![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 243 to 267 of 545. Go back in thread:
Posted by LynneDa on April 27, 2004, at 13:04:40
In reply to Ummmm......, posted by SandyWeb on April 26, 2004, at 21:46:45
Sandy -
I've been away from my computer . . . not consciously deciding not to post :-). I don't go on-line on the weekends and Monday was super busy. I am not complaining, though. I am grateful to have a job.Anyway.... don't stop posting. I understand about your posts being your negative thoughts. My daughter & I were talking about how good it is to journal when you're angry or sad - how it helps us to get it all out and maybe we come up with solutions. For 7 years old she's very intuitive and understands this concept - and she writes all the time. She said that if we only put angry thoughts in there, when she dies and her children read it, they'll think she was an angry sad person so she better write when she's happy too. I totally agreed with her. I said if she ever read my journals she would think I was a complete looney!
So, long story short, I agree with what you said about this forum being used mainly for those tense, fearful moments where you need to vent. I'm sorry for what happened cuz you don't want to be crying wolf to the police force.
About the female officer and her husband dying . . . I am guessing the way she recovers and feels worthwhile is by helping others so don't feel that your taking up her time for nothing. You said yourself it feels good when people, even us total strangers, care. And like Jlynne says, you need a physical presence sometimes.
So, please Sandy, take what is given to you and don't feel so guilty about it (easier said than done I know!). You've given so much in your life and will give again in the future. It is OKAY to have to be on the receiving end for a while. Please trust me on that. I couldn't have got through my tough time without my grandma, sister & good friend pushing me on, making me go to the doctor, convincing me I was going to be okay.
Now, on to the hotel issue (I missed a lot in 3 days!). I just went to Nashville for work a couple weeks ago. It was sooooooooo wonderfully relaxing at night to have the room and the TV clicker to myself. I got in bed at 8:30 both nights and just read women's magazines and clicked around on cable (which I don't have at home)til I got tired. It was rejuvenating to be alone with no demands, nowhere to be, etc. So, if you are in a safe frame of mind, I think it could do you some good. I guess your kids are old enough to stay alone & understand why you would need to get away for a bit. Being a single mom is hard, it never lets up.
Sandy, I'll ask this again. Is there anything I can do for you from here? Any research I can do or looking into things? Please let me know if you think of ANYTHING! I'm in a doing mode now and that is a nice change from the way I have been the last couple of years :-). I'm also a healthcare recruiter and may be able to think of some options for you.
I do care what happens to you & that is my choice so don't worry about taking up our time & energy! Maybe it's one of those angel connections where we are all sent to each other at different times of our lives when we need it the most.
I will repeat again: don't stop posting if it helps you even one tiny bit. Also, YOU ARE WORTH IT - whatever it takes to get you back to good. I know what I'm talking about. I'm not 100% back to where I want to be yet, but I think I will get there eventually.
You are a great person who is just going through a bad time - you're much stronger than you think. You are having some much better moments and that is an irrefutably good sign :-)
~ Lynne
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Posted by LynneDa on April 27, 2004, at 13:22:06
In reply to Re: Just Thinking » jlynne, posted by SandyWeb on April 27, 2004, at 12:29:44
OK, don't think I'm weird, but ....
when Jlynne said you were from Nova Scotia, I went on novascotia.com to see pictures of your province. I love traveling and like to go on websites about other places. Anyway, there's a section about vacation getaways and it has a bunch of hotel coupons. Thought you might want to check it out for your little adventure you're planning :-). It may save you some money!
~ Lynne
Posted by Dr. Bob on April 27, 2004, at 19:52:56
In reply to Ummmm......, posted by SandyWeb on April 26, 2004, at 21:46:45
> the hospital let me go after a few hours. There was no reason to keep me. They read the emails, they listened to what I had to say....and they saw no reason for my being there.
I'm glad that you got an evaluation in person. And that you didn't need to stay.
> I have to ask that you PLEASE stop and think before calling the police. This is not a face-to-face relationship. You do NOT know what I'm having success with. You do NOT know any battles that I'm actually overcoming. All you see are the "down" times.....
I do think first, you know... :-)
It's definitely true, there's a lot I don't know. OTOH, all it takes is one really down time... Would it be better if I called your therapist? And then he or she decided whether to call the police?
