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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by tina on January 4, 2001, at 18:03:07
I am right there too Kelly.
Something happened this morning, which I don't want to go into, that really shattered my whole belief in humankind. I can tell you it made me look longingly at the long sharp butcher knives in the kitchen and my lily-white wrists. I'm not so keen on taking my own life either but it doesn't stop me from wishing my car would go out of control on the snow covered highways or maybe standing in the bank line and being shot by a would-be robber. I also hope all this extra smoking I'm doing right now gives me a nasty inoperable tumor. Those kind of thoughts go through my head constantly, everyday, every minute. I am preoccupied with my own death but unable to do the deed myself. I am not taking any antidepressants because I want, for once in my life, to feel all the horrible, evil things I have lurking inside myself. I need to feel those things. I've medicated myself before and just got numb to that pain and guilt and shame. I need to feel it now and accept responsibility for my own nasty personality which, you can believe, is profoundly nasty.
This is my round-about way of telling you I can sympathise and empathise with how you're feeling. You are NOT alone. Since you are a veteran to psycho-babble, you know the kind of support you can get here but I think Gracie is right. you need to be under the care of someone who can help you out with all those feelings and really support you face to face. Getting away from the burdens of all those people who seem to "know what's best for you" might be a respite in itself. Don't let them tell you who you are or what you should be doing. Take some time for yourself. This time of year is especially hard and stressful.
I'm thinking about you and I will send all my love to you.
Hugs
Tina
Posted by Noa on January 5, 2001, at 10:50:44
In reply to I know how you feel Kelly, posted by tina on January 4, 2001, at 18:03:07
Tina and Kelly,
Having such longing to die, even passively, is a sign of needing a higher level of treatment right now.
Please take good care of yourselves and talk to your docs immediately about going into the hospital. From there you can work on arranging day treatment to get ongoing intensive support until you are feeling somewhat safer.
You deserve to not have to suffer this much, and there is treatment to makeuse of. Take care ofyourselves. Please.
Posted by dennis on January 5, 2001, at 12:59:53
In reply to Re: I know how you feel Kelly, posted by Noa on January 5, 2001, at 10:50:44
Tina and Kelly,
Dont go to the hospital, believe in yourself, have hope, when life is hard you have to change, dont be afraid to change your life. To say that everything is fine with your life and your world, but its just you that has the problem, this is wrong, there is nothing wrong with you, dont go to the hospital. You dont want to kill yourself, you would have tryed to do it already, not only that but you know that even if you took all those pills you would probebly still live, there are much more serious ways to kill yourself, I dont think your life is in danger, you know what life is worth and you wouldnt throw it all away. I think about suicide occasionally but I know I will never go through with it, so I might as well stop feeling sorry for myself and put in the effort to make my life better.
Posted by kellyR. on January 5, 2001, at 18:22:06
In reply to Re: I know how you feel Kelly, posted by dennis on January 5, 2001, at 12:59:53
> Tina and Kelly,
>
> Dont go to the hospital, believe in yourself, have hope, when life is hard you have to change, dont be afraid to change your life. To say that everything is fine with your life and your world, but its just you that has the problem, this is wrong, there is nothing wrong with you, dont go to the hospital. You dont want to kill yourself, you would have tryed to do it already, not only that but you know that even if you took all those pills you would probebly still live, there are much more serious ways to kill yourself, I dont think your life is in danger, you know what life is worth and you wouldnt throw it all away. I think about suicide occasionally but I know I will never go through with it, so I might as well stop feeling sorry for myself and put in the effort to make my life better.I'm not feeling sorry for myself I can kill myself w/ a overdoes I have 30 prozac-60 haldo-30 klonapin-100 sleeping pills-20 doxepin-30-rispldal-80 zepraxa. I geuss I shouldn't talk about suicide here,& I didn't plan on going to the hospital only because I can't afford it.I'm worth more dead.
Posted by tina on January 5, 2001, at 18:47:59
In reply to Re: I know how you feel » dennis, posted by kellyR. on January 5, 2001, at 18:22:06
Kelly: You aren't worth more dead to me. Who would I comiserate with if you were gone? 'nuff said?
Love
Tina
> > Tina and Kelly,
> >
> > Dont go to the hospital, believe in yourself, have hope, when life is hard you have to change, dont be afraid to change your life. To say that everything is fine with your life and your world, but its just you that has the problem, this is wrong, there is nothing wrong with you, dont go to the hospital. You dont want to kill yourself, you would have tryed to do it already, not only that but you know that even if you took all those pills you would probebly still live, there are much more serious ways to kill yourself, I dont think your life is in danger, you know what life is worth and you wouldnt throw it all away. I think about suicide occasionally but I know I will never go through with it, so I might as well stop feeling sorry for myself and put in the effort to make my life better.
>
> I'm not feeling sorry for myself I can kill myself w/ a overdoes I have 30 prozac-60 haldo-30 klonapin-100 sleeping pills-20 doxepin-30-rispldal-80 zepraxa. I geuss I shouldn't talk about suicide here,& I didn't plan on going to the hospital only because I can't afford it.I'm worth more dead.
