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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 53. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by judy1 on February 16, 2002, at 10:52:46
I have an appt with my pdoc next week (first in over a month) and we've been waging somewhat of a battle by e-mail. The latest involved him writing that I am 'projecting' my most negative feelings towards him. This all sounds very borderline to me. I do admit having an extreme problem with abandonment- last shrink that did that resulted in a serious suicide attempt on my part. Obviously that won't be an option with a brand new baby, but it is still a fear. So I go next week to make peace (not for meds because I'm nursing) and I think to make sure he still 'cares' about me- very, very important to me. Any insights or just thoughts would really be welcome. Thank you, judy
Posted by sar on February 16, 2002, at 14:38:32
In reply to Anyone with transferance/counter-tran experience?, posted by judy1 on February 16, 2002, at 10:52:46
hi Judy,
i hope that the appointment goes well and you can deal with it by not worrying too much. Counter-transference is very close to my heart--i had a freudian psychoanalyst for a couple of months, and when i attempted suicide, she suggested that the attempt was based on rage at *her.* i explained No lady, look--my life just sucks, parents hate me, my head is bad...i see you 50 minutes a week, it's got nothing to do with you! (and, as a freudian psychoanalyst true to her profession, she offered little feedback...instead of responses it was all, "and how do you feel about that?"
when she tried to bill me after we got into a dispute, i mailed her a dream i'd had about her (she was very into dream analysis, as am i) in which she was a crazed character screaming, "and i suppoose you did that because of me!" and i was protesting, "no, no, you have nothing to do with it!!!" i mailed her this dream and she dropped a pending $500 bill.
sorry to get off track with my own situation, but my own feeling is that we all personalize information, sometimes to such an extent that it becomes dangerous. when a pdoc personalizes info about you, i believe that is dangerous. i happen to be a fairly paranoid person and believe that the world revolves around me--that everyone is thinking about me, planning their actuons around me! (i know this is completely unreasopnable.) but your pdoc sounds similar in that respect.
i would bring the issue up with him--let him know that you are privy to this transference/countertransference stuff (most patients aren't, i suspect) and scout it out from there. if he knows that you know about this stuff, he might be less likely to engage in these little wars with you.
on the other hand (and caveat empor: my hands are young), if i were battling with a pdoc via computer, i'd probably drop him. the guy sounds immature to me.
careful!
love,
sar
Posted by judy1 on February 16, 2002, at 16:01:00
In reply to Re: Anyone with transferance/counter-tran experience?, posted by sar on February 16, 2002, at 14:38:32
Thanks for sharing your experiences- and despite your youth you sound mature with this subject. He and I e-mail each other because of the distance involved, 113 miles each way, so that precludes weekly visits. I do see a psychologist (woman) but I have seen him for 2 years and feel the majority of that time has been beneficial. Some background: victim of childhood sexual abuse, last psychiatrist abandoned me so I am VERY sensitive to these matters. I do have difficulty with confrontations with him (hence the e-mail), but I'll try hard following your advice since I think it made a lot of sense. Take care, judy
Posted by trouble on February 18, 2002, at 2:01:53
In reply to Anyone with transferance/counter-tran experience?, posted by judy1 on February 16, 2002, at 10:52:46
Hi Judy,
I'm in it right now w/ my own pdoc, that was my first post last month: Angry Psychiatrist. I'm at the point now where I just want to go in, stay on topic, get my 'script and retreat, at least until he starts looking at his countertransference issues and quits treating me like a demonic stepchild.
Except I'm on a trial of Gabitril right now and I lost my samples Friday, or he didn't give me enough, I don't know what but the box is empty and I have 2 weeks to go before seeing him. If I call him before then he'll give me a hard time, meanwhile I'm sure this response is helping you
immeasurably.The book:
101 Common Therapeutic Blunders (Countertransference and Counterresistance in Therapy) by Richard C. Robertielo, M.D. 1987It's written for the enemy but may be fun for you too if you can handle the dense reading, given such chapter titles as:
The Therapist Who had not Resolved Her Penis Envy,
The Lesbian Therapist and the Courageous Victim,
The Therapist Who Denied his Own Obesity,
and, you gotta love 'em,
The Therapist Who Castrated Himself.
