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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 29. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by jay on October 20, 2003, at 18:30:41
Sorry...I couldn't resist, but this silly humour is what keeps me alive sometimes..:-)
___________________________________________From Scott Adams' (Dilbert) List:
Important Muscles
-----------------One of the most popular machines at my gym is a bizarre-looking
contraption designed to strengthen your gluteus maximus. It might
seem like a frivolous California vanity thing to you, but it's more
practical than you think. For example, if your spouse hogs all the
bed covers, just clench the sheet with your butt muscles and hold
on. Your spouse will be grunting and tugging while you appear to
be sleeping peacefully, never letting on that there's a
struggle going on below the surface.Or suppose you were kidnapped and your hands and feet were tied,
but you were smart enough to wear stretch pants. Your butt,
properly trained, can be a fierce fighting machine. With a little
practice you can learn to disarm a knife-wielding ASSailant.A huge, muscular butt can also make you appear taller when you're
seated. That's a big advantage at business meetings. No one will be
the wiser until you stand up and butt-slap the overhead projector
against the wall when you turn to leave.I started using the butt machine myself, with the ultimate goal of
making it easier to hold tools for home repairs. If you have only
two hands, and you're already holding a flashlight and a
screwdriver, you need at least one more set of opposable cheeks to
keep the pliers nearby. As a bonus, I figure it will discourage my
neighbor from borrowing my tools.
Posted by Larry Hoover on October 20, 2003, at 18:52:22
In reply to Something OT and REALLY duhhhhmb. :-), posted by jay on October 20, 2003, at 18:30:41
You Know You're a Redneck When...
1. You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.
2. You burn your yard rather than mow it.
3. The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
4. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.
5. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
6. You come back from the dump with more than you took.
7. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
8. Your grandmother has Ammo on her Christmas list.
9. Your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell.
10. You have used a rag for a gas cap.
11. Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.
12. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
13. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
14. You have a complete set of salad bowls, and they all say Cool Whip on the side.
15. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.
16. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
17. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table..
18. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does a $100,000 worth of improvement.
Posted by galkeepinon on October 20, 2003, at 20:09:28
In reply to Re: OK, how about the redneck test?, posted by Larry Hoover on October 20, 2003, at 18:52:22
1. Turn signals will give away your next move.
A real Californian driver never uses them.
2. Under no circumstance should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by somebody else, putting you in an even more
dangerous situation.
3. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.4. Never, ever come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it will result in
you being rear-ended.5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork.
California is a no-fault insurance state and the other guy doesn't have anything to lose.6. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in,
giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you
without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.7. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to scare people
entering the highway.8. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as a suggestion and are apparently not
enforceable in California during rush hour.9. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't
mean that a California driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can
go faster in your spot.10. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone
changing a tire.11. Learn to swerve abruptly. California is the home of the high-speed slalom driving thanks
to the State Highway Department, which puts potholes in key locations to test drivers'
reflexes and keep them on their toes.12. It is traditional in California to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light turns green.
13. Remember that the goal of every Californian driver is to get there
first by whatever means necessary.14. In the California 'flipping someone the bird' is considered a polite West Coast salute.
This gesture should always be returned.
Posted by Dr. Bob on October 21, 2003, at 0:56:53
In reply to Re: OK, how about the redneck test?, posted by Larry Hoover on October 20, 2003, at 18:52:22
> You Know You're a Redneck When...
Please don't post anything that could lead others to feel put down. This has come up before:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030120/msgs/35991.html
And it would be nice not to have to go through that again. BTW, I especially liked:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030201/msgs/36076.html
Thanks,
Bob
Posted by judy1 on October 21, 2003, at 9:06:41
In reply to Re: OK, how about California Driving?, posted by galkeepinon on October 20, 2003, at 20:09:28
Posted by Susan J on October 21, 2003, at 10:11:01
In reply to Re: please be civil » Larry Hoover, posted by Dr. Bob on October 21, 2003, at 0:56:53
I'm gonna catch it for this, aren't I? Larry's post didn't offend me at all....
I was born and raised in Scaggsville. I know how to siphon gas out of a car, my *playhouse* was an old metal shed in the back yard, we regularly salvaged old wood from abandoned houses to make new stuff, my best female friend got a deer stand and compound bow for her 16th birthday, my neighbor would butcher game down in the basement, and my dad would put matches out in kerosene for fun.
I'm a redneck. I thought those jokes were funny. As hard as I try, I don't get offended by them. Laughing at oneself is some of the funniest stuff of all. I particularly love blonde jokes and lawyer jokes. :-)
Susan (related to the Scaggs of Scaggsville). Who is grateful she knows how to change drum brakes on a car and use a miter saw.
