![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 5 to 29 of 29. Go back in thread:
Posted by muffled on February 1, 2007, at 23:15:11
In reply to Why can't I talk? (long...what else is new?), posted by peddidle on February 1, 2007, at 20:34:15
I can't either.
Ithink the shortest answer is the shame owrd. it eats us up. Thats the way it is for me.
Muffled
Posted by happykat on February 2, 2007, at 12:34:46
In reply to Why can't I talk? (long...what else is new?), posted by peddidle on February 1, 2007, at 20:34:15
Hi peddidle,
I struggle with this too. :( The only way I seem to be able to express myself is through writing. I started out writing up a page about the previous session, what we talked about, how I felt etc.. (I do this within hours of the session) then I write out what's happend during the week and what I want to talk about on another page and hand it to her at the beginning of the session. It has made it alot easier. It's still hard and sometimes I blank out when I go to write what's happened during the week but it's better than sitting there nodding or not answering honestly. Try it! It might help! :)
Regards,
happykat
Posted by peddidle on February 2, 2007, at 17:42:49
In reply to Re: Why can't I talk? (long...what else is new?) » peddidle, posted by toojane on February 1, 2007, at 20:51:11
>
> > She asked me if it would be easier for me to talk if I wrote stuff down or emailed her stuff to read. I said no, but she told me to consider doing it anyway. which led to us joking about using sign language or smoke signals :P.
>
> Hi Peddidle,
>
> Since she offered to let you email her, write down those one-sided conversations you have with her in your head and email them to her real fast before you can change your mind. At your next therapy session, you can talk about what you wrote. Or maybe you won't be able to...but at least she will be more aware of what is troubling you. The writing could help serve as a bridge you could use to learn to talk about subjects you are too afraid to bring up.
>
> Just try it once and see what happens. You don't have to continue if you don't like the result.That's a good idea, toojane. I think I'm kind of worried about becoming too attached to her; I already think about her too much as it is (transference, I'm sure), and I don't want to start relying on emailing her too much between sessions. I'm not worried so much that it will annoy her, although I can't imagine it wouldn't, but I just don't want to become even more dependent on her than I already am.
Thank you for your advice. I'll let you know if I decide to email her before my next session.
Posted by peddidle on February 2, 2007, at 17:59:00
In reply to Re: Why can't I talk? (long...what else is new?), posted by sunnydays on February 1, 2007, at 20:52:26
> I do this all the time. I spent six months barely saying six sentences in a session. It just takes time. My T would tease me all the time about my poker face, and he would try to draw me out... it just takes time, and trust. You'll get there. Your T won't get tired of you. Mine didn't.
>
> sunnydays
I'm glad your T didn't get tired of you. Even though I'm sure it's not true, sometimes I can't help but think that my T dreads when she has to see me, and that she can't wait for the session to be over because I'm boring her or I'm too frustrating. I have been seeing her for about 2 years (roughly, because I don't see her over summer and winter breaks, obviously), you would think that I would have gotten better at talking to her by now.I do trust her, at least, I think I do. So I don't know. Maybe I'm afraid of getting to close to her because I'm afraid she'll be leaving soon (she's a postdoctoral resident, and I found out that she almost left last year after she completed her internship), or because I know that I'll graduate in a year and a half or so, and I won't be able to see her.
Thank you for letting me know that I'm not the only one who has trouble getting the words out. :)
Posted by toojane on February 2, 2007, at 18:13:54
In reply to Re: Why can't I talk? (long...what else is new?), posted by peddidle on February 2, 2007, at 17:42:49
> That's a good idea, toojane.I'm glad you found it helpful (I find it so strange offering other people advice because I'm such a mess. That whole "do as I say, not as I do" thing. I'd feel more comfortable if I was sane and together and cured and could say "look, this definitely works" but I can't because I'm not. I am a work in progress)
>I think I'm kind of worried about becoming too attached to her; I already think about her too much as it is (transference, I'm sure), and I don't want to start relying on emailing her too much between sessions. I'm not worried so much that it will annoy her, although I can't imagine it wouldn't, but I just don't want to become even more dependent on her than I already am.
