Shown: posts 24 to 48 of 48. Go back in thread:
Posted by kara lynne on August 15, 2003, at 17:19:41
In reply to NOA !!!! we miss you !! » kara lynne, posted by lil' jimi on August 15, 2003, at 14:24:39
LOVE coffee. Strong and bad for me. Every day.
Posted by kara lynne on August 15, 2003, at 17:20:29
In reply to Gracie I'm worried :( » lil' jimi, posted by gabbix2 on August 15, 2003, at 17:14:46
Isn't there anything we can do??
Posted by Sabina on August 15, 2003, at 17:33:59
In reply to Re: Gracie I'm worried :( Me too gabbi, posted by kara lynne on August 15, 2003, at 17:20:29
...and this is what i've been asking for three weeks. can't we do anything when a poster (gracie, in this case) says shes living in an increasinly volitile household and asks us to "call the cops" in case she disappears? i've been more than a little worried.
Posted by lil' jimi on August 15, 2003, at 17:58:34
In reply to Re: NOA !!!! we miss you !!, posted by kara lynne on August 15, 2003, at 17:19:41
> LOVE coffee. Strong and bad for me. Every day.
me too .... strong ... guatemalan !
... ... my "cup" holds 32 oz.
.... ... aka a QUART !
Posted by lil' jimi on August 15, 2003, at 18:39:41
In reply to Re: Gracie I'm worried :( Me too gabbi, posted by Sabina on August 15, 2003, at 17:33:59
> ...and this is what i've been asking for three weeks. can't we do anything when a poster (gracie, in this case) says shes living in an increasinly volitile household and asks us to "call the cops" in case she disappears? i've been more than a little worried.
>hi 'bina,
i (like many others, i'm sure) share your concerns .... .... it seems obvious that they have more than just a rational basis ... ...
.... .... in the past when this situation occurred with concern for another poster's safety, i sent to Dr. Bob's e-mail address all of the pertinent e-mails i had received and asked him if there was any way i could help ....
.... .... of course we have to recognize that there are serious limitations to any options ....
.... informing Dr. Bob was the last refuge for hope that anyone would be able to help ....
.... and we may safely presume he will have been kept up on these issues .... .... this is all the more likely, given Dinah's closeness to Gracie and her sometimes capacity as Dr. Bob's substitute ........ .... be all of that as it may, i would ask you to convey any information you (or anyone) may have directly to Dr. Bob at dr-bob@uchicago.edu ....
.... we have to understand that he may well not be able to do anything either ... ... but this is the most we can do here at pBabble unless there is more information that could help Dr. Bob and that he might be able to provide to law enforcement .... ....
.... .... it is my considered opinion that that is the penultimate thing we may do ...
.... .... of course, for the faithful, the ultimate thing will be to pray ... ... no time like the present ..... .... corresponding directly with Dr. Bob also limits exposing our posters to the anxieties of these issues ... many are not well for the possibility of tragedy ... ...
.... .... i hope and pray there can be something we can do ....
.... .... and it is not trivial that we must care for our own well being and health as well ...
TAKE CARE!
~ jim
Posted by Sabina on August 16, 2003, at 0:00:56
In reply to re: We are worried about Gracie » Sabina, posted by lil' jimi on August 15, 2003, at 18:39:41
>>>> re: .... .... corresponding directly with Dr. Bob also limits exposing our posters to the anxieties of these issues ... many are not well for the possibility of tragedy ... ...
i feel like you are inferring that i am exposing our posters to anxiety by mentioning my concern for gracie's well being. however, i will take no offense, since i choose to assume that none was intended. i am well aware of the inadequacies of this medium, where the inferances and tones of exchanges can be so slippery and obscure at times.in the past, i've made a point of not reading posts that may have proven to be triggering for me (detailed suicide plans, etc.) and i trust that our posters are able to take responsibility for themselves and excercise the same discretion in this case.
i sincerely apologize that i didn't have a more pleasant topic for the evening, but i wasn't led to believe that was my brief for this board. we have emotional and mental problems. it hurts. it's not pretty. this is where we talk about it with people who understand.
i don't feel that i'm exactly fanning the flames of panic, here, though. to that end i purposely only mention gracie anymore after someone else does first.