Posted by Dinah on October 21, 2003, at 10:18:00
In reply to Re: please be civil » Larry Hoover, posted by Dr. Bob on October 21, 2003, at 0:56:53
I do miss you, you know. But your influence lives on.
Posted by Larry Hoover on October 21, 2003, at 10:43:39
In reply to Redneck Humor and Civility, posted by Susan J on October 21, 2003, at 10:11:01
> I'm gonna catch it for this, aren't I? Larry's post didn't offend me at all....
>
> I was born and raised in Scaggsville. I know how to siphon gas out of a car, my *playhouse* was an old metal shed in the back yard, we regularly salvaged old wood from abandoned houses to make new stuff, my best female friend got a deer stand and compound bow for her 16th birthday, my neighbor would butcher game down in the basement, and my dad would put matches out in kerosene for fun.
>
> I'm a redneck. I thought those jokes were funny. As hard as I try, I don't get offended by them. Laughing at oneself is some of the funniest stuff of all. I particularly love blonde jokes and lawyer jokes. :-)
>
> Susan (related to the Scaggs of Scaggsville). Who is grateful she knows how to change drum brakes on a car and use a miter saw.Why don't you send me your picture? Maybe *we* should date? ;-)
Lar
Posted by Susan J on October 21, 2003, at 11:17:16
In reply to Re: Redneck Humor and Civility » Susan J, posted by Larry Hoover on October 21, 2003, at 10:43:39
> Why don't you send me your picture? Maybe *we* should date? ;-)
>
> Lar
>LOL!! Yeah, I'm sure your wife would appreciate that. :-p
Posted by Larry Hoover on October 21, 2003, at 11:32:43
In reply to Re: Redneck Humor and Civility » Larry Hoover, posted by Susan J on October 21, 2003, at 11:17:16
> > Why don't you send me your picture? Maybe *we* should date? ;-)
> >
> > Lar
> >
>
> LOL!! Yeah, I'm sure your wife would appreciate that. :-pI'm not married. I'm divorced. I live alone, and have for some years now.
Lar
Posted by Larry Hoover on October 21, 2003, at 11:50:09
In reply to Re: Redneck Humor and Civility, posted by Larry Hoover on October 21, 2003, at 11:32:43
> I'm not married. I'm divorced. I live alone, and have for some years now.
>
> LarI should have kept talking.....
I live alone by choice, as I find that my self-care requirements are burdensome on others. When I need to simplify my life, to cope with the vagaries of my well-being, I restrict my interaction with the world while I rest. That is not a personal decision; it is not a desire to be away from anyone in particular. Yet, that is how it has been seen, in the past. It is simply a reflection of my temporary state, not a commentary on the quality of a relationship. I would not inflict my needs on another, at this point in time. It would be difficult for someone else to cope with my needs.
I have been very ill. I do not yet have confidence that I will remain in a state of relative well-being. It has been a long road back to functionality, and I'll just see how things go, before I even consider developing an interpersonal relationship with anyone.
Just felt a need to explain myself more fully.
Lar
Posted by Susan J on October 21, 2003, at 11:58:46
In reply to Re: Redneck Humor and Civility, posted by Larry Hoover on October 21, 2003, at 11:32:43
Larry,
>
> I'm not married. I'm divorced. I live alone, and have for some years now.
>
<<Now, see, I was so sure to the point of almost betting my life on it that you said *your wife* in one of your postings when I first started reading this board....I need to pay better attention. :-)
Susan
Posted by Susan J on October 21, 2003, at 12:04:00
In reply to Re: addendum, posted by Larry Hoover on October 21, 2003, at 11:50:09
Larry,
>>When I need to simplify my life, to cope with the vagaries of my well-being, I restrict my interaction with the world while I rest.
<<There are some *huge* advantages to living alone... :-)> I have been very ill. I do not yet have confidence that I will remain in a state of relative well-being. It has been a long road back to functionality, and I'll just see how things go, before I even consider developing an interpersonal relationship with anyone.
<<I'm sorry you have felt so badly.....I'm feeling pretty good these days, and yet I always wonder, to the point of obsession sometimes, if and when it's *going* to strike again. Having had a history major depressive episodes, the last one being by far the worst, I can't possibly believe it's not gonna come back. And I'm still digging myself out of the damage I've done to my life with this last one.But I hope you have some good, healthy, strong relationships with some friends/family. Complete isolation, as I'm sure you know, can be harmful in its own right. This past bout of depression really defined for me who my good family/friends were, and who were simply plain toxic....