Bob
Posted by jlynne on April 27, 2004, at 20:36:42
In reply to Just Thinking, posted by SandyWeb on April 27, 2004, at 12:03:18
Ok, I might be slow, but I get it now . . .
You were just *worried* that the cops would come back . . . I thought you were saying that they *had* come back last night. Duh, me dense!
Well, now I can understand what was happening to you last night. It is tough when it's the middle of the night and there is no one to talk to and no one on the board to respond. You're surfing again, sweetie, and the ocean is cold.
I know you don't want to call that helpline that you called previously, but maybe there is a better place to call?? One that is staffed 24hrs?? I know there are a couple different crisis lines in my area. You don't have to tell them who you are, and you can block your caller ID, if you don't already have ID blocking (dial *67 before you dial the phone number; here, in the States, anyway). But, ask them if they can see your ID, ok? 'cuz I know that ID blocking doesn't work with 911, and maybe not with certain crisis lines.
[LynneDa?? Think you can locate a good crisis line for Sandy to call when she needs to talk? I think this is the one we came up with before: 902-422-2048 (am I correct, Sandy?) Anyway, that first one wasn't a good match, LynneDa.]
This will pass, Sandy (if it hasn't already) and you will probably feel foolish and wonder what compelled you to be so *melodramatic*. Well, you were not being melodramatic, sweetie . . . you were just in pain, and you *really*, *really* did feel like that last night - we know you were not pretending. Please, don't ever think that we don't want you to post here anymore, love; we were all in bed last night when you *called* . . .
I hope you find someone you can call when it gets like this, Sandy, because it is sure to happen again, sooner or later. The best thing for you to do at these times is to make human contact; someone who can help you to focus and reign in those racing thoughts. I had a phone number to call when I was going through this, Sandy, and I used it (at 3:00 a.m. once).
Hang in there, love . . . the tide comes in, and we drift back to shore.
((((HUGS)))) ((((soft strokes)))) ((((human contact))))
...jlynne
Posted by SandyWeb on April 28, 2004, at 5:49:41
In reply to Re: Just Thinking » SandyWeb, posted by jlynne on April 27, 2004, at 20:36:42
Hi Jlynne,
"This will pass, Sandy (if it hasn't already) and you will probably feel foolish and wonder what compelled you to be so *melodramatic*."
Well, I didn't think I was being *melodramatic*. Actually, it almost felt like I was back with hubby, and you just never know when the next attack is going to happen. You're always tense, you tend to flinch at everything, your senses are over vigilant......you know it's going to happen, but you just don't know when.
I don't like that feeling. I lived like that for too many years. And I don't want to transfer that type of living over to fear of the police knocking on my door.
It feels awful.
Sandy
Posted by SandyWeb on April 28, 2004, at 5:59:33
In reply to Re: not a face-to-face relationship » SandyWeb, posted by Dr. Bob on April 27, 2004, at 19:52:56
Dr. Bob,
I know. I understand. I've put you in a position. But, you know, I'm not the only one on this board who needs your help. Maybe you should focus on someone else.
I don't have a therapist, I don't have a pdoc, I don't have meds.....I am "au natural". And the police have better things to do than attend to Psycho-Sandra.
I think the female cop would have been quite difficult with me if it hadn't been for Andrew and Rob coming over. She was a pretty hard lady, and she was quite intimidating....until she got the "okay" from the boys. Then her attitude changed. So I really wouldn't want cops coming here again. They are getting annoyed! And who can blame them??
I'm just going to lay low for awhile. Today was the day I was going to leave on my little trip, but now after all that has happened the past couple of days, I'm scared to even attempt that! All I wanted was 24-hours just for me. I didn't think it would turn out to be such a huge deal.
Have to take a shower now. Long day of sitting around....waiting for bedtime. Ha. Ah, the life of a schedule-less woman! *smile*
Sandy
Posted by fallsfall on April 28, 2004, at 9:57:28
In reply to Re: not a face-to-face relationship » Dr. Bob, posted by SandyWeb on April 28, 2004, at 5:59:33
>I don't have a therapist, I don't have a pdoc, I don't have meds
For me, life is too hard with out some formal supports. Sometimes the meds and the therapy seem to make things worse, it is true. But overall I think that having people with me - on my side - is important. It is so hard to be truly alone.
Would you consider therapy?
