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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sadlittlegirl on October 26, 2008, at 0:01:52
eeep! Occasionally I'll do a google search on my therapist out of curiousity. Tonight I did it a little different... I just put her last name and the city her office is in. I'm pretty sure the first result I got is a review of her husband's business, which is at an address in a residential area, which means he works out of their home, so I think I know where she lives. Pretty sure I found her son's name and where he goes to school too. It's not a very common last name.
I'm not a stalker, I swear! I have this feeling like I've done something horrible. I love my therapist the way a daughter would. With her help, I've made so much progress. I'd never do anything to cause her any harm. Now I don't know what to do... should I tell her what happened, or do I just keep quiet? She knows I know she has a son because she's taken calls from him a few times during session. She's told me about her 2 consulting jobs that she has on the days she's not in private practice. During my last major depressive episode, she started letting me call her between sessions. I started out calling her office number, which I found out forwards to her cell phone. She would call me back on from her cell phone. I had commented to her that I wouldn't use the number she called from, I'll only save her office number in my contacts. She told me it was okay to use the number she called from, that it was her cell phone that she uses for work. Usually I leave her a voice mail and she calls me back if she thinks it can't wait till our next session.
Now this is going to bother me. She knows I'm resourceful online. I told her about how I figured out why I was getting e-mails for a sorority president in GA. Based on the content of the e-mails, I figured out the school and the sorority. Then I used google search and found out that the president of this sorority has almost the same last name as me. But I don't want to damage our relationship... what have I done and what do I do about it?
Posted by seldomseen on October 26, 2008, at 9:08:40
In reply to too curious for my own good, posted by sadlittlegirl on October 26, 2008, at 0:01:52
I know I have certainly googled my therapist. I also google some other people, and myself! on a regular basis just to see what is out there about me.
Try not to be so hard on yourself, as I think it is a completely natural thing to do. Of course you are curious!
I do think you should tell your therapist and let her know that you are concerned that this will damage the relationship. It certainly doesn't sound as though you intend to DO anything with the information and I would be clear to her about that. Again, it's just curiousity and the internet is open to anyone.
Seldom
Posted by Phillipa on October 26, 2008, at 13:02:29
In reply to Re: too curious for my own good, posted by seldomseen on October 26, 2008, at 9:08:40
Plus a lot of therapist advertise their expertise on the web I know mine did. But share. Love Phillipa
Posted by Maria01 on October 26, 2008, at 13:07:42
In reply to Re: too curious for my own good, posted by seldomseen on October 26, 2008, at 9:08:40
The internet is a public space. I'm not sure why you feel compelled to disclose your search to your therapist. She's aware the information is out there, and most likely wouldn't be surprised to know that you've Googled her. If people don't want their information out there in cyberspace, there are privacy measusres they can take. Otherwise, their information is fair game.
As others have said, don't be so hard on yourself about this...you've committed no crime. Just a little Googling.
Posted by Geegee on October 26, 2008, at 16:19:37
In reply to Re: too curious for my own good, posted by Maria01 on October 26, 2008, at 13:07:42
I think that curiousity about a therapist is not at all uncommon, and it can be rich therapeutic material. For that reason, I think disclosing it, as well as all your feelings about it can be quite helpful. I'm of the opinion that any therapist these days who doesn't realize that they are "googleable" and are googled are a bit naive. For that reason, I don't believe that googling one's T is a breach of boundaries, because lots of folks google lots of other folks for a variety of reasons. Still, it can be hard to predict how the T will react, as some have perceived this as a boundary crossing or violation and reacted negatively. If your T is not so internet savvy, that may be more likely, but it's hard to predict for any one individual, so you'll have to use your best judgment.
Again my opinion here, but I think having the knowledge is one thing, but acting on it can be another. I think T's who react negatively to finding out they've been "googled" might be responding more to fears or concerns about what one might do with the info versus what more often is at play--the curiousity about and feelings for the T which led to the googling in the first place. And/or, they might just be caught off guard and feel a bit embarrassed that they didn't think of this before if it's the first time anyone has told them.
Sorry for so long...at any rate, it's perfectly normal, and I hope your T is able to hear it and process it with you, should you choose to disclose it, in a way that's ultimately helpful.