For me the best part of the book was blunders 21 through 40, all about sadomasochistic countertransferences, and blunders number, oh well, enough about me, you're sure to find your own indecipherable vignettes as this book seems to have something for everyone, including The White Trash Therapist and the Debutant.
Yeah there are plenty other texts out there on countertransference but you'd have to believe it exists to take them seriously. Far as I'm concerned my shrink's feelings about me represent his feelings about me.
But I've been waiting all along for someone to bring up the topic so you have my appreciation and I hope we talk about this all we want.trouble
Posted by Anna Laura on February 18, 2002, at 3:57:12
In reply to Re: Anyone with transferance/counter-tran experience?, posted by sar on February 16, 2002, at 14:38:32
Take a look at this:
http://www.therapy-abuse.net/what_is_abuse.htm
Posted by trouble on February 18, 2002, at 7:35:58
In reply to Re: Anyone with transferance/counter-tran experien, posted by Anna Laura on February 18, 2002, at 3:57:12
> Take a look at this:
>
> http://www.therapy-abuse.net/what_is_abuse.htmGod I hate being a woman right now. I want to apologize for the pussy-fication of these times, and say that not all of us agree w/ womans ways of knowing, some of us have been damaged by feminist scholarship and that website up there, if I was a man, I'd beat the sh*t out of it. 'Course it's not saying anything AGAINST men, we live in an age of prejudicial subtlety, these women have learned their lessons about that sort of thing. And they ARE known feminists, though I don't see any acknowledgement of their theoretical underpinnings on the website. I hate that.
And yet, the book-burning mentality shows through somehow. Carrie Nation battle-ax ham-fisted rhetoricians w/ their self-appointed advocacy of "victims". I put the growing cultural disdain toward victimhood per se at their pedicured and bluestockinged feet.
I can't find anything on this website that can't be destroyed, I mean, under VERAL ABUSE
"WITHHOLDING information and not listening empathetically-"
I can't go on my circuits are blown already-
How is not saying something verbal?
How is it abuse?
Not listening? As in HUH?
Empathetically, god help me, it's not a word, it just isn't, I'm sorry, not among educated peoples.Try another one:
"Controlling the client by withholding information about her, ostentatiously taking notes and refusing to show them to her."
1. Definition of Control facile beyond belief. Control is coercion, force, absence of freedom, etc. Control as used here sounds to me like a woman's way of knowing too many soap opera characters by name. Gothic.
2. Infantilization of client. Counter-therapeutic.
3. Assumes shrink's objectivity is superior to the patient's subjectivity. That authoritative "Information about her" he is withholding.
The Cad.
Which rhymes w/ Dad. Ya think?
Withholding fathers, is this Psych 101 or what.One more:
"Tantalizing (I kid you not) the patient sexually w/verbal comments (as opposed to non-verbal comments?) such as "Do you have nice breasts?" "Does your husband have a good looking penis?"...without any physical contact occurring."
People who strangle language this way are, to me, abusive. Not saying I have anything against abuse, not today, not when you can be refused public admission on the basis of wearing an abusive perfume. It's true.
One last thing now, to try to conclude my outburst w/ a smidgeon of compassion. If you look at their 9 basic rights of psychotherapy patients it can break your heart. Every one of them is magical thinking, a fairyland where little girls are held and soothed and the world is your universal tit. I just wish these theorists would deal directly w/ their deep-seated humiliation, and leave the social engineering to grown ups.
trouble
Posted by Dinah on February 18, 2002, at 8:48:17
In reply to Anyone with transferance/counter-tran experience?, posted by judy1 on February 16, 2002, at 10:52:46
Hi Judy,
I certainly empathize with what you are saying. I have VERY similar fears of abandonment, and while I'm not concerned with whether my therapist cares about me, I become excessively distraught if I think he's "mad" at me.
