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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 25. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by yesac on July 31, 2003, at 17:14:14
Imagine that! It's been oddly up and down all day. I think that I'm afraid to go home because of my brand new roomates (one has been moving in today). I feel a bit nauseous. I feel sad that not many people are on the board lately (of course, glad for those who are). I don't really know what else to say right now. I just wish that I could feel good. Happy. I want to find meds that work. Or something. My mouth is so incredibly dry from Parnate. I want answers. I want to enjoy my life. I want to read Harry Potter. I want to not feel down on myself for not being able to read. Oh God - no I can't even stand it. I think that writing this is making me more depressed. I should just stop.
Posted by judy1 on July 31, 2003, at 19:02:41
In reply to I feel depressed, posted by yesac on July 31, 2003, at 17:14:14
sorry you're feeling down, I think venting like this always helps. and I love Harry Potter!- I bought the book for my son but spent 2 straight days reading it before I gave it to him. do something nice for yourself, you deserve it. take care, judy
Posted by Willow on July 31, 2003, at 21:40:44
In reply to Re: I feel depressed » yesac, posted by judy1 on July 31, 2003, at 19:02:41
can't you read? Give the new roomies time. You'll either grow to love them or hate them. Sorry to hear that you are going through a rough spell. Hang in, I'm sure if you've this board you've been through it before.
BEST WISHES
Willow
Posted by Kar on July 31, 2003, at 22:19:04
In reply to I feel depressed, posted by yesac on July 31, 2003, at 17:14:14
>one has been moving in today
Moving in general is stressful. Whether you're the mover or the movee (??)>I don't really know what else to say right now.
When i'm low, that's the first thing to go. Bully for you for even posting that...I give you a lot of credit>myself for not being able to read.
I can't read when i'm bad either. it's maddening. no pun meant. It's tough even to watch tv sometimes...You WILL find the right meds and you will feel better. We on the board are allowed to say that because we've been through it.
Hang in there
Posted by KimberlyDi on August 1, 2003, at 8:30:48
In reply to I feel depressed, posted by yesac on July 31, 2003, at 17:14:14
I love Harry Potter too!
Try keeping busy. My worst enemy is my mind when I'm idle. Then all I do is think and analyze, over-analyze, over and over and over. LOL
I wish you luck. I'm going through one of those spells myself. I started today with the thought "am i psychotic?" new project to read up on. i'm hopeless.Hang in there!
KDi in Texas> Imagine that! It's been oddly up and down all day. I think that I'm afraid to go home because of my brand new roomates (one has been moving in today). I feel a bit nauseous. I feel sad that not many people are on the board lately (of course, glad for those who are). I don't really know what else to say right now. I just wish that I could feel good. Happy. I want to find meds that work. Or something. My mouth is so incredibly dry from Parnate. I want answers. I want to enjoy my life. I want to read Harry Potter. I want to not feel down on myself for not being able to read. Oh God - no I can't even stand it. I think that writing this is making me more depressed. I should just stop.
Posted by yesac on August 1, 2003, at 12:05:50
In reply to Sorry..., posted by Kar on July 31, 2003, at 22:19:04
> >one has been moving in today
> Moving in general is stressful. Whether you're the mover or the movee (??)Yes, it's odd. I moved back in the beginning of Jan into my place now. That was so stressful, first with trying to find a place (scouring the ads constantly, checking places out, "interviewing", and then the actual moving day itself). Anyways, I really didn't think it would be nearly so stressful when I wasn't the one to move, but it has been. Plus, getting used to new people.
> >myself for not being able to read.
> I can't read when i'm bad either. it's maddening. no pun meant. It's tough even to watch tv sometimes...Exactly! This inability to read thing has never ever been a problem for me before during my years of depression. Often, it was my escape. But now I've been basically unable to read for months... I don't know what is going on!! I try and try, but just can't seem to get interested and get through an entire book. And the tv watching too. It's been better lately (with the advent of my concurrent crocheting), but for quite a while I really couldn't watch tv either.