Hmmm. Can I share a conclusion I've recently reached? I don't know what problems you are struggling with but I assume you are not happy, perhaps profoundly unhappy? There are many things you could do to try to cope but you have chosen therapy. If you are going to do therapy, then do therapy. I think I've just figured out it's not something you can really do halfway out of self-protection and hope it will still work. You have to jump in with both feet and really put all your effort into it. You have known your T for two years so you probably have a good sense whether she is trustworthy and ethical by now.Do therapy, which means getting attached and talking about all the hard stuff and working through it. Or don't do therapy and find some other way of coping. But make a choice either way. It may bring you some peace.
Posted by Poet on February 2, 2007, at 18:42:35
In reply to Why can't I talk? (long...what else is new?), posted by peddidle on February 1, 2007, at 20:34:15
Hi Peddidle,
Last week in therapy my T brought up that it took over a year for me to trust her. She still says sometimes it's like she's fishing for information. I do find it easier to write something and email it to her or hand it to her.
My T doesn't call it self-censoring, she calls it withholding. She can tell I want to say something, but then I don't. I know I frustrate her, but she knows not to push me or I'll just sit and stare at my shoes.
Therapy is sometimes far too hard, or are we just hard on ourselves? Hang in there.
Poet
Posted by peddidle on February 2, 2007, at 22:50:03
In reply to Re: Why can't I talk? (long...what else is new?), posted by frida on February 1, 2007, at 21:43:35
> I do it all the time too and it has taken me years...and I still can't talk openly needing it so badly. It's so painful to leave session because it all comes to me, all the things I wish I had said. I understand...it's so difficult. To need to talk and want to talk so badly and then something in you doesn't let you...
**Wow, you have captured the feeling so well! That's how I feel...I walk in there thinking "OK, I'm going to say this, this, and this" Then something happens between my brain and my mouth, and nothing comes out. Then I leave and end up thinking "Ugh! I can't believe I didn't (or forgot to) tell her that!"
> There are some things that help...
>
> I do email her and write letters to her. It helps me to at least tell her or let her know something..and then it makes it easier to say something (though I struggle with it and she's been really frustrated a lot of times). She makes jokes too...I've tried a lot of things, writing, making a tape for her, even recording a video, drawing...
> Sometimes she has read letters in our session..and sometimes I've tried to read them aloud.
>
> Maybe you can give it some thought and maybe you can write or find another way to communicate until you can find your voice..
>
> it takes time, trust and patience...
>
> Frida**I've been contemplating bringing my yearbook to my next appointment. I don't know why, but for some reason, I want her to see it. She knows it's going to be a hard day for me, so to make it seem less strange and random, I can tell her that I just felt like I needed to have it with me.
Maybe I'll give emailing her a try. Just once. Maybe. I've only emailed her about serious stuff a couple of times, and it was over the summer, so I knew I wouldn't be seeing her for several weeks or months.
Thank you so much for your help, Frida.
Posted by peddidle on February 2, 2007, at 22:51:24
In reply to Re: Why can't I talk? (long...what else is new?), posted by muffled on February 1, 2007, at 23:15:11
> I can't either.
> Ithink the shortest answer is the shame owrd. it eats us up. Thats the way it is for me.
> MuffledI don't know if it's shame for me...maybe it's more embarassment, or the possibility of embarrasment. Either way, you're right, it eats us up.