Posted by SandyWeb on April 28, 2004, at 20:42:32
In reply to Re: not a face-to-face relationship » SandyWeb, posted by fallsfall on April 28, 2004, at 9:57:28
Not happy at all, but in my jamies and still in the land of the living. *smile*
And why the heck do I stay on this board? I get in trouble on this board. So why do I keep coming back? Just a sucker for punishment, I guess.
It's almost 11pm now. I'm going to bed. Today has been a bunch of crap, and I'm ready to shut down.
Nighty night.
Sandra
Posted by jlynne on April 28, 2004, at 22:12:08
In reply to Still Here, posted by SandyWeb on April 28, 2004, at 20:42:32
Thank you for posting, Sandy . . . even when you don't feel like it.
I'm sorry you had a bad day. I hope you sleep well, and that tomorrow is better than today was.
Sweet dreams:~)
((((HUGS)))) ((((soft strokes)))) ((((tomorrow)))) ((((angels))))
...jlynne
Posted by SandyWeb on April 29, 2004, at 12:25:45
In reply to Re: Still Here » SandyWeb, posted by jlynne on April 28, 2004, at 22:12:08
Hey all,
You know I wouldn't normally post this message after all the consequences from my busy little fingers, but it doesn't really matter this time.
Yesterday was horrible. I found out in the morning that our money was cut off already. I thought I had until the end of May. I need almost $1000 for rent by tomorrow, I haven't paid the bills, and our groceries are low. Carly's shoes have a hole in them and her feet get wet, and she needs a spring jacket. Ben is a none-stop eating machine. And my tooth hurts, and I can't do anything about it.
You know, I felt so bad about how that BAD cop treated me. But you know what? He wasn't fooled by me. Andrew, Rob, and the lady cop all were fooled....they thought I was a nice person. But I guess the BAD cop saw through the little facade and realized what hubby always knew....that I'm not going to amount to anything. That I can pretend to myself and others as long and hard as I want.....but it doesn't change a thing. I'm just taking up space, and I don't deserve to be treated nicely. I guess that BAD cop shouldn't have bothered me so much....he understood the person standing before him better than the others did.
I waited all day yesterday to take my walk. I wanted it to be dark. So I waited and waited and waited. I wanted the kids in bed, I wanted the sun to be down, I wanted to be alone. And then when night came, I was worn out from all the waiting. Loser, huh? Went to bed at 11pm....but did get up at 1am and took a walk until 2:30am. I never saw so many taxis in my life!!!
So another day. It doesn't matter that the sun is up. I'm going to leave now. It's just pointless. I have no friends, I have no money, I have no education, I have no future. I can't provide for the kids, I can't help them get into University, I can't even tell them that my education is over. Carly keeps calling me a nurse, and Ben keeps telling me that I'm going to fail if I don't go to classes.....but they don't know that classes are over for me. And not only that....but there will NEVER be any more classes of any sort for me. I have my high school education. That's it. Half way through my life, and that's all I've got. And there's no more. Every chance I had, I blew.
I am where I am today based on CHOICES. Obviously, I made bad choices. But that's because I'm such a fool. I'm not smart, I'm not intelligent, I'm not a deep thinker (how could the lady cop even have thought that about me???...my brain is blank), and I'm selfish and lazy. And I'm just pulling the kids down with me.
So, I'm leaving now. It really doesn't matter if anyone calls the police. They won't find me. You'll just be using up emergency services for someone that certainly is not worth it! Let them respond to the calls that really need attending to. Because they would just waste a lot of time trying to find me. It doesn't matter.
Thanks for everything. But you can't change who a person is. I appreciated the support....and you did nothing wrong.....but it just wasn't meant to be. Don't let it bother you. And I'm so glad that the boys are off duty for the next 4 days. They won't know until they come back, and therefore they won't feel obligated to try and find me. They don't need to be dragged down into this. I thought they were very nice.
"And they'll be singing:
Bye bye Miss American Pie
Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry,
Them good ole boys are drinking whiskey and rye
Singing, "This will be the day that I die,
This will be the day that I die."How's that for melodrama? *smile*
God bless,
Sandra
Posted by LynneDa on April 29, 2004, at 12:36:32
In reply to Nothing Changes, posted by SandyWeb on April 29, 2004, at 12:25:45
> Oh God, Sandy, please don't do this. Please call me at 1-800-222-8215 x9507 and we can talk, okay????? I'm good at this, I've talked my ex-husband down from the ledge many a time over the years!