> You WILL find the right meds and you will feel better.
Maybe. Hopefully. I've tried so many things without any effect at all! But I just keep trying. It is so unbelievably frustrating. I feel like going and punching out the makers Zoloft and other drugs when I see those commercials... "you know when you're just not feeling right... you feel sad, lose interest in your usual activities blah blah blah.... Depression is a treatable disease....." Ugh!
Posted by yesac on August 1, 2003, at 12:08:01
In reply to Why ..., posted by Willow on July 31, 2003, at 21:40:44
> Why can't you read?
I don't know. I just can't seem to focus and be engaged in the reading. It's odd. I hate it.
Posted by lil' jimi on August 1, 2003, at 14:24:10
In reply to I feel depressed, posted by yesac on July 31, 2003, at 17:14:14
hi yesac!
sorry to hear things are rough for you there ...
... these supportive vibes are being beamed to you from central texas by me ... ... and i'll try to get his 4 3/4 year-old vibes sent your way to ...... i feel for you for the "new roomie" syndrome ... i'd be spooked by anticipating such a change in the home life ... it's threatening
... ... and Therefore, Not that irrational to feel ... i wouldn't want to make you feel any worse, but consider that you really do have reasonable reasons to have a little bit of a bummer ...
... and try to hang in there ... and ...TAKE CARE !!
~ jimp.s. would it possibly help to tell us about these roomies?
~ j
Posted by ROO on August 1, 2003, at 14:48:32
In reply to re: I feel depressed » yesac, posted by lil' jimi on August 1, 2003, at 14:24:10
I couldn't read for a year due to a really bad
depression. I'm just now coming out of it and now
I read all the time. So there's hope. I didn't think
my depression would ever pass or get better. I was suicidal
for a whole year...couldn't do much....couldn't feel comfortable
or peaceful in my skin at all.I hope you feel better soon...
New roomates are nervewracking...so is moving...just
watching someone else moving makes me feel ill at ease...
there's lots of issues surrounding it.I hate to suggest something so dimestore psychology..but
do you think a silly movie might help? Sometimes, when
I was really depressed, that's the only thing that gave
me momentary relief...watching a dumb as hell movie...I watched
Bringing Down The House with Queen Latifah, Steve Martin and
Eugene Levy...laughed a lot....(Of course I was crying on my
way to the movie, and on the way back....but I had two hours
of forgetfulness...)
Posted by yesac on August 1, 2003, at 16:30:44
In reply to re: I feel depressed » yesac, posted by lil' jimi on August 1, 2003, at 14:24:10
Well, they both seem really nice. A guy and a girl. It's hard to say what will happen. Things with my old roomates went okay for a while, but then for unknown reasons there was a downturn, and I just felt really uncomfortable with them after that. We didn't talk, except for "hi". I didn't want to be around when they were. I hoped when I got home that they wouldn't be there. Basically.... I really just don't want things to turn out like that again. I want to feel comfortable in my own home, you know?
I don't know how to get to feel comfortable with them.
Posted by yesac on August 1, 2003, at 16:36:18
In reply to re: I feel depressed, posted by ROO on August 1, 2003, at 14:48:32
Thanks for the suggestion. Sometimes I do try to watch movies that are on tv or I rent. They can help to get my mind off of things, at least somewhat. I like movies better than tv - usually less boring. It's something, temporary as it may be.
Posted by yesac on August 1, 2003, at 16:56:42
In reply to re: I feel depressed, posted by ROO on August 1, 2003, at 14:48:32
I don't know what this is about. It might be my usual weekend thing, but taking a sort of different form. The past few weeks it has been more of fear about what I'm going to do with myself. Now it is just plain depression and sadness. I seem to often have bad fridays and saturdays. Ugh - you guys - just like yesterday I don't even know what to say... I just feel so down, so incredibly down, and it seems to get worse as the minutes go by. I am very stressed about money lately, too, which certainly doesn't help anything.