Posted by peddidle on February 2, 2007, at 23:04:54
In reply to Re: Why can't I talk? (long...what else is new?) » peddidle, posted by happykat on February 2, 2007, at 12:34:46
> Hi peddidle,
>
> I struggle with this too. :( The only way I seem to be able to express myself is through writing. I started out writing up a page about the previous session, what we talked about, how I felt etc.. (I do this within hours of the session) then I write out what's happend during the week and what I want to talk about on another page and hand it to her at the beginning of the session. It has made it alot easier. It's still hard and sometimes I blank out when I go to write what's happened during the week but it's better than sitting there nodding or not answering honestly. Try it! It might help! :)
>
> Regards,
> happykatWriting something and handing it to her would be a lot easier, albeit still somewhat difficult, than actually saying it. You're right, writing something for her to read has to be a lot better than sitting there bobbing my head. I really want to be able to answer her honestly when she asks "what are you thinking?" but I just don't know how to put the thoughts into words.
There is actually one thing that I really do want her to read. I wrote my best friend a note when she died, and she has it with her. I told my T about it earlier this year, and she asked me what I wrote. I told her I didn't remember, which is not entirely true, I remember some of it. I also told her that I kept a copy of it for myself and that I would let her read it. But when I went to get it, I couldn't find it anywhere! I thought I had been keeping it in my purse, but I couldn't find it there. I have all but turned my room at home inside out looking for it, and I can't find it anywhere. It's not just uspsetting because I can't find it for her to read, but also because I don't have it for myself.
Wow, I went off on a tangent. Sorry about that.
Thanks for your advice, happykat!
Posted by peddidle on February 2, 2007, at 23:18:26
In reply to Re: Why can't I talk? (long...what else is new?) » peddidle, posted by toojane on February 2, 2007, at 18:13:54
> I'm glad you found it helpful (I find it so strange offering other people advice because I'm such a mess. That whole "do as I say, not as I do" thing. I'd feel more comfortable if I was sane and together and cured and could say "look, this definitely works" but I can't because I'm not. I am a work in progress)
**haha I can definitely relate to that!
>
> Hmmm. Can I share a conclusion I've recently reached? I don't know what problems you are struggling with but I assume you are not happy, perhaps profoundly unhappy?**The big ones are dysthymia and complicated bereavement I think. Maybe some other stuff in there too.
There are many things you could do to try to cope but you have chosen therapy. If you are going to do therapy, then do therapy. I think I've just figured out it's not something you can really do halfway out of self-protection and hope it will still work. You have to jump in with both feet and really put all your effort into it. You have known your T for two years so you probably have a good sense whether she is trustworthy and ethical by now.
**She is trustworthy and ethical. I definitely know that now. I think last spring is when I really felt the true connection starting to grow.
>
> Do therapy, which means getting attached and talking about all the hard stuff and working through it. Or don't do therapy and find some other way of coping. But make a choice either way. It may bring you some peace.**Wow, I never thought about it that way. I guess it's easier to see when you're not in the middle of it. My T always says that I'm passive-aggressive-- I have trouble making decisions, so I just kind of let things happen. Wow. I never looked at therapy as something that I wasn't doing completely. I wondered if she's looked at it that way...yeah, she probably has.
You know what? I may just have to tell my T about your conclusion. Of course, I say that now, let's see if it actually comes out of my mouth when I want it to. :P
Thank you sooo much for your insight, toojane. You have no idea.
Posted by peddidle on February 2, 2007, at 23:37:48
In reply to Re: Why can't I talk? (long...what else is new?) » peddidle, posted by Poet on February 2, 2007, at 18:42:35
> Hi Peddidle,
>
> Last week in therapy my T brought up that it took over a year for me to trust her. She still says sometimes it's like she's fishing for information. I do find it easier to write something and email it to her or hand it to her.**That seems to be the consensus, that it's easier to write thoughts down than actualy say them out loud. I guess it's not as uncommon as I thought.
>
> My T doesn't call it self-censoring, she calls it withholding. She can tell I want to say something, but then I don't. I know I frustrate her, but she knows not to push me or I'll just sit and stare at my shoes.**My T doesn't really push me either, unless she can tell that I'm struggling to say something very important (as was the case yesterday). She doesn't let me get away with not making eye contact though. I have no problem looking at her when she's talking, but I my eyes wander whenever I start talking. If my eyes are wandering around too much, she waits until they come back to her, and then she sort of smiles. I don't know why, but I really hate that.