I have trouble with all those classical psychotherapeutic terms like transference and countertransference and projection. They seem to mean so many things. What does he mean by them?
Does he mean that you are taking tension from the rest of your life and directing it towards him? I definitely do that sometimes and my therapist once said that that was a valuable function that therapists can provide. He was speaking in regard to my childhood therapist, when as a helpless child in my parent's home, it was useful to direct some of my anger at my parents towards my therapist instead. But I know from my own experience that the same might be true for the postpartum period.
Does he mean that you are really angry with him and instead of acknowledging that, you are perceiving that he is angry towards you?
Does he mean that you are subconsciously trying to make him angry with you?
Does he mean that he suddenly reminds you of someone from your past?
Or is he using the ultimate therapist cop-out. You couldn't possibly be angry with me for something I actually did. It's obviously transference.
Like I said, I have trouble with Freudian terms. If I understood what he meant I might have more to say on the subject.
But I certainly understand the fear and frustration that you are feeling.
Take care.
Dinah
Posted by Dinah on February 18, 2002, at 8:54:41
In reply to Re: Anyone with transferance/counter-tran experien, posted by Anna Laura on February 18, 2002, at 3:57:12
Posted by Dinah on February 18, 2002, at 9:02:43
In reply to The very picture of evil, posted by trouble on February 18, 2002, at 7:35:58
Trouble,
I can certainly understand how someone who has experienced abuse of a very serious nature could find the site about verbal abuse disturbing. And probably the term "verbal abuse" is overused in our society.
But I don't think it's fairytale thinking to expect to be treated with respect and consideration by your therapist, who is after all a paid professional. Most of the ideas listed in the site do represent a basic level of respect, consideration, and civility. I for one expect respectful treatment from the people in my life and for the most part I get it. My therapist always treats me with the consideration suggested in the site. I'm still working on my husband though. Of course, he isn't a paid professional.
Posted by trouble on February 18, 2002, at 10:51:22
In reply to Re: Verbal abuse » trouble, posted by Dinah on February 18, 2002, at 9:02:43
Thanks Dinah,
I can't automatically reject your response, given your consistent reasonableness. But man. I'll talk to my psychologist about these things too. Maybe I've yet to come to my senses after having read the site 3 hours ago, being mad that the ideas presented weren't, um, credited to feminist influence, just presented arbitrarily, as if these are and always have been the rules of engagement, no defense, we'll just act like nothing here is controversial and lay down the law, yes that's how I see it and it's the sort of thing that makes me see red.
But those nine basic rights, just to mention the ones that upset me the most, and if you don't want to hash it out that's cool, but you made it personal, you spoke of how you want things to be in your own life, even implying that your husband misses the mark, and I've been defending their characteristic aofishness so of course this is a can of worms.
Right #3: Not to have her 'reality' challenged. Their quotation marks. I think that's revealing. Also, this rule was italicized. Must be very important. To someone.
Not having your reality challenged is one way to stay crazy. Outside perspectives being the thing that influences one's reality. I just don't understand what they mean by this rule, but it brings to mind imagery of a spoiled princess.
Lots of decent people have supported nefarious social policies, until confronted w/ other views.
Therapy is all about challenging fixed beliefs, what are they doing in therapy if they want to circumvent confrontation?#4: The right to have her feelings and experiences acknowledged as 'real'. Again,their quotes. As opposed to what? Again, it conjures up images of stone tablet veracity surrounding all her stuff.
#5: To receive a sincere apology if she experiences verbal abuse. Italicized. Compulsory sincerity? There's no such thing. They would rather have an appearance of contriteness than a mutual exchange. It's a projection-Revenge of the Stepford Wives.
It makes my blood boil to hear these restrictions defined as a means to intimacy. That is typical feminist cant. Intimacy and policing do not go together. Policing of behavior is a defense against intimacy.