I just feel this bleakness, though that's not really the right word. I want to withdraw, not have to talk to people, least of all new roomates who I don't feel comfortable with and feel that I have to put on a happy face around. It's not so hard with people I work with because I like being with them and talking and therefore I feel actually okay around them, so it isn't a matter of putting on the face.
Why does it all have to be so hard? I don't think that I've really felt good in years, I mean really truly good. Oh well, okay, I guess there were a couple phases that I felt overall pretty decent for a few months.
I have that feeling of sort of wanting to cry right now, but for me it is so subtle. I never really cry. I feel somewhat nauseaus, just a little bit. I really think that I'd feel a little better if I didn't have to worry about going home and facing my roomates. But I don't want to let myself get into a pattern of avoiding them either.
I don't know what to do about meds either, if I should do what I want which isn't exactly what my doctor said to do.
I feel like I'm wasting all my time not accomplishing anything and not enjoying anything either.
I wish that the day was over and I could go to bed.
Posted by lil' jimi on August 2, 2003, at 1:14:56
In reply to I can feel myself sinking... again, posted by yesac on August 1, 2003, at 16:56:42
hi yesac,
i hope you're doing better ... ... sorry if i'm late
... ... hope the roommate concerns will ease soon
... ... thinking of you and saying my buddhist prayers for you ... rest ... take comfort as you can
... ... i need to check for your posts now ...take care,
~ jim
Posted by yesac on August 2, 2003, at 18:13:04
In reply to re: I can feel myself sinking... again » yesac, posted by lil' jimi on August 2, 2003, at 1:14:56
> i hope you're doing better ... ... sorry if i'm late
Late? Oh, I guess maybe you mean that you missed me? Well, it's true, I left work at about, um, 6:30 EST last night and didn't check back here till today around 4. But it's okay - late is better than never!
> ... ... hope the roommate concerns will ease soon
Me too!
> ... ... thinking of you and saying my buddhist prayers for you ... rest ... take comfort as you canThanks. Are you really Buddhist (like, devout, believing in reincarnation and Buddha as God or ...I'm not sure what else), or just kind of Buddhist in your basic philosophies?
I embrace some Buddhist-seeming ideas. I think the Dalai Lama is a almost sort of my idol. "Idol" is NOT the right word, but I can't seem to think of anything better right now. Mentor? Well, let's just say that I strive to be like him in terms of compassion and acceptance and "non-judgementalness". Hey! I just noticed that the word MENTAL is within the word nonjudgeMENTAL. Interesting. But, the problem with Buddhism for me is my lack of belief in God, reincarnation. I could never be devout. I could never pray. Plus, I'm not so good at "just being" sort of thing, although I don't think too many people are. Something to work on.... I've always wanted to meditate but never really have. I have sat quietly and focused on my breath, etc, which I guess is meditation, but never for very long and never regularly.
My religion is a wonderful religion - Unitarian Universalism. I imagine that a lot of people almost don't think of it as a real religion or something. A lot of people don't get it. Oh well.
I feel like this has turned into something that should be on the Faith board, though I certainly didn't intend for this when I started writing.
Posted by KimberlyDi on August 4, 2003, at 9:20:18
In reply to re: I feel depressed, posted by ROO on August 1, 2003, at 14:48:32
Bringing down the House was GREAT! Another funny and sweet one is Disney's Finding Nemo. There's alot of hidden adult humor in that one. I laughed so much.
KDi in Texas
> I couldn't read for a year due to a really bad
> depression. I'm just now coming out of it and now
> I read all the time. So there's hope. I didn't think
> my depression would ever pass or get better. I was suicidal
> for a whole year...couldn't do much....couldn't feel comfortable
> or peaceful in my skin at all.
>
> I hope you feel better soon...
>
> New roomates are nervewracking...so is moving...just
> watching someone else moving makes me feel ill at ease...
> there's lots of issues surrounding it.