incidentally, i have written to dr. bob (and dinah) twice each. dinah doesn't seem to know anymore than i do. dr. bob's advice was to post my concerns here, which i have done. i confess that i had hoped for a more agressive response from him, one along the lines of a welfare check.
the second time i wrote to him he advised me to contact her ISP. i have since done so. i'm sure they'll hop right into action because some crazy girl on a message board said that somebody else said in a post that....yadda, yadda.
riiiight. see, that's why i was thinking it might carry some more weight if it had come from dr. bob. oh well. i've been so disappointed, in fact, that i've mostly stayed away as of late to try and process through my feelings about it privately.
let's just pray that gracie either got herself out of that house or at least reiterated her request for police backup in an alternate venue, one that was immediately available, less anonymous, and more adequately appointed toward a course of action, and that she is well and safe tonight.
respectfully,
sabina
Posted by kara lynne on August 16, 2003, at 1:13:13
In reply to re: not an upbeat topic, please be aware » lil' jimi, posted by Sabina on August 16, 2003, at 0:00:56
Hi Sabina,
I don't think anyone meant for you to apologize for anything. I am grateful you've gone to the lengths you have.I guess that's as far as dr. Bob can take it-- like during a perceived suicide threat?
I am praying with you.
Posted by lil' jimi on August 16, 2003, at 2:08:03
In reply to re: not an upbeat topic, please be aware » lil' jimi, posted by Sabina on August 16, 2003, at 0:00:56
> >>>> re: .... .... corresponding directly with Dr. Bob also limits exposing our posters to the anxieties of these issues ... many are not well for the possibility of tragedy ... ...
>
>
>
>
> i feel like you are inferring that i am exposing our posters to anxiety by mentioning my concern for gracie's well being. however, i will take no offense, since i choose to assume that none was intended. i am well aware of the inadequacies of this medium, where the inferances and tones of exchanges can be so slippery and obscure at times.
>
> in the past, i've made a point of not reading posts that may have proven to be triggering for me (detailed suicide plans, etc.) and i trust that our posters are able to take responsibility for themselves and excercise the same discretion in this case.
>
> i sincerely apologize that i didn't have a more pleasant topic for the evening, but i wasn't led to believe that was my brief for this board. we have emotional and mental problems. it hurts. it's not pretty. this is where we talk about it with people who understand.
>
> i don't feel that i'm exactly fanning the flames of panic, here, though. to that end i purposely only mention gracie anymore after someone else does first.
>
> incidentally, i have written to dr. bob (and dinah) twice each. dinah doesn't seem to know anymore than i do. dr. bob's advice was to post my concerns here, which i have done. i confess that i had hoped for a more agressive response from him, one along the lines of a welfare check.
>
> the second time i wrote to him he advised me to contact her ISP. i have since done so. i'm sure they'll hop right into action because some crazy girl on a message board said that somebody else said in a post that....yadda, yadda.
>
> riiiight. see, that's why i was thinking it might carry some more weight if it had come from dr. bob. oh well. i've been so disappointed, in fact, that i've mostly stayed away as of late to try and process through my feelings about it privately.
>
> let's just pray that gracie either got herself out of that house or at least reiterated her request for police backup in an alternate venue, one that was immediately available, less anonymous, and more adequately appointed toward a course of action, and that she is well and safe tonight.
>
> respectfully,
>
> sabina
i admire that you have been so thorough on gracie's behalf and i am grateful that you have already exhausted all of my suggestions ... ... i am grateful that you have been so conscientious and deliberate .... .... you are also very articulate, which i envy ... ... i'm not so articulate ... ...
... ... i apologize for any hurt i have caused you
... ... i intended no criticism of you whatsoever
... ... i can now easily see how this interpretation would have been drawn ...
... ... i apologize for not considering the inference you could, not unreasonably, draw from my words
... ... i am truly sorry for this and i ask for your forgiveness
... ...
