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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by TexasChic on June 15, 2004, at 14:37:42
In reply to PLEASE READ: i need help and to know i'm not alone, posted by tampagirl70 on June 15, 2004, at 13:56:05
Yes, I can definitely relate – especially with the constant worry. Since you just started back on your meds June 1st, there really hasn't been time enough for your meds to kick in yet. It sounds as if you could benefit from (Note: I'm by no means a doctor and this is just a suggestion) some Xanax or something to help with the anxiety, even if only until the meds kick in. That's what I did and it helped alot. It also helps me to vent my obsessive worries here on babble. Sometimes it helps just to have someone validate what you're worried about. The people here will completely understand what you're going through.
The only reason your friends don't understand is because they haven't experienced it, or haven't been educated about it. There is alot of misconception going on out there so unless it effects them directly, they really have no means of understanding.
Do you go to a therapist? That is a definite help as well. Just having someone there to ask, is this obsessive worrying or is it a real problem? Plus they can teach you various ways to cope.
I hope this helped some. Write back and let us know how you're doing.
Posted by tampagirl70 on June 15, 2004, at 14:41:48
In reply to Re: PLEASE READ: i need help and to know i'm not a, posted by TexasChic on June 15, 2004, at 14:37:42
thanks TC, i appreciate the response.
i'm afraid i won't feel normal again and i'll be like this forever. it took a long time for me to get through this the last time and i dread going through that again. i'm seeing a therapist tomorrow - i was seeing someone but had to change b/c he wasn't on my health plan and was costing me too much. my husband just called me and as hard as i try to be normal, its very difficult. i hear his voice and i worry that i don't like it or it bothers me and that i won't want to be around him. i didn't have these thoughts a month ago or even a year ago - why is this back??
Posted by TexasChic on June 15, 2004, at 15:01:11
In reply to Re: PLEASE READ: i need help and to know i'm not a, posted by tampagirl70 on June 15, 2004, at 14:41:48
I think its the nature of the beast. It comes and goes. Some of my worries are that my friends are mad at me, my job is in jeopardy, or people are talking about me. I also worry that something bad may happen to family members. I have days when these worries never occur, then I have the days where I'm in a constant panic, paranoid about every little thing. Sometimes you can reason it out by asking yourself, "Is this really a rational worry?" And then just go over the facts in your head and try to find places you might be jumping to conclusions. It is difficult to do, but I think with the right meds and a good therapist, you can get some control over it. I still struggle, but there are times when I'm able to talk myself out of it too. I think your visit with you T will help alot. Hang in there, and write back whenever you want.
Posted by tampagirl70 on June 15, 2004, at 15:22:13
In reply to Re: PLEASE READ: i need help and to know i'm not a, posted by TexasChic on June 15, 2004, at 15:01:11
i'm hoping that the T will help. i saw my old one yesterday and i felt better for a little bit, but then some thought crept in and took over.
i thought last week was hell - this week so far has been much worse. last week around 5pm i'd feel better, and then by 8pm i'd be feeling much, much better, but i'd go to bed and when i woke up, the depression was back with that awful feeling of doom. so far this week, 5pm hasn't come for me. i'm not feeling better at all. i'm not sure how i'm making it through work, actually. i see all the people around me and i don't understand why i can't be like them, normal and happy like i used to be.
what if i have to take xanax to go to sleep and i get hooked on it - how do you get off of it? one more thing to obsess about...
Posted by TexasChic on June 15, 2004, at 16:14:40
In reply to Re: PLEASE READ: i need help and to know i'm not a, posted by tampagirl70 on June 15, 2004, at 15:22:13
Some doctors can be very stingy with the Xanax. I had one that was, and it made me think it was this horrible addictive drug. Then I got another doc who prescribes a whole bottle a month, just to take as needed. I have about three mostly full bottles right now because I hardly ever take them anymore. Apparently some people take it for fun, which is why doctors are so cautious about it. Maybe if you didn't have the anxiety and took it, it might give you a high or something. But when you do have anxiety and take it, it just calms you. I think as long as you use it as its intended, you won't have to worry about getting addicted (Note: I'm not a doctor, this is just my opinion from my own experiences). Does that make sense? I don't know if I explained that very well.