I don't like the word RIGHT used in this fashion. It's ham-fisted hyperbole and intimidation. Do they know what rights are? I think they do. Do they care? No, I think they don't.
Finally, the right not to be criticized or judged. My mind reels.
But you agree w/ these terms of engagement? Well, I don't think you do. Just from reading your posts, nope, and I'm good at spotting women who follow this code of behavior and I don't get that from you. But I'm bewildered, I don't know what else to do but take these rights to my therapist today and see if he can help me see the light.
trouble
> I'm still working on my husband though. Of course, he isn't a paid professional.
Posted by judy1 on February 18, 2002, at 15:37:34
In reply to Another book to recommend. Eventually., posted by trouble on February 18, 2002, at 2:01:53
I had to order the book immediately, just to give myself a good laugh. I'm sorry you're having such difficulty right now with your shrink- if you need to pull back emotionally, would he be willing to just write scripts? I had a period of time where I did that, and eventually we slowly started talking to each other, maybe something to think about? Take care, judy
Posted by judy1 on February 18, 2002, at 15:39:44
In reply to Re: Anyone with transferance/counter-tran experien, posted by Anna Laura on February 18, 2002, at 3:57:12
Thank you for the link, I need to spend some more time re-reading the article. There were definitely some things in there that were verbatim and kind of scary. Will write back soon- judy
Posted by judy1 on February 18, 2002, at 15:47:23
In reply to Re: Anyone with transferance/counter-tran experience? » judy1, posted by Dinah on February 18, 2002, at 8:48:17
I think the transference does refer to feelings of rage from my past, which I agree is helpful and isn't that what the shrink is striving for? I don't believe he would admit to the counter-transference, I see it because I have been a victim of it before (when my ex-shrink crossed boundaries and terminated) and I sought help from a psychologist who explained what had occurred. So I guess I feel he needs to acknowledge that along with the great # of times when he tells me I'm being 'over-sensitive'. If he accepts some responsibility maybe we could have a better relationship, but I don't see it happening. Like I said I lack the courage to confront and possibly lose him. Take care, judy
Posted by Anna Laura on February 18, 2002, at 17:05:59
In reply to The very picture of evil, posted by trouble on February 18, 2002, at 7:35:58
My experience with abusive psychotherapists it's not about hysterical feminists or spoiled princesses, it's about real abuse:
WHAT IS REAL ABUSE? REAL ABUSE IS ABOUT:
1.Being threatened to be sent to a psychiatric hospital (just because I DARED to say the HER majesty the therapist wasn't right).
2. Being compelled to go to therapy session under threat (same as above). When i told her that i couldn't come 'cause there were no buses at that time she told me i had to walk. (i had to walk ten miles).
3. She stated that such a threat never took place just a few days later (this is about denying your own reality)
4. When i insisted, the psychotherapist told me i was suffering from a serious form of paranoid delirium (invalidation again)
I told her that i was going to leave cause i didn't want to put up with that shit anymore.
She told me that if i was going to leave i'd got really sick without her help and that i badly needed to be in therapy for at least ten years, otherwise i ran serious risks of becoming schizophrenic: (WITHOLDING INFORMATIONS)
I had been diagnosed as having a latent form of schizophrenia without me knowing nothing about it. When i asked her a few months before about my diagnosis she told me that i didn't have to worry since i suffered form a mild form of neurosis. I was suffering from major depression instead, but i had been unlucky enough to meet this lady when i searched for help.
Real abuse is about destroying someone else's life when you're supposed to help, it's about invalidating his/her reality and thoughts knowing that this person is too fragile to defend herself.
I could tell about a guy who had been diagnosed as schizophrenic by his psychoanalist, put in a psychiatric hospital against his will for years. His life was destroied.
