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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Angel Girl on January 25, 2005, at 9:06:07
It should belong to someone who could use it better than I have. So many wasted years . . .
AG
Posted by partlycloudy on January 25, 2005, at 9:48:18
In reply to My life has been a total waste., posted by Angel Girl on January 25, 2005, at 9:06:07
Hah! I bet I've already wasted more years than you. Stand back, woman, I'm a professional...
No life is a waste, AG. There is meaning in each of our lives, lost those we may be at times. Put on those fluffy slippers and play music that soothes you. When I am super stressed I play humpback whale songs, no kidding. It makes for happy tears while I think of these behemoths calling through the seas to each other and just for themselves, telling stories we may never comprehend.
wow i am way out there today. enjoy the show...
Posted by Angel Girl on January 25, 2005, at 10:42:43
In reply to Re: My life has been a total waste. » Angel Girl, posted by partlycloudy on January 25, 2005, at 9:48:18
> Hah! I bet I've already wasted more years than you. Stand back, woman, I'm a professional...
>
> No life is a waste, AG. There is meaning in each of our lives, lost those we may be at times. Put on those fluffy slippers and play music that soothes you. When I am super stressed I play humpback whale songs, no kidding. It makes for happy tears while I think of these behemoths calling through the seas to each other and just for themselves, telling stories we may never comprehend.
>
> wow i am way out there today. enjoy the show...pc
Hahaha! I wrote the manual that you learned from. We'll have to agree to disagree on my wasted life but where do you get those whale songs? Can I d/l them?
AG
Posted by partlycloudy on January 25, 2005, at 12:12:57
In reply to Re: My life has been a total waste. » partlycloudy, posted by Angel Girl on January 25, 2005, at 10:42:43
I *bought* CDs back in the day (I told you I'm an old'un) but there is a series of natural sound/music CDs called "Solitudes" - the name Dan Gibson is in my head. You usually see them for sale in eco-friendly-dirt-munching-tree-hugging shops. I have a way cool recording of - get this - the Great Lakes. I love the sound of Niagara Falls, all long as I've emptied my bladder before listening to it....
If you're looking to d/l, try looking for natural sounds, I guess.
Posted by 64bowtie on January 25, 2005, at 12:16:24
In reply to My life has been a total waste., posted by Angel Girl on January 25, 2005, at 9:06:07
[My life a total waste...» Angel Girl]
> It should belong to someone who could use it better than I have. So many wasted years . . .
>
> AG<<< What I used to feel ...till I learned the big-time deep lessons of acceptance and willingness. Then, like the proverbial groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil, I poked my head out and started looking around. I found I had been on a quest for sanity, I felt I was finally sane. I realized I was right back where I had started from; I had never left! It was now my life and I suddenly knew what to do with it, since I had been cleverly crafting it all along anyway.
<<< What's different about this "sameness"? Sure, its now my life, but it always was....!!?! Answer: I no longer do and say those things that used to sabotage me, leaving me feeling bad. I talk about habits. Well, that was my most destructive habit!
<<< Why did I hold on so tightly for so long? It felt better doing what I knew and avoid doing what I didn't know. Clarity arrived when I saw the clear picture that what I don't know is almost (99.99999999999%) everything! Humility replaced arrogance. After that, I had internal permission to never go back. I could never again revisit my bad and destructive habits, no matter what I felt obligated to or what was expected of me!
<<< I had found freedom, but right where I had always been. My freedom is from obligation and expectation. I had found my freedom in spite of my twin-vicars of denial and indecision. (Note: vicars on a chess board are translated into the attorneys of today; our advocates.)
<<< Caveat: Expectations of self-realization can be wracked with vanity! My motto is, "To be vane and not know that I'm not aware of what I don't know, is a delicious definition of arrogance!" Its never felt good to be caught being arrogant!!!
So, is implicit arrogance any better? NOT!!!
Rod
PS: Implicit arrogance ([E]xempli [G]ratia): "My life should be better than it is!" ....and who says so? Not me!
Posted by sunny10 on January 25, 2005, at 12:31:29
In reply to My life a total waste... What I used to feel... » Angel Girl, posted by 64bowtie on January 25, 2005, at 12:16:24
No two people are the same; keep that in mind. That's why there are so many experts with so many different version of "what works".
I would like to see Angel Girl feeling better, too.
Posted by Angel Girl on January 25, 2005, at 15:12:56
In reply to Re: My life has been a total waste. » Angel Girl, posted by partlycloudy on January 25, 2005, at 12:12:57
> I *bought* CDs back in the day (I told you I'm an old'un) but there is a series of natural sound/music CDs called "Solitudes" - the name Dan Gibson is in my head. You usually see them for sale in eco-friendly-dirt-munching-tree-hugging shops. I have a way cool recording of - get this - the Great Lakes. I love the sound of Niagara Falls, all long as I've emptied my bladder before listening to it....
>
> If you're looking to d/l, try looking for natural sounds, I guess.