But if you're actually looking for something for sleep and not anxiety, I take Trazadone. Its an older antidepressant that is not addictive, but makes you sleepy. But it sounds as if you need something for during the day too, which is where the Xanax comes in. It does cause some drowsiness, but if I'm having a panic attack, nothing works better.
Posted by tampagirl70 on June 15, 2004, at 17:09:25
In reply to Re: PLEASE READ: i need help and to know i'm not a, posted by TexasChic on June 15, 2004, at 16:14:40
i'm not sure what the dose is of the xanax that i'm taking, and its the generic, not "real" xanax. will that make a difference?
thanks for your responses - a lot of times i don't get any here. this depression/OCD thing is absolute hell and i'd never wish it on anyone. i'm dying to go home, but i still have work to do, then i have to go check on a friend's cat. i know staying busy is the best thing for my mind, but last night when i was at the gym, i couldn't wait to get out of there. i'm not really comfortable anywhere, sometimes not even at home. i'm not eating much and what i do eat is usually comfort food, which doesn't help much as far as body fat loss goes. i was doing so well at the gym and making great progress - now i'm letting it all go. my T said that stress can bring this stuff on - maybe i needed a break from the gym, from my usual run, run, run life.
its hard to believe that a few little pills can make you feel so much better and keep you normal. that day can't get here fast enough for me.
Posted by TexasChic on June 16, 2004, at 10:56:23
In reply to Re: PLEASE READ: i need help and to know i'm not a, posted by tampagirl70 on June 15, 2004, at 17:09:25
I take the generic Xanax too. I take from .25 - .5mg. Sometimes I take it at night when I can't seem to unclench my muscles and stop my mind from racing. I do take the Trazadone every night because Prozac gives me insomnia. I hate having to take a pill because of the side effects of another pill, but Prozac is what works best for me so I'm willing to do it.
As far as relaxing goes, have tried yoga or meditating? Or even just a bubble bath? I know these aren't going solve everything but they can lessen the stress at least a little. Also, you may be experiencing more anxiety because you just started your meds again. They're known for doing that during the first few weeks. I took Xanax pretty steadily until those side effects went away and it did help.
Well, I hope your appointment with your T goes well. Try to hang in there. Sometimes its a long process, but most people usually find some combination that works for them.
Posted by tampagirl70 on June 16, 2004, at 11:57:53
In reply to Re: PLEASE READ: i need help and to know i'm not a, posted by TexasChic on June 16, 2004, at 10:56:23
hi there - my anxiety is being caused by my marriage. i'm not sure how i feel about it, i'm questioning everything about it and i've been through this exact scenario 6 years ago. i wasn't sure if i loved my husband and right now i'm not sure either. i know every marriage has issues and ours isn't perfect, but because these same thoughts have come up again, and very strongly, i can't help but wonder if its a sign that something is definitely wrong, that the marriage is over. i've never been on my own and i'm worried that i couldn't make it on my own. i know this is a fear and i could probably do it, but i'm worried that if i say ok, the marriage is over, i'll look back at some point and realize i made a huge mistake, and then he'll be gone. my sister made a good point - there are other guys out there. sometimes i wonder if he's the cause of a lot of my problems. we've gone to counseling before and it helped, but i don't think he'd do it again. he's already told me that he can solve my dilemma very quickly by making the decision for both of us. at times i wish he WOULD make the decision, that way i wouldn't have to. i'm so confused right now. :(
Posted by TexasChic on June 16, 2004, at 12:47:27
In reply to Re: PLEASE READ: i need help and to know i'm not a, posted by tampagirl70 on June 16, 2004, at 11:57:53
I don't think I like the sound of that 'making the decision for both of you' part. Is he controling? Or abusive (physical or verbal)? I think your fears of being on your own are normal, but I wouldn't let that keep you from doing what is best for you.
