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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sunnydays on June 7, 2007, at 20:39:26
I hold so much tension in my body - my shoulders have been sore all day today because there's so much tension in them. I'm going to try to mention it to my T. Unfortunately a lot of relaxation techniques if they are quiet tend to make me more anxious and tense, not less.
My T and I were talking last time about some stuff we had never bumped into before (that's how he put it, and I like that phrasing - it makes me feel like we're walking together through my head and just bump into stuff). Stuff about how I feel guilty for being born (don't comment on that, please, because I know that I don't need to feel guilty, but I do, and so that's something T and I are working on). And I was feeling really little at one point, and I commented that I was feeling farther away, and he said, "How old do you feel right now?" I said, "I don't know," because I'm not very good with ages. Then he asked me, "Are you feeling little?" When I nodded, he said, "Yeah, your voice sounds kind of like a little girl voice."
At one point I was going away, and he said my name, just my name, but the tone was wrong and it scared me. I almost screamed, I clapped my hand over my mouth, and I would have cried if I hadn't been so scared. He was very reassuring that I didn't do anything wrong and that I was ok and that it was just a memory because of where I was at at the time that I reacted like that. And that it was just that because I was in that little girl spot, and his tone just wasn't quite right that it was just a trigger.
It's so weird though to think that I could react so strongly to something as simple as him saying my name in a slightly louder voice than he had been talking before. It was just to get my attention so I wouldn't go away. Why is this so hard? That reaction was so strong and it came out of nowhere.
sunnydays
Posted by Poet on June 7, 2007, at 20:52:40
In reply to holding tension in your body, posted by sunnydays on June 7, 2007, at 20:39:26
Hi Sunnydays,
I hold tension in my body, too. Even as a kid I really didn't relax, my body was stiff.
My anxiety has been higher lately and the last time I saw Dr. Clueless she told me that when I'm feelng it I should think about what memory the current event is triggering from my past. I don't handle criticism well and at work if I make the slightest mistake and even if they correct it nicely I have instant anxiety. I think it goes back to failing math classes and ending up feeling stupid in school. Then again, why can't I just take a pill and it'll go away? Sigh.
I hate feeling little in therapy. It happens alot when my T is running energy work on me. I rarely cry in therapy and the first time I did was when I felt like a little girl. She talked real quite to me, I probably would have screamed had she used the wrong tone of voice. I'm sorry your T saying your name was so upsetting.
I understand feeling like you shouldn't have been born. I tell that to my T all the time.
Poet
Posted by DAisym on June 7, 2007, at 22:20:32
In reply to Re: holding tension in your body » sunnydays, posted by Poet on June 7, 2007, at 20:52:40
I would highly recommend "tense and release" methods of relaxation. When you feel yourself tensing up, consciously tense those muscles all the way and then release. It helps discharge the half-way stuff. It is important to breathe in when tensing and out when releasing. I like to tell clients to breathe themselves into the floor with every exhale and really feel themselves sinking and letting go. I totally understand the whole quiet mind thing - I end up freaked out or in tears. In the classes I teach, I use a Sesame Street song - Up goes the castle -- and this is a class for adults! It really works - the song is about breathing in and out.
It gets really tricky when you feel in that little girl space. My therapist is pretty good at figuring out when I'm there, although now I'll usually just tell him. Your name is a powerful weapon - all of us can recall our parent(s) calling out to us in anger - using our names. So it makes sense to me that it would be a trigger. It is scary to know how easily we are startled, even by someone we trust. One of the first things babies learn is their own name -- not that it belongs to them, but that this sound, combined with certain tones, tells them who is coming near and how that person feels.
Do you have plans for the weekend? Are there little girl things you can do? It might help.
Posted by sunnydays on June 7, 2007, at 23:05:51
In reply to Re: holding tension in your body » sunnydays, posted by Poet on June 7, 2007, at 20:52:40
> Hi Sunnydays,
>
> I hold tension in my body, too. Even as a kid I really didn't relax, my body was stiff.**** I'm not sure if I did or not as a kid. I don't remember things like that well enough. I don't remember anyone remarking on that, so I don't think I did so much then. I would always feel sick and stuff, though, and I believe that I was depressed as a child, which would make sense based on what I was going through.
>
> My anxiety has been higher lately and the last time I saw Dr. Clueless she told me that when I'm feelng it I should think about what memory the current event is triggering from my past. I don't handle criticism well and at work if I make the slightest mistake and even if they correct it nicely I have instant anxiety. I think it goes back to failing math classes and ending up feeling stupid in school. Then again, why can't I just take a pill and it'll go away? Sigh.**** I don't know. I'm sorry you've been feeling anxious lately. I hate that feeling. A part-time job I had a while ago (in a retail store doing sales - nothing high-stress, I was in high school) I remember being so anxious about because I thought if I made the tiniest mistake I would get fired. I had nightmares the entire first summer. And I still have problems with that. I don't know what to do about it, and I'm too embarrassed to tell my T because I know that the mistakes I get most freaked out about are the littlest things that don't really matter.
