursday to meet with son's HOPE team psychiatrist!
I'm trying to stay calm & NOT catastrophize about the whole situation.
I'm also trying to view them both as ADULTS.
I'm trying to say in my mind, "This too shall pass & at some point when it's over I'll be able to look BACK at it, just like I can now look back at when my son was in bad shape back in Vancouver."
So far today, I'm doing pretty well. I'm even seriously considering picking up some clay at the pottery guild studio, bringing it home, sitting on my livingroom floor & making some pottery!!
So today's feeling way better than last nite.
thx for your support, luv,Kath
Posted by Gee on February 27, 2007, at 17:30:51
In reply to I'm doing somewhat better today.... » Jo U.K, posted by Kath on February 27, 2007, at 12:36:36
I really hope you get the clay!!!! It sounds like a lot of fun and a great way to get some stress out!!!
Did you talk with your son's gf today?
Did you hear any more from the meth program?
Glad you're doing better today!!!
Posted by Dinah on February 27, 2007, at 17:41:42
In reply to I'm doing somewhat better today.... » Jo U.K, posted by Kath on February 27, 2007, at 12:36:36
That sounds great, Kath!! It's wonderful to hear of examples where people go out of their way to be helpful and kind.
Pottery sounds very therapeutic. :)
Posted by Jo U.K on February 28, 2007, at 4:00:25
In reply to I'm doing somewhat better today.... » Jo U.K, posted by Kath on February 27, 2007, at 12:36:36
Oh that sounds great Kath, funny how sometimes a fill-in can bring you something new that maybe the regular case manager might not have done. Make sure you chase up that extra help for you.
Go and get that clay, get creative!
Have a great day
Jo
Posted by scratchpad on February 28, 2007, at 8:47:44
In reply to I'm doing somewhat better today.... » Jo U.K, posted by Kath on February 27, 2007, at 12:36:36
Kath, it sounds like you're involved with a great care system and team. (I never thought I'd say something nice about healthcare!) I'm sure it helps to relieve some of the worries you have.
No, go slap some clay around and show it who's the boss!sp
Posted by Kath on March 1, 2007, at 15:35:16
In reply to Re: I'm doing somewhat better today.... » Kath, posted by scratchpad on February 28, 2007, at 8:47:44
Hi All,
I didnt' get the clay yesterday, but did get a wonderful massage. My muscles were SO tight. The only thing is that he worked the muscles really much & at night in bed my shoulder was ACHING!!!! To give him credit, he asked if it he was massaging too hard & I said no.
Anyway, last night I got very little sleep; was able to catch some more by sleeping 'til 11:30 a.m.
Son's GF agreed to let him book a flight for her. She agreed to Friday, even though she preferred Saturday. I helped him with the booking & the prices were way better for Monday, so he was able to call her back & tell her she had some bonus days. He asked her to please be sure not to smoke meth on Monday, in case she then didn't want to come back!
Hmmmmmmmm. I feel WAY better. The way the conversation was going on this end, I actually wondered whether she would hang up on him. I could hear her yelling & then he'd say very calmly, "No - I'm not trying to control you; I just love you & am worried about you.." etc.
I was SO impressed with the way he was communicating!!! Probably even better than I could have in that circumstance! He was being so calm & loving & mature & clear. It was amazing! I later told him I was really impressed with his calmness, clearness, etc.
I am aware that she might NOT make it onto the flight & I am doing VERY well at not 'going there'. I think it's important to have a little wee awareness that it might happen & then LEAVE it & not think of it.
I'm trying to be POSITIVE. I actually am going to post something into t new thread. Someone sent it to me & I find it really inspiring!!! And empowering.
Hugs to all. Soon, about the clay - Saturday at the latest, because I teach a 'handbuilding' class & will be in the studio.
love, Kath
Posted by Kath on March 1, 2007, at 15:39:04
In reply to Re: I'm doing somewhat better today.... » Kath, posted by scratchpad on February 28, 2007, at 8:47:44
When I picked him up today to take him to his pdoc appointment, he smelled of weed when I kissed him & in answer to my question - yes, he had smoked a bit of weed!!
I told him it scared me. He said that he is doing his best trying to cope with her being out there doing meth & delaying returning. He said that he's just trying to get by. I was feeling really angry inside, but was able to get to a place of a bit more detachment, which was good. I realized that I have MY way that I'd like to see them live their lives & HEY - it's their lives!! It was helpful for me in a way.
Kath
Posted by Jo U.K on March 2, 2007, at 7:26:25
In reply to PS, posted by Kath on March 1, 2007, at 15:39:04
Kath thats all such good news, sounds like your sons doing so great. You are too, and I agree you cant live their lives for them. I suppose a little
weed isnt the end of the world, and if it helps him get through.....Fingers crossed his GF arrives safe and sound.
Warm wishes,
Jo
Posted by Kath on March 2, 2007, at 13:37:35
In reply to Re: PS, posted by Jo U.K on March 2, 2007, at 7:26:25
> Kath thats all such good news, sounds like your sons doing so great. You are too, and I agree you cant live their lives for them. I suppose a little
> weed isnt the end of the world, and if it helps him get through.....Fingers crossed his GF arrives safe and sound.
> Warm wishes,
> JoHi Jo,
Thanks. It's hard for me to stand back & look at the whole canvas instead of standing close & seeing the part that's right in front of me!
For my son, it all started years ago with weed & it's been the constant since then, no matter what other drugs he added in. You're right about a little weed helping him get through this 'til GF gets back. It'll be really interesting to see if he can stop then. I will be TOTALLY blown out of the water if he does. I strongly suspect that right about now, he's ecstatic that he can smoke weed without it "messing him up". It's always been his drug of choice & I suspect that now that he's 'safely' smoked it, he'll be doing it daily.
I'm feeling rather bitter, I guess. I feel like I get dragged along.......& like 'here we go again....he's like a zombie a good portion of the time & now he's starting to smoke weed again & historically with him it's been pretty successful at rendering him useless to live his life in any kind of a productive way!!!!!
I really want to get detached. Time to read the 100 points!!!!
Thanks for caring Jo. How's your diet going?
I just thought of a good recipie last night.
Scrambled tofu.
Ready? It's with tofu also. Soft tofu.You chop onions & garlic; maybe some parsley also (or you can add dried parsley). Can't remember if you can have red pepper. If so, finely chopped, it adds a nice colour contrast.
Lightly fry them in a bit of butter or oil, or both.
Add some tumeric, salt, pepper & whatever additional seasonings you like. You can use Braggs liquid amino acids instead of salt if you like.
Then add several pieces of soft tofu & cook until there's no excess water. You don't need to cook it long once the veggies are cooked.
If you need approximate amounts of things, just ask me. I tend to just work it out as I go along, but if you want, I can figure out some amounts for you.
This dish is quite yummy.
Hugs, Kath
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