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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Lonely on August 18, 2004, at 14:37:31
I just made an appt. with a new therapist and am having major misgivings about it. He *does* have a corporate background so that's good (I'm dead stuck - not working now) but all the therapists I've seen for the last 4 years were women (I'm a woman also) and I think I'm more comfortable w/women. I talked to this guy's wife last June but she only works with children and recommended her husband.
Sometimes I think it is just such a waste of time when a therapist keeps asking why this and why that. I know they think they're digging for faulty thinking but quite often they just have a lack of knowledge. By the time I get through explaining a lot of complex medical and to some extent social (thankfully, no addictions, not suicidal but am depressed and very shy & perhaps easily hurt) issues I'm tired and irritated and don't feel I've gained anything. I think there ought to be less intrusive and less time-wasting methods of getting history & addressing issues (except the barebones of where one lives, age, general health, therapy history,) that allow me to get on with relationship and feeling cared for and advancing myself. Sometimes It seems like this has to do with the skill level of the therapist. Am I right?
Last time I said to the therapist that she was wasting my time. She said "okay, what do you want to talk about?" I said I didn't know and it didn't matter anyway. I come in and talk about things and go home and am not any better.
Is this what other people experience? Somehow, I'm not getting much out of this. Oh, this guy says he uses a psychodynamic approach but already I'm not so sure I like him.
Posted by mair on August 18, 2004, at 22:20:49
In reply to therapist - frustration w/non productive questions, posted by Lonely on August 18, 2004, at 14:37:31
Sometimes I feel like I must be getting nowhere because I find my T and I are talking about something we talked about in depth months ago. It's makes me feel like I must be unbelievably dense - not to have learned enough from the last conversation.
I have to remind myself that a therapeutic relationship is all about process, and sometimes it's not so important what you're talking about as it is how you're relating with one another and the bond you might be forging with your therapist. It requires incredible patience, particularly for result-oriented folks like me.
Posted by Lonely on August 18, 2004, at 22:54:55
In reply to Re: therapist - frustration w/non productive questions » Lonely, posted by mair on August 18, 2004, at 22:20:49
Thanks - good point about the way we are relating in therapy. I hope to think about and look for that. Even perhaps bring it up to the T to see what he/she is thinking about it.
I guess the other downer side though, to me, is that therapy is very contrived and in a sense, phony. It is not at all a natural, normal, real-world setting. I virtually begged my first T (the one who died) to please go to some places (literally, in the geographical sense) where I wanted to improve such as social skills and interactions at prof. meetings or some minor social events. Not that we needed to socialize there ... but I wanted her observations and feedback. I still suspect that there must be some therapists somewhere who could see that as a healthy process and provide insight. That one never did and those I've run into I doubt would do it. I like the idea of respectful boundaries but they can get in the way if the therapist lets them.
I guess the other thing is that I don't care for contrived bonds. So, I don't exactly see therapy as a microcosm of the real world.
But, maybe there is a process that is helpful and where I can learn with the right person so I thank you again for sharing.
> Sometimes I feel like I must be getting nowhere because I find my T and I are talking about something we talked about in depth months ago. It's makes me feel like I must be unbelievably dense - not to have learned enough from the last conversation.
>
> I have to remind myself that a therapeutic relationship is all about process, and sometimes it's not so important what you're talking about as it is how you're relating with one another and the bond you might be forging with your therapist. It requires incredible patience, particularly for result-oriented folks like me.
Posted by Lonely on August 18, 2004, at 23:06:11
In reply to Re: therapist - frustration w/non productive questions » Lonely, posted by mair on August 18, 2004, at 22:20:49
Just one more thought (sorry - I just clicked the "submit" button on the other post) ... I've had that same experience with my first T ... find I'm talking about something that we've practically worn thinner than onion skin paper and yet she brought it up again. I thought she was doing it to see if I would give her a different story - sort've like truth serum (!!!) so I didn't have a good feeling aboutit at all.
Could I ask what you've learned about those sudden repetitious conversations on something you thought you had put to bed or was dead-ended?
Again, thank you for sharing and your patience.
> Sometimes I feel like I must be getting nowhere because I find my T and I are talking about something we talked about in depth months ago. It's makes me feel like I must be unbelievably dense - not to have learned enough from the last conversation.
>
> I have to remind myself that a therapeutic relationship is all about process, and sometimes it's not so important what you're talking about as it is how you're relating with one another and the bond you might be forging with your therapist. It requires incredible patience, particularly for result-oriented folks like me.
Posted by JenStar on August 19, 2004, at 10:45:16
In reply to therapist - frustration w/non productive questions, posted by Lonely on August 18, 2004, at 14:37:31
Lonely,
maybe you need a different style of therapy? Maybe the psychodymanic approach isn't for you. How about cognitive/behavioral therapy? That style might offer more of the "life coaching" skills and advice that you're interested in, although those T's probably also would hesitate to venture out into 'the real world' with you on excursions.However, a therapist who offers group therapy might be good for you too. In the group setting, you get a chance to interact with others while the T observes, then can talk over the relationships & concerns with the T in your private sessions. Although it's still somewhat removed from the 'real world' it DOES give the T and you a chance to talk about how you relate to others.
Just a thought!
hope things get better.
JenStar
> I just made an appt. with a new therapist and am having major misgivings about it. He *does* have a corporate background so that's good (I'm dead stuck - not working now) but all the therapists I've seen for the last 4 years were women (I'm a woman also) and I think I'm more comfortable w/women. I talked to this guy's wife last June but she only works with children and recommended her husband.
>
> Sometimes I think it is just such a waste of time when a therapist keeps asking why this and why that. I know they think they're digging for faulty thinking but quite often they just have a lack of knowledge. By the time I get through explaining a lot of complex medical and to some extent social (thankfully, no addictions, not suicidal but am depressed and very shy & perhaps easily hurt) issues I'm tired and irritated and don't feel I've gained anything. I think there ought to be less intrusive and less time-wasting methods of getting history & addressing issues (except the barebones of where one lives, age, general health, therapy history,) that allow me to get on with relationship and feeling cared for and advancing myself. Sometimes It seems like this has to do with the skill level of the therapist. Am I right?
>
> Last time I said to the therapist that she was wasting my time. She said "okay, what do you want to talk about?" I said I didn't know and it didn't matter anyway. I come in and talk about things and go home and am not any better.
>
> Is this what other people experience? Somehow, I'm not getting much out of this. Oh, this guy says he uses a psychodynamic approach but already I'm not so sure I like him.
>
>
This is the end of the thread.
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