![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by fallsfall on June 6, 2010, at 17:13:52
Hello to my old friends, and hello to those I haven't yet met.
It is nice to see so many familiar names on the board. How ARE you all doing?
I've been doing really well. Working full time and having a blast (most of the time).
I was listening to a book yesterday that was talking about Second Life and a group of people who became friends, and I thought of you. So I am procrastinating on doing some things and I thought I'd check Babble out. Either that or I'm cutting back to therapy once a week right now. Anyone want to bet that my therapist will think I came here because of that?
Fallsfall
Posted by Annierose on June 6, 2010, at 19:31:40
In reply to Why I wanted to read this board today, posted by fallsfall on June 6, 2010, at 17:13:52
It was such a GREAT surprise to see your post. I think of you often and wondered how my friend is doing. Every time I changed my standing therapy appointment days I thought of you and wondered if you were doing the same ... or ordering the same menu items. I missed you!!
I cut back to twice a week so we are on similar paths again. WOW ... once a week ... it is a hard thing to do! On the other hand, congratulations to getting to this point. You worked so brutely and honestly hard ... sharing stuff I couldn't imagine. Your therapist is solid.
Dasiy and I were talking about my cutting back recently and how I experience my therapist's vacations and scheduling interruptions (due to her medical issues or other life stuff) feels like a blow to my stomach. Yes, I am completely understanding and adult-like but the two year old inside of me is throwing a tantrum screaming, "what about me?".
No doubt about it, it's a loss. And for you, some growing pains thrown into the mix. AND I'm so happy you came here for some added support. Seeing your name pop up brought a huge smile!! Did you initiate the reduction? The timing is perfect with graduations all around.
I'm typing faster than I'm thinking and I want to clarify something before I move on --- I was the person who initiated cutting back to twice a week therapy. Prior to that, in a period of 7 months, I had missed around 6 weeks of therapy due to her stuff and a little of mine. Then with the new year, came a new insurance plan that basically s*cks, paying about 30% of her fee [one of the highest on this board].
So you love your work!! How great is that?! Any grandchildren yet? Are you looking forward to summers on the lake? Everyone safe and sound? My nephew came home from the marines a few days ago. It was great seeing him and giving him a giant bear hug ... he looks so strikingly like my deceased brother.
One change around here you may want to note. Your posts are now "facebookable" or "twitter-able" unless you opt out of this feature. I forgot how you opt out, Dinah will remind us (I hope), but wanted you to know that.
Love you!
Posted by Dinah on June 6, 2010, at 20:42:11
In reply to Why I wanted to read this board today, posted by fallsfall on June 6, 2010, at 17:13:52
How wonderful to see you! I was just thinking of you the other day.
It always scares me if I think of going down to once a week. When the time is right, I imagine it won't send me into a panic. The time is right for you?
You worked hard to get that job, I'm glad it worked out for you. :)
If you do wish to change your settings so that your posts can't be tweeted or facebooked, here's the link.
http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/settings.pl
(I need to remember that I bookmarked it. It was hard for me to find without the bookmark.)
Posted by fallsfall on June 6, 2010, at 22:13:07
In reply to Re: Hip Hip Hooray, posted by Annierose on June 6, 2010, at 19:31:40
Hi Annierose!
Nice to hear from you.
I feel so comfortable going to once a week. I really am able to handle things by myself. It was my idea. One day I said "Maybe we should talk about cutting back to once a week". I didn't even plan to say it. I knew that we would discuss it - that bringing it up didn't mean that it would have to happen. He said that he had been thinking the same thing (he didn't say how LONG he had been thinking that, and I'm not about to ask him). Probably the most important thing that my therapist has done is to allow as much dependence as I wanted. He has truly allowed me to control the frequency and intensity. He's not worried about seeing me less, and neither am I.
He's quite proud of me. I have come a very long way. From disabled for a decade to a responsible full time job. He still hasn't quite figured out why I was able to do so well.
I know it is the right time to cut back because I DON'T have a feeling in my stomach. But don't ask me to go less than once a week! I can imagine that at some point I could do that. When it is time. And not before.
You sound proud of your reduction, and you should be. Insurance issues are the worst. Money makes therapy so complicated!
