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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by brooksie1 on February 13, 2009, at 16:20:10
Hi all, I'm new here, so please bear with me.
I was terminated by my therapist on Monday for reasons of my own making. My T. gave me referrals to three new T.s, one of which I have an appt. for next week.
I am consumed with the guilt that this pain I caused my T. ,and myself was my own fault. The guilt, grief and remorse continues to overwhelm me to the point I can't function. I have lost the person who in the past year has helped me transform my life. I can never forgive myself.
I have never felt so alone in my life, so without support. My wife is angry at me as well, for my T. essentially revived a dead marriage. She knew what she had done for me, and she's doubly disappointed in me.
I try to continue my daily activities, but there's no joy or meaning in what I do. Where do I find meaning again in life? How can I get past the pain that I have caused? How do I forgive myself??? My life is overwhelmed by my sorrow, I've never felt so undeserving of happiness. :(
brooksie
Posted by wittgensteinz on February 13, 2009, at 16:47:20
In reply to Terminated and devastated :(, posted by brooksie1 on February 13, 2009, at 16:20:10
Hi Brooksie and welcome to Babble. I'm sorry that such difficult times have brought you to post here.
I agree, it sounds like you are going through an awful time. You don't say what exactly happened to bring an end to your therapy with this therapist and I understand if you'd rather not share that but perhaps now is a time to try and look forward. Learn from mistakes, grieve but try to hold onto hope that the future will bring a fresh start and a new chance to improve your life. People make mistakes, people fall into bad habits - that's part of being human and thank goodness there is normally a chance in time to pick yourself up and try again even though it's hard. What is positive is that you were able to make considerable progress with your former T. You should be proud of that - yes your T facilitated that but change doesn't happen without your part in it too, and clearly you did some hard work the last year.
I don't know the full story but my feeling is try not to be so hard on yourself - give yourself another chance and try to move on. It's good you are going to see a new T and hopefully you can begin to work through what has happened. It sounds like you are at the bottom right now and it's time to start figuring out how to climb back up again and process all those feelings you have.
Babble is a very supportive and understanding place. Don't be afraid to reach out to people here. I hope the appointment goes well next week. Try not to be too hard on yourself, these things happen.
Witti
Posted by sharon7 on February 13, 2009, at 17:08:35
In reply to Terminated and devastated :(, posted by brooksie1 on February 13, 2009, at 16:20:10
Hi brooksie,
Well, first let me say how sorry I am for your pain. Secondly, welcome to 'babble.' I'm glad you decided to post. There's some great people on here with a lot of insight and wisdom. I know, because I've only been on here a few weeks and have been helped tremendously.
Of course without knowing what happened, it's hard for me to say how justified (if at all) your remorse is. (I'm not asking you to say; I assume if you wanted to share that part of it,it'd have been included in your post.) But regardless of what it is, you are clearly in a great deal of pain, and I honestly don't know what to say to make you feel better. Only that I am very sorry you are hurting. I am SO glad you have an appt next week to talk to a new therapist. I hope you like him/her and will feel comfortable enough to at least start talking about this. Sounds like you really need to unburden yourself.
What I can say is, you are most definitely deserving of happiness. We all make mistakes, do/say things we wish we hadn't, some HUGE, some not so big.
And yes, you CAN forgive yourself. I don't care what it is. I have a feeling you are being very, very hard on yourself.
Whatever happened that you feel was a mistake, learn from it. Figure out why it happened. Have some compassion for yourself. Please don't beat yourself up anymore. Try to pull yourself together as best you can until your appt next week.
I wish I knew what to say, Brooksie. I wish I had a magic wand to make it all better. If it helps at all, know I care, and I will say a prayer for you. Please stop beating yourself up. It's not going to make the situation any better. It's just going to drag you down. You gotta get back up and move forward. We've all done things we regret. I've done some TERRIBLE things, let me tell you. We can't go back and undo the past. Believe me, there's lots of times I wish we could! I'd change a lot of things. But honestly, all the energy that we put into dwelling on past mistakes (which is another thing, this just happened Monday, so it's still very fresh) does not help us or the situation one bit. It just makes us miserable.
Keep us posted. I really want to know how you are doing. (o:
Sharon
Posted by SLS on February 13, 2009, at 17:38:38
In reply to Terminated and devastated :(, posted by brooksie1 on February 13, 2009, at 16:20:10
I can hardly imagine how upside down your life must seem right now. You do a hell of a good job putting into words, though. Don't plan on the anxiety and despair to go away over night. However, you will get through this. You really need to believe this. If nothing else, it is logical.
I agree with what the others have said.
You are taking on 100% of responsibility as if you existed in a vacuum. You don't. Whatever happened was the product of an interaction between yourself and the people around you, including your T. If you can recognize your errors in judgment, you are fortunate. You can learn from them.
You don't lose everything you have gained. If through what you have learned, your marriage is better, it will stay better. Such is also true of all the issues you have addressed and made progress on.
Hey - mistake or no mistake - you didn't do anything wrong. Are you an evil person? Of course not. You have wronged no one. You are just living life.
I hope you come to forgive yourself for a perfectly human foible. I think self-loathing will keep you stuck.
Now is a time for you to take a new turn in your path along your journey through life. Look forward to the possibility that you will find a new T who is good for you - different - but good.
Ahh. What do I know. This stuff is all new to me.
I hope I didn't trivialize your pain or underestimate the complexity of your situation. A year from now, you will be proud of yourself for having dealt with this crisis effectively.
Good luck.
- Scott
Posted by seldomseen on February 13, 2009, at 18:10:04
In reply to Terminated and devastated :(, posted by brooksie1 on February 13, 2009, at 16:20:10
I am so sorry for all the pain that you are going through. I'm glad you found babble. We go through a lot together here.
Even though I don't know the whole story, I am pretty confident that what transpired with your old therapist wasn't entirely of your doing. There are two people in that therapeutic space and a lot of things get all stirred up and disproportionate. I strongly suspect that this shame you feel is not yours to carry alone (if at all).
Try not to be so hard on yourself. This time will pass and things will settle out. Perhaps your new therapist can help you sort out what goes where.
What I am confident in though is that you are a human being and worthy of happiness. It's okay. It's really okay.
Take good care.
Peace to you.
Seldom.
Posted by Dinah on February 13, 2009, at 19:21:01
In reply to Terminated and devastated :(, posted by brooksie1 on February 13, 2009, at 16:20:10
We all make choices we later regret. Sometimes bitterly. It sounds as if you're taking responsibility for your choices. That's something to be proud of right there.
The past is past. It can't be changed. But what you do from here on out is in your control. You can honor your therapist's work by continuing to work on your marriage. And by continuing your personal work.
Posted by Phillipa on February 15, 2009, at 15:44:38
In reply to Re: Terminated and devastated :( » brooksie1, posted by Dinah on February 13, 2009, at 19:21:01
Your marriage is better right so there is possitive. Phillipa
This is the end of the thread.
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