> Therapy is sometimes far too hard, or are we just hard on ourselves? Hang in there.
>
> Poet**I think it's a little of both. I think that's the way it's supposed to be... well, I guess we shouldn't be hard on ourselves. :)
Thanks for your input, Poet. It's good to know I'm not the only one who struggles with this.
Posted by cubic_me on February 3, 2007, at 5:47:35
In reply to Re: Why can't I talk? (long...what else is new?) » Poet, posted by peddidle on February 2, 2007, at 23:37:48
You sound so similar to me a few years ago. Dysthymia, then sudden bereavement with all sorts of things attached to it.
I started therapy with a wonderful therapist, but I found it SO difficult to say anything. I'd reherse it over in my head, write lists of what I wanted to say when I saw her, but still only a fraction of what I wanted to say came out. After about a year and a half I started to get much better at talking (with a lot of gentle persuasion!), but I still find it really difficult.
Unfortunately she retired after 2 years of me seeing her, and I went to group sessions for a year, where I didn't talk at all, but the improvement I made in therapy the first time has stuck with me and even though the two people I've seen since have said I don't talk much (and there was a lot of silence with one of them), they'd shudder to think what I was like before!
I really hope things get better for you. Writing something and bringing in to session seems like a good compromise where you won't get more dependent on her between sessions. I usually found if my T picked a topic, I was more likely to talk about it because it seemed like she *wanted* to talk about that subject, whereas if I picked I'd think I'd be boring her about something she didn't want to know!
Posted by frida on February 3, 2007, at 9:35:52
In reply to Re: Why can't I talk? (long...what else is new?) » frida, posted by peddidle on February 2, 2007, at 22:50:03
hi..
Thank you for your reply.I understand how painful it is...the same happens to me..when I'm on my way to T I feel this urgency and I know all I want to tell her,and the things I want to talk about...when I sit there, I just can't make myself talk openly. It's not only about hard stuff, I have the words in my mind and then I can't say anything. I leave and feel really bad for missing another chance.
Another thing that has helped a little was to at least try to tell her when it's happening...I try to tell her that "I am stuck inside" somehow. It has helped..not to feel so alone, and she tries to make me feel safer or at least she is aware..
I sometimes call her right after session because it's so painful not to be able to talk.Writing has definitely help at least a little...
and I keep trying...I try to make the effort somehow,to make myself say at least one word...it's hard, but don't give up...
baby steps I guess.I think the idea of bringing your yearbook is a good way to start sharing something...
I also sometimes bring in a note...and then I force myself to give it to her, it helps me to make sure she'll know what's in my mind if I can't say a word, and then it makes it easier to continue.
sending you support through this,
Frida
Posted by toojane on February 3, 2007, at 11:34:42
In reply to Re: Why can't I talk? (long...what else is new?) » toojane, posted by peddidle on February 2, 2007, at 23:18:26
> You know what? I may just have to tell my T about your conclusion. Of course, I say that now, let's see if it actually comes out of my mouth when I want it to. :P
Oh no! That probably means that I should tell my T about it too.Want to be therapy buddies? If you'll commit to putting 100% effort into your therapy, fear-be-damned, I will too and we'll both tell our Ts about this new conclusion and commitment and post our results.
i dare you
Posted by happykat on February 3, 2007, at 13:51:10
In reply to Re: Why can't I talk? (long...what else is new?) » happykat, posted by peddidle on February 2, 2007, at 23:04:54
I'm sorry to hear about your friend. Do you remember enough of the letter to be able to do an outline of what was in it or try to rewrite from memory. It sounds like it was something important, that might really be useful for your t to read.