You are sick, your brain is not working right and it is not your fault sweetie! You are not in any shape to make a decision like this. It is not the only alternative. Please have the strength to go to a shelter, a church, a food pantry - somewhere where they can get you the help you need.
What bad decisions did you make? To try and better yourself thru school? Why did you fail? Only because you have a mental disease that prohibits you from working up to your potential.
~ Lynne
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Hey all,
>
> You know I wouldn't normally post this message after all the consequences from my busy little fingers, but it doesn't really matter this time.
>
> Yesterday was horrible. I found out in the morning that our money was cut off already. I thought I had until the end of May. I need almost $1000 for rent by tomorrow, I haven't paid the bills, and our groceries are low. Carly's shoes have a hole in them and her feet get wet, and she needs a spring jacket. Ben is a none-stop eating machine. And my tooth hurts, and I can't do anything about it.
>
> You know, I felt so bad about how that BAD cop treated me. But you know what? He wasn't fooled by me. Andrew, Rob, and the lady cop all were fooled....they thought I was a nice person. But I guess the BAD cop saw through the little facade and realized what hubby always knew....that I'm not going to amount to anything. That I can pretend to myself and others as long and hard as I want.....but it doesn't change a thing. I'm just taking up space, and I don't deserve to be treated nicely. I guess that BAD cop shouldn't have bothered me so much....he understood the person standing before him better than the others did.
>
> I waited all day yesterday to take my walk. I wanted it to be dark. So I waited and waited and waited. I wanted the kids in bed, I wanted the sun to be down, I wanted to be alone. And then when night came, I was worn out from all the waiting. Loser, huh? Went to bed at 11pm....but did get up at 1am and took a walk until 2:30am. I never saw so many taxis in my life!!!
>
> So another day. It doesn't matter that the sun is up. I'm going to leave now. It's just pointless. I have no friends, I have no money, I have no education, I have no future. I can't provide for the kids, I can't help them get into University, I can't even tell them that my education is over. Carly keeps calling me a nurse, and Ben keeps telling me that I'm going to fail if I don't go to classes.....but they don't know that classes are over for me. And not only that....but there will NEVER be any more classes of any sort for me. I have my high school education. That's it. Half way through my life, and that's all I've got. And there's no more. Every chance I had, I blew.
>
> I am where I am today based on CHOICES. Obviously, I made bad choices. But that's because I'm such a fool. I'm not smart, I'm not intelligent, I'm not a deep thinker (how could the lady cop even have thought that about me???...my brain is blank), and I'm selfish and lazy. And I'm just pulling the kids down with me.
>
> So, I'm leaving now. It really doesn't matter if anyone calls the police. They won't find me. You'll just be using up emergency services for someone that certainly is not worth it! Let them respond to the calls that really need attending to. Because they would just waste a lot of time trying to find me. It doesn't matter.
>
> Thanks for everything. But you can't change who a person is. I appreciated the support....and you did nothing wrong.....but it just wasn't meant to be. Don't let it bother you. And I'm so glad that the boys are off duty for the next 4 days. They won't know until they come back, and therefore they won't feel obligated to try and find me. They don't need to be dragged down into this. I thought they were very nice.
>
> "And they'll be singing:
> Bye bye Miss American Pie
> Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry,
> Them good ole boys are drinking whiskey and rye
> Singing, "This will be the day that I die,
> This will be the day that I die."
>
> How's that for melodrama? *smile*
>
> God bless,
>
> Sandra
>
>
Posted by LynneDa on April 29, 2004, at 12:54:02
In reply to Nothing Changes, posted by SandyWeb on April 29, 2004, at 12:25:45
Sandy -
Here's some numbers for you (all 902 area codes)429-8167 = Mobile Crisis Intervention
421-1188 = help linePlease call one of them sweetie, or call me, okay???
~ Lynne
Hey all,
>
> You know I wouldn't normally post this message after all the consequences from my busy little fingers, but it doesn't really matter this time.
>
> Yesterday was horrible. I found out in the morning that our money was cut off already. I thought I had until the end of May. I need almost $1000 for rent by tomorrow, I haven't paid the bills, and our groceries are low. Carly's shoes have a hole in them and her feet get wet, and she needs a spring jacket. Ben is a none-stop eating machine. And my tooth hurts, and I can't do anything about it.