... ... i was speaking from my experience of a poster who created considerable havoc for a lot of us ... ... the circumstances were completely different from gracie's ... ...this poster got banned ...
her supporters established e-mail connection with her ...
she subsequently e-mailed her suicide announcement to her supporters ...
i panicked and posted my panic on the meds board, panicking others, who out of the best of intentions wanted to help someone in danger ...
i'd only been here a week or two and in my hysteria violated posting policies left and right ...the poster survives, recovers, returns from her ban ...
only to post and e-mail her suicide announcements again ...
the 3rd time ... people wise up; sympathies turn into pity, but for some, into angry hostility ...by now the announcements come with vengeful hatred, singling out all authorities and especially her supporters ... ...
there were subsequent episodes, but by this time all of her other supporter had left psycho-babble or left soon afterward ...
except for mewhen i wrote about limiting the trauma to our posters, i was recounting my experience and my lessons from it ... ... well, for myself ... ... those feelings are just there now ... ... i would not be able to try to accuse you being insensitive or thoughtless
... ... to me, i was sharing my considerations on avoiding suffering because i had indiscretely increased suffering here and i became close to people who deeply hurt by this poster ... ...i have read your posts of your concern for gracie's safety ... ... ... they have always been kind, deliberate and gentle, while being urgent and pleading .... ... i think, if i may be so bold, they were in excellent taste and way within the stress levels our fragile posters manage to take on the boards ... ... i admire the skill and effort exercised to offer such conscientious expression of your own panic about your friend gracie ... ...
i am probably in a better position than most to appreciate the stress you have been enduring ... ... to feel the urgent need to take action to protect or save a friend, BUT not be able to take action AND not have ANY control over the dilemma ... ... and i understand too well how these feelings are exaserbated by the impression that the authorities are not taking the actions we expect must be taken ... ... and by the impression that everyone else is indulging in bystander syndrome ...
i offer you my narrative not as an excuse ... ... i seek no excuse here ... i should have considered the consequences to your feelings ... i didn't ... ... i was wrong ... ... i offer my narative only as an explanation, so that you might see i was not being beligerent, rather than negligent ... ... distracted by my own feelings, i mentioned something i wished someone had mentioned to me ...
... ... i wrote the words that hurt you, to me, more than i wrote them to you ...i am sorry ... ... ... i hope you will forgive me
regretfully,
~ jim
Posted by Sabina on August 16, 2003, at 9:18:05
In reply to re: i'm so sorry » Sabina, posted by lil' jimi on August 16, 2003, at 2:08:03
jim, buddy, don't sweat it! just as i chose to assume, there was *much* more to your story and history than i knew, and i am quite happy that i chose not to perceive your reply in a negative fashion. don't think another thing about it. i wasn't irritated with you last night and i'm certainly not irritated with you this morning. i've got more to worry about in my life than to go looking for reasons to get my feelings hurt here, where everyone has been nothing but kind to me and there's only ever been a slight miscommunication that was easily cleared up whenever the situation appeared to be otherwise. thanks for telling me your story, in any case. it sounds like it was a very bad situation, indeed. i can see how it would leave quite an impression on anyone.
i do continue to pray for gracie as i'm sure do we all. as i have done everything i can think to do physically, i will give this situation up to god and keep quiet about here it out of respect for others' feelings. i do appreciate your input on this matter. hopefully, soon we will receive some positive word, either from graice or someone in contact with her.
bina
Posted by lil' jimi on August 16, 2003, at 19:01:20
In reply to re: no apologies necessary! » lil' jimi, posted by Sabina on August 16, 2003, at 9:18:05
sweet sabina,
you kindly wrote me:
> jim, buddy, don't sweat it! just as i chose to assume, there was *much* more to your story and history than i knew, and i am quite happy that i chose not to perceive your reply in a negative fashion. don't think another thing about it. i wasn't irritated with you last night and i'm certainly not irritated with you this morning. i've got more to worry about in my life than to go looking for reasons to get my feelings hurt here, where everyone has been nothing but kind to me and there's only ever been a slight miscommunication that was easily cleared up whenever the situation appeared to be otherwise. thanks for telling me your story, in any case. it sounds like it was a very bad situation, indeed. i can see how it would leave quite an impression on anyone.
>
> i do continue to pray for gracie as i'm sure do we all. as i have done everything i can think to do physically, i will give this situation up to god and keep quiet about here it out of respect for others' feelings. i do appreciate your input on this matter. hopefully, soon we will receive some positive word, either from gracie or someone in contact with her.
>
> binait is gracious of you to be so decent about this and i apprecaite it very much .... .... your spirit is strong to handle the challenges of your own situation and your campaign for grace, and then deal with my ineptitude .... ...
