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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 25. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by fallsfall on August 9, 2003, at 10:02:49
Sometimes I get overwhelmed. Like now.
There is too much going on. My father-in-law died last week and we had the burial on Monday and a Memorial service for him and my mother-in-law (who died 8 months ago) on Thursday. My husband and I are separated, so this was all a little weird. My parents and sister came to these events, and the memorial service had all of my husband's relatives who I haven't seen for 5 years. This all required a lot of driving (1 1/2 hours each way) - and I don't like to go more than 30 minutes (it takes too much concentration).
The weekend before my kids and I went to the cottage on the lake - this was wonderful, but it wasn't "normal" or home-sweet-home. And it was 1 1/2 hours away.
Before that my best friend was in the hospital (I talked her into going), and I went to visit a couple of times (1 hour away).
2 nights ago she was hit by a car crossing the street. She had 5 stitches in her head and was pretty shook up. I went to keep her company at the hospital (at midnight).
My daughter is up from CT for the memorial service and a thing tonight. But I don't have the energy to want to do anything with her.
There is a ceremony tonight where my son will get a big award from DeMolay (a kid's organization connected to Masonry). My parents will be there, too. It's 1 hour away, but I can ride over with my daughter and back with my husband (arg!!! but it is better than driving). My youngest doesn't want to go tonight. I think she should go to support her brother. My husband thinks she can skip it. I don't have the energy to fight this.
I can't get to sleep, and then I keep waking up.
My dog has suspicious lumps on his side.
My therapist was on vacation last week and this coming week.
I need everything to stop so I can catch up. I know that if I can rest I will pull it back together.
I have support group meetings on Sunday and Monday (and I need to give my friend a ride). I have a meeting with a financial person Tuesday. I'm supposed to walk with a friend and take my daughter for an eye doctor appointment on Wednesday.
ARGH! Now this thing tonight isn't at 7PM, it is at 2PM. I can't take it!
Posted by Dinah on August 9, 2003, at 10:55:40
In reply to Need to scream, posted by fallsfall on August 9, 2003, at 10:02:49
As long as you need to if it helps.
That's a lot on anyone's plate, and you have every right to be angry and overwhelmed that so much is coming at you at once.
If it helps at all, while lumps can be something serious, every time mine has had one, it's been a fluid filled cyst that wasn't at all dangerous (or even expensive).
(((Fallsfall)))
Posted by Ame Sans Vie on August 9, 2003, at 11:25:10
In reply to Re: Scream away, posted by Dinah on August 9, 2003, at 10:55:40
> If it helps at all, while lumps can be something serious, every time mine has had one, it's been a fluid filled cyst that wasn't at all dangerous (or even expensive).
Same here, except in my case it's my oldest cat who always gets the cysts. In her case, we just sterilize the area with an alcohol swab, use one of my step-dad's insulin syringes to remove the fluid, and dab a just a tiny bit of Neosporin on the area.
Posted by Ame Sans Vie on August 9, 2003, at 11:26:50
In reply to Re: Scream away, posted by Ame Sans Vie on August 9, 2003, at 11:25:10
I suppose I should mention that this technique was suggested to us by our vet... we'd never do anything that could potentially harm our sweet little Mitzi. :-)
Posted by Temmie on August 9, 2003, at 13:53:56
In reply to Need to scream, posted by fallsfall on August 9, 2003, at 10:02:49
Fallsfall ... You have had a lot going on, too much for one person to bear -- and you've been bearing so much on your own .... The friend. The driving. The funeral. The driving. Your friend (again) being injured. Seeing family members from whom you've become estranged/isolated. This is only a brief relisting of what you've noted ....
You are only one soul person here -- alone and struggling -- give it up, and scream. Scream and cry and unplug your phone, and empty yourself -- as best as you're able. Then be good to yourself. Be gentle with yourself. Ask your higher power, whomever/whatever it is to whom you direct your prayers -- to help you empty yourself, that you might be inflooded with the peace, comfort, and rest you so desire and deserve. Take care. Take good care of you, and know that others -- whom you don't even know -- are sending love, support, and prayers your way. XXX, Temmie
Posted by kara lynne on August 9, 2003, at 15:45:14
In reply to Need to scream, posted by fallsfall on August 9, 2003, at 10:02:49
Hi fallsfall,
You really do have a lot going on right now. In spite of everything you manage to manage, and I admire you for it.I don't have any words of wisdom, only appreciation. You have been such a support to me in these last months. It's so strange to say this via cyberspace, but nonetheless very real. It's always a lift to turn on the computer and find messages from you when I post. And the things you say have a very real impact.