No grandkids yet - my daughter is waiting for the right time (and there will be a right time...). This is fine with me. She's living halfway across the country. I'd be happy if she moved back closer before she had kids. My son is out of the Army. He is getting married in August. They are living in Germany where both work as contractors for the Army. My youngest has one more year of college.
My dad died three years ago, and I've been going to the cottage on the lake every other weekend with my mother. I'm enjoying having time with her, and she loves to see my dog.
How is work? And your kids?
Love,
Falls
Posted by fallsfall on June 7, 2010, at 7:58:36
In reply to Falls!!!, posted by Dinah on June 6, 2010, at 20:42:11
Dinah!
How ARE you?
It is really the right time for me to cut back. Doesn't make me nervous at all. I'm so grateful that my therapist lets me decide when it is the right time.
How is your puppy? What a cutie! How is school going for your son?
I think of you everytime I hear about your corner of the country - which is not infrequently.
Thanks for the facebook/twitter link. Are you still a deputy?
Awfully nice to see you!
Falls
Posted by Dinah on June 7, 2010, at 9:57:22
In reply to Re: Falls!!! » Dinah, posted by fallsfall on June 7, 2010, at 7:58:36
> How ARE you?
I'm doing ok. I think anxiety will always be an issue for me. And I can only stand so much stress before I fall apart. I sort of wish I'd had your courage to enter a new line of work and find a job I love. But I think I'm coming to peace with this one, slowly but surely. I'm good at what I do, and I don't actually mind the work. Just everything that goes along with it. Still, distraction and lack of concentration are increasing as issues in my life.
> It is really the right time for me to cut back. Doesn't make me nervous at all. I'm so grateful that my therapist lets me decide when it is the right time.
I'm grateful you have that too. I'm grateful I have it. I think my therapist realizes that it would be counterproductive to push me out of the nest because nothing is more likely to make me cling. When I'm ready to try my wings, I know he'll be supportive - like yours is!
It's so amazing that leaving your old therapist turned out to be such a wonderful step for you, given how painful I know it was for you. In your job and your therapy you had the courage to walk away from an unhealthy situation and forge new and healthier paths.
> How is your puppy? What a cutie! How is school going for your son?
My son is doing wonderfully. He is very shy, but has a circle of friends with similar interests and personality styles. Middle school was such a horrible and life changing (in a bad way) time of life for me. I'm so happy his experience has been better.
I updated in depth the pup's progress in a reply to Annierose. They're giving me her medications and supplies a few days at a time, and I know they don't expect her to live very long at all. I'm hoping she fools them, but I'm afraid to hope too much.
> I think of you everytime I hear about your corner of the country - which is not infrequently.
Isn't it awful? I feel so very bad for the fishermen. I grew up with the children of fishermen. Every time I think about it, I start to cry. My response is to try not to think about it, other than to find out in what ways I can help.
> Thanks for the facebook/twitter link. Are you still a deputy?
I'm not an active deputy. But I hope that I will be again.
> Awfully nice to see you!
Nice to see you too. You've been an inspiration to me of the possibility of change.
Posted by TherapyGirl on June 7, 2010, at 19:47:18
In reply to Why I wanted to read this board today, posted by fallsfall on June 6, 2010, at 17:13:52
Gosh, it's good to "see" you again! And especially good to know how well things are going for you. Congratulations!
Posted by Daisym on June 8, 2010, at 1:27:01
In reply to Why I wanted to read this board today, posted by fallsfall on June 6, 2010, at 17:13:52
Wow - what a surprise. Nice to see you and hear how well things are going. I'm really proud of you - your journey was long and difficult. Dinah is right - you are an inspiration.
I finished my PhD recently and we are surviving in this world of budget cuts. Still so much sadness in the world and so much work to do.
I think I'm the only one NOT cutting back on therapy right now - it is still intense, interesting, and helpful. And hard, hard, hard.
Thanks for popping in and sharing. We do miss you here.
Posted by fallsfall on June 8, 2010, at 7:14:23
In reply to Re: Welcome Back! » fallsfall, posted by TherapyGirl on June 7, 2010, at 19:47:18
Hi TherapyGirl,
Nice to see you, too!