I could tell you countless of these horror stories, but it would take too long. You could find the movie "Francis" quite instructive (it's a real story about the actress Frances Farmer who got a lobotomy for being rebellious). "Girl, interrupted " could give you a hint also (though i prefer the book).Least but not last, therapy abuse it's about totally lacking of empathy also.
Well, may be the word "empathetically" might sound a bit odd to you, but it's a frequently used word among educated persons, believe me.Thanks god someone is taking care of us, wether is the feminist movement, the ecological movement or the anarchist movement i wouldn't care less, as long as they're defending us from these wackos!
That's why we need the declaration of rights inside the therapy setting written on that site, no matter how stupid and useless it might sound.
As a matter of fact ,we need it as we need the declaration of human rights.
Posted by Dinah on February 18, 2002, at 18:07:48
In reply to Re: Anyone with transferance/counter-tran experience? » Dinah, posted by judy1 on February 18, 2002, at 15:47:23
Judy,
Believe me. I really do understand.
One day when you are feeling up to it, let's start a thread of shrink stories. We can get all the venom out, end up finding their odd behaviors amusing instead of infuriating, and keep our relationships with them safer and more secure.Dinah
Posted by Dinah on February 18, 2002, at 18:14:18
In reply to Re: Verbal abuse, posted by trouble on February 18, 2002, at 10:51:22
I love a good civil debate, Trouble. And you put your challenge so nicely. Just give me some time to print out your post and the site information and give some thought to the whole matter. And why don't you start a new thread with your therapist's thoughts on the matter.
And you never did answer my question about the MMPI. Is that one test you've never taken? (I don't mean that in a negative way. I take every test ever devised to find out what makes me tick. And I still haven't figured it out.)
Talk to you later,
Dinah
Posted by judy1 on February 18, 2002, at 18:15:56
In reply to Re: The very picture of evil, posted by Anna Laura on February 18, 2002, at 17:05:59
Dear Anna,
I cried when I read your post, for you and me and others 'hurt' by the system. I, too, was threatened by hospitalization several times- actually once the pdoc threatened to have a conservator appointed (he could do this w/o my presence)- I spent the entire week-end hiding in my closet expecting the police to come. I had a shrink who crossed sexual boundaries- I'm still recovering from that one. My list goes on and on- restraints and meds and almost ECT against my will. That I can trust my shrink to any degree now is kind of a miracle, so I stay and I'll try to work with him. The Hazelton sp? has a patients bill of rights and you can make out a type of will to protect your rights, maybe someone has the address? I'm sorry for what you've had to go through- judy
Posted by judy1 on February 18, 2002, at 18:25:19
In reply to Re: Anyone with transferance/counter-tran experience? » judy1, posted by Dinah on February 18, 2002, at 18:07:48
Thank you Dinah for your understanding. I think I may have gotten a little triggered by Anna's post- too many bad memories. But I do like the idea of putting it in an amusing context, I'm sure a lot of people have their stories. I'm off to comfort the baby (and be comforted)- judy
Posted by Dinah on February 18, 2002, at 18:25:19
In reply to Re: The very picture of evil, posted by Anna Laura on February 18, 2002, at 17:05:59
That was a terrible experience, Anna Laura. No one should be treated that way. And if I'm remembering correctly, it wasn't your only bad experience with mental health professionals?
Therapists have such a unique position of power in relationship to clients. Not only do they have influence on us personally in a very unequal relationship, but they also have the ability to label us and influence the way others see us.
Anyone with that kind of power should be held to a very high standard of ethics.
Posted by Dinah on February 18, 2002, at 18:36:52
In reply to Re: Anyone with transferance/counter-tran experience? » Dinah, posted by judy1 on February 18, 2002, at 18:25:19
> Thank you Dinah for your understanding. I think I may have gotten a little triggered by Anna's post- too many bad memories. But I do like the idea of putting it in an amusing context, I'm sure a lot of people have their stories. I'm off to comfort the baby (and be comforted)- judy
Your last sentence gave me a warm glow. I'm so glad you are able to be comforted by as well as give comfort to your little one.
