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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sunnydays on December 17, 2007, at 22:04:52
I am so sad lately. I woke up and wanted to cry. It's not depression. Part of it is that it's finals and I hate studying. Part of it that I'm leaving in two and a half days and won't see my T in person for a month (although he did say he'd do phone sessions once a week while I'm gone... I usually see him twice a week). I see him tomorrow for the last time before I leave. I don't want to go home, I don't want to be around my family, I don't want to leave my T.
And this sadness is killing me.
sunnydays
Posted by muffled on December 17, 2007, at 23:08:57
In reply to sad, posted by sunnydays on December 17, 2007, at 22:04:52
> I am so sad lately. I woke up and wanted to cry. It's not depression. Part of it is that it's finals and I hate studying. Part of it that I'm leaving in two and a half days and won't see my T in person for a month (although he did say he'd do phone sessions once a week while I'm gone... I usually see him twice a week). I see him tomorrow for the last time before I leave. I don't want to go home, I don't want to be around my family, I don't want to leave my T.
>
> And this sadness is killing me.
>
> sunnydays***Awwww of COURSE you are sad SD. It'd be kinda weird if you wasn't sad.
Maybe this will be a good thing.
Sometimes breaks are hard, speciallly the first week, or 2. But then we survive....and we realize, hey, we CAN, and DO survive. We go on.
Thats nice to touch base w/T while you gone.
I am SO bad on the phone. For me....I think I'd rather my T just left me a new nice voicemail once a week while gone. Too hard to hear voice, then hang up. Voicemail I can listen to over and over. And if its new 1 every week they FRESH! Fresh voicemail is best!
Sad sucks.
But y'know, I think you can do this SD. And mebbe you can lean on babble some. And mebbe you will grow with this. Growing hurts like hell so much lotsa times, but we DO GROW. And that is a hard but GOOD thing.
So mebbe when you hurting, you can think s'ok, I GROWING, and I CAN do this, and it hurts real bad, but I gonna take what I have learned and do good coping things and try and find happy times, and THEN I gonna go back to T and say I DID IT!!!!!! HA!!!!! and T be happy that I grow some. And then we can be together again and have appointments again, and I will keep growing, cuz I can do this.
These are my thots for you.
Mebbe they make some sense or no.
Just wishing you the best OK SD?
M
Posted by sunnydays on December 17, 2007, at 23:31:20
In reply to Re: sad » sunnydays, posted by muffled on December 17, 2007, at 23:08:57
> ***Awwww of COURSE you are sad SD. It'd be kinda weird if you wasn't sad.
*** Thanks for saying that muffled. You are such a sweetheart despite the part of you that says you're tough... :) I'm sorry you've been having a hard time lately. But your posts are so nice, they always warm my heart.
> Maybe this will be a good thing.
> Sometimes breaks are hard, speciallly the first week, or 2. But then we survive....and we realize, hey, we CAN, and DO survive. We go on.**** Yeah, I get acclimated and it's ok. But I just am afraid of falling into bad habits I am trying so hard to break. It's easier when I'm immersed in a bad environment.
> Thats nice to touch base w/T while you gone.
> I am SO bad on the phone. For me....I think I'd rather my T just left me a new nice voicemail once a week while gone. Too hard to hear voice, then hang up. Voicemail I can listen to over and over. And if its new 1 every week they FRESH! Fresh voicemail is best!**** Definitely. But my T's voicemails are hit and miss. I wouldn't want to get a miss one on break. Sometimes he's awesome, but sometimes they just sound weird and forced, which he never sounds like in person.
> Sad sucks.
> But y'know, I think you can do this SD. And mebbe you can lean on babble some. And mebbe you will grow with this. Growing hurts like hell so much lotsa times, but we DO GROW. And that is a hard but GOOD thing.**** Yeah. The little girl part of me is just scared of growing up and doesn't want to grow up. She wants someone to take care of her. And I don't want to have to be the person to do it.
> So mebbe when you hurting, you can think s'ok, I GROWING, and I CAN do this, and it hurts real bad, but I gonna take what I have learned and do good coping things and try and find happy times, and THEN I gonna go back to T and say I DID IT!!!!!! HA!!!!! and T be happy that I grow some. And then we can be together again and have appointments again, and I will keep growing, cuz I can do this.
**** Yeah. I do have a whole lot of ideas we've worked on of things to do over break so it's not so bad. So I'll try those.