Good luck.
gg
Posted by JayMac on October 26, 2008, at 17:44:13
In reply to too curious for my own good, posted by sadlittlegirl on October 26, 2008, at 0:01:52
Hi Sadlittlegirl.
I can completely relate!!! I posted a thread about wanting to see where my T lives a couple weeks ago. I've also posted (not sure what archieve it's in, but within the past 6 weeks about googling my T.Here's the link to my thread about wanting to know where my T lives:
http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl?post=/babble/psycho/20080920/msgs/855293.html#855293
I hope it's of some help. I know wanting to know where your T lives and googling them is not exactly the same, but I think they are similar. I experienced a lot of my own shame, doubt, and guilt about googling my T and about finding out where she lives. Since then, I've found out even more information on the web. I disclosed to her that I've googled her and that I've literally gone looking for her house without even knowing her address. It was uncomfortable for me to talk about, but it was nice to hear that she was open to the discussion and she welcomed it. In my case, I google her and feel the urge to see her home because I want to feel connected to her, I want to feel even more attached, I want more of her, I want to know her on a more intimate level. I just want to feel connected. All of this makes for great, but difficult to bring up, discussion.
Just my own experience. Everyone is different. You may have googled your T for a different reason.
Thanks for posting!!!
Hugs! =)
JayMac
Posted by Geegee on October 26, 2008, at 18:05:07
In reply to Re: too curious for my own good » Maria01, posted by Geegee on October 26, 2008, at 16:19:37
Posted by sadlittlegirl on October 26, 2008, at 23:14:10
In reply to Re: too curious for my own good » sadlittlegirl, posted by JayMac on October 26, 2008, at 17:44:13
Hi JayMac,
I've got serious abandonment issues thanks to having been physically and emotionally abused by my parents for most of my childhood. My T knows all about this, of course. I spent most of my adult life being emotionally distant in relationships and not trusting anyone. My T is the first one that was ever able to get past my barriers and have me allow myself to trust her. Anytime I think I've done something that might upset her, like leaving too many voice mail messages or saying something that I think might upset her, I'm filled with fear that she will be angry with me and tell me that I have to find a new T. This is in spite of her giving me more and more proof that I can trust her.
I'm planning to tell her when I see her Monday afternoon. I've posted here and on a social worker board that I'm on so I could get opinions from both sides, and just about everyone says I should tell her. Cognitively, I don't think she'll stop having me as a client. That still doesn't keep me from being terrified about telling her. Every time I rehearse how I'm going to tell her, I end up bursting into tears and bawling through it. I think there's a good chance I'll be crying before she even lets me into her office.
I'll start another thread telling how it goes.
Posted by sadlittlegirl on October 27, 2008, at 18:38:24
In reply to too curious for my own good, posted by sadlittlegirl on October 26, 2008, at 0:01:52
I saw my T this afternoon. Before I even said anything, she asked me what was wrong. I told her what I did and told her I was scared of how she'd react and I was sorry and I didn't mean to invade her privacy. She told me it was okay, that it was public information and then asked me how I thought she would react. I started crying as I told her that I thought she might be upset with me and make me find a new T. It seemed like she felt bad that I had gotten so worried and at the same time was a little amused at as well.
She told me that I should stop and think about how I will be affected emotionally before I do something. She said that she will tell me if she has any concerns about me respecting boundaries, and said that if I have any questions about her, I can just ask and she'll decide if it's appropriate to answer. We agreed that I need to remember that I can trust her. Before we went on to discuss other things, she asked me if I was feeling better. At the end of the session when I got my hug from her, she told me I'll be okay. During the drive home and when I got home I cried a little just because I was relieved that everything was alright.
Posted by Phillipa on October 27, 2008, at 19:23:13
In reply to Re: too curious for my own good, posted by sadlittlegirl on October 27, 2008, at 18:38:24
That's good new congrats!!!! Phillipa
Posted by happyflower on October 27, 2008, at 22:22:54
In reply to Re: too curious for my own good, posted by sadlittlegirl on October 27, 2008, at 18:38:24
I am so glad you told her and she was so understanding. It sounds like you are doing good work in therapy. ;-)
This is the end of the thread.
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