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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 19 of 19. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by youngaddict on December 30, 2006, at 23:12:38
wow, so this is my first time posting here. I have been having a lot of obsessive thoughts recently about my therapist. I know its not "normal" and kind of sick. But this lady is wonderful to me and for me. I have been in and out of therapy my whole life and never have I felt so comfortable and felt like I am making progress than with her. I started seeing her in July.. well its one day until January and I am full blown obsessed. I see her three times a week.. its psychotherapy and aparantly I have so issues... haha.
but I have googled her, found out where she lives and driven past her house several times. I have not broached the subject with her because of embarressment and I don't want her to get mad at me. But I stumbled upon this site by clicking on another thread about the very same thing. I ordered two books about it and Iam willing to talk about it here for now. I know that I am just making her out to be like my substitute mother. Thats one of the issues I have.. my mother. (who doesn't)...BUT shes so kind and helpful and I wish to god she was my mother. I don't even want her to be my friend or even my lover (as some do).. just someone who loves me and cares for me. I want to be her favorite client, one she thinks about a lot and cares for.
Any advice??
thanks
Posted by Daisym on December 30, 2006, at 23:41:29
In reply to transference? i think so...., posted by youngaddict on December 30, 2006, at 23:12:38
I think these feelings are "normal" -- we all want to be special to our therapists. Sometimes it does feel really overwhelming and like an obsession. It has been my experience that talking in therapy about these feelings is the best thing to do. I know it is hard, but since she is a psychotherapist, I'm guessing she's handled this type of thing before. I'm glad you've found her helpful.
Welcome to Babble.
Posted by muffled on December 30, 2006, at 23:42:07
In reply to transference? i think so...., posted by youngaddict on December 30, 2006, at 23:12:38
Well I dunno, but I sure can tell you that you SO not alone in this.
This had been bandied about babble lotsa times in my time here.
Its a hard thing.
I have found that its my kid parts that want someone to care for me mostly.
Also, as I have grown to trust my T more, I trust she not gonna bail on me w/o good reason.
So I think it does get easier w/time.
Just can hit hard now and again.
Best of luck to you.
Muffled
Posted by youngaddict on December 30, 2006, at 23:49:45
In reply to Re: transference? i think so.... » youngaddict, posted by muffled on December 30, 2006, at 23:42:07
thanks...
i am glad to know i am not alone. i told my one close friend that i had mapquested my therapists address and she was like, thats f-ed up. umm thanks. i know that. haha.
this is so hard fo rme to talk about but i like the annonymity of the internet...
i find myself wanting to hurt myself to get her attention but then i can't tell her that i have hurt myself--like cutting, etc... its like i want her to notice and be like, omg why r u doing that? and then when she doesn't i hurt myself even more. i finally told my shrink i cut myself who told my therapist and my therapist brought it up once and i said i didn't want to talk about it and then she never brought it up again. ugh. i am so starved for love. i can see that. but it doesn't change the way i see things. or feel things. i actout these ridiculous fantasies in my head involving her saving me somehow and telling her she cares foe me.
wtf?
Posted by muffled on December 31, 2006, at 7:19:12
In reply to Re: transference? i think so...., posted by youngaddict on December 30, 2006, at 23:49:45
> i am glad to know i am not alone. i told my one close friend that i had mapquested my therapists address and she was like, thats f-ed up. umm thanks. i know that. haha.
* think its hard for those who have not had a good T relationship to understand how intense it can be. And hard :(
>
> this is so hard fo rme to talk about but i like the annonymity of the internet...**yes the relative anonymity is good. But be a little careful....
It is good here at this website, in that for the most part, you will get understanding and support.
>
> i find myself wanting to hurt myself to get her attention but then i can't tell her that i have hurt myself--like cutting, etc... its like i want her to notice and be like, omg why r u doing that? and then when she doesn't i hurt myself even more. i finally told my shrink i cut myself who told my therapist and my therapist brought it up once and i said i didn't want to talk about it and then she never brought it up again. ugh. i am so starved for love. i can see that. but it doesn't change the way i see things. or feel things. i actout these ridiculous fantasies in my head involving her saving me somehow and telling her she cares foe me.**Therapy is HARD work sometimes. Very very hard. But if you have established some level of trust with your T, then this kinda stuff is exactly what you should be talking about in session....
You could always take this very post in if you can't find the words to say it at the time. Again, I don't find your behaviors strange, not even slightly.(been there, done that). So if your T is even slightly good, then I think she will handle this well.
There have been threads not so long ago, bout diff. T's reactions to cutting....none of them were horrible, but some seem more willing to talk about it than others.
Cutting is a coping mechanism. Not a very lifegiving one, but useful. Your T should be able to eventually help you to find other, less harmful ways to cope.
Sorry this got long and preachy.
You just kinda remind me of me.
And as for googling your T etc, I think mebbe you should try to respect your T's privacy.....
Its not unususal for clients to do this, but I don't think its good to invade T's privacy.
I think as you talk more with your T bout ypour feelings, and as she reassures you, that things will get better for you.
Take care,
Muffled(I too cut, but less so...finally)
Posted by youngaddict on December 31, 2006, at 16:23:27
In reply to Re: transference? ....**S.injury trigger** » youngaddict, posted by muffled on December 31, 2006, at 7:19:12
Hey
Thanks so much for your response. I know that I should totally