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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by jay on October 23, 2001, at 6:04:06
Well, I am slowly getting well enough to *think* about dating again. My fear is..ughhh:What will they think when you tell them you declared bankruptcy; have a college education but work as a janitor; have been in and out of psych wards numerous times over past four years; take all these pretty little pills that look like the rainbow coalition in your hand; put on 50 pounds because of the pills, but will try and lose them; live at home with Mom and Dad at 32 years of age!
I am trying to be optomistic about this, but man, I am gonna have to sell *a lot* of charm to get some gal interested in me. I might get lucky and end up dating someone on psych meds, because the chances are good, as many people are or have been on some kind of psych med.
Now, it hasn't even happened yet, but it has been a couple of years since I went on a date. Some woman seem so open and understanding, but some are just so harsh and judgemental. But, I guess that's life, right!
Jay
Posted by juliedealer on October 23, 2001, at 7:46:50
In reply to How do u explain to a date u r on heavy psych meds, posted by jay on October 23, 2001, at 6:04:06
to tell people that you have a "mental health" issue. i feel the same way. Just remember you don't have to tell all. Wait and see if you are comfortable with the person first. good luckjulie
Posted by sar on October 23, 2001, at 10:28:13
In reply to How do u explain to a date u r on heavy psych meds, posted by jay on October 23, 2001, at 6:04:06
dear jay,
i wouldn't tell anyone all of that information right away...we're all supposed to reveal our idiosyncracies at a slow pace, lest we scare people away...
i read an article, i can't remember where, that had something to do with people with similar body/brain chemistries being able to sniff each other out...so generally, a lot of "crazy" people end up with other crazies (i use this term affectionately: i just swallowed my own rainbow coalition, i live with my parents, *and* i am unemployed, woohoo!)
my current boyfriend, before we started dating, heard through the grapevine that i was "crazy" even "psycho" perhaps, that i'm on meds, that i'd tried to kill myself--and i told him myself, when he said "how was your summer?" that i'd spent part of it in psych wards.
we're in that nice begininning stage of a relationship, butterflies in the stomach and restaurants and wine, kisses and weekend visits (long-distance relationship)...one time in the car he was talking about his roommate and one of his good friends, both diagnosed "clinically depressed" and he said, "i don't know man, i just don't know if i believe in all that, i think 'depressed' people should just um...go to the lake more, or something."
You can imagine that this got my dander up and such, and i tried to dispassionately explain that depression is a real, certifiable illness, that the chemistry of the brain is changed by it or maybe that person's brain chemistry was never right in the first place--and i think he heard the pleading in my voice, as much as i tried to hide it, the pleading for him to understand that all of this horrible shit is REAL...
in the mornings, he sees me swallow the rainbow coalition: blue-and-white, pink, and yellow. pretty, eh? and at night, if we're drinking, if my eyes start to look droopy, he'll say "babe, did you take those pills?" because he knows alcohol potentiates them.
he thinks i'm crazy, but he also thinks most other people are normal and boring.
i feel lucky that i've had to explain so little to him, that he knew how nuts i am in the first place.
i think all you can do is be unashamed:
I work as a janitor.
I live with my parents right now.
and when the time is right, maybe after some intimate talks/nights (at least a month down the road?) you can explain to her that you've been diagnosed as ____ and that you take these pills to treat it.
i think we're lucky to be living in a time when more and more people are aware of mental illness, accpeting of having it or dealing with others who have it. i mean, there are commercials for AD's...
i wouldn't even try to sell alot of charm...you seem charming just as you are, "just be yourself," ah, that old annoying adage--but it's true...
love,
sar
Posted by juliedealer on October 23, 2001, at 10:56:30
In reply to Re: How do u explain to a date u r on heavy psych meds » jay, posted by sar on October 23, 2001, at 10:28:13
i personally am not looking for somebody perfect, imperfections do have endearing qualities. Since I am the "supporter/helper" quality, I like people with problems... God knows they are alot more interesting !!!!
Posted by Gracie2 on October 23, 2001, at 23:10:39
In reply to How do u explain to a date u r on heavy psych meds, posted by jay on October 23, 2001, at 6:04:06
Jay,
Cheer up, my man. My husband thinks I'm whacked out for being addicted to the "Jenny Jones" show, but the only reason I watch it is because I tend to think that the rest of the world is normal and happy and I'm the only wierd one; Jenny sets me straight. At least I'm not a pregnant heroin-addicted prostitute.
On the other hand, go slow on a first date; pouring out your life story to a stranger is as bad as trying to jump her bones when she's not ready. It doesn't mean she won't like you and won't accept you; it's just too much, too soon.DON'T lie, though; nobody likes a lier. At the same time, almost everyone loves to talk about themselves; it's an easy way to divert attention. If she says something like, "You still live with your parents?" You say something like, "Yup, but I'm looking for my own place. If you could live anywhere you wanted to, would you live in the mountains where you could ski, or live someplace like the Florida Keys where you could dive or walk on the beach at sunset?"
I'm telling you it works, and it's not dishonest if you really want to know what she thinks. Once you get to know her better and she's attracted to you as a person, then you can tell her a bit more.
Because the stuff you don't like about yourself-
living with your parents, bankruptcy, etc. - those
are conditions and events in your life that have happened to you but they do not define you as a person, they are NOT YOU. I've read enough of your posts to know that you're an intelligent person, which puts you ahead of the pack right there. There are still way too many men out there who are interested in nothing but sex and themselves, and quite a few women looking for love and romance.
You might surprise yourself.
-Gracie
Posted by susan C on October 23, 2001, at 23:11:53
In reply to How do u explain to a date u r on heavy psych meds, posted by jay on October 23, 2001, at 6:04:06
G** imagine me on a date...it was 30 years ago!!! my dear hub comments that maybe I shouldn't be so forthcoming about my illness, as he has been with me and has watched the recipient's 'eyes bulge out' and those were doctors...
I agree, tho, baby steps, tho, now that i think of it, babies fall down alot and in relative proportion to their bodies I think babies take pretty big steps and go pretty da** fast...
good advice I think from all I have read...
mouse with one still at home
susan C
Posted by jay on October 25, 2001, at 19:12:19
In reply to How do u explain to a date u r on heavy psych meds, posted by jay on October 23, 2001, at 6:04:06
Thanks folks for the honest and insightful replies. This is really one of the many scary steps we take, usually when we start feeling a bit better after a breakdown(s).
But, as a number of you had mentioned, by simply being honest, we will likely be the happiest. If the other person does care for you, and wants to be with you, they will come to understand. If not, why would we want to be with somebody who is so prejudiced against an illness we have become so intimate with?
This is really a great topic, and I hope it helps to benefit many others also.
Thanks a million..
Jay
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