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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by cactus on October 11, 2007, at 18:39:46
I can't handle it anymore, she was only dx'ed a couple of months ago, I have no idea what to do. Does anyone have any suggestions so I can communicate with her without it getting all twisted back on me, or having my head ripped off. I broke her trust by involving the family because I can't do this alone anymore, she has been mutilating herself, nearly broke her arm, cut her legs to shreads, smashed her face etc.. I need help with suggestions so we can talk. We share a house and without trying to sound selfish I have suffered from alcoholism, depression, GAD, and SP for years. I have been sober for almost six months and I'm having trouble dealing with my own issues at the moment let alone hers. Everyone keeps telling me to move out but I could never do this. I took her in as an I/V drug users 2 and a half years ago. And she has been doing AMAZINGLY until things went weird about 4 months ago. It took me 2 months to get her to see a GP, who refered her to a T and now under great duress a pdoc. Who has her on lithium and seroquel. I have been around the block in my day and I know without a shadow of a doubt that she hasn't been using at all. I can walk on egg shells anymore. I feel like it's time to help her or leave for my own preservation. She thinks I only told the family because I need support, which is true because she doesn't think that there is anything wrong with her at all. ALL HELP APPRECIATED!!!!!!!!!!!!! C
Posted by Dory on October 11, 2007, at 19:49:32
In reply to Any BPD people, I need help, my sister *SI*trig, posted by cactus on October 11, 2007, at 18:39:46
i hate to say this... but from experience, it's true. You said you are recovering yourself, so you should understand this... living with an unwell person is like living with an active alcoholic or drug user. It makes little difference that she isn't using.. her behaviour is as damaging is it not?
you also know, sadly, that you cannot make her do anything. You should be proud of all you have done.
i won't tell you to just move out, but you already know what you need.
i had someone in my life get ill, and i drove myself into the ground being the caretaker... once i had some distance i was able to take better care of me, and that gave me strength to do what i could for the other person... which, frankly, was mostly supportive.
if she is BPD she would likely flip out at you for moving out... she'll react strongly. But, most BPD's will do a turn around pretty fast. There is a book called "i hate you, don't leave me" that you should read... and the title is apt. She directs her rage at you but is terrified of losing you... sound familiar?
but back to you... count for yourself the ways this is similar to a drug user's behaviour... why are you willing to accept this behaviour? because it's an illness? does that make it ok? does it hurt you less?
honey... i feel for your sister. It's got to be hard to have the world hurt so much. She's confused and angry no doubt.
But you can't just make it ok. You can't make her be well, or happy. i think you have done an incredible job so far.
you know all of this. you know you have to take care of you and that is what is hurting.
have you thought about getting a T for you? You might also want to look to see if there are any support groups in your area.. like NAMI.
Posted by cactus on October 11, 2007, at 21:13:43
In reply to Re: Any BPD people, I need help, my sister *SI*tri » cactus, posted by Dory on October 11, 2007, at 19:49:32
thanks dory, I have considered all of the above and I know for a fact if I leave she will hit the drugs again and lose her job, thanks again for taking the time out to respond
Posted by muffled on October 11, 2007, at 21:25:12
In reply to Re: Any BPD people, I need help, my sister *SI*tri » cactus, posted by Dory on October 11, 2007, at 19:49:32
Sigh.
Dory said true stuff.
Its horrible but true :-(
There's gonna be no easy way.
And if you don't got a T, then mebbe you better find one, cuz its gonna be so hard.
:-(
Sorry this is bad for you Cactus :-(
You can always come here and 'talk' too.
Take good care,
M
Posted by Phillipa on October 11, 2007, at 22:32:27
In reply to Re: Any BPD people, I need help, my sister *SI*tri, posted by muffled on October 11, 2007, at 21:25:12
Not trying to sound mean but it sounds like your sister is of danger to self and she may need to be committed for 72hours for an evaluation of mental safety. Why not have a family conference about it. Might save her life and give you some perspective. All I know is I wish you all my best. Phillipa
Posted by Dory on October 11, 2007, at 23:01:17
In reply to Re: Any BPD people, I need help, my sister *SI*tri » Dory, posted by cactus on October 11, 2007, at 21:13:43
honey i have been that person... the one that is the only thing stopping someone else's world from sliding into hell. i am so sorry that is where you are.
Posted by ClearSkies on October 12, 2007, at 8:21:55
In reply to Re: Any BPD people, I need help, my sister *SI*tri » Dory, posted by cactus on October 11, 2007, at 21:13:43
> thanks dory, I have considered all of the above and I know for a fact if I leave she will hit the drugs again and lose her job, thanks again for taking the time out to respond
Hi Cactus. I'm so sorry for your sister's troubles and for how it is impacting your own situation. I have been through a similar situation with my step daughter this past summer, where my own well being was threatened by my involvement in trying to get her the help she so desperately needed.
