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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Phillipa on January 4, 2005, at 17:52:40
In reply to I'll second that! Philipa for Queen/Grand Master!, posted by TheOutsider on January 2, 2005, at 5:57:23
I accept! Now we need to find a King! Any suggestions? Remember, we need someone who can organize our various talents, and we also need a deserted island to begin our Nation. Phillipa
Posted by JayDee on January 4, 2005, at 17:53:25
In reply to Re: I'll second that! Philipa for Queen/Grand Master! » TheOutsider, posted by Phillipa on January 2, 2005, at 19:02:21
I nominate myself.
DESOXYN FOR EVERYONE!!! ;-) pick your dose.
Posted by Phillipa on January 4, 2005, at 17:53:25
In reply to Re: I'll second that! Philipa for Queen/Grand Master! » Phillipa, posted by JayDee on January 3, 2005, at 23:34:07
So, do we have a King? A Queen? Any other nominations? If not, it's final and we'll have to notify Dr. Bob that we are taking over Babbland! Queen Phillipa! {Maybe}
Posted by Phillipa on January 4, 2005, at 20:30:06
In reply to Re: I'll second that! Philipa for Queen/Grand Master! » JayDee, posted by Phillipa on January 3, 2005, at 23:43:46
Dr. Bob; I Posted this under old Thread on Psycho-Babble. The redirect you wrote was cute!. But, more importantly, would you like to be KING! Phillipa
Posted by Phillipa on January 5, 2005, at 22:13:40
In reply to Redirect: Philipa for Queen, posted by Dr. Bob on January 4, 2005, at 17:56:02
Dr. Bob; That was cute! Would you like to be King? Phillipa
Posted by Atticus on January 7, 2005, at 15:38:26
In reply to Dr. Bob For King! » Dr. Bob, posted by Phillipa on January 4, 2005, at 18:49:15
Ah, but if he already believes he is the king, a coronation becomes a bit redundant, doesn't it? ;) Atticus
Posted by Jai Narayan on January 7, 2005, at 16:10:19
In reply to Dr. Bob For King?!? » Phillipa, posted by Atticus on January 7, 2005, at 15:38:26
Posted by Atticus on January 8, 2005, at 0:50:52
In reply to Atticus you sound peppy....all better? :) Ja* (nm), posted by Jai Narayan on January 7, 2005, at 16:10:19
Hi Jai,
Definitely over the worst, thanks. The antibiotic killed the pneumonia, and the pleurisy has subsided to the extent where I no longer need find myself on opiate/psychotropic walkabouts to handle the pain in my left lung. Back at work two days now! Time for another two-month disability leave, I'd say. It's actually very weird, because people I scarcely know at the university seem to know all about the fact that I'm bipolar, and are saying how good it is to see me back and how glad they are that I'm doing well. Universities are such astonishingly gossipy workplaces. None of this stuff should have gotten beyond the university publications and PR office, where I work, and personnel, who had to know in order to put me on disability leave in the first place. On one level, I'm kind of p*ssed off, but on another level, I have to admit, not having to tote around my medical condition as if it were some terrible dark secret from a trashy gothic novel feels incredibly liberating. It's been just exhausting, feeling the need to hide my condition for the past eight years, constantly fabricating less stigmatized reasons for the sick days it has required me to take from work, slouching around under a black cloud on the inside while glad-handing administrators and bureaucrats on the outside at university or media functions. When I think about the kind of pressure I was putting myself under for the better part of a decade, in retrospect it's not surprising that I bought a box-cutter and opened up my left wrist last June 2 (you don't forget calendar dates involving events like that) or that I crashed from a supersonic hypomanic high into the flaming wreckage of a crushing depressive low and ended up on illness disability last fall (Nov. 5).I'm hoping that I be able to put being "out of the closet" in terms of being mentally ill to some good use in some way. I'll certainly give it a try.
"Nobody told me there'd be days like this/Strange days, indeed." - John Lennon, "Nobody Told Me"
See you in the Martian Social Pages. Ta. Atticus ;)
Posted by Jai Narayan on January 9, 2005, at 7:45:26
In reply to Re: Atticus you sound peppy....all better? :) Ja* » Jai Narayan, posted by Atticus on January 8, 2005, at 0:50:52
I'm glad you don't have to hide anymore.
this may allow you to be more yourself than ever before at work. A part of yourself can relax and see who gravitates to you and accepts your condition.When my mom would have breakdowns it was a mind f*** for me as a child to remain silent.