Posted by tina on January 5, 2001, at 18:56:20
In reply to Re: I know how you feel , posted by tina on January 5, 2001, at 18:47:59
> Kelly: You aren't worth more dead to me. Who would I comiserate with if you were gone? 'nuff said?
> Love
> Tina
>My husband is having an affair after convincing everyone we know that he is an upstanding, moral, Mr. wonderful and they all believe it and think I'm the monster. She's married too BTW.
i live with my alcoholic father who insists I'm stealing the cutlery every morning. I have no money, no life and no friends. I have major panic attacks all day long and my whole family thinks I'm a sniveling, ridiculous excuse for a human being who should never have been born anyway.
I am used at work by a boss who makes sexual innuendos and talks to me like I'm 5 years old and pays me minimum wage but I have to be grateful for having a job at all because it's all I have in my life right now. My health is terrible, my hair is falling out, I have terminal heart-burn and my therapist doesn't want to "waste her time" on me.
So, I need YOU. Stick around OK? And talk about suicide all you want. If talking helps to keep you from actually doing it, talk and talk and talk. There will always be someone here to listen.
T
>
> > > Tina and Kelly,
> > >
> > > Dont go to the hospital, believe in yourself, have hope, when life is hard you have to change, dont be afraid to change your life. To say that everything is fine with your life and your world, but its just you that has the problem, this is wrong, there is nothing wrong with you, dont go to the hospital. You dont want to kill yourself, you would have tryed to do it already, not only that but you know that even if you took all those pills you would probebly still live, there are much more serious ways to kill yourself, I dont think your life is in danger, you know what life is worth and you wouldnt throw it all away. I think about suicide occasionally but I know I will never go through with it, so I might as well stop feeling sorry for myself and put in the effort to make my life better.
> >
> > I'm not feeling sorry for myself I can kill myself w/ a overdoes I have 30 prozac-60 haldo-30 klonapin-100 sleeping pills-20 doxepin-30-rispldal-80 zepraxa. I geuss I shouldn't talk about suicide here,& I didn't plan on going to the hospital only because I can't afford it.I'm worth more dead.
Posted by shar on January 5, 2001, at 19:04:47
In reply to Re: I know how you feel » dennis, posted by kellyR. on January 5, 2001, at 18:22:06
> I'm not feeling sorry for myself I can kill myself w/ a overdoes I have 30 prozac-60 haldo-30 klonapin-100 sleeping pills-20 doxepin-30-rispldal-80 zepraxa. I geuss I shouldn't talk about suicide here,& I didn't plan on going to the hospital only because I can't afford it.I'm worth more dead.
Kelly,
I am with you 100% -- I do not believe you are feeling sorry for yourself either. But, I do believe you can and should talk about suicide here.This is your family as much as anybody else's and you get to talk, and share, about whatever is in your mind and heart. Like any family, not all responses will be meaningful to you, but some will and it only takes that one to give you a new perspective, and maybe help you out of some of the pain.
If you aren't able to talk to those around you, do it here. There are people who really care about you here. Listen to those people.
If you need/want hospitalization, I bet there are people here that could figure out how to help you get it.
And, finally, Kelly, I never want to sign on here only to find out I will be grieving your loss. On a personal level, as you may know, that sucks about as bad as feeling suicidal.
If you don't need all those pills, flush 'em.
xoxo
Shar
Posted by Noa on January 6, 2001, at 11:07:14
In reply to Re: I know how you feel , posted by shar on January 5, 2001, at 19:04:47
Kelly, I'm with Shar on this. I take your words seriously. That is what is scary for me. I would not want you to die. I don't like seeing you suffer. If you want help getting info on financial help for hospitalization, I know people here would jump into action to get the info for you. You just say the word.
Posted by kellyR. on January 7, 2001, at 18:54:27
In reply to Re: I know how you feel , posted by Noa on January 6, 2001, at 11:07:14
> Kelly, I'm with Shar on this. I take your words seriously. That is what is scary for me. I would not want you to die. I don't like seeing you suffer. If you want help getting info on financial help for hospitalization, I know people here would jump into action to get the info for you. You just say the word.
I'm sorry for scaring you I really didn't mean to,I'm just looking for help since it hard to get any around here in my house.I did tell my Dr. about sitting w/ a bottle of pills thinking of taking them all, he did seem upset about that I didn't call him.& we talked for the time i saw him about why I was going to do myself in. He didn't say anything about going in to the hospital. but i'll think about it since my husband just came in & asked if i was suicidal because i was hiding in the office after yelling at everyone all night.I'll keep you posted.
Posted by Noa on January 8, 2001, at 17:26:35
In reply to Re: I know how you feel » Noa, posted by kellyR. on January 7, 2001, at 18:54:27
Kelly, you don't need to apologize to me--but I do hope you will take steps to make sure you are safe and getting the level of treatment you need to get you through this.
This is the end of the thread.
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