... i think being irritable is reasonable under the circumstances ...
... i also think that i overreact due to my hypersensitivity to these issues and that nothing you have done has come close to spreading panic or hysteria ... ... and it is not comparable to my enabling that poster to spread psychic mayhem by violating posting policies here ...
... ... given you were advised to post inquiries about grace ... ... and the absence of a threat of self-destruction, .... i think the situation may be qualitatively different .... different enough to warrant a less than totally discreet appraoch ...... .. ... for instance ...
... ... if someone's claiming a puppy's about to suffer, but there's nothing anyone can do about it ... then broadcasting this would mostly serve to increase the number of people who would not be able to do anything about it, and little else ...
... ... but if someone has lost a puppy and wants help ... then broadcasting that would multiply the number folks on the look out ... which is nearly harmless ... enough so that any incidental hysteria is small enough that it is worth that risk ...... ... your pleas of concern for gracie have been easily within this second category ... (although i apologize for casting grace as analogous with the puppy ... sorry, gracie) ...
although i'd suspect you've got everyone already beating the bushes ...
i can (Now!) see posting for grace as not having a significant negative impact on the boards' psychic ambiance ...
when compared to the beneficial catharsis from posting (venting) your (our) concerns ... i feel it may be that the detrimental effects of such posts are negligible under these circumstances ... at least until somebody else comes up with other concerns anyway ... ...i appreciate your good spirit and thank you for your understanding ... ...
thanks,
your buddy,
~ jim
Posted by kara lynne on August 16, 2003, at 19:19:31
In reply to re: thank you! thank you! thank you! » Sabina, posted by lil' jimi on August 16, 2003, at 19:01:20
How are you today?
Posted by Sabina on August 16, 2003, at 23:04:39
In reply to re: thank you! thank you! thank you! » Sabina, posted by lil' jimi on August 16, 2003, at 19:01:20
i appreciate your kind words, jim, but it hurt me to hear you refer to a perceived "ineptitude" of yourself. there's no need to speak so meanly about yourself when all you did was post with pure intentions based on a prior experience that affected you strongly. that's what we all do here, essentially. we make comments, offer consolation or advice, and (occasionally) sound alarms...all inevitably influenced by our personal histories. i also thank you for the kindness of being understanding with me. you could have just as easily allowed yourself to become offended by my words. therefore we are both on the same track: trying to get better, and trying to take care of each other a bit along the way.
Posted by lil' jimi on August 17, 2003, at 3:28:16
In reply to Hi jimi, posted by kara lynne on August 16, 2003, at 19:19:31
> How are you today?
Great!
although late ... ...
i slept a lot and when i woke up i found your note, but now it's 3 AM sunday morning ... ... so i missed you ... to answer your question though ...... ... i was disappointed that Erika didn't bring us any weather ... ... i was only expecting some rain ... ... instead we got sunshine ... the plants seeemed to love it though ... ... they set off my alergies which attacked my sinuses which gave me a headache which had me sleep a LOT yesterday plus go to bed early, so now i'm up ... ... ... but my headache's finally gone! ...Yeah!
..., i should say to you Good Morning!!
how was your saturday?
how is your sunday?sorry i'm so late, sweetie ...
hope fallsfall (Mom) hasn't had to come take out your phone ...
glad y'all decided who made what decision ...
makes it easier for me to support you anyway ...
so
DO NOT CALL YOU-KNOW-WHO!!!please ...
sweet dreams,
~ jim
Posted by lil' jimi on August 17, 2003, at 3:55:50
In reply to re: we're in this together » lil' jimi, posted by Sabina on August 16, 2003, at 23:04:39
hi sweet sabina,
> i appreciate your kind words, jim, but it hurt me to hear you refer to a perceived "ineptitude" of yourself. there's no need to speak so meanly about yourself when all you did was post with pure intentions based on a prior experience that affected you strongly. that's what we all do here, essentially. we make comments, offer consolation or advice, and (occasionally) sound alarms...all inevitably influenced by our personal histories. i also thank you for the kindness of being understanding with me. you could have just as easily allowed yourself to become offended by my words. therefore we are both on the same track: trying to get better, and trying to take care of each other a bit along the way.
>i like how this is working out here ... ... we are out kindeness-ing each other ... ... and i rise to the challenge! ... ...