Hugs,
Susan
Posted by Larry Hoover on October 21, 2003, at 12:10:06
In reply to Re: Redneck Humor and Civility » Larry Hoover, posted by Susan J on October 21, 2003, at 11:58:46
> Larry,
>
> >
> > I'm not married. I'm divorced. I live alone, and have for some years now.
> >
>
>
> <<Now, see, I was so sure to the point of almost betting my life on it that you said *your wife* in one of your postings when I first started reading this board....
>
> I need to pay better attention. :-)
>
> SusanNo, it's quite possible that I slipped up. I still refer to my ex as my wife without thinking. My counsellor points it out to me, all the time. We have a good relationship. I'm still her best friend. We share custody, and work together on many issues.
Lar
Posted by Larry Hoover on October 21, 2003, at 12:15:03
In reply to Re: addendum » Larry Hoover, posted by Susan J on October 21, 2003, at 12:04:00
> <<I'm sorry you have felt so badly.....I'm feeling pretty good these days, and yet I always wonder, to the point of obsession sometimes, if and when it's *going* to strike again. Having had a history major depressive episodes, the last one being by far the worst, I can't possibly believe it's not gonna come back. And I'm still digging myself out of the damage I've done to my life with this last one.I hear you, loud and clear. I'm more stable than I've been in years. I'm just not yet confident of the stability.
> But I hope you have some good, healthy, strong relationships with some friends/family.
You don't have to worry about that. I relate well with people.
> Complete isolation, as I'm sure you know, can be harmful in its own right.
What I'm referring to is solitude. I'm not lonely.
> This past bout of depression really defined for me who my good family/friends were, and who were simply plain toxic....
If that's what it takes for you to see the difference, I'm glad you crashed.... <hyperbole> I'm glad I've been where I've been. I can't ever lose the empathy I've achieved through my experiences. I can't ever trivialize the contributions of even complete strangers, to my well-being. I know how much it matters.
> Hugs,
>
> SusanHugs back at ya, sweetheart.
{{{{{{{Susan}}}}}}
Lar
Posted by Larry Hoover on October 21, 2003, at 12:16:25
In reply to Re: Redneck Humor and Civility » Larry Hoover, posted by Susan J on October 21, 2003, at 11:17:16
> > Why don't you send me your picture? Maybe *we* should date? ;-)
> >
> > Lar
> >
>
> LOL!! Yeah, I'm sure your wife would appreciate that. :-pBTW, I *am* curious. If you care to, you might send it off to larryhooveratnexicomdotnet
Lar
Posted by fallsfall on October 21, 2003, at 12:39:22
In reply to Re: Redneck Humor and Civility » Susan J, posted by Larry Hoover on October 21, 2003, at 12:16:25
Posted by Larry Hoover on October 21, 2003, at 12:47:38
In reply to Woo Hoo! (nm), posted by fallsfall on October 21, 2003, at 12:39:22
Posted by Susan J on October 21, 2003, at 12:51:30
In reply to Woo Hoo! (nm), posted by fallsfall on October 21, 2003, at 12:39:22
And all this started over a Dilbert post by Jay....
:-)
Posted by Larry Hoover on October 21, 2003, at 14:14:02
In reply to Re: Redneck Humor and Civility » Larry Hoover, posted by Susan J on October 21, 2003, at 11:17:16
Did you get my email replies?
Posted by Susan J on October 21, 2003, at 14:36:43
In reply to Re: Redneck Humor and Civility » Susan J, posted by Larry Hoover on October 21, 2003, at 14:14:02
> Did you get my email replies?
<<Yup, I sure did. Thanks. :-)
Posted by Dinah on October 21, 2003, at 16:20:45
In reply to Re: Redneck Humor and Civility » Larry Hoover, posted by Susan J on October 21, 2003, at 14:36:43
You both are terrific people, you know.
But I promise not to egg you on.
Posted by Dinah on October 21, 2003, at 16:21:08
In reply to Re: :-) » Susan J, posted by Dinah on October 21, 2003, at 16:20:45
Posted by fallsfall on October 21, 2003, at 23:21:06
In reply to Re: :-) » Susan J, posted by Dinah on October 21, 2003, at 16:20:45
Posted by Dr. Bob on October 22, 2003, at 1:29:43
In reply to Redneck Humor and Civility, posted by Susan J on October 21, 2003, at 10:11:01
> Larry's post didn't offend me at all....
I replied over at PBA:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20031008/msgs/271720.html
Bob
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