Can you take anything to help you sleep? That not sleeping just makes everything so raw.
Thinking of you,
K.L.
Posted by gabbix2 on August 9, 2003, at 18:36:48
In reply to Re: Need to scream, posted by kara lynne on August 9, 2003, at 15:45:14
I want to make a place where we could all just
collapse in the most comfortable beds, with the fuzziest blankets, and be told that we're lovely and fine just the way we are.. and somehow believe it.. A womb room.We really don't ask a lot.
Posted by fallsfall on August 9, 2003, at 19:17:05
In reply to Womb Room.., posted by gabbix2 on August 9, 2003, at 18:36:48
That sounds so wonderful. I bet if you made such a place that people would come from all over the country to stay for a day or two or three. I would. What a nice thought. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa......
I don't want to close this window and get back to the real world. I like your idea too much. Let me stay a little while.
Thank you Gabby.
Posted by fallsfall on August 9, 2003, at 19:22:54
In reply to Re: Scream away, posted by Ame Sans Vie on August 9, 2003, at 11:25:10
Thanks. I didn't have the emotional energy to bring him in last week. Maybe it will be a little easier if I'm not thinking the worst.
Posted by fallsfall on August 9, 2003, at 19:28:58
In reply to Re: Need to scream, posted by Temmie on August 9, 2003, at 13:53:56
Temmie!
I'm glad to see you. How are things?
I survived the ceremony today (and even the ride back with my husband).
I am trying to be good to myself. I'm eating ice cream (always a good thing for me), and typing on Babel, and hoping to go to bed early. Tomorrow maybe I'll go out and buy more ice cream.
Thank you for you peaceful, calming thoughts. It helps more than you know.
Posted by fallsfall on August 9, 2003, at 19:37:19
In reply to Re: Need to scream, posted by kara lynne on August 9, 2003, at 15:45:14
Kara,
My first inclination is to say "But I don't manage, you don't know what I'm not doing". But I'm not going to say that. I'm just going to say to myself "Kara appreciates me" and let that nice feeling sit.
I do take stuff to sleep already. I'm on Prozac which gives me insomnia. So I take Sonata for the insomnia (sometimes 2...). But I could take some Atavan, too (but not too much or I'll feel drugged all day tomorrow. That's a good idea. And I can sleep as late as I want tomorrow (well, I probably should be up by 2 so I can buy more ice cream).
Thanks!
Posted by Temmie on August 9, 2003, at 19:37:47
In reply to Re: Need to scream » Temmie, posted by fallsfall on August 9, 2003, at 19:28:58
I have been somewhat rattled today. It is perhaps an impossibility0 to be attempting to love on the one hand, and to let go with the other. Paul continues to call, and say the sweetest most encouraging things -- but I was reminded by a friend today (I guess she's becoming my sponsor), that love isn't a "feeling," but a series of behaviors. Is he reliable. Is he trustworthy. Will he be there for me, etc. etc. etc. I think we all know the answers to that.
The bottom-line, I have to recognize him for the sick person that he is -- to love, support and pray for him, as best as I'm able -- and to keep going to meetings -- as often as possible -- so I can keep walking that straight and narrow of putting myself first -- and my obedience and willingness to serve God (oops, am I on the wrong site here?) .... my willingness to be open to spirit, and to be open to -- you know -- following the direction and guidance of my higher power -- lead my way.
I am feeling a little better after a meeting this evening.
Going upstairs to pray now, which prayers will include you. I am so grateful to you and others, for bringing such hope into my life ... when all has seemed hopeless.
Om Ah Ra Pa Tsa Na Dhi. I'm grateful for referalls to new benevolent beings, who are more than willing to be of help ....
I am finding my way ... little by little ... with occasional setbacks ... occasional feelings of despair ... and occasional moments of feeling I'm going to make it.