>
> You know, I felt so bad about how that BAD cop treated me. But you know what? He wasn't fooled by me. Andrew, Rob, and the lady cop all were fooled....they thought I was a nice person. But I guess the BAD cop saw through the little facade and realized what hubby always knew....that I'm not going to amount to anything. That I can pretend to myself and others as long and hard as I want.....but it doesn't change a thing. I'm just taking up space, and I don't deserve to be treated nicely. I guess that BAD cop shouldn't have bothered me so much....he understood the person standing before him better than the others did.
>
> I waited all day yesterday to take my walk. I wanted it to be dark. So I waited and waited and waited. I wanted the kids in bed, I wanted the sun to be down, I wanted to be alone. And then when night came, I was worn out from all the waiting. Loser, huh? Went to bed at 11pm....but did get up at 1am and took a walk until 2:30am. I never saw so many taxis in my life!!!
>
> So another day. It doesn't matter that the sun is up. I'm going to leave now. It's just pointless. I have no friends, I have no money, I have no education, I have no future. I can't provide for the kids, I can't help them get into University, I can't even tell them that my education is over. Carly keeps calling me a nurse, and Ben keeps telling me that I'm going to fail if I don't go to classes.....but they don't know that classes are over for me. And not only that....but there will NEVER be any more classes of any sort for me. I have my high school education. That's it. Half way through my life, and that's all I've got. And there's no more. Every chance I had, I blew.
>
> I am where I am today based on CHOICES. Obviously, I made bad choices. But that's because I'm such a fool. I'm not smart, I'm not intelligent, I'm not a deep thinker (how could the lady cop even have thought that about me???...my brain is blank), and I'm selfish and lazy. And I'm just pulling the kids down with me.
>
> So, I'm leaving now. It really doesn't matter if anyone calls the police. They won't find me. You'll just be using up emergency services for someone that certainly is not worth it! Let them respond to the calls that really need attending to. Because they would just waste a lot of time trying to find me. It doesn't matter.
>
> Thanks for everything. But you can't change who a person is. I appreciated the support....and you did nothing wrong.....but it just wasn't meant to be. Don't let it bother you. And I'm so glad that the boys are off duty for the next 4 days. They won't know until they come back, and therefore they won't feel obligated to try and find me. They don't need to be dragged down into this. I thought they were very nice.
>
> "And they'll be singing:
> Bye bye Miss American Pie
> Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry,
> Them good ole boys are drinking whiskey and rye
> Singing, "This will be the day that I die,
> This will be the day that I die."
>
> How's that for melodrama? *smile*
>
> God bless,
>
> Sandra
>
>
Posted by jlynne on April 29, 2004, at 12:56:02
In reply to Nothing Changes, posted by SandyWeb on April 29, 2004, at 12:25:45
Sandy, I am so sorry if I offended you with the word "melodrama". I honestly didn't mean to infer that I thought you were being melodramatic when I said it . . . I only thought that you might be thinking that about yourself at the time.
Please, keep posting. You don't really want to die, sweetie. You are reaching out for help; I can hear you. There will be a way.
((((HUGS)))) ((((soft strokes)))) ((((hope))))
...jlynne
Posted by EmmyS on April 29, 2004, at 13:11:03
In reply to Nothing Changes, posted by SandyWeb on April 29, 2004, at 12:25:45
Sandy - All that really matters is your kids. Please don't let them grow up without their mommy. They love you and need you to be in their lives always. They don't care if you have a big salary, or they have snazzy shoes - they want their mommy to hug them on their sad days and tickle them on their good days.
Stick around to watch them grow up. That's all they really want. They need to know you love them sooooooo much, you will think only of them today. And I guarantee you - they need you alive. Your depression can be treated. Their grief cannot.
Emmy -- Daughter of Gwen (missing you every day)
Posted by Dr. Bob on April 29, 2004, at 13:19:13
In reply to Nothing Changes, posted by SandyWeb on April 29, 2004, at 12:25:45
> It really doesn't matter if anyone calls the police.
Well, I think I need to try that, at least...
Bob
Posted by LynneDa on April 29, 2004, at 13:21:14
In reply to Re: Things Take Time To Change, posted by Dr. Bob on April 29, 2004, at 13:19:13
Please do Dr. Bob, she sounded serious again. Did you see my note about the mobile crisis unit in Halifax? I'm not sure if that's where she is, just guessing. They work from 3pm - 1am. Maybe that would be an alternative? 902/ 429-8167.
THANK YOU!