> These are my thots for you.
> Mebbe they make some sense or no.
> Just wishing you the best OK SD?
> M**** Thanks muffled. Take care of yourself. You're a real special person.
sunnydays
Posted by sunnydays on December 18, 2007, at 16:13:53
In reply to Re: sad, posted by sunnydays on December 17, 2007, at 23:31:20
So sad. I saw T, that was fine. But about two hours after I got really sad and called and asked him to call me back. Got an email from him that said he'd try to call me back before he left, but was in session and then late for a commitment, so I don't think I'll hear from him, especially since I wrote an email saying it's ok, you don't have to call if you're busy.
But it's not ok. I've been crying on and off since I got his email (over an hour). But I refuse to bother him. We just had that issue two weeks ago if anyone remembers. I just keep forgetting that even though he says he's there for me, he's not really.
I don't want to go home. I don't want to leave him. I wish he would call me.
sunnydays
Posted by Bodhisattva on December 18, 2007, at 16:41:31
In reply to sad again/still, posted by sunnydays on December 18, 2007, at 16:13:53
sunnydays,
Is the center of your sadness that you will not have much contact with him? If so, what is the motivation behind that. You mention that he is not "really" there for you, is that what you are searching for. Someone dependable? Are you looking for some interaction or is there something specific you need to say or discuss?
If it's simply change that makes you sad, Then I'm afraid to say welcome to the human race. People do the strangest things to avoid change, me included. What do you think it is that is bothering you so much?
Posted by sunnydays on December 18, 2007, at 18:05:15
In reply to Re: sad again/still » sunnydays, posted by Bodhisattva on December 18, 2007, at 16:41:31
> sunnydays,
>
> Is the center of your sadness that you will not have much contact with him?**** No, I think the very core of it is that I do not want to go home, do not want to be around my family. And then that gets transformed into missing him because he is so opposite my family and I love that so much. Kind of the classic transference. But even knowing that doesn't stop the missing him for some reason.
If so, what is the motivation behind that. You mention that he is not "really" there for you, is that what you are searching for. Someone dependable? Are you looking for some interaction or is there something specific you need to say or discuss?
**** I had wanted to ask him if it really was ok if I was sad and if he would be mad at me if I forgot to do some of the stuff we talked about. He actually did call and we talked for a minute. I really wanted reassurance that I was going to be alright, and I'm pretty sure he knew that since we've talked about why I call when I do call. But I didn't get reassurance, I got, "Well, we both know there's nothing magic that will take it away. Why don't you send me an email in the morning telling me how your evening was?" Which I know is all true and that he meant it compassionately. But the little girl part of me really wanted reassurance and is now terribly sad and I keep thinking that I was bad for calling and that I need to try harder to be good, etc. But I have to fight those feelings. And somehow study for my exams tomorrow.
>
> If it's simply change that makes you sad, Then I'm afraid to say welcome to the human race. People do the strangest things to avoid change, me included. What do you think it is that is bothering you so much?**** Not change. Just not wanting to go to the toxic environment that is my home. And not having much choice in the matter. Although I do hate change.
sunnydays
Posted by rskontos on December 18, 2007, at 18:32:16
In reply to Re: sad again/still, posted by sunnydays on December 18, 2007, at 18:05:15
Sunnydays, I am sorry you don't like your family so much and have to go home to them. I wish you had some place else to go. Man if I had to go to my family's house well I completely understand. I don't mind christmas cuz my family nor my husband's are coming to visit so yeah....
I wish I could help. I am old 48 and I haven't grown up either. I have a daughter 19 and nope she is older than me. She knows herself. She I gave her the luxury of being able to focus on herself not being safe at home. So she is growing up and I have yet to do that. I told her today I didn't know myself and she was surprised. I spent my time being peacekeeper. Do you have to do that at home. How is it toxic. I wish you had a aunt or uncle or some place you could go to get away.
I know your T means to help you to grow up and move toward all that mature stuff but just for christmas you need a hug or reassurance it will be ok. So here is a big babble,,,,, it will be ok. like muffled says you can use this to grow. I know it is hard.
Go home and pretend. I am sorry I am wanting to make you feel better but this is for some reason triggering to me.I think everyone else did a better grownup way to answer you. I just wanted you to know i care.
I have to go now. please be safe and happy and babble is here for you ok.