Much, much love! I hope you did a good share of screaming and crying today! Temmie
Posted by Temmie on August 9, 2003, at 19:38:39
In reply to Re: Need to scream » Temmie, posted by fallsfall on August 9, 2003, at 19:28:58
Oops, I meant to go back and copy-edit that. Sorry for the typos ....
In the short -- I am finding my way. Thanks for asking Fallsfall. Hope you're feeling better, too. T.
Posted by kara lynne on August 9, 2003, at 19:50:32
In reply to Re: Need to scream » fallsfall, posted by Temmie on August 9, 2003, at 19:37:47
Hi Temmie,
Can I ask what kind of meetings you're going to? That sounds like the kind of information I could use. Thanks, and I understand if you don't want to say. I think there are CODA and S.L.A. meetings that I'm wondering about.
Posted by fallsfall on August 9, 2003, at 20:05:05
In reply to Re: Need to scream » fallsfall, posted by Temmie on August 9, 2003, at 19:37:47
It sounds like you are getting stronger and making progress. It is hard, but keep working on it.
I screamed a little, and then I've had my ice cream and my Babble. I'm feeling a little better.
Posted by Temmie on August 9, 2003, at 20:20:20
In reply to Question for Temmie, posted by kara lynne on August 9, 2003, at 19:50:32
I am going to Al-Anon meetings, although I could probably use CODA (?) co-dependent something-or-other? And what was the other meeting you suggested? I'm also thinking of going to an open AA meeting. I use Xanax, which is prescribed. And I use it as prescribed, but lately I've been needing it more and more, and right now I'm drinking a beer. (!) I don't want to get into "not feeling my feelings" territory, although it sounds as though I've already crossed that bridge. I am suffering, but not suffering greatly. I am open to spirit, thank God (!), and I have many people praying for me, I'm sure, seen and unseen. Blessings on your journey. If I can be of help in anyway, let me know -- other than that, I love this forum. Let's keep the dialogue going ... an as best as we're able, support and help one another. Peace, Temmie
Posted by deirdrehbrt on August 10, 2003, at 10:54:12
In reply to Re: Question for Temmie » kara lynne, posted by Temmie on August 9, 2003, at 20:20:20
Fallsfall,
I think that I need to thank you. I know I need to thank you, more than I know how to. You have redefined for me the meaning of the word 'friend'. Frank had said he would visit this morning..... did he show? no. Did he call? no. Basically, I have one friend who holds true to her word and who is there when they promise. That doesn't mean these people aren't friends, it's just that the word friend doesn't imply as much import to them as it does to others. Maybe they haven't been as hurt by others.
My hope is that I can be there for you as much and as surely as you are for me. Maybe we can find a way to make the 'womb room' a reality for ourselves and for others.
I know that the accident and stuff have been a strain on you. Help me to make it up to you. If you need to get away, let me know, I would be more than happy to watch the dogs, or to take care of what ever you need. Take a break. Let me help you as much as you help me.
Dee.
Posted by deirdrehbrt on August 10, 2003, at 10:57:53
In reply to Womb Room.., posted by gabbix2 on August 9, 2003, at 18:36:48
Gabbix,
Your post was so beautifully written. I wonder if I might have your permission to copy it, and perhaps place it on my bulletin board to remind me to look for that place sometimes.
Thank you,
Dee.
Posted by fallsfall on August 10, 2003, at 13:13:50
In reply to Re: Need to scream., posted by deirdrehbrt on August 10, 2003, at 10:54:12
Dee,
I do things for and with you because I want to. That hasn't been a bad decision yet.
You give me more than you realize, and I thank you.
We could create a womb room, and fill it with suffed animals, too. We'd have to take turns being the voice saying we were find. And the listener would have to be willing to believe it.
(((((Dee)))))
See you tonight
Posted by gabbix2 on August 10, 2003, at 13:51:41
In reply to Re: Womb Room.., posted by deirdrehbrt on August 10, 2003, at 10:57:53
And thank you very much for saying it was beautifully written.
