Posted by LynneDa on April 27, 2004, at 13:04:40
In reply to Ummmm......, posted by SandyWeb on April 26, 2004, at 21:46:45
I've been away from my computer . . . not consciously deciding not to post :-). I don't go on-line on the weekends and Monday was super busy. I am not complaining, though. I am grateful to have a job.
Anyway.... don't stop posting. I understand about your posts being your negative thoughts. My daughter & I were talking about how good it is to journal when you're angry or sad - how it helps us to get it all out and maybe we come up with solutions. For 7 years old she's very intuitive and understands this concept - and she writes all the time. She said that if we only put angry thoughts in there, when she dies and her children read it, they'll think she was an angry sad person so she better write when she's happy too. I totally agreed with her. I said if she ever read my journals she would think I was a complete looney!
So, long story short, I agree with what you said about this forum being used mainly for those tense, fearful moments where you need to vent. I'm sorry for what happened cuz you don't want to be crying wolf to the police force.
About the female officer and her husband dying . . . I am guessing the way she recovers and feels worthwhile is by helping others so don't feel that your taking up her time for nothing. You said yourself it feels good when people, even us total strangers, care. And like Jlynne says, you need a physical presence sometimes.
So, please Sandy, take what is given to you and don't feel so guilty about it (easier said than done I know!). You've given so much in your life and will give again in the future. It is OKAY to have to be on the receiving end for a while. Please trust me on that. I couldn't have got through my tough time without my grandma, sister & good friend pushing me on, making me go to the doctor, convincing me I was going to be okay.
Now, on to the hotel issue (I missed a lot in 3 days!). I just went to Nashville for work a couple weeks ago. It was sooooooooo wonderfully relaxing at night to have the room and the TV clicker to myself. I got in bed at 8:30 both nights and just read women's magazines and clicked around on cable (which I don't have at home)til I got tired. It was rejuvenating to be alone with no demands, nowhere to be, etc. So, if you are in a safe frame of mind, I think it could do you some good. I guess your kids are old enough to stay alone & understand why you would need to get away for a bit. Being a single mom is hard, it never lets up.
Sandy, I'll ask this again. Is there anything I can do for you from here? Any research I can do or looking into things? Please let me know if you think of ANYTHING! I'm in a doing mode now and that is a nice change from the way I have been the last couple of years :-). I'm also a healthcare recruiter and may be able to think of some options for you.
I do care what happens to you & that is my choice so don't worry about taking up our time & energy! Maybe it's one of those angel connections where we are all sent to each other at different times of our lives when we need it the most.
I will repeat again: don't stop posting if it helps you even one tiny bit. Also, YOU ARE WORTH IT - whatever it takes to get you back to good. I know what I'm talking about. I'm not 100% back to where I want to be yet, but I think I will get there eventually.
You are a great person who is just going through a bad time - you're much stronger than you think. You are having some much better moments and that is an irrefutably good sign :-)