Do you think that maybe your mind isn't letting you remember where you might have put it. I do that often. My mind seems to shutdown and not work right in a protective sort of way.
I hope you are able to find a way to talk or communicate with your t, it's so important.
Good luck to you!
Regards,
happykat :)
Posted by wishingstar on February 3, 2007, at 21:22:57
In reply to Why can't I talk? (long...what else is new?), posted by peddidle on February 1, 2007, at 20:34:15
Pediddle, I'm sorry if this post is a little odd, I'm very tired and a bit confused tonight, but anyway...
I dont think I have much to add about the benefits of writing things down, but I do the exact same thing and I agree with what everyone else posted. I'd recommend trying it. If you do it once and hate it, you dont have to do it again.
Part of my problem though is that I'll write something, bring it, and then never give it to my T. I had a conversation about a month ago with her about how hard it is to talk, writing, etc, and asked her if she'd please ask me at the beginning of every session if I have anything to give her (a paper). That makes it a little harder for me to keep it in my purse.. it'd require lying instead of just pretending it isnt there. One of my problems is "how the heck do I barge in and hand her this paper"? But her asking has solved that. Admittedly, it's been about a month and I never did bring anything until just last session (and now I have to face the results on tues... I gave it to her at the end). But somehow just having her ask has helped me open up. She has also started asking directly at the beginning of sessions if there is anything I need to talk about, because I have trouble bringing things up myself out of the blue. Often she'll also ask towards the end of the session or at the beginning of the next if there was anything else I wanted to say on that topic. It helps - it's like her holding up a stop sign and saying "ok, wait - what else?" and it stops me from just letting the conversation flow past something that was important. She's happy to ask those things and didnt seem to be put off at all by me asking. I dont know if itd help you or not, but maybe it's worth a try? If nothing else, a conversation about the very issue you're writing about here (it being hard to talk and what you can do to fix that) might bring up some interesting things. Or maybe you've already done that - I apologize if that's the case.
Another thing my T said she'd be fine with was if I called the night before my session (or morning of) and left a message just telling her in a few sentences if something had happened, something I needed to talk about, etc. For me, talking to voicemail isnt too difficult, so it helps. It's certainly nervewracking after, knowing the message is there and she'll get it, but once you do it there's no getting out of it and in my experience, I've always been glad I did it (even if it was uncomfortable). It truly does get easier the more you do it. You might just have to go against everything that feels safe and secure once and just do it, without allowing yourself to stop and think. That's what I do.
Good luck. I know you can do this.
Posted by peddidle on February 3, 2007, at 21:56:28
In reply to to peddidle » peddidle, posted by cubic_me on February 3, 2007, at 5:47:35
> You sound so similar to me a few years ago. Dysthymia, then sudden bereavement with all sorts of things attached to it.
**The dysthymia (and adjustment disorder) diagnosis was relatively recent when the bereavement began. Although, I guess technically, I should have been expecting it. Up until then, I my diagnosis was OCD.
>
> I started therapy with a wonderful therapist, but I found it SO difficult to say anything. I'd reherse it over in my head, write lists of what I wanted to say when I saw her, but still only a fraction of what I wanted to say came out. After about a year and a half I started to get much better at talking (with a lot of gentle persuasion!), but I still find it really difficult.**I'm glad that you were finally able to work through it. A year and a half? Hmm....factoring in summer breaks and stuff, I guess I should be getting to that point soon, too!
>
> Unfortunately she retired after 2 years of me seeing her, and I went to group sessions for a year, where I didn't talk at all, but the improvement I made in therapy the first time has stuck with me and even though the two people I've seen since have said I don't talk much (and there was a lot of silence with one of them), they'd shudder to think what I was like before!**Good for you! I know what you mean-- I feel like I must have improved...at least a little bit. I can barely remember having said anything when I went to my first pdoc/T. Of course, the fact that I didn't like her couldn't have helped much. At least now I can have, and actually enjoy, light-hearted conversations with my T.