>
> I hate to suggest something so dimestore psychology..but
> do you think a silly movie might help? Sometimes, when
> I was really depressed, that's the only thing that gave
> me momentary relief...watching a dumb as hell movie...I watched
> Bringing Down The House with Queen Latifah, Steve Martin and
> Eugene Levy...laughed a lot....(Of course I was crying on my
> way to the movie, and on the way back....but I had two hours
> of forgetfulness...)
Posted by KimberlyDi on August 4, 2003, at 9:26:04
In reply to new roomies » lil' jimi, posted by yesac on August 1, 2003, at 16:30:44
I think it's a trust thing. You have strangers invading your comfort zone (home). I know that I wouldn't like it. Why don't you make a *date* with them. Order pizza, watch TV, and get to know each other. Talk about pet peeves and set basic ground rules that everyone will agree on. I wish you luck.
KDi in Texas> Well, they both seem really nice. A guy and a girl. It's hard to say what will happen. Things with my old roomates went okay for a while, but then for unknown reasons there was a downturn, and I just felt really uncomfortable with them after that. We didn't talk, except for "hi". I didn't want to be around when they were. I hoped when I got home that they wouldn't be there. Basically.... I really just don't want things to turn out like that again. I want to feel comfortable in my own home, you know?
>
> I don't know how to get to feel comfortable with them.
Posted by lil' jimi on August 4, 2003, at 10:10:26
In reply to new roomies » lil' jimi, posted by yesac on August 1, 2003, at 16:30:44
> Well, they both seem really nice. A guy and a girl. It's hard to say what will happen. Things with my old roomates went okay for a while, but then for unknown reasons there was a downturn, and I just felt really uncomfortable with them after that. We didn't talk, except for "hi". I didn't want to be around when they were. I hoped when I got home that they wouldn't be there. Basically.... I really just don't want things to turn out like that again. I want to feel comfortable in my own home, you know?
>
> I don't know how to get to feel comfortable with them.well, maybe chat them up a little
... about how:
you're feeling,
it's not because of them,
don't want them to take it personally,
you're just not feeling so good right now,
sorry to be a bother,
thanks for their understanding ...... sort of a pre-emptive-like apology
... show that it's not about them
... et cetera ...
... maybe?(om ah ra pa cha na dhi)
~ jimp.s. i'm lost in my Inbox here and now i'm going through a lot of older stuff here because i can't figure out what i've already replied to and what i haven't ... sorry
~ j
Posted by lil' jimi on August 4, 2003, at 13:01:47
In reply to re: I can feel myself sinking... again » lil' jimi, posted by yesac on August 2, 2003, at 18:13:04
hi yesac!
> > i hope you're doing better ... ... sorry if i'm late
>
> Late? Oh, I guess maybe you mean that you missed me? Well, it's true, I left work at about, um, 6:30 EST last night and didn't check back here till today around 4. But it's okay - late is better than never!
>i guess i must not have been that late ... i can't remember what made me concerned about lateness ...
> > ... ... hope the roommate concerns will ease soon
>
> Me too!i sent my ideas about the roomies separately earlier ... i think ...
> > ... ... thinking of you and saying my buddhist prayers for you ... rest ... take comfort as you can
>
> Thanks. Are you really Buddhist (like, devout, believing in reincarnation and Buddha as God or ...I'm not sure what else), or just kind of Buddhist in your basic philosophies?
>that would be pretty much a "yes".
> I embrace some Buddhist-seeming ideas. I think the Dalai Lama is a almost sort of my idol. "Idol" is NOT the right word, but I can't seem to think of anything better right now. Mentor? Well, let's just say that I strive to be like him in terms of compassion and acceptance and "non-judgementalness". Hey! I just noticed that the word MENTAL is within the word nonjudgeMENTAL. Interesting. But, the problem with Buddhism for me is my lack of belief in God, reincarnation. I could never be devout. I could never pray. Plus, I'm not so good at "just being" sort of thing, although I don't think too many people are. Something to work on.... I've always wanted to meditate but never really have. I have sat quietly and focused on my breath, etc, which I guess is meditation, but never for very long and never regularly.