Posted by lovelorn on December 18, 2007, at 18:47:38
In reply to Re: sad again/still, posted by sunnydays on December 18, 2007, at 18:05:15
>I really wanted reassurance that I was going to be alright, and I'm pretty sure he knew that since we've talked about why I call when I do call. But I didn't get reassurance, I got, "Well, we both know there's nothing magic that will take it away. Why don't you send me an email in the morning telling me how your evening was?" Which I know is all true and that he meant it compassionately. But the little girl part of me really wanted reassurance...
Best way for someone to know something is to say it. If reassurance is what you really wanted, maybe next time tell him that directly and honestly that you are calling him for reassurance, and see what he says.
Posted by sunnydays on December 18, 2007, at 19:52:03
In reply to Re: sad again/still, posted by rskontos on December 18, 2007, at 18:32:16
> Sunnydays, I am sorry you don't like your family so much and have to go home to them. I wish you had some place else to go. Man if I had to go to my family's house well I completely understand. I don't mind christmas cuz my family nor my husband's are coming to visit so yeah....
*** My T did remind me it's probably the last time I will be home for a long stretch of time. Thinking of it like that makes it easier to deal with.
>
> I wish I could help. I am old 48 and I haven't grown up either. I have a daughter 19 and nope she is older than me. She knows herself. She I gave her the luxury of being able to focus on herself not being safe at home. So she is growing up and I have yet to do that. I told her today I didn't know myself and she was surprised. I spent my time being peacekeeper. Do you have to do that at home. How is it toxic. I wish you had a aunt or uncle or some place you could go to get away.**** I do the peacekeeper thing too, or just feel responsible for everyone's feelings, try to keep my mom happy.
>
> I know your T means to help you to grow up and move toward all that mature stuff but just for christmas you need a hug or reassurance it will be ok. So here is a big babble,,,,, it will be ok. like muffled says you can use this to grow. I know it is hard.
> Go home and pretend. I am sorry I am wanting to make you feel better but this is for some reason triggering to me.**** I am going to be ok. I am feeling a little better now. You don't need to make me feel better. It's enough to know you care. ((((rsk)))), if that's ok.
> I think everyone else did a better grownup way to answer you. I just wanted you to know i care.**** Well, since it's my little kid that's sad, I don't really need a grown up answer. I like knowing you care. Thank you.
>
> I have to go now. please be safe and happy and babble is here for you ok.**** I will definitely be safe. Happy I can't guarantee, but I have a whole long list of ways to take care of myself that T and I made.
sunnydays
Posted by sunnydays on December 18, 2007, at 19:53:51
In reply to Re: sad again/still » sunnydays, posted by lovelorn on December 18, 2007, at 18:47:38
I've done that before and he says sometimes, "I don't think it's best for me to always give you reassurance when you want it." And he really was talking in a compassionate tone of voice, and the email suggestion was meant to be comforting. And I can't remember the rest of what he said but it was all meant to be somewhat comforting, just not the exact words I wanted to hear.
sunnydays
Posted by lovelorn on December 18, 2007, at 20:00:54
In reply to Re: sad again/still » lovelorn, posted by sunnydays on December 18, 2007, at 19:53:51
>just not the exact words I wanted to hear.
Rarely in life do we ever get the exact words we want to hear from anyone.
I am glad to read that you have asked for reassurance in the past. It shows you are not afraid to admit your needs and wants, which is good. It can be very hard to admit to them.
I hope your visit home won't be too much of a nightmare. Tune-out what you can and try to take some time for yourself away from the negativity and concentrate on those things that you actually do like about home.
Posted by rskontos on December 18, 2007, at 20:07:10
In reply to Re: sad again/still, posted by sunnydays on December 18, 2007, at 19:52:03
I am glad you are sounding better! (((((((sunnydays))))))))))
I almost didn't post cuz I felt sad knowing you were sad.
glad i did and glad you are better.
lesson to be learned is growth is hard no matter the circumstance. rsk
Posted by Wittgenstein on December 19, 2007, at 4:03:25
In reply to sad again/still, posted by sunnydays on December 18, 2007, at 16:13:53
Sunnydays,
I'm sorry that you're feeling so sad. Christmas is a painful time for those of us who have difficult family situations. For me it always feels so artificial and false. This will be my first Christmas without my family - it was a BIG deal for them (specifically my mother) but sometimes we have to do what we have to for ourselves.
I'm going to miss my T too. I'm already feeling really emotional and sad. I guess this is what comes when you have a T you feel close and connected to. It will be better again - Christmas will pass and things will return to normal.