> I really hope things get better for you. Writing something and bringing in to session seems like a good compromise where you won't get more dependent on her between sessions. I usually found if my T picked a topic, I was more likely to talk about it because it seemed like she *wanted* to talk about that subject, whereas if I picked I'd think I'd be boring her about something she didn't want to know!
**Me too! The first thing she says when I walk in is "What's going on?" or something to that effect. Know matter what's on my mind, I always give her the same answer: "Nothing." It just feels weird to randomly say something. I feel like I need to let her take the lead in the conversation. Although, she's told me that she wants me to direct the sessions more.
Thanks for your advice. It's good to know that other people have had this same problem and gotten through it.
Posted by peddidle on February 3, 2007, at 22:17:38
In reply to Re: Why can't I talk? (long...what else is new?) » peddidle, posted by frida on February 3, 2007, at 9:35:52
Yeah, maybe bringing my yearbook could help in some way. I can tell her that I really don't know why I want her to see it, I just know that I do. That would be the truth. I might try writing....we'll see.
You're right-- baby steps.
Thank so much for your support, it means a lot.
Posted by peddidle on February 3, 2007, at 22:24:01
In reply to Re: Why can't I talk? (long...what else is new?) » peddidle, posted by toojane on February 3, 2007, at 11:34:42
> Oh no! That probably means that I should tell my T about it too.
>
> Want to be therapy buddies? If you'll commit to putting 100% effort into your therapy, fear-be-damned, I will too and we'll both tell our Ts about this new conclusion and commitment and post our results.
>
> i dare youOh no! You dared me?! Ugh. Ok....let's do it. Or, at least, put 100% into trying to put 100% into therapy. Fair enough? :)
Posted by toojane on February 3, 2007, at 22:27:38
In reply to Re: Why can't I talk? (long...what else is new?) » toojane, posted by peddidle on February 3, 2007, at 22:24:01
> Oh no! You dared me?! Ugh. Ok....let's do it. Or, at least, put 100% into trying to put 100% into therapy. Fair enough? :)
It's a deal
Posted by peddidle on February 3, 2007, at 22:34:59
In reply to Re: Why can't I talk? (long...what else is new?) » peddidle, posted by happykat on February 3, 2007, at 13:51:10
> I'm sorry to hear about your friend. Do you remember enough of the letter to be able to do an outline of what was in it or try to rewrite from memory. It sounds like it was something important, that might really be useful for your t to read.
**I think I remember a lot of the letter, but I just can't help but feel like there's a big part that I'm missing...
I'm sure it is important, and I really was going to bring it for her that time she asked to see it.
>
> Do you think that maybe your mind isn't letting you remember where you might have put it. I do that often. My mind seems to shutdown and not work right in a protective sort of way.**Yeah, I have thought about that. I was shocked when I went to get it and it wasn't there. I've looked everywhere, even in the randomest places, thinking that maybe it would be there for the exact reason that it is a random place and no one would ever find it, and I would never lose it. I really want to find it though. Could my mind be preventing me from remembering where I put it, even though I really want to find it?
> I hope you are able to find a way to talk or communicate with your t, it's so important.
>
> Good luck to you!
> Regards,
> happykat :)
**I know it's important to communicate with her, and I feel bad about it; not only because I know it must be frustrating for her, but because I know I should be a lot further along in therapy by now.Thanks for your thoughts.
Posted by peddidle on February 3, 2007, at 23:43:58
In reply to Re: Why can't I talk? (long...what else is new?) » peddidle, posted by wishingstar on February 3, 2007, at 21:22:57
> Pediddle, I'm sorry if this post is a little odd, I'm very tired and a bit confused tonight, but anyway...
>
> I dont think I have much to add about the benefits of writing things down, but I do the exact same thing and I agree with what everyone else posted. I'd recommend trying it. If you do it once and hate it, you dont have to do it again.