Falls
Posted by fallsfall on June 8, 2010, at 7:21:41
In reply to Re: Why I wanted to read this board today, posted by Daisym on June 8, 2010, at 1:27:01
Hi Daisy,
So good to see you.
I'm so impressed with your PhD. Good for you! And good for all the kids you will help in the future.
"intense, interesting, and helpful" is a great way for therapy to be. I'm so glad it is helpful.
Take good care of you!
Love,
Falls
Posted by Annierose on June 8, 2010, at 10:18:02
In reply to Re: Why I wanted to read this board today » Daisym, posted by fallsfall on June 8, 2010, at 7:21:41
I liked Daisy's description of therapy too ... "intense, interesting, and helpful" and I'll add loving and frustrating.
My kids are both good --- growing up in lovely ways. And work is .... well ... hard to describe ... happy to still be in business in this economy, sad that it sucks so much. And considering where I live, there is no sunlight at the end of the tunnel... yet. But I am hopeful and feel my business is stablizing compared to last year's free fall.
I'm conflicted with cutting back. It's inspiring to read the confidence in your posts. I think your therapist did all the right things and you were ready to trust him, move towards your fears, then take baby steps ... knowing he would catch you if you fell.
Although intellectully I trust my therapists, my gut continually sends up warning signals if anything feels potentially bad. I'm learning it's my faulty wiring, not my therapist. And she is learning how to reach me ... still ... after all these years.
Do I wish I was still going three times a week? YES. Do I like having more time in my schedule? YES. A conflict.
Do you have any "ah ha" moments that helped you break the cycle?
Posted by fallsfall on June 8, 2010, at 22:24:37
In reply to Re: Why I wanted to read this board today » fallsfall, posted by Annierose on June 8, 2010, at 10:18:02
I feel stronger than I was. I feel like I can handle things.
I used to need him to recognize when things were starting to go downhill. I didn't know how to recognize it myself. And I didn't know how to stop the fall. I didn't know how to deal with the issues I faced.
I just don't feel that way anymore. I know when things aren't going well. I pretty much know what he is going to say about what I should do about things. It isn't that I don't need him still - some stuff was going on at work a month or two ago that had me tied up in knots and he was helpful. But the situation went down when he was away and I was fine with waiting for him to get back.
I trust myself now. For a long time I didn't trust my instincts, because my instincts had gotten me in the hole that I was in. Now I feel like I have good judgment.
Since I can stand on my own two feet now, I don't need to see him as often. It isn't that I'm learning to depend on him less - I am more competent now so my need is less.
So no, there was no "ah ha" moment. Just lots of strengthening over lots and lots of time.
You sound stronger than before. More self-reliant. Do you feel stronger?
Posted by annierose on June 9, 2010, at 22:24:36
In reply to Re: Why I wanted to read this board today » Annierose, posted by fallsfall on June 8, 2010, at 22:24:37
I like what you wrote. I have re-read it several times. It rings possible for me ... so that's encouraging.
My therapist asked me a similar question on Monday, if I felt stronger in 'real life'. I answered that I felt more grounded and more sure of myself in answering 'what is true right now?' .... By that I mean, when my husband gets upset, I ask myself that question 'what is true?'. And I find I can respond in kind. Especially with my husband, I find that he is skilled in dumping his garbage on my lap and flipping a disagreement to something different.
Social situations are slowly improving. I do hear my therapist's voice telling me that others do not see me as my mom treated me. There is still a gap in what I feel and what I know ... and that will take time to bridge.
It's a long road. And I'm glad I found friends on this site to help me stay the course.
Posted by Dr. Bob on June 11, 2010, at 15:22:21
In reply to Falls!!!, posted by Dinah on June 6, 2010, at 20:42:11
> If you do wish to change your settings so that your posts can't be tweeted or facebooked, here's the link.
>
> http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/settings.plOf if you want to change them back, since people on Facebook and Twitter can also benefit from support and education. Tweeting and Facebooking might lead them to the many thoughtful and intelligent posts here, and then they might join Babble and contribute new perspectives and energy.
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#sharetweet
Bob
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.