>
>
Yes, I've heard of Solitudes. We can even get them in major chain drug stores here. Niagara Falls eh? Hmmmmmmm, me thinks I'm changing my current search criteria. lol!!! Wish me luck. lol on the going to the bathroom first. Oh and I like the babbling brook ones. I've tried the jungle ones but my 2 cats go a little crazy when they hear the birds and can't find them.AG
Posted by Angel Girl on January 25, 2005, at 15:41:27
In reply to My life a total waste... What I used to feel... » Angel Girl, posted by 64bowtie on January 25, 2005, at 12:16:24
bowtie
I'm impressed with your self-realization. However; I'm a looooooooong way from self-acceptance and self-love. Right now, I'd say I'm probably in the self-loathing and self-hate stage. Which one do you think is worse? Well, that's the one I'm in. I SINCERELY HATE MYSELF WITH A PASSION. I feel like I'm only a burden and major inconvenience to those in my life. I have a long way to go, I'm afraid. I've perfected this self hatred. Self-destruction is another thing that I've done for years. I know I'm doing self-destructing behaviour but somehow I just keep going. Any *normal* person would stop in their tracks but no, not me, I just keep truckin' along sabotaging the very things that I claim to want. I don't even know why I do it. Do I feel I don't deserve them? Not sure. Maybe. Maybe it's because I don't feel wanted and loved in life. I'm all alone, I have no partner, I did but he left me, he rejected me. Maybe if somebody could be here in a tangible way and love me the way I need to be loved, then maybe I could start to love myself. I guess if nobody else can love me, then why should I? I think IF I can work on the total lack of self-esteem, then maybe, just maybe I'll self-destruct a little less? I think in a way, I've come to accept where my life is now but it doesn't stop me from thinking about all those wasted years but OTOH, it doesn't motivate me to change either. If I hate that I've wasted so much of my life that I can't get back, then why can't I motivate myself to change the path that I'm headed in.
There's a saying that you are where you're supposed to be at this point in your life, or something to that effect. If that's true then I wonder why God has wasted this life of mine when he could've given it to someone who would've used it much better. Somebody is missing out because I'm just taking up wasted space. That makes me feel guilty.
AG
Posted by Angel Girl on January 25, 2005, at 15:58:27
In reply to Re: My life a total waste (64Bowtie), posted by sunny10 on January 25, 2005, at 12:31:29
> No two people are the same; keep that in mind. That's why there are so many experts with so many different version of "what works".
>
> I would like to see Angel Girl feeling better, too.
>
>sunny
Thanks but sometimes I don't know if that is even possible.
AG
Posted by sunny10 on January 26, 2005, at 10:34:20
In reply to Re: My life a total waste (64Bowtie) » sunny10, posted by Angel Girl on January 25, 2005, at 15:58:27
Hope you don't mind if I wish happiness for you, anyway!
I think your happiness is possible even if you can't see it right now.
That's normal- that's what depression IS, or so I've been told, anyway.
I will continue to think good thoughts for you; sooner or later you'll feel them.
And when I need them, I hope you'll send 'em back my way.
XOXOX
Sunny10
Posted by just plain jane on January 26, 2005, at 19:32:55
In reply to Re: My life a total waste... What I used to feel... » 64bowtie, posted by Angel Girl on January 25, 2005, at 15:41:27
<Maybe it's because I don't feel wanted and loved in life. I'm all alone, I have no partner, I did but he left me, he rejected me. Maybe if somebody could be here in a tangible way and love me the way I need to be loved, then maybe I could start to love myself.
<<<This reasoning is, to me, backward. I don't believe one can share their love with someone else, nor share the love offered them, until one is comfortable with loving one's self.
<<<I think you'll have to shed your ideas of love being dependent on someone else. Far as i know, it isn't. It is entirely dependent on you. It's whether or not you choose to open your heart, even to yourself. 'Cause it seems to me you can't share something unless you are willing to paricipate in it. Loving yourself is where it starts.
>I guess if nobody else can love me, then why should I? I think IF I can work on the total lack of self-esteem, then maybe, just maybe I'll self-destruct a little less?
<<<Self-esteem is not available to someone who does not consider themself to be worthy even of their own love. And how can someone else love you if you do not consider yoursef to be worthy of your own love?
There's a lot of mental/emotional work in examining our own behavior and motivations. Perhaps it seems easier to count on someone else to love you and they can make you feel better. It doesn't work that way.
Try being as objective as possible about yourself. Treat yourself like a dear friend who has all these problems, and you know how it feels, so you want to help her. And then do it, help her. Drag her out of what appears to be a pit of self-pity, wipe her down, hose her off, dry her ears out and get her on track for herself. Help her see that trying to live in yesterday is futile. Yesterday is long gone. Help her see that if looking forward hopelessly can be self-fullfilling, BUT...so can looking forward hopeFULLY. And help her see that you care about her enough to stand by her through the toughness of becoming stronger and learning to dispose of all the useless junk in her head that she keeps letting weigh her down.
Once that cr@p is tossed out, she'll be able to see much more clearly, breathe more easily, feel good things and know she deserves them, look to the future and not have that garbage blocking her vision.
It's not as hard as it seems, it's just scary. Letting go of what we've clung to for so long is frightening, but if it is not something we need, why cling to it? Let it fall away, let yourself find out how good life can feel.
The scary, to me, was the fear of seeing myself. Of allowing me to accept myself for who i am. And I'm a pretty decent person, when I'm not portraying a braying jackass. OK, even then. I knew it inside all along, or I never would have beat myself up. The me that was doing the beating was trying to pound the shyt out of the me who cares so much, who has such compassion and empathy, so openly shares of herself. Now, why did I hate her so much???
I think because being her DID feel very good, and I still held onto the b.s. of the past telling me I didn't deserve to feel so good.
Well, anyway, if it were a friend treating him/herself the way I treated me, I *would* do my best to help them get their head out of the dark place.
I had mine in the dark place for thirty-three years. Did horrible things to and with myself. things which cause most people to shudder, because i was determined i had to continue on the path of self-destruction.
I simply had piled up so much shyt in my way psychologically and refused to part with it, even though it was trash, because it was what I had allowed myself to become conditioned to believe.
If I thought my shyt-shovel would work for you, I would send it your way, but, alas, it is mine and mine alone. kept handy for the new shyt I pick up along the way.
Lordy, me.
I have rambled.
Hope at least some of it makes the sense to you it did to me.just plain hopeful jane
hee
haw
This is the end of the thread.
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