I hope the next weeks go fast for you and that the phone and e-mail contact with your T helps you through all this. Try to find your own space from your family - mental or physical, whatever works for you. Is there anything from your T that perhaps you can take home for Christmas to look after that might be of comfort? I'm thinking to ask my T if I can borrow one of his books - not sure if I'll pluck up the nerve to ask but it would be nice.
Take care SD (((((hugs))))) - you're not alone.
Witti
Posted by sunnydays on December 19, 2007, at 9:21:43
In reply to Re: sad again/still » sunnydays, posted by lovelorn on December 18, 2007, at 20:00:54
> >just not the exact words I wanted to hear.
>
> Rarely in life do we ever get the exact words we want to hear from anyone.*** I know that. It's still disappointing when I really want to hear something and I don't, even if I logically know that I won't always hear what I want. Knowing something logically doesn't seem to take away the feelings for me.
>
> I am glad to read that you have asked for reassurance in the past. It shows you are not afraid to admit your needs and wants, which is good. It can be very hard to admit to them.**** I am not afraid to admit them... most of the time. But I am very afraid of them not being met. Which happens all too often, unfortunately.
>
> I hope your visit home won't be too much of a nightmare. Tune-out what you can and try to take some time for yourself away from the negativity and concentrate on those things that you actually do like about home.**** Things I actually like about home:
1) my bedroom is painted purple
2) playing with my cat
3) not having to do schoolwork
4) getting to drive sometimes (no car at school)sunnydays
Posted by sunnydays on December 19, 2007, at 9:26:03
In reply to Re: sad again/still, posted by Wittgenstein on December 19, 2007, at 4:03:25
> Sunnydays,
>
> I'm sorry that you're feeling so sad. Christmas is a painful time for those of us who have difficult family situations. For me it always feels so artificial and false. This will be my first Christmas without my family - it was a BIG deal for them (specifically my mother) but sometimes we have to do what we have to for ourselves.*** Yeah. This is my last time going home for a long time, because I will be entering grad school and hopefully have my own apartment.
>
> I'm going to miss my T too. I'm already feeling really emotional and sad. I guess this is what comes when you have a T you feel close and connected to. It will be better again - Christmas will pass and things will return to normal.**** Yes, I know. And I am just so overwhelmed right now I can't write any more than that.
>
> I hope the next weeks go fast for you and that the phone and e-mail contact with your T helps you through all this.**** I think it will. He said I can email him as much as I want.
Try to find your own space from your family - mental or physical, whatever works for you. Is there anything from your T that perhaps you can take home for Christmas to look after that might be of comfort? I'm thinking to ask my T if I can borrow one of his books - not sure if I'll pluck up the nerve to ask but it would be nice.
***** If I remember, I will take home the stone he gave me once and hold onto that. He offered me that I could take anything from his office that I wanted to, but I didn't want to. It needs to stay in his office so that in my mind I can know his office is the same as it has always been.
>
> Take care SD (((((hugs))))) - you're not alone.**** Thank you. I need hugs.
sunnydays
Posted by Dinah on December 19, 2007, at 9:44:49
In reply to Re: sad again/still » Wittgenstein, posted by sunnydays on December 19, 2007, at 9:26:03
How about a picture?
Long before I ever got the nerve to ask my therapist if I could take a picture of him, I asked if I could take a picture of his office.
That way everything could stay in place, but you'd still have a way of touching base.
Posted by lovelorn on December 19, 2007, at 10:33:28
In reply to Re: sad again/still, posted by sunnydays on December 19, 2007, at 9:21:43
>**** Things I actually like about home:...
Yay. I am glad that there are actually some things you do like. Take comfort in those, and let them lift your mood.
>But I am very afraid of them not being met. Which happens all too often, unfortunately.
That goes for many of us. One has to examine those needs and wants and figure out what is reasonable and what may be unreasonable or what is realistic and unrealistic. We're often on our own in getting our needs and wants met as adults (and, unfortunately, even as children). Some are fortunate in that they will have family or husbands/wives or friends that are able to meet some of our needs and wants, sometimes in full, but most times not in full. So again, we go back to having to meet them ourselves. I think it is setting up expectations that others will meet them that is a big source of disappointment. And I know it doesnt' take away the feeling knowing that. That is where reason/logic and emotion often clash.
You will be okay.
This is the end of the thread.
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