I grew up with a very dominating, controling, and verbally abusive father. I know alot of my problems stem from that. My therapist said that as a child, I learned to stay alert at all times, because I never knew what would set him off. She said that served me well as a kid, it was a way of protecting myself. But now as an adult, its like I can't turn it off. I'm always on edge, waiting for something bad to happen. Of course meds and therapy have helped me tremendously, but I still have a ways to go.
A therapist can help you organize your thoughs so that you can see your situation more clearly. That will help you to make an intelligent decision as to what to do. Don't be shy about telling your therapist exactly what you want her help with.
Let us know how your situation progresses. And come hear anytime to vent or just talk. There are some very caring people here, and they know where your coming from. Don't feel bad if it takes a little while for a response, that just happens sometimes because they're involved in another thread and may not have had the chance to get to yours yet.
Posted by tampagirl70 on June 16, 2004, at 13:05:30
In reply to Re: PLEASE READ: i need help and to know i'm not a, posted by TexasChic on June 16, 2004, at 12:47:27
yes, he can be very controlling. we've had numerous discussions about this and i feel like he's not as bad as he used to be, but there are still times when he can be very controlling. i think we've both been verbally abusive to one another, but sometimes i felt like that was my only defense. i'm so confused right now. i feel like separation might help, but i don't know if he'd go for that, and i also don't know if this is just one of my obsessions really flaring up or if its a real problem. my appt. with a T is at 4pm today - i can't wait!! she's gonna have her hands full with me.
thanks for responding to me, it makes me feel like someone's out there for me.
Posted by littlep24 on June 17, 2004, at 0:58:58
In reply to Re: PLEASE READ: i need help and to know i'm not a, posted by tampagirl70 on June 16, 2004, at 11:57:53
Tampagirl,
I know what you are feeling. It is a quarter to 2 in the am and I am up posting because I can't sleep due to strife I am going through with my husband right now. He has supported me through 10 years of depression, however, he has also emotionally abused me by trying to "help" me since I do everything wrong and then he tells me how to do it he is just helping. His form of help only makes me resent him. I told him I wanted a divorce about a month ago we decided to give it six months. We have two young children and the thought of being on my own makes me sick to my stomach. I wonder if things would be ok if I wasn't so depressed or would he still want to control me. ANOTHER BIG QUESTION IS, YES THERE ARE OTHER MEN OUT THERE BUT COULD THEY DEAL WITH MY ISSUES? My depression is not getting better. My therapist assures me it is due to being married to someone who wants to fix me instead of be there for me. I really do feel for him living with someone who is depressed is alot of work, hell I don't like living with myself. I too have lost that loving feeling there is no passion we have a friendship right now that is not even working. This isn't the first time we have talked about divorce. We are both trying but our marriage is missing alot of things. It is so painful to sleep in the same bed and be on the opposite sides. I just don't know if I can regain feelings for him. But I don't want to be in a marriage just for the kids sake. They can tell there is no love there. We actually fight less now. He has told me that he has realized he is just stuck with me. As well as other hurtful things. He feels hurt because he thinks my actions are deliberate instead of understanding they stem from the depression.
Sorry for the babble I tend to rant.
Posted by littlep24 on June 17, 2004, at 1:03:44
In reply to Re: PLEASE READ: i need help and to know i'm not a, posted by TexasChic on June 16, 2004, at 12:47:27
When you say you are always on edge do you tend to jump at people when they say things? My husband says he can't talk to me at all because no matter what he says I jump down his throat. I have a feeling the reason I do that is because I feel he is always putting me down. However, I need to be able to take criticism sometimes. It is all really too much for me to handle.