Society and my family joined in an emotional and verbal clampdown.
Way too many secrets.
Way too much shame.
Then my mother would do something publicly that was very unusual...
(kneeling in the middle of an intersection of our neighborhood's busy streets, she was having a personal moment with god).
Well what could we do but pretend we were okay...
my world was filled with the fantasy life of having a typical childhood.
My imaginary play friends were sanity and normalcy.
I was sinking inside to the deeper reaches of great sadness.
My life turned many shades of blue.
I felt like the ice queen’s servant.
Mom being the queen.So having a breath of fresh air in your life and the dark secret revealed can free the feral cat.
The tethered beast can roam your inner land.
light and dark can mingle and create beautiful shades of gray.
You can live in this middle ground more and more.
Does this sound like reality?
I enjoyed envisioning and writing this reality/fantasy.my best to you Atticus.
Ja*
Posted by Atticus on January 11, 2005, at 20:51:21
In reply to Atticus, you don't have to hide anymore :), posted by Jai Narayan on January 9, 2005, at 7:45:26
Thanks for the nice piece of writing, Jai. ;)
It's only been four days, but having it now widely known among people at work that I'm bipolar has been kind of odd. On the one hand everyone is treating me the same as they did before. On the other hand, there's sometimes a distinct sense -- conveyed in the nervous flutter of a hand or an averted gaze or a cut-off sentence -- that certain people have to work very hard at this. But I sort of figure, sauce for the goose ... and all that. I worked incredibly hard at concealing the condition at work for most of a decade. If it bothers them and they can't come to terms with it, now it's their turn to conceal their discomfort with it. If someone were to call me "crazy" to my face in an ultraliberal environment like the university where I work, I think it would be regarded to some extent as equivalent to hurling a racist epithet. Anyway, the decision was made for me by some people with big mouths, so there wasn't any agonizing over it on my part. It had somehow just become a done deal while I was away on the two-month disability leave. Still, it leaves my life a bit patchwork. Can mention it to immediate family, except my father, who doesn't believe in mental illness. Can't mention it to extended family (believe me, I know what their reaction would be like). Can mention it here. Wouldn't bring it up on a date or among just any group of people. Can bring it up at work (mainly with my supervisor) if I'm having a bit of a rough day. I know there are still some boundaries, some reefs to navigate. Some days it's exhilarating. Some days it's intimidating.
"Nobody told me there'd be days like this/
Strange days indeed." - John Lennon
Ta. ;) Atticus
Posted by anastasia56 on January 12, 2005, at 17:01:09
In reply to Re: Atticus, you don't have to hide anymore :) » Jai Narayan, posted by Atticus on January 11, 2005, at 20:51:21
would you say overall you feel a sense of relief that it is out in the open or would you, in hindsight, have preferred it remained unknown?
anastasia
Posted by Atticus on January 12, 2005, at 21:06:55
In reply to Re: Atticus, you don't have to hide anymore :) » Atticus, posted by anastasia56 on January 12, 2005, at 17:01:09
Overall, I definitely feel a sense of relief that at work it's out in the open. It finally provides an explanation for some of my behavior to my co-workers, whom I think are owed that. I think that I'd like it to be in the open everywhere, which in an ideal society would be fine. But this isn't a perfect world, and I guess now I'm trying to figure out how to widen the field of openness as much as possible, knowing full well that there are bound to be times when that will backfire and I will be stigmatized or rejected. I suppose I'm trying to figure out under what circumstances to share this information with a number of people, including longtime friends from college. It seems like it should be easy, a no-brainer, but I guess old fears don't vanish overnight, do they? Even if I know these fears are probably irrational and I likely won't be rejected by people I've known and cared about for a long time, I'm not quite sure where to go next with this. Anyone have any suggestions? Is there anyone out there in Babbleland who has pretty much told everyone in his or her life about his or her condition? I'd be really curious as to how that worked out overall. I have to admit, I'm a bit flummoxed at this point. But in the end, I'll probably just tell people here and there on a spur-of-the-moment impulse (impulse control not being one of my strong suits) if it seems to fit into whatever is being discussed. Atticus
Posted by anastasia56 on January 12, 2005, at 22:21:42
In reply to Re: Atticus, you don't have to hide anymore :) » anastasia56, posted by Atticus on January 12, 2005, at 21:06:55
it certainly is a conundrum and as you say, there is no way to tell who will react what way in advance. Personally, I think your approach just taking it on a person by person basis is the best. A co-worker once told me about her bi-polarism and with my depressive background I was fine with it but she didn't seem to be taken as seriously at work after that (whether that was due to her BP or the fact that she tended to be obsessive in meetings, who knows).