... ... i have been inept more than a few times and although my little episode with you was not one of my shining moments, it has turned out great ... ... i get to feel closer to you .... ....
my chastising myself for my failures is only me trying to train myself to greater compassion for others ... ... which i can always stand to do ... ... your comforting me that i'm sufficiently less-than-inept with you makes my efforts a success ... ... i am so happy that we are cool with each other ... ... and although i am self-critical sometimes, please do not let it hurt you (goodness, what i have tried to avoid!) ... ... i am not being mean to myself, really ... ... i am just exercising some self-analysis, self-evaluation, in my unending effort to do better ... ... i tend to give myself a really easy time mostly, so i can take it .. ... ..
you, you're an angel! ... ... i love you're subject line! ... .... and i am grateful to you for your kind understanding ... ...
it is wonderful to have you here at pBabble, buddy!
take care,
~ jim
Posted by kara lynne on August 17, 2003, at 14:07:49
In reply to re: Hi jimi » kara lynne, posted by lil' jimi on August 17, 2003, at 3:28:16
Hi jimi,
It's good to hear from you.I'm not doing so great at the moment, my cat was up sick all night so both of us are tired. I'm trying to assess if I have to consider it an emergency or I can wait until tomorrow to go to the vet. She's not getting any worse, so that's good.
I'm not sure where all that came about who is making my decisions --it's kind of making me feel bad. I did say that I appreciated the directive (not to call, eg), because most people feel the need to qualify their suggestions with that it is only their opinion, etc. etc. I grew up with an emotionally absent vapor of a mother so I appreciate clear advice sometimes. Of course I'm a big girl and I can decide whether or not I want to take it.
I'm also having a delightful round of obsessive compulsive disorder. I get songs stuck in my head and they beat me to death. Ok, here's your joke-- I call them O.C.D's. But truly it can get a little hellish. I'm wondering if it's since I started the Lexapro, which wouldn't make sense, but you never know. I'm not going to give up on it yet though, because other than that I am tolerating it better than anything else I've tried recently.
I'm glad your allergies are better--mine have been acting up too. I get allergy shots, which ended up helping--after 3 years! But you know what...it was worth it. I was born with a (I was born...in a crossfire hurricane...see, here I go!) Ok, I'll try again: I was born with a Kleenex in my hand, nose running and eyes watering.
Be well jimi.
Posted by lil' jimi on August 17, 2003, at 14:59:57
In reply to re: Hi jimi, posted by kara lynne on August 17, 2003, at 14:07:49
hi Kara Lynne!
> Hi jimi,
> It's good to hear from you.
>and very good to hear from you too!!!
> I'm not doing so great at the moment, my cat was up sick all night so both of us are tired. I'm trying to assess if I have to consider it an emergency or I can wait until tomorrow to go to the vet. She's not getting any worse, so that's good.
>poor poor kitty! ... what's kitty's name?
... poor kitty's momma ! ... ... staying up all night and worrying herself sick about poor kitty ... ...
... ... i used to have cat(s) ... ... most famously, one was named "dharma kaya" ... ... we studied buddhism together when i was young ... ... we were telepathic ... ... i miss her ....
... cats are so sad when they're sick ...> I'm not sure where all that came about who is making my decisions --it's kind of making me feel bad.
>Oooo ... don't feel bad! .... .... you are being so good! ... ... you've determined your way and me and fallsfall are helping some ... ... maybe we just needed a little reasurance we could cheer real loud ... ... and not , you know, over do it ... ...
... ... i can cheer anyway, because i know you will just tell me when to stop ... ... of course!>I did say that I appreciated the directive (not to call, eg), because most people feel the need to qualify their suggestions with that it is only their opinion, etc. etc.
>... and i can be the biggest "qualifier" when i am not completely confident ... which is most of the time ...
>
I grew up with an emotionally absent vapor of a mother so I appreciate clear advice sometimes. Of course I'm a big girl and I can decide whether or not I want to take it.
>
> I'm also having a delightful round of obsessive compulsive disorder. I get songs stuck in my head and they beat me to death. Ok, here's your joke-- I call them O.C.D's. But truly it can get a little hellish. I'm wondering if it's since I started the Lexapro, which wouldn't make sense, but you never know. I'm not going to give up on it yet though, because other than that I am tolerating it better than anything else I've tried recently.