Posted by TexasChic on June 17, 2004, at 8:28:05
In reply to Re: PLEASE READ: i need help and to know i'm not a » TexasChic, posted by littlep24 on June 17, 2004, at 1:03:44
I don't jump so much as start crying. I cry very easily and jump to conclusions most of the time. I always realize later that I over reacted, but I just can't seem to control it. And being yelled at is the worst. My dad yelled all the time and now I cringe even if the yelling isn't directed towards me.
Its difficult to know when you're right in the middle of a situation whether or not you would be happier if you got out of it. And the fear of the unknown makes it even harder. But you will never know unless you try.
Good luck with you both!
Posted by tampagirl70 on June 17, 2004, at 8:47:05
In reply to Re: PLEASE READ: i need help and to know i'm not a » littlep24, posted by TexasChic on June 17, 2004, at 8:28:05
i saw a T yesterday and she agrees with another T that i was seeing - my thoughts and worries about my marriage are from my OCD. i wasn't thinking these things 2 months ago, it all started shortly after i went off my meds. i couldn't understand why i am obsessing about the same things i obsessed about 6 years ago, but that's part of OCD. my emotions are all over the charts right now and i'm so full of anxiety, very tense, can't eat, etc. my pdoc says the meds should kick in in another week or 2 - how i hope he's right!!
Posted by AuntieMel on June 17, 2004, at 10:58:46
In reply to Re: PLEASE READ: i need help and to know i'm not a » tampagirl70, posted by littlep24 on June 17, 2004, at 0:58:58
I went through the same thing with my hubby. He's a fixer, too. I'm convinced that (women are from venus) venus is a listening nurturer and that (men are from mars) mars is a fixer. Fixing just goes with testosterone - it's the male way of showing love.
It was so frustrating to try to explain what I was feeling, since I have trouble even putting a sentence together these days. I finally went googling and found some articles about what depression *feels* like and emailed them to him. It really opened up his eyes. The fixing has greatly been reduced and the hugging has greatly increased.
But - here I am trying to fix....must have a low estrogen level today.
Posted by littlep24 on June 17, 2004, at 11:57:30
In reply to Re: PLEASE READ: i need help and to know i'm not a » littlep24, posted by TexasChic on June 17, 2004, at 8:28:05
It is amazing to me how we all relate so much. I too cry at the drop of a pin and get agitated easily. Then I always feel bad later and think was it that bad or was I just over reacting because I am too sensitive.
What is it that makes us always feel bad afterwards instead of thinking the first time around.
Posted by littlep24 on June 17, 2004, at 12:00:53
In reply to Re: PLEASE READ: i need help and to know i'm not a » littlep24, posted by AuntieMel on June 17, 2004, at 10:58:46
I feel like the fixing is his way of controlling of me and making me feel worse than I already do. He has read all about the depression stuff but forgets it when he is frustrated with my actions. He says he still loves me through all the pain I have caused him but I can not say the same for me. I feel like I lost the love because he acts like my dad instead of my husband. If you have any links to articles that you found to be more helpful than others pass them on please.
Posted by TexasChic on June 18, 2004, at 8:53:28
In reply to Re: PLEASE READ: i need help and to know i'm not a, posted by tampagirl70 on June 17, 2004, at 8:47:05
I know how what its like to feel so out of control of your emotions while waiting for your meds to kick in. I hope the time passes as quickly as possible for you. :-)
Posted by tampagirl70 on June 18, 2004, at 11:13:28
In reply to Re: i need help and to know i'm not a » tampagirl70, posted by TexasChic on June 18, 2004, at 8:53:28
so its normal to feel like this while waiting for the meds to kick in? one minute i'm ok, the next i'm falling apart. one minute my thoughts are racing, the next i think i can stop them. i promise to not stop taking my meds if this will all just go away very soon!
Posted by TexasChic on June 18, 2004, at 12:34:32
In reply to Re: i need help and to know i'm not a, posted by tampagirl70 on June 18, 2004, at 11:13:28
Some meds have some lousy side effects that can go away after 4 - 6 weeks. Sometimes these side effects can actually make you feel worse, but then switches gears later and makes you feel better. Lexapro is well known for having bad side effects at first, but they eventually go away. My doc says you have to wait at least 3 months to see how exactly the med will react to your body chemisty.