My therapist and counseled me to stay out of it, which distressed me to no end. Ultimately, we are each responsible for our own actions. Leading a horse to water and all that. Short of getting your sister committed to involuntary confinement for 72 hours, as Phillipa noted, you really are powerless to do anything but give your sister your unconditional love and support at this point. She has to arrive at her own treatment decisions. It seems so stark and cruel, but I've seen for myself the truth of it, over and over again in situations played out in other peoples' families.
Tell her that you're afraid that she'll come to serious harm. Tell her you love her. Tell her you'll take her to doctors' appointments and whatever errands need to be run. That's all you can really do.
ClearSkies
Posted by B2chica on October 12, 2007, at 8:31:55
In reply to Any BPD people, I need help, my sister *SI*trig, posted by cactus on October 11, 2007, at 18:39:46
OK cactus...i have several things to say.
Please know that what i am saying is because i think you are a Great person and i just want to help. some may be hard to hear.
there are two parts:1.DON"T feel badly about getting family involved. you Shouldn't have to do it alone! -this is NOT your responsibility cactus. you have a responsibility as a sibling to not harm her. but that ends your responsibility to her.
(let me just say a Large Congratulations on the six months. i think that is Wonderful....especially given the stress and worry you are under right now.
please hang on to that.)and though it may be a last resort, or something you don't want to do, you DO need to put yourself first, Especially with trying to stay clean. Move out if you need to.
"I have considered all of the above and I know for a fact if I leave she will hit the drugs again and lose her job"
This concerns me cactus. Please look at what you are taking on cactus. you are an Amazing sibling, but her starting drugs OR losing her job are NOT your responsibility****************
2. is she currently seeing a Therapist? do they have specific experience with SI and /or BPD. i STRONGLY suggest looking for a T that has that background.
ALSO, you may try two sessions a week, one with T and one with group...DBT
i hear DBT works well with those Dx with BPD.
:^) i even got sent there at one time as they thought i had BPD (im guessing cuz i used to cut alot)
you can look online into DBT thearpy (dialectical behavioral therapy). google marsha linehan and you can get some worksheets and stuff to check out what DBT is all about....she's like the founder or something of DBT.if you feel she will severely hurt herself at a given time then it would be a good idea to get her to a hosp for a while, BUT in my opinion i wouldn't do that just because you're not sure what else to do. 1)there's not much a hosp will do for her actively, except change her meds around (which may not be a bad idea) passively they keep her safe for a few days. but when she gets out i'm guessing there won't be a miracle change in her anger. and she'll be in just as much trouble when she gets out except then she will NOT go to you or any family member since you will be seen as a traitor. and it will be harder in the future to help her.
my BEST advice to you is to get a professional to take on her 'issues'. that will be the Best thing you can do for her. encourage her to continue therapy...offer to go with her, that kind of thing but DON"T and i mean DON"T cater to her outbursts, that is what she is expecting from others and that will not help her.
wow, if she's on lithium and seroquel and not effecting her rage...maybe her doc needs to reevaluate her Rx needs. maybe different mood stabilizer? you may want to post on meds board to get ideas as to what's used with BPD too.
***************************now i've had my say. and please just remember. wow i think you are an AMAZING person. i truly wish i had a brother 1/2 as decent as you.
i just want to help. and hope i didn't say anything to upset you.please keep posting here Cactus.
we just want to help.
PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!
b2c
Posted by B2chica on October 12, 2007, at 12:28:48
In reply to Any BPD people, I need help, my sister *SI*trig, posted by cactus on October 11, 2007, at 18:39:46
Posted by cactus on October 12, 2007, at 16:23:11
In reply to Re: Any BPD people, I need help, my sister *SI*tri » cactus, posted by B2chica on October 12, 2007, at 8:31:55
Yeah things are fine I'm just in a different time zone. She has been doing DBT for about 2 months now with her T and her pdoc was away when she had her really big snap, so she got to see his fill in which she likes better because he probably panders to her unlike her normal pdoc. Her GP is fantastic and all 3 of them talk. We have a family meeting organised today. Which was going to be myself, dad and 3 sisters but dad just wants it to be me and her for now because we live together. Also too you can't commit someone in Australia, it almost has to be voluntary. When I took her to hospital after she beat and cut the crap out of herself, they just sent her away after a psych assessment. Which involved a T and a psych nurse, they didn't even call the pdoc on duty down to reassess her meds, which really pissed me off. Then they sent her for an x-ray to make sure her arm wasn't broken. That took 6 hours and she was in with the assessment team for 10 minutes. Even though it's early sat morning dad and I are going to pick her up after the DBT session with her T and try and talk to her. I'm having trouble staying in the same room with her at the moment so I just go to bed. Talk about mattress back. I have never been a good sleeper and now it's all I can do.
Thanks for all your replies, everything you have told me I have been told similar over help lines. Lets see what today has in store, thanks again guys!!!!!!
This is the end of the thread.
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