Posted by kara lynne on August 10, 2003, at 18:19:35
In reply to Re: Question for Temmie » kara lynne, posted by Temmie on August 9, 2003, at 20:20:20
Hi Temmie,
Thanks for answering. I'm sure I could go to any of those meetings and earn my welcome. Funny, I just took half a Zanax and I don't even like them; I'm just having such a hard time getting through the day.The other meeting I mentioned was Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous-- I know the name sounds weird but I went to some meetings when I was going through a breakup many years ago. It was useful just for the support of trying to stay away from a bad relationship.
I am also reading the same book you are (breaking addiction to a person). I bought it a few weeks ago and then I saw you mentioned it; it's got some pretty good information. I remember reading it during another one of my relationships--apparently it didn't stick.
It sounds like you have good support around you.
Thanks again.
Posted by fallsfall on August 11, 2003, at 21:44:03
In reply to Re: Question for Temmie, posted by kara lynne on August 10, 2003, at 18:19:35
I took my dog to the vet today. He is such a good dog (Cocker Spaniel, 10 years old). The vet said that she thought the masses were benign, filled with fat. She couldn't be sure, though. She measured them and told me that I should check them periodically to see if they changed size or texture. He has a heart murmur, so she doesn't want to put him under if she can help it. So, it was good news (as you guys predicted). The bad news was that he has gingivitis. His teeth have always been really good. He's not a big chewer, but she gave me some ideas of things he might chew. And she mentioned the brushing his teeth thing (I haven't needed to since his teeth have been good). She doesn't want to really clean them because they would have to put him under...
I didn't drive on Saturday, and took it easy on Sunday. Today I'm feeling a bit better. I paid some bills and cleaned my kitchen. I feel like I'm over the hump, and it is getting better. Now I have to convince the weather to stop being so humid!
Thanks for your support.
Posted by Dinah on August 12, 2003, at 2:04:49
In reply to Re: My Dog, posted by fallsfall on August 11, 2003, at 21:44:03
Darn uncooperative weather!!
I'm glad about your dog. That sounds about right, age wise to start getting those. The teeth - ugh. My three little ones really need their teeth brushed daily or else cleaned professionally twice a year. I can't afford that anymore. So I got one of those rotary brushes. I'm hoping the extra power will offset the fact that they really need a professional cleaning. I've got a tooth scraper too, but they're so old now it's hard to use it without very gory results.
They've also got those doggie treats now that supposedly help with the teeth. I'm trying to remember - Science Diet maybe? With my crew, treats aren't the best idea because sibling rivalry always results. But with only one dog it might help.
I've always loved cockers. My first dog was a cocker/terrier mix. All cocker in temperament and looks, but she could dig with the best of terriers!
Posted by Penny on August 12, 2003, at 9:04:36
In reply to Re: My Dog, posted by fallsfall on August 11, 2003, at 21:44:03
So glad to hear the good news about your dog. One of mine gets benign fatty lumps - I just keep a check on them to make sure they're not really growing or anything, but we had one removed a couple of years ago (and her teeth cleaned at the same time), and it turned out to be nothing. But it was too small for them to aspirate. Right now she has several, but they're pretty small, so I'm not worried.
As for teeth brushing - I was doing so well with it for a while, but one of my dogs has really bad teeth - she's four but her teeth look like they never grew up with the rest of her - she still looks like she has puppy teeth, though I know she hasn't - and her teeth get tartar buildup so quickly. I just had them cleaned about 1 1/2 yrs ago, but they will need it again soon I suppose. She gets dry food and rawhide and occasional dentabones and dog biscuits, but, alas, without daily brushing it's just downhill. Very frustrating.
Hoping it cools off for you soon. Very glad you're feeling better!
P
Posted by Susan J on August 12, 2003, at 9:34:22
In reply to Re: My Dog, posted by fallsfall on August 11, 2003, at 21:44:03
Hi, I haven't read through all the posts in this thread, so if I repeat something someone already said, I apologize.
Dog's teeth:
I got a rescue dog when she was a year old. She'd been a stray her entire life and her teeth were HORRIBLE. I fed her nothing but hard kibble and let her chew on hard stuff like those white bones. It REALLY improved her teeth. The canned food, table scraps, rawhides, etc. aren't very good for a dog's teeth if they are prone to tartar build up.
Might try that instead of putting her under for a cleaning...
This is the end of the thread.
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