>where was i when you started lexapro?
how much are you taking?
when did this start?
yes, it could be the lex starting obsessiveness as an initial SE ... no fun, for kara!! ... Boooo! ... poor poor kara ... when an "OCD" (i didn't get my joke) hits you is hard, even if it's a song you like ... ... can this happening make you not be able to like a song?i'm sending you good vibes!
> I'm glad your allergies are better--mine have been acting up too. I get allergy shots, which ended up helping--after 3 years! But you know what...it was worth it. I was born with a (I was born...in a crossfire hurricane...see, here I go!) Ok, I'll try again: I was born with a Kleenex in my hand, nose running and eyes watering.
>
> Be well jimi.i'm taking something called "Nasacort" nasal inhaler for my allergies ... ... prescription stuff ... which reminds me i need to check for interactions with my lexapro!
Oh, that's the 'stolen rhones'' jumping jack flash!!! ... ... that wa's going to haunt me ... ... ... i was too focused on hendrix ....
take care, lil' kara
~ lil' jimip.s. do not call him!
~ j
Posted by kara lynne on August 17, 2003, at 15:33:56
In reply to Hi ((((((( kara kara))))))) !!!, posted by lil' jimi on August 17, 2003, at 14:59:57
-... ... i can cheer anyway, because i know you will just tell me when to stop ... ... of course!-
I wasn't sure, because you made that comment about it being easier to support me now that (you know I can make my own decisions?). I didn't expect I would have to qualify that so much, it made me feel kind of stoopid.
Anyway, about the songs: yes, the OCD can make me dislike them due to the fact they are making me psycho. Sorry to be obtuse,
O. "CD's" (compact discs...)It's unfortunate because sometimes they are songs that I love.
I sort of snuck in the lexapro. Even my doctor doesn't know I'm back on it--I can't get in to see him, he's so busy. I'm just taking about 5mgs. and it's been about a week. I'm glad to hear it can amp up the 'music' at first...so maybe that means it will go away.
Kitty's name is Alice but we call her so many things. She's all white and I like to call her Moondoggie, or just Moon, mostly. Sometimes I call her Cadbury, Cooper or Lucretia May. She's deaf so she doesn't mind. I thought about naming her Mandu (Kat Mandu....I'm such a shameless punner--isn't that supposed to be the lowest form of humor?) Anyway, she's very beautiful, but high strung-- I guess those two often go together! But she really did have a bad night, it wasn't just a ploy for attention.
But shhhh---I theeenk she's better....
Hey jimi...should I call him?? ; )
Posted by kara lynne on August 17, 2003, at 15:38:15
In reply to Re: Hi ((((((( kara kara))))))) !!!, posted by kara lynne on August 17, 2003, at 15:33:56
My favorite version is a medley by Leon Russell and (the Shelter People?) from the Concert for Bangla Desh. I used to play that album (yes vinyl) over and over when I was 13 after I saw the movie. No wonder I have OCD.
Posted by fallsfall on August 17, 2003, at 16:20:12
In reply to re: Hi jimi, posted by kara lynne on August 17, 2003, at 14:07:49
Hi Kara,
>>I'm not sure where all that came about who is making my decisions --it's kind of making me feel bad. I did say that I appreciated the directive (not to call, eg), because most people feel the need to qualify their suggestions with that it is only their opinion, etc. etc. I grew up with an emotionally absent vapor of a mother so I appreciate clear advice sometimes. Of course I'm a big girl and I can decide whether or not I want to take it.
I think that I have to take credit for this. You did nothing wrong. I was just starting to flip out and I couldn't tell if I was falling into one of my standard "Things I shouldn't do". It wasn't that you weren't making decisions when you should - I was afraid I was making decisions when I shouldn't. I really didn't mean to cause concern. I'm sorry.
So please pretend I never said anything, and know that you are fine.
OK?
Posted by kara lynne on August 17, 2003, at 16:52:18
In reply to re: Hi jimi » kara lynne, posted by fallsfall on August 17, 2003, at 16:20:12
fallsfall,
Thank you for your message--I appreciate it, and understand more now. Maybe we just fell into the transference/ counter-transference mode for a minute.I'm not sure what made you 'flip out', but of course I'd like to avoid whatever it is that triggers that for you. I just appreciate what you have to say; of course you are in no way responsible for what I decide to do (or not) with that. I wouldn't worry about it too much anyway, I can be pretty stubborn behind all this mush.