~ Lynne
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
It really doesn't matter if anyone calls the police.
>
> Well, I think I need to try that, at least...
>
> Bob
Posted by EmmyS on April 29, 2004, at 13:23:41
In reply to Sandy, posted by jlynne on April 29, 2004, at 12:56:02
Jlynne - Don't for a second beat yourself about that word. You've been an absolute rock for Sandy! You are a wonderful supportive friend to her and she has expressed that many, many times here.
You take care sweetie. We're just going to think positive thoughts until Sandy posts again. OK?
Emmy
Posted by LynneDa on April 29, 2004, at 13:29:47
In reply to Re: Sandy » jlynne, posted by EmmyS on April 29, 2004, at 13:23:41
Emmy's right! You've given phenomenal support from someone who's been where she is. I just wish we knew where she was right now. If she could just get to someone not affiliated with a hospital or the police who could talk to her instead of locking her up, and help her get to a food pantry, fill out her welfare forms, etc. Maybe the system is different in Canada.
I'll be on pins and needles til we hear from her again. I'm saying prayers! Jlynne - I'm glad you slept so well. I know what a tremendous accomplishment that is :-)
~ Lynne
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Jlynne - Don't for a second beat yourself about that word. You've been an absolute rock for Sandy! You are a wonderful supportive friend to her and she has expressed that many, many times here.
>
> You take care sweetie. We're just going to think positive thoughts until Sandy posts again. OK?
>
> Emmy
Posted by LynneDa on April 29, 2004, at 15:57:50
In reply to Still Here, posted by SandyWeb on April 28, 2004, at 20:42:32
Please let us know you're okay!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Not happy at all, but in my jamies and still in the land of the living. *smile*
>
> And why the heck do I stay on this board? I get in trouble on this board. So why do I keep coming back? Just a sucker for punishment, I guess.
>
> It's almost 11pm now. I'm going to bed. Today has been a bunch of crap, and I'm ready to shut down.
>
> Nighty night.
>
> Sandra
>
Posted by lonelygirl on April 29, 2004, at 17:45:52
In reply to Nothing Changes, posted by SandyWeb on April 29, 2004, at 12:25:45
Hi Sandy,
I apologize if I’m out of place in posting here, but I have been following this thread and I wanted to say a couple of things.
With regards to your troubles in coming up with rent money, having enough food and clothes for your kids, have you contacted anyone for help? As far as I know, you live in Canada, so I’m not sure how it is there, but here in the US, there are a lot of organizations that can help with those things. St. Vincent de Paul is a good organization; they provide food and sometimes can help with things like rent money and clothes.
Just another thought: I know that it is hard to deal with things alone. I’m sure it will sound silly for me to compare my situation with yours, but I am having a lot of problems in school this semester. There is just so much to deal with, and I don’t have any friends, and it feels so overwhelming. The one thing that has helped me a little bit is that I started seeing a psychologist at my school (I was actually forced to go, as punishment for getting in trouble at school). The weird thing is, when I am talking to him, he is just so calm and rational, and takes things one by one, and it doesn’t seem quite as overwhelming. I think you need something like this, and not necessarily a therapist. Someone who can help you deal with your problems one by one.
I think one of the biggest problems is that the people who want to help you the most aren’t always able to give you what you need. I know you realize that jlynne and LynnDa, for example, really care about you and desperately want to help you, but unfortunately, they are far away from you right now, and they don’t have enough information from you to help you deal with specific problems. Your police friends also seem to care about you, but they are limited in their training and the actions they can take related to their jobs. I was wondering if you might consider asking your police friends if they know of resources in your area where you could go for help. I’ll bet you would be surprised at how many people and organizations are out there wanting to help others, but they don’t know that YOU (Sandy) need help right now, so if they are going to help you, they have to find out what you need first. I know it is hard to do this! I would not have gone to the psychologist myself if I had not been forced to. But that is the only way to get help. You seem to be at least a little comfortable with Andrew and Rob, so maybe you could ask them if they have any suggestions on where to go for help? I know you have a strained relationship with your sister, but would you consider asking if she could help you find assistance?
Your children sound really sweet, by the way, and it sounds like they really love you. I am in college right now, and it is unbelievable how much financial aid is available, in terms of scholarships and student loans. There are a lot of people at my school whose families don’t have the money to send them to college (including people whose parents aren’t college-educated), but they are managing. When a university decides it wants a particular student at the school, the people at the school will work with the student to pull together the financial resources to attend. I assume there are college guidance counselors at the high school who help the kids with picking schools and getting in. So, please don’t think that your current troubles are going to prevent your kids from going to college.