I've been through the whole med merry-go-round and the waiting game it entails, but I'm pretty happy with my current combo. The thing is, the brain is so complex, we just don't know all that much about it yet. So they have you try different meds until you find one or a combo that works for you. Since each person has different chemistry, you just can't tell how things will effect you until you try it.
Anyway, I'm rambling. What I actually wanted to tell you was that yes, the meds can make you feel worse at first, but its worth hanging in there because it may level out and be the one that works for you.
Posted by TexasChic on June 18, 2004, at 12:46:42
In reply to Re: PLEASE READ: i need help and to know i'm not a » TexasChic, posted by littlep24 on June 17, 2004, at 11:57:30
If I knew the answer, I'd probably be a millionaire. ;-)
Your post pretty much describes me exactly. The thing I hate most about it is, when you're really upset about something bad, no one will believe you! I've had that happen and it sucks. Its like the boy who cried wolf.I'm working on that part of me very hard right now. I believe if you have a full and rewarding life, then you won't be so sensitive to the little things. So I'm trying really hard to do the things I need to do that will make me feel better about myself. It will probably be a long and ongoing journey, but since the alternative is to do nothing and be miserable forever, I'm going to keep trying.
Posted by tampagirl70 on June 18, 2004, at 14:04:31
In reply to Re: i need help and to know i'm not a » tampagirl70, posted by TexasChic on June 18, 2004, at 12:34:32
so even though i've been on these same meds before and they worked perfectly for me, they can now create side effects and possibly not work at all?
Posted by AuntieMel on June 18, 2004, at 15:09:48
In reply to Re: PLEASE READ: i need help and to know i'm not a » AuntieMel, posted by littlep24 on June 17, 2004, at 12:00:53
I used to tell my hubby he reminded me of my father, which is a HUGE insult. Actually, they're nothing alike.
I can't remember all of the ones I sent him. But http://www.wingofmadness.com/ (credit to babble archives) has a wealth of info for the lay person. Start with http://www.wingofmadness.com/blog/feel/index.php for what it feels like. There are lists of what-to-say and what-not-to-say.
one of the quotes from what-it-feels-like:
Depression feels like you are drowning in hopelessness and self-pity. You have no energy and all you want to do is sleep. Every minute of every day, you want to cry and scream and beg for mercy, but instead you walk around and act like it's all ok. You hate yourself, and, many times, everyone around you. You begrudge others their happiness, and feel guilty about it. You feel ugly, unloveable, and desperate for reassurance that your life is worth something. You think about suicide constantly- it's a thought thats always there in the back of your mind. You dread the future, for you know it can only bring more misery, despair, and failure. You are desperate for people to like you, but are convinced that they don't. You can have fun, and there are small victories, but at the end of the day the depression is always there. You take a thousand risks, not caring what may result from them. You do things you are ashamed of but repeat your actions over and over in a hopeless cycle. Overall, everything- your past, your present, your future- all is black, and all you can do is pray that if there is a God, he will let you die instead of living day after day feeling as though you are already dead.
Good luck and please let us know how things are going.
Posted by littlep24 on June 18, 2004, at 16:19:20
In reply to Re: PLEASE READ: i need help and to know i'm not a » littlep24, posted by AuntieMel on June 18, 2004, at 15:09:48
Boy oh Boy is that the depressed persons story. Thank you for your support. Everyday I work to feel better about myself and my future. I hope that you can find peace and happiness.
Keep in touch.
Posted by TexasChic on June 21, 2004, at 7:58:08
In reply to Re: i need help and to know i'm not a » TexasChic, posted by tampagirl70 on June 18, 2004, at 14:04:31
I'm no expert, but its a possibility. Your doctor will know more than I do though. Be sure and tell him/her how you've been feeling. I hope things get better for you soon.
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