But I think we're on the same side here anyway.
Apology not necessary, just clarification--which is greatly appreciated.
Posted by lil' jimi on August 17, 2003, at 18:09:55
In reply to crossfire hurricane/ jimi, posted by kara lynne on August 17, 2003, at 15:38:15
> My favorite version is a medley by Leon Russell and (the Shelter People?) from the Concert for Bangla Desh. I used to play that album (yes vinyl) over and over when I was 13 after I saw the movie. No wonder I have OCD.
>now i have to have that CD from your OCD ... HA!
... ... heck, these days we should be able to get the dvd of the movie ...
... .... EXCEPT ... that concert created a maelstrom of litigation ... ... and the right's to it by still be bound up the the courts ... .... web searching will tell ... ...
leon russell .... .... of course, the vinyl ...... joe cocker's "with a little help from my friends" too ....
doing any better now?
~ jim
Posted by fallsfall on August 17, 2003, at 20:16:18
In reply to fallsfall, posted by kara lynne on August 17, 2003, at 16:52:18
Thanks, Kara. If you could keep this trigger from happening, I would be quite greatful! You just need to keep my therapist from going on vacation!!!! Sigh, I can dream, can't I? I see him Tuesday (20 1/2 hours - see, I'm not even counting the minutes yet).
Thanks for understanding.
Posted by lil' jimi on August 18, 2003, at 2:13:10
In reply to Re: Hi ((((((( kara kara))))))) !!!, posted by kara lynne on August 17, 2003, at 15:33:56
> -... ... i can cheer anyway, because i know you will just tell me when to stop ... ... of course!-
>
> I wasn't sure, because you made that comment about it being easier to support me now that (you know I can make my own decisions?). I didn't expect I would have to qualify that so much, it made me feel kind of stoopid.
>wow, you see, i missed that ... ... speaking of feeling stupid ... i can just barely follow here this arc from how descisions are peceived to being stupid ... as one of your supporters, it's always best if i know which way to support you ... ... if i'm trying to help you overcome doubts, then i cheer for you to maintain your resolve
.... .... i would never want to demean you in the process ... what kind of supporter would i be?... ... i think you're very smart and i have tons of respect for you .... i hate that you felt stupid and i would never look down on you ... ... you inspire me ...
... ... maybe my confusion comes from my own failure in dealing with making descisions ... ... i rarely want to decide things for myself ... ... i make descisions for my family and at work ... ... but i have gone hungry cause i couldn't pick something to eat! ... ... and! i have never felt this reflected on me as a ... ... stupid person ... ...
> Anyway, about the songs: yes, the OCD can make me dislike them due to the fact they are making me psycho. Sorry to be obtuse,
> O. "CD's" (compact discs...)
>well, aren't i the dull one Again! .... .... here you gave the huge hint by saying it was a joke ... ... i miss it completely AND Then make the SAME JOKE (!) AS IF my idea was 'original' ... ... i am TOO funny ... ... you are getting such a deal with me! ... ... wow!
> It's unfortunate because sometimes they are songs that I love.
>total bummer ... ... shall i be cautious about making song references? ... ... music plays in my head most of the time, but i get a bunch of control over it mostly, even if an occasional bad song gets stuck in the rotation ... ... some of santiago's tv shows, or commercials ... ... sometimes it's someting real bad, but it's not pure aggravation ... ...
> I sort of snuck in the lexapro. Even my doctor doesn't know I'm back on it--I can't get in to see him, he's so busy. I'm just taking about 5mgs. and it's been about a week. I'm glad to hear it can amp up the 'music' at first...so maybe that means it will go away.
>it should go away, i'm praying, soon ... ...
there is a kind of s speed-like component to my initial SEs, which i can imagine might be putting the quarters in your jukebox ... ... that's my guess ... ...
any other SEs ? ... week one's the time to have them ... ... drink LOTS of water and take your vitamins ... ... i felt like i had the flu, so i treated myself like i had the flu and forced fluids and took ibuprophen ...> Kitty's name is Alice but we call her so many things. She's all white and I like to call her Moondoggie, or just Moon, mostly. Sometimes I call her Cadbury, Cooper or Lucretia May. She's deaf so she doesn't mind. I thought about naming her Mandu (Kat Mandu....I'm such a shameless punner--isn't that supposed to be the lowest form of humor?)