>i have meditated daily .... nowadays i'm much less regular
... .... many buddhists don't meditate in the more formal sense
.... the dalai lama remains an inspiration
... ... faith in Buddha is not as if He is God nor as if He were a god
... ... in important yet subtle ways, buddhism is a nontheistic religion
... ... God and/or the gods are optional>
> My religion is a wonderful religion - Unitarian Universalism. I imagine that a lot of people almost don't think of it as a real religion or something. A lot of people don't get it. Oh well.
>
> I feel like this has turned into something that should be on the Faith board, though I certainly didn't intend for this when I started writing.
>
>funny thing:
i went to
http://www.beliefnet.com/story/76/story_7665_1.html
and took the quiz and these were my results:1. Unitarian Universalism (100%)
2. Neo-Pagan (98%)
3. Mahayana Buddhism (94%)
4. Theravada Buddhism (93%)
5. Liberal Quakers (91%)
6. New Age (89%)so i'm being nice to all our UUs and Neo-Pagans now .... weird for me to not rate 100% buddhist ...
... and ...
... i would scarcely call myself "devout", even on my best day ... .... i'm more like desparate ... i _need_ buddhism ... much more than it needs me! HA!TAKE CARE !!
~ jim
Posted by yesac on August 4, 2003, at 16:52:07
In reply to re: I can feel myself sinking... again » yesac, posted by lil' jimi on August 4, 2003, at 13:01:47
I meant to take that religion quiz, but haven't felt "up to it"... maybe tomorrow. Watch me come out to be something totally not what I expect. I'm guessing I'll be some mix of UU, Buddhist, maybe pagan but I doubt it. Don't know enough about pagan stuff to really say, though.
> ... and ...
> ... i would scarcely call myself "devout", even on my best day ... .... i'm more like desparate ... i _need_ buddhism ... much more than it needs me! HA!I think that desperation often forces people into religion. But I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing. It's something to hold on to. It provides a community (sometimes), or at least a sense of common ground. I do have a bit of a hard time dealing with stuff like god will protect me, god would never hand us more than we can take, and stuff like that. But I don't want to offend anyone here, so maybe I should leave it at that!
Posted by fallsfall on August 4, 2003, at 21:55:42
In reply to re: I can feel myself sinking... again, posted by yesac on August 4, 2003, at 16:52:07
Hi Yesac,
I won't pretend to give you roommate advice. The last time I lived with roommates was 1977. Does that date me, or what?? I will tell you what my daughter experienced in college, though. Freshman year she was paired randomly with someone. They were not very much alike (the roommate drank a lot, my daughter drinks none. the roommate watched TV all the time, my daughter didn't etc.) But they were able to agree on certain rules that let each have what was important to them. My daughter thought that it was great to get away from her friends by going to her room. If her roommate was a friend, then it is hard to get some breathing room. Sophmore year she roomed with a "friend". But the friend didn't grow up over the summer and wanted to do EVERYTHING with my daughter. My daughter couldn't get away from her - even by going to her room. So sometimes it is good when roommates aren't best friends.
It is hard to get to know people when you are feeling depressed. I think the "activity" idea is pretty good.
Good luck!
Posted by Willow on August 7, 2003, at 2:30:17
In reply to Re: Why ... » Willow, posted by yesac on August 1, 2003, at 12:08:01
Yesac
I can empathize with your problem, and yes it is distressing. Some libraries have a selection of books on audio tapes. I can remember a summer when I soaked in the tub listening to a book on audio. You might want to try this.
I'm not familiar with your dx or meds. I had gone through a few AD meds with quite negative experiences and actually had sworn off them, until my mind took such a bender that I became desperate to try anything. The medication at that time which my gp prescribed suprisingly helped so much with the cognitive problems that there is no way I would give it up now. Perhaps you can find something in the med department which can give you relief??
Hang in there
WILLOw
Posted by lil' jimi on August 7, 2003, at 11:07:36
In reply to re: I can feel myself sinking... again, posted by yesac on August 4, 2003, at 16:52:07
hi yesac!