>
> Part of my problem though is that I'll write something, bring it, and then never give it to my T. I had a conversation about a month ago with her about how hard it is to talk, writing, etc, and asked her if she'd please ask me at the beginning of every session if I have anything to give her (a paper). That makes it a little harder for me to keep it in my purse.. it'd require lying instead of just pretending it isnt there.**That would be good for me. I am an awful liar, and she can always tell when I'm bs-ing her.
One of my problems is "how the heck do I barge in and hand her this paper"? But her asking has solved that. Admittedly, it's been about a month and I never did bring anything until just last session (and now I have to face the results on tues... I gave it to her at the end). But somehow just having her ask has helped me open up. She has also started asking directly at the beginning of sessions if there is anything I need to talk about, because I have trouble bringing things up myself out of the blue.
**I have trouble bringing things up out of the blue, too. I just don't know if or when it's the right time to bring something new up. I'm sure I would have an equally hard time just randomly handing her a piece of paper.
Often she'll also ask towards the end of the session or at the beginning of the next if there was anything else I wanted to say on that topic. It helps - it's like her holding up a stop sign and saying "ok, wait - what else?" and it stops me from just letting the conversation flow past something that was important. She's happy to ask those things and didnt seem to be put off at all by me asking. I dont know if itd help you or not, but maybe it's worth a try? If nothing else, a conversation about the very issue you're writing about here (it being hard to talk and what you can do to fix that) might bring up some interesting things. Or maybe you've already done that - I apologize if that's the case.
**No need to apologize. :) It sounds like you have a good system set up with your T. Maybe I should mention some of these things to her. I know she would be willing to try anything that would help me open up.
>
> Another thing my T said she'd be fine with was if I called the night before my session (or morning of) and left a message just telling her in a few sentences if something had happened, something I needed to talk about, etc. For me, talking to voicemail isnt too difficult, so it helps. It's certainly nervewracking after, knowing the message is there and she'll get it, but once you do it there's no getting out of it and in my experience, I've always been glad I did it (even if it was uncomfortable). It truly does get easier the more you do it. You might just have to go against everything that feels safe and secure once and just do it, without allowing yourself to stop and think. That's what I do.**My T doesn't really have voicemail that's just her's, because I see her in my college's counseling center. I'm pretty sure she has another office where she has voicemail... I have to find a way to get her to mention it to me. I could email her though. I'm that way too, where I have to just do something (like leaving a voicemail or sending an email), because then I know it's done and there's no getting out of it. I think you're right, I'm going to have to go against everything that feels safe and secure and just do it.
>
> Good luck. I know you can do this.**Thank you. It's so sweet that you have faith in me, even though you don't know me. Thank you, again.
Posted by wishingstar on February 4, 2007, at 18:52:56
In reply to Re: Why can't I talk? (long...what else is new?) » wishingstar, posted by peddidle on February 3, 2007, at 23:43:58
>
> **I have trouble bringing things up out of the blue, too. I just don't know if or when it's the right time to bring something new up. I'm sure I would have an equally hard time just randomly handing her a piece of paper.
>That's exactly how I feel too. It's not saying the words as much as it is communicating the idea, in any form, that's hard for me, so handing her a piece of paper in person is difficult too. That's why getting her to ask me specifically for it seems to help. It's so direct, it makes it a bit easier. Though it still is quite uncomfortable... but like I said before, it does get easier after the first few times when she reacts well (and I assume your T would).
>
> **No need to apologize. :) It sounds like you have a good system set up with your T. Maybe I should mention some of these things to her. I know she would be willing to try anything that would help me open up.
> >For me, I brought it up just as an open conversation about the issue... "I'm having trouble talking and I dont know how to fix it". Something like that. The things shes doing now were actually mostly her ideas. I dont know if itd feel easier or harder for you to bring it up indirectly (versus bringing up suggestions) but it's something to consider I guess.