>my Dad LOVED puns! ... ... he wasn't real good at making them, but he loved to groan when i'd hit him with a real bad one ... we'd kid him that the reason the rose to the rank of colonel was because of his humor ... ... (ta boom bam!) ... (colonel ... 'kernel' = corny ... HA! ... sorry!)
>Anyway, she's very beautiful, but high strung-- I guess those two often go together! But she really did have a bad night, it wasn't just a ploy for attention.
>poor poor alice cat mandu! ...
> But shhhh---I theeenk she's better....
><<okay ... ... i'll be real quiet-like .....>>
>
> Hey jimi...should I call him?? ; )
>
>NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
you joker!
and your new nickname should be "karakara smarty pants" for getting so much stuff by me ... ... keeping me on my toes!
pets to alice mandu!
~ jimp.s. do Not call him!
Posted by kara lynne on August 18, 2003, at 14:51:58
In reply to re: Hi ((((((( kara kara))))))) !!!, posted by lil' jimi on August 18, 2003, at 2:13:10
Thanks as usual for your thoughtful message. I too have gone hungry from indecision so there you go.
I think the OCD flare-up was both the Lex and hormonal. I'll spare you the details of the latter, but let's just say it should tone down a bit soon if I'm right. Yesterday was hell, it really was. I did end up taking a long walk--the only exercise I've been able to do in too long--and that helped. But I was obsessing about everything at a fevered pitch even while I was walking. Screaming "STOP!" doesn't help, so I was desperately trying your visualization and another meditation to break the pattern. I also didn't take any Lexapro last night just in case because I felt so bad.
I was using your visualization because the ex sent me part of a mass email again--his sensitivity knows no bounds. He said he's trying to make the environment in his new house more 'righteous' and therefore he was giving away some furniture (including something of mine--which I don't want, but still...) to anyone who wanted it. Then he sent me a private email just meowing-- which was the highest form of our communication (although I do have to say the man could hit incredibly correct feline inflections).
Anyway, off I went. God, how could he do that....if he had only ever wanted to make our relationship more 'righteous'...why didn't he want to make our environment more 'righteous'....I'm sure he has everyone around him believing he is 'righteous'...why is he giving away his television, has he ascended this plane now? (you know he criticized me for watching television...) Who is moving in with him that he wants to do this now...how could he have gotten over me so quickly...torture, torture, torture, all night long. And then that stupid meow. After all this time, *that's* all he can offer me? He can't even say something real..EVER?! Well of course not, not if he's with someone else and giving away all his extraneous possessions...
But he never said anything real to me when we were together, that was why I left. Well that and the saying real mean things. But maybe that was the best I could do and now I'll be lonely for the rest of my life...
So you see, that's why I was trying to cut those ties and I still am. My ex has it set up so he never has to be alone. I am alone way too much. Being with him I did get out more, and now I'm in the position of feeling so bad which prevents me from going out, which perpetuates the problem, which yesac and I have spoken about. It really had me tricked into believing I should have stayed with him last night, even though I would have had to relinquish all self respect.
I hope you don't mind this long winded response. Please don't feel that you have to respond to it; I just needed to write it.
Thanks lil jimi.
I love your colonel dad.
Posted by lil' jimi on August 18, 2003, at 16:13:21
In reply to jimster, posted by kara lynne on August 18, 2003, at 14:51:58
kara kara!
you just vent all of that you want to !
no one can complain about being too long-winded when they're as verbose as i am ...you are seeing this so clearly now ... ... although it is through so much pain ... ...
it is like the pain of your relationship wasn't acknowledged at that time and is coming back now to let you know all about it ... ... and about him.slowing down on your lex dose now may aggravate your lex SEs more ... if the ocd-ing is real bad, then you have no choice ... ... ever tried valerian? ... ... Bill L. on the lex thread has said it has calming effects, helps him sleep without any extra SEs ... ...
sounds as if between your med changes and him, you're getting hit with a "perfect" psychic storm there ... ... let us know how we may help you ride it out!!
hang in there and ...
take care!
~ jim
This is the end of the thread.
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