Sandy, I hope you get the help you need… You won’t know, until you try, how many people are willing and eager to help you.
Posted by mystic on April 29, 2004, at 19:53:34
In reply to Sandy, please post! » SandyWeb, posted by LynneDa on April 29, 2004, at 15:57:50
Jlynne dont you dare feel guilty about anything you have done nothing but help and support and let me tell you girlfriend you have helped me 100000000 percent...We love you and we all want sandy to be ok and hope that she is...We will hear something soon...Jlynne you take care of yourself and you have given 2000000 percent so please dont feel bad...Lynne you are right there also you are great...miss you on the other boards but you help everyone so much also...take care my friends I appreciate you sooo much...Mystic
Posted by SandyWeb on April 30, 2004, at 16:34:02
In reply to Re: Things Take Time To Change, posted by Dr. Bob on April 29, 2004, at 13:19:13
> > It really doesn't matter if anyone calls the police.
>
> Well, I think I need to try that, at least...
>
> BobThe police found me at 4:30am. I did a lot of walking and a lot of popping.
Went to the hospital, and just got out at 5pm! I spent all that time hooked up to a monitor, and they put a port in my arm. They want me to drink charcoal, but I refused. They also wanted to stick a tube down my nose and fill up my tummy with 2 litres of enema icky stuff. Refused that too.
The police had been to my place a few times during the night, checking to see if I had come home yet. When they got me at 4:30am, they had to cancel a "missing persons" report. They even had my picture!
Weird 24 hours. Those pills really did a number on me. That's why they hooked me up to a monitor all day....because they were scared that I might get "ill" very quickly.
Still....no meds, no pdoc, no therapist. I had a consult, and they sent me home again. Both the police and my nurse were surprised that I wasn't admitted. Maybe next time. Ha!!
Going to bed early tonight. Talk about being tired!!!!!
Sandy
Posted by LynneDa on April 30, 2004, at 16:46:57
In reply to Re: Things Take Time To Change » Dr. Bob, posted by SandyWeb on April 30, 2004, at 16:34:02
Sandy honey I am so glad you are alive. I can't believe they didn't admit you either. What's up with that????
I know you must be exhausted, physically & emotionally. Please take good care of yourself and "talk" to us when you can. I'm so glad you didn't die.
You know you can call me any time you need to. It is okay. I know it makes it more real to talk to one of us on the phone, but we know you & yet we don't, we're still sort of anonymous. What else are we on this planet for than to help each other? We don't even have to talk about you. I've had a yuck week (not as bad as you've been feeling of course!), but you can just listen to me vent if you want :-)
I'm sending you lots of hugs, love & peace Sandy. Please let us help you, YOU DESERVE TO BE HELPED. I cannot emphasize that enough. You deserve to get well. No one can get through this life on their own, humans just aren't made that way. The failings you keep banging yourself on the head for are not caused by the REAL you.
Have a restful weekend sweetie.
~ Lynne
Posted by jlynne on April 30, 2004, at 22:40:54
In reply to Re: Things Take Time To Change » Dr. Bob, posted by SandyWeb on April 30, 2004, at 16:34:02
Sandy, I am still here. You're going to be okay, sweetie . . . just hang on a little longer, and it will get better again soon.
Thank you for posting and letting us know that you are home.
You rest now, and post if/when you feel like it. No pressure.
((((HUGS)))) ((((soft strokes)))) ((((rest))))
...jlynne
Posted by SandyWeb on May 1, 2004, at 9:03:32
In reply to Sandy, posted by jlynne on April 30, 2004, at 22:40:54
I've read all the messages. I find it so odd that all that posting was going on when I was out doing my thing. It didn't even dawn on me that you all would be doing that. It's nice to know that I'm being supported.
It's 10:30am, and I'm finally getting up. I'm still tired, though. Lol. I hadn't slept in about 35 hours, so I was t-i-r-e-d. I only was able to catch light little naps in the ER, and then be startled by the cops or doctors or nurses checking on me. Ugh. I had 5 different cops looking out for me at the hospital. Can you believe it?? It was a LONG day.