Another factor would be whether I was in a highly competitive field and vying for a higher position. If so, I don't know if I would give anyone anything to put in the con list. If I weren't working my way up somewhere I would definately be more inclined to share where appropriate.
anastasia
Posted by Angel Girl on January 13, 2005, at 11:28:29
In reply to Re: Atticus you sound peppy....all better? :) Ja* » Jai Narayan, posted by Atticus on January 8, 2005, at 0:50:52
Atticus
Sorry to butt in here but even though you are feeling some sense of relief of *coming out*, wouldn't it be against policy for whoever leaked your personal info to do so? I would think that you could report this indiscretion if you wanted to. This type of info being public should be of your choice and not of somebody elses.
BTW, another Beatle fan? Love that John Lennon song.
AG
> Hi Jai,
> Definitely over the worst, thanks. The antibiotic killed the pneumonia, and the pleurisy has subsided to the extent where I no longer need find myself on opiate/psychotropic walkabouts to handle the pain in my left lung. Back at work two days now! Time for another two-month disability leave, I'd say. It's actually very weird, because people I scarcely know at the university seem to know all about the fact that I'm bipolar, and are saying how good it is to see me back and how glad they are that I'm doing well. Universities are such astonishingly gossipy workplaces. None of this stuff should have gotten beyond the university publications and PR office, where I work, and personnel, who had to know in order to put me on disability leave in the first place. On one level, I'm kind of p*ssed off, but on another level, I have to admit, not having to tote around my medical condition as if it were some terrible dark secret from a trashy gothic novel feels incredibly liberating. It's been just exhausting, feeling the need to hide my condition for the past eight years, constantly fabricating less stigmatized reasons for the sick days it has required me to take from work, slouching around under a black cloud on the inside while glad-handing administrators and bureaucrats on the outside at university or media functions. When I think about the kind of pressure I was putting myself under for the better part of a decade, in retrospect it's not surprising that I bought a box-cutter and opened up my left wrist last June 2 (you don't forget calendar dates involving events like that) or that I crashed from a supersonic hypomanic high into the flaming wreckage of a crushing depressive low and ended up on illness disability last fall (Nov. 5).
>
> I'm hoping that I be able to put being "out of the closet" in terms of being mentally ill to some good use in some way. I'll certainly give it a try.
>
> "Nobody told me there'd be days like this/Strange days, indeed." - John Lennon, "Nobody Told Me"
>
> See you in the Martian Social Pages. Ta. Atticus ;)
Posted by Atticus on January 13, 2005, at 21:11:13
In reply to Re: Atticus you sound peppy....all better? :) » Atticus, posted by Angel Girl on January 13, 2005, at 11:28:29
Oh, no question, under privacy law, I could sue her *ss off. What she did was highly illegal, and would bring criminal charges as well as civil ones, if I chose to file suit. But in her twisted way, I think she did me a favor in the end. She freed me of having to make the decision myself, and things have worked out OK up to this point.
And yes, I'm a huge Beatles fan. When I was a little kid in the seventies, and they still had vinyl, the first album I pilfered from my parents' collection was a beat-up, warped copy of "Revolver". I had this little Close-and-Play type phonograph, and I just played the thing to death. My favorite song was "Eleanor Rigby," I think because I loved the use of the violins and it had a sad story that I could actually understand (whereas "Taxman" understandably means very little to a 6-year-old). I actually still have it, though it's pretty much unplayable and the album sleeve is all taped together. A few years ago my sister surprised me with the CD of the album for Christmas. Her only request: Do NOT play the thing around her ever again. She had her fill, I guess. ;) Atticus
This is the end of the thread.
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