> > ... i would scarcely call myself "devout", even on my best day ... .... i'm more like desparate ... i _need_ buddhism ... much more than it needs me! HA!
>
> I think that desperation often forces people into religion. But I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing. It's something to hold on to. It provides a community (sometimes), or at least a sense of common ground. I do have a bit of a hard time dealing with stuff like god will protect me, god would never hand us more than we can take, and stuff like that. But I don't want to offend anyone here, so maybe I should leave it at that!
>and, here, discretion is always advisable ... ... i respect that ... ... less harm from being circumspect ... ...
still, your comments remind me of the opening lines from the intro to one of the (very few) computer games i have played called, "Black and White", in which the player(s) take on the role of god(s) ... ... it goes something like:
"... In a perfect world, there would be no need for gods ... ....
... but this is not a perfect world ...
... and ...
... someone makes a mistake ...
... they get desparate ...
... and then they start to pray ...... That's where You come in .... "
the intro may be the best part of "black and white" ... the game revolves around whether you're going to be a good god or a bad god ... ... and it gets _tedious_ ...
i'm desparate enough to take lexpro ... i'm way desparate enough to have hope in buddhism ... .. ... fewer adverse side-effects anyway ...
take care !
~ jim
Posted by yesac on August 8, 2003, at 15:59:35
In reply to re: I can feel myself sinking... again, posted by lil' jimi on August 7, 2003, at 11:07:36
>
> "... In a perfect world, there would be no need for gods ... ....
>
> ... but this is not a perfect world ...
>
> ... and ...
> ... someone makes a mistake ...
> ... they get desparate ...
> ... and then they start to pray ...
>
> ... That's where You come in .... "I like that! What does the title of the game Black and White mean? Like, you're either good or bad, no in between...?
> i'm desparate enough to take lexpro ... i'm way desparate enough to have hope in buddhism ... .. ... fewer adverse side-effects anyway ...At least lexapro is enough for you in the medication department.
And, even if it was found through desperateness, I think the buddhism thing or whatever religion can really help people. Even me. Not that my UU-ism or going to services or anything causes my depression to go away or even lessen, but it is good to feel that these people share my ideals and that the support is there if I wanted it and actually reached out, etc.
Posted by lil' jimi on August 8, 2003, at 16:36:58
In reply to Black and White » lil' jimi, posted by yesac on August 8, 2003, at 15:59:35
hi yesac!
> >
> > "... In a perfect world, there would be no need for gods ... ....
> >
> > ... but this is not a perfect world ...
> >
> > ... and ...
> > ... someone makes a mistake ...
> > ... they get desparate ...
> > ... and then they start to pray ...
> >
> > ... That's where You come in .... "
>
> I like that! What does the title of the game Black and White mean? Like, you're either good or bad, no in between...?
>yes, that is their idea, but you can be in between too ... ... my game play is hampered by my complusive "being good" action ... ... can't get into abusiveness as sport ... or as anything else ... but i have been moderately successfull as the good guy ... even then, it is tedious ...
>
> > i'm desparate enough to take lexpro ... i'm way desparate enough to have hope in buddhism ... .. ... fewer adverse side-effects anyway ...
>
> At least lexapro is enough for you in the medication department.
>although, i have been considering bumping up ...
> And, even if it was found through desperateness, I think the buddhism thing or whatever religion can really help people. Even me. Not that my UU-ism or going to services or anything causes my depression to go away or even lessen, but it is good to feel that these people share my ideals and that the support is there if I wanted it and actually reached out, etc.
>excellent ... ... the UUs are good guys ... they'd love to give you their non-sectarian support, i'm sure!
take care,
~ jim
Posted by kara lynne on August 12, 2003, at 1:23:42
In reply to re: Black and White » yesac, posted by lil' jimi on August 8, 2003, at 16:36:58
really needing to talk, here.
This is the end of the thread.
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