I can't really believe that everything happened.....even when it was actually happening. It feels like it was a dream. Even when I was trying to get out of the woods (and it was so dark that I couldn't see where the heck I was going), it just didn't seem like it was all really happening. The only reason I left the woods was because I got so COLD....and for some reason I wanted to get nearer home. But what a trip. I was seeing people and animals and cars....where there weren't any! It was like I was on acid or something! And I was almost walking into traffic because everytime a car drove past me, I got off-balance and wanted to fall. But I had that purpose to get around the Arm of the harbor and get back into familiar territory. Then I went to a Park.
The cops got me at 4:30 in the morning. I kept trying to fall alseep on them, but they kept talking to me....so I had to be polite and answer. Lol. And then, of course, I was in the hospital until supperime. I have so many needle holes in my arms!!! They kept poking me with things. Ouch! The pills I took were "Long Acting", so they were concerned that a bunch of med would be released at some point and I'd go downhill quickly. But my heart took it fine. They never had to use the port that they'd put in my arm.
I feel so odd. Did I just watch a movie? I know it all happened to me, but it seems like it was a lifetime ago.....not just yesterday!!! I don't know what to make of it all.
When I had the psych consult, they basically just gave me two phone numbers to use if I needed them (I already had those numbers). That it comes down to me making my own choices, and they can't really stop me from doing that. Good luck and bye bye. My nurse didn't believe me when I said that I would be going home once I was cleared by the medical people for the OD, and she went off to find out for herself. When she came back, she had a long talk with me. She wanted me to come into the hospital the next time I felt that way. She acted very sincere. She said that I just had to MAKE myself walk through the doors, no matter what hour it was. She wants me in the hospital BEFORE the next overdose occurs. They would help me get through it. She said that it gave her life purpose if she gets through to only ONE person during her entire career. I was surprised that she talk this way to me, because she had been pretty upset when I refused the lovely charcoal drink she brought me. Lol!
Problem is: I still feel the same. Nothing has changed. I didn't accomplish anything. In fact, the "goal" wasn't even achieved....so I failed even in that. I kept saying that I just needed to get my head around something, of which I didn't want to go into with them because I've talked about myself soooo much this past month....but I still can't figure out how to do that. I just can't find that answer yet. I always figure things outmyself....but this time it's taking a bit longer than I'm used to. I'm having a difficult time with it because I just CAN'T seem to find an answer. But I keep looking.
Dr. Bob, you have to stop saving my life. Ha! I'm not sure if I like that. I guess I'm thankful that I made it past my birthday...it allowed me to get to know the wonderful people on this board a bit better! *smile* But I don't think I'm thankful for yesterday. I'm still in the same place, I still feel the same way.....and it probably should have just been put to rest. Because now I have to continue to go through these mind-games. I don't like them.
No, I'm not about ready to leave and attempt again. I'm still too tired for that. And I have to take care of a few things....like getting the Welfare reinstated, for one thing. I hate the thought of having to deal with the landlord (nice lady that she is) when they find out that my rent cheque will be bouncing. I won't be evicted because we are very good tenants, but still....it's humiliating, especially when she knows that we are on Welfare. *sigh* And again....how many times did I have to tell people yesterday that I was on Welfare?? Why do people always have to ask about job/finances??? I don't need to be reminded over and over again that I don't do anything....that I'm not even a student anymore!!
I'm sorry I sent that "good bye" note to you guys. I thought I owed it to you because of the time and interest that you've invested in me. As soon as I hit the ENTER key, I was out the door. It truly was a good-bye because I wasn't about to wait around for replies! I had my shoes on, and it was the very last thing I did before taking off. Maybe I shouldn't have sent it. I don't know. Maybe I WOULD do it again....but still, the cops wouldn't find me, you know? Everyone was so surprised at where I had actually gone....they thought it was too far to walk to. Jeepers! Does everyone rely on their cars too much or what?? It wasn't until I came back within the city that they found me.
Anyways, no.....I'm not ready to do that again anytime soon. I don't even know if that would be something I'd consider doing again. I'm just rather in limbo right now. Maybe I'd phone that Mobile Crisis Line. Maybe I'd go over to the hospital. I just don't know. But right now I'm semi-safe because I need to take care of the Welfare paperwork and work out some sort of arrangement for the late rent. I don't think I could just leave that up in the air.
Dishes to wash and garbage to take out. Fun day ahead of me. Lol!
Talk to you all later.
Sandy
Go forward in thread:
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.