> **My T doesn't really have voicemail that's just her's, because I see her in my college's counseling center. I'm pretty sure she has another office where she has voicemail... I have to find a way to get her to mention it to me. I could email her though. I'm that way too, where I have to just do something (like leaving a voicemail or sending an email), because then I know it's done and there's no getting out of it. I think you're right, I'm going to have to go against everything that feels safe and secure and just do it.
> >No voicemail hm? I'm not sure how your university counseling center is set up, but at mine, the staff (including therapists) all have mailboxes on the first floor. Could you stop by the building and leave it in her box? Then she'd get it directly but you wouldnt have to be there to see her read it. Or of course email, like you mentioned.
>
> **Thank you. It's so sweet that you have faith in me, even though you don't know me. Thank you, again.
>I know that if I can do it, so can anyone. Because believe me, I'm the queen of intellectualizing and diverting and everything else in the book. You can. I'll be waiting to hear about what you decide to do. Please let us know.
Posted by peddidle on February 6, 2007, at 21:13:02
In reply to Re: Why can't I talk? (long...what else is new?) » peddidle, posted by wishingstar on February 4, 2007, at 18:52:56
>That's exactly how I feel too. It's not saying the words as much as it is communicating the idea, in any form, that's hard for me, so handing her a piece of paper in person is difficult too. That's why getting her to ask me specifically for it seems to help. It's so direct, it makes it a bit easier. Though it still is quite uncomfortable... but like I said before, it does get easier after the first few times when she reacts well (and I assume your T would).
>For me, I brought it up just as an open conversation about the issue... "I'm having trouble talking and I dont know how to fix it". Something like that. The things shes doing now were actually mostly her ideas. I dont know if itd feel easier or harder for you to bring it up indirectly (versus bringing up suggestions) but it's something to consider I guess.
> No voicemail hm? I'm not sure how your university counseling center is set up, but at mine, the staff (including therapists) all have mailboxes on the first floor. Could you stop by the building and leave it in her box? Then she'd get it directly but you wouldnt have to be there to see her read it. Or of course email, like you mentioned.
**Thank you so much for all the great ideas, wishingstar. Something else occurred to me today. You know how sometimes you feel sick, so you go to the doctor, and then all of a sudden you feel better? You don't want to tell the doctor that you feel better, because then they'll think you're a hypochondriac or something. I kind of feel that way sometimes when I see my T. I feel like I need to tell her so many things, but they all kind of fade-away once I see her. I guess it's good that she makes me feel better by just being there, but then I feel like I shouldn't tell her all the stuff I was thinking about before because it would be like I was lying. Am I making any sense?Sorry if that was incoherent.
> I know that if I can do it, so can anyone. Because believe me, I'm the queen of intellectualizing and diverting and everything else in the book. You can. I'll be waiting to hear about what you decide to do. Please let us know.
**Thanks again, and I will let you know how my session goes.
Posted by frida on February 7, 2007, at 10:13:59
In reply to Re: Why can't I talk? (long...what else is new?) » wishingstar, posted by peddidle on February 6, 2007, at 21:13:02
hi..
just wanted to say I relate to what you've shared here..."Something else occurred to me today. You know how sometimes you feel sick, so you go to the doctor, and then all of a sudden you feel better? You don't want to tell the doctor that you feel better, because then they'll think you're a hypochondriac or something. I kind of feel that way sometimes when I see my T. I feel like I need to tell her so many things, but they all kind of fade-away once I see her. I guess it's good that she makes me feel better by just being there, but then I feel like I shouldn't tell her all the stuff I was thinking about before because it would be like I was lying. Am I making any sense?"
I often experience this...I am crying the whole morning before I see her, I feel the need to talk with her and share what hurts and then I go and it all fades because just knowing she is there helps. Of course then I go back home and it all comes to me again and I feel so bad that I didn't tell her when I had the chance.
Just wanted to say it's not incoherent at all and it makes sense...
It takes time to open up..
Frida
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