I just wanted to make clear that I was suggesting a thread about the mental health professionals with whom we basically have a good relationship and who we trust, but that on occasion show insensitivity and stupidity of monumental proportions. And who use Freudian terms to confuse and silence us. Things of that nature. But ones with whom we wish to keep a good and helpful relationship.
There is nothing remotely amusing about the stories of abuse that you and Anna Laura endured.
Posted by trouble on February 19, 2002, at 8:25:33
In reply to Re: Another book to recommend. Eventually. » trouble, posted by judy1 on February 18, 2002, at 15:37:34
> I had to order the book immediately, just to give myself a good laugh. I'm sorry you're having such difficulty right now with your shrink- if you need to pull back emotionally, would he be willing to just write scripts? I had a period of time where I did that, and eventually we slowly started talking to each other, maybe something to think about? Take care, judy
Thanks for the tip, do you mind telling me more about how you went about this? My pdoc and I have such a weird dynamic I'm at a loss as to how to
approach him about my new hesitancy. thanks, trouble.
Posted by trouble on February 19, 2002, at 8:34:51
In reply to Re: The very picture of evil, posted by Anna Laura on February 18, 2002, at 17:05:59
> My experience with abusive psychotherapists it's not about hysterical feminists or spoiled princesses, it's about real abuse:
>Well sure, but your pdoc sounds crazy. I wasn't attacking your experience, sorry if you took it that way.
Under number three below, in my opinion she was lying.
By the way Frances Farmer is on my top ten lists of contemporary role models, her book WILL THERE REALLY BE A MORNING is a hoot, esp her glorious homophobia and the way she erefers to her psychotics episodes as a "smash-up".
Take care.
trouble
>
> 1.Being threatened to be sent to a psychiatric hospital (just because I DARED to say the HER majesty the therapist wasn't right).
> 2. Being compelled to go to therapy session under threat (same as above). When i told her that i couldn't come 'cause there were no buses at that time she told me i had to walk. (i had to walk ten miles).
> 3. She stated that such a threat never took place just a few days later (this is about denying your own reality)
> 4. When i insisted, the psychotherapist told me i was suffering from a serious form of paranoid delirium (invalidation again)
> I told her that i was going to leave cause i didn't want to put up with that shit anymore.
> She told me that if i was going to leave i'd got really sick without her help and that i badly needed to be in therapy for at least ten years, otherwise i ran serious risks of becoming schizophrenic: (WITHOLDING INFORMATIONS)
> I had been diagnosed as having a latent form of schizophrenia without me knowing nothing about it. When i asked her a few months before about my diagnosis she told me that i didn't have to worry since i suffered form a mild form of neurosis. I was suffering from major depression instead, but i had been unlucky enough to meet this lady when i searched for help.
> Real abuse is about destroying someone else's life when you're supposed to help, it's about invalidating his/her reality and thoughts knowing that this person is too fragile to defend herself.
> I could tell about a guy who had been diagnosed as schizophrenic by his psychoanalist, put in a psychiatric hospital against his will for years. His life was destroied.
> I could tell you countless of these horror stories, but it would take too long. You could find the movie "Francis" quite instructive (it's a real story about the actress Frances Farmer who got a lobotomy for being rebellious). "Girl, interrupted " could give you a hint also (though i prefer the book).
>
> Least but not last, therapy abuse it's about totally lacking of empathy also.
> Well, may be the word "empathetically" might sound a bit odd to you, but it's a frequently used word among educated persons, believe me.
>
> Thanks god someone is taking care of us, wether is the feminist movement, the ecological movement or the anarchist movement i wouldn't care less, as long as they're defending us from these wackos!
> That's why we need the declaration of rights inside the therapy setting written on that site, no matter how stupid and useless it might sound.
> As a matter of fact ,we need it as we need the declaration of human rights.