>
> I hate feeling little in therapy. It happens alot when my T is running energy work on me. I rarely cry in therapy and the first time I did was when I felt like a little girl. She talked real quite to me, I probably would have screamed had she used the wrong tone of voice. I'm sorry your T saying your name was so upsetting.***** Yeah. It was weird - it wasn't even an angry tone or anything, just a little bit louder because he was trying to get my attention. But he apologized and I felt reassured enough when I left so that I didn't freak out, which is a big step for me. What is energy work? I've never heard of it.
>
> I understand feeling like you shouldn't have been born. I tell that to my T all the time.**** Yeah - it has to do with being born so early in my parents' marriage. I feel bad because they never got to enjoy being together without me and like maybe if I hadn't been born they would have had a happier marriage. But I like being alive, so I am glad I'm alive, I just wish I wasn't born, and that's where I get tied up in knots. I hope you and I can relax a little bit this weekend. :)
sunnydays
Posted by sunnydays on June 7, 2007, at 23:15:15
In reply to Re: holding tension in your body, posted by DAisym on June 7, 2007, at 22:20:32
> I would highly recommend "tense and release" methods of relaxation. When you feel yourself tensing up, consciously tense those muscles all the way and then release. It helps discharge the half-way stuff. It is important to breathe in when tensing and out when releasing. I like to tell clients to breathe themselves into the floor with every exhale and really feel themselves sinking and letting go. I totally understand the whole quiet mind thing - I end up freaked out or in tears. In the classes I teach, I use a Sesame Street song - Up goes the castle -- and this is a class for adults! It really works - the song is about breathing in and out.
***** Thanks for the ideas. Progressive muscle relaxation works the best for me out of everything I've tried. But sometimes it still makes me more anxious - I think I haven't totally figured out how to let my body do the releasing, so I release some but still get stuck with some tension in my body. And it still is sometimes too quiet and I get freaked out. I also have a tendency to forget to breathe, just in general, which I think contributes to the anxiety.
>
> It gets really tricky when you feel in that little girl space. My therapist is pretty good at figuring out when I'm there, although now I'll usually just tell him. Your name is a powerful weapon - all of us can recall our parent(s) calling out to us in anger - using our names. So it makes sense to me that it would be a trigger. It is scary to know how easily we are startled, even by someone we trust. One of the first things babies learn is their own name -- not that it belongs to them, but that this sound, combined with certain tones, tells them who is coming near and how that person feels.
>**** Yeah. I just I don't understand how triggers like that work though. It was just my name, in the same tone, but slightly louder than he had said it before. It just seems so foreign I guess because there's no memory connected with it explicitly -- it's just this tremendous fear I had. I mean, that's how triggers work sometimes, but it's so weird to have such a strong reaction to something that you have no reason to think would cause a reaction like that.
> Do you have plans for the weekend? Are there little girl things you can do? It might help.**** Well, I see my T tomorrow, but no plans, really yet. I might color some, definitely paint my fingernails because the polish chips so fast, read, watch TV. Probably go for a walk, though there have been some robberies around here in broad daylight in busy areas lately so I'm a little afraid to go out alone. But no exciting plans. I'm also tied to where I am because I have a pager for my job so I can't go very far away in case I get paged.
Thanks for responding. I hope things are going ok for you.
sunnydays
Posted by Nathan_Arizona on June 8, 2007, at 19:16:57
In reply to holding tension in your body, posted by sunnydays on June 7, 2007, at 20:39:26
I can wind my muscles up tighter than a banjo string sometimes. My boyfriend comments that I get all knotty in my back - and it is nothing in the world but stress and tension. We have to constantly be on guard don't we?
The best thing I have found to relieve it is horseback riding. I mean I'm not talking taking off at a full gallop, but just a nice walk. Your body has to move with the horse which requires that you just relax your whole upper body. It's a very fluid motion that, for me, beats a $100 massage any day.
Trotting can be fun too - in fact the first time I did it I laughed out loud just from sheer joy. It's very bouncy and when I get off the horse, every kink in my body is just gone.
If horses aren't your thing, then water therapy is very good too (at least for me).
I've had very strong memories trigger me in therapy too, and it's scary and difficult to understand what is happening. I'm glad you were in the office and in a safe place when it happened.
Take care
Posted by sunnydays on June 8, 2007, at 19:50:11
In reply to Re: holding tension in your body » sunnydays, posted by Nathan_Arizona on June 8, 2007, at 19:16:57
Thanks Nathan. I don't really have the opportunity to ride horses. I have been thinking swimming might be a good way to get some of the tension out, it's just that I'm afraid to go to the pool. I'll have to ask a friend to go with me one time because I get nervous about finding it.
sunnydays
Posted by Fallsfall on June 9, 2007, at 7:52:13
In reply to holding tension in your body, posted by sunnydays on June 7, 2007, at 20:39:26
Try a guided relaxation tape. They tell you what muscles to relax and remind you to breathe, and keep your attention focused.
Or try yoga. My favorite tape is "Yoga for you: unworkout II" I find it really helps. - Double quotes didn't work - http://www.amazon.com/Yoga-You-Unworkout-Dixie-Carter/dp/6303250874/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/002-4423290-5279212?ie=UTF8&s=video&qid=1181393416&sr=8-1
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