Posted by trouble on February 19, 2002, at 8:42:24
In reply to Re: Give me a little while » trouble, posted by Dinah on February 18, 2002, at 18:14:18
> I love a good civil debate, Trouble. And you put your challenge so nicely. Just give me some time to print out your post and the site information and give some thought to the whole matter. And why don't you start a new thread with your therapist's thoughts on the matter.
> And you never did answer my question about the MMPI. Is that one test you've never taken?Hi Dinah,
Thanks for your friendly answere, you really are a friend in my cybermind and I was worried yesterday that I may have threatened our relationship.
You aren't going to like what my psychologist had to say about the abuse webssite, basically he made me feel I was on the right track, but he and I are really more about dealing w/ my own verbally abusive patterns and that's what we talked about yesterday, how there were 2 times last week when I wasn't nasty toward people under circumstances I would normally have ripped them a new one. This is progress.
I actually did respond to that MMPI post and wondered howcome I hadn't heard back from you. I may have posted it wrong, I still have problems w/ the technicalities on psb, so I'll find it when I get home from work tonite and get back to you. Cheers, trouble.
Posted by trouble on February 19, 2002, at 8:57:03
In reply to Re: The very picture of evil » Anna Laura, posted by Dinah on February 18, 2002, at 18:25:19
> That was a terrible experience, Anna Laura. No one should be treated that way. And if I'm remembering correctly, it wasn't your only bad experience with mental health professionals?
> Therapists have such a unique position of power in relationship to clients. Not only do they have influence on us personally in a very unequal relationship, but they also have the ability to label us and influence the way others see us.
> Anyone with that kind of power should be held to a very high standard of ethics.Ok folks, here's another hot potato dagnabbit.
IMHO the whole "unequal power" dynamic btwn psychiatry and patients is another feminist myth promulgated for political purposes that serve no purpose but the propagandization of terminal female victimhood.
I am very conversant w/ the history of psychiatry and it is a horror story. But I am not going to let these women replace the doctor's boot on my neck w/ their own, and this unequal power thing is way too complicated to just accept that yep, that's what happens, you have to be on guard, it could happen to any one of us. No.
Listen my gramma had a lobotomy, I've seen my loved ones taken to the psych ward in handcuffs, I read WOMEN AND MADNESS I know what's out there. I could get hit by a bus by walking outside but I learned a long time ago to look before crossing the street.
This conversation is just beginning, isn't it?
I have to go be w/ an Alzheimer's patient now but when I get home I'll make a toast to civility and then pounce on my computer.
Take care,
trouble
Posted by Mark H. on February 19, 2002, at 10:04:02
In reply to Anyone with transferance/counter-tran experience?, posted by judy1 on February 16, 2002, at 10:52:46
Dear Friend,
First, my apologies for not having time this morning to read through all the replies already written.
Judy, I think we all fall into two broad categories: those of us who are willing to look at our transference/counter-transference issues, and those who are in denial that they exist.
I believe we create these situations because they are what we need to work on. If we have chosen our therapists wisely, then they hold the boundaries for us when ours dissolve and (for really skillful therapists) they test us to see if we will do the same.
When there's clarity and no dependence, then we graduate, at least until we're ready for more assistance. I think taking breaks from therapy is analogous to resting between physical workouts, and just as crucial to success.
The ideal state -- and we all achieve it at times -- is when we can be faced with inappropriate but powerful desire and opportunity, acknowledge and feel and even (verbally) express those primal urges and longings in a manner appropriate to the situation, and still maintain our values and impulse control in determining our behavior (including mental behavior as well as physical).
Without desire and the opportunity to consummate it, we are still speculating, making predictions based almost solely on intellect, which often is a set-up for self-betrayal. We know we are winning when we can say "no" without denying our feelings, and do it out of love and respect for ourselves as well as the other person.
I don't know if most therapists can handle this level of interaction -- professionally or personally. Yet regardless of technique and their own issues, I think a good therapist will lead us there to help us be strong on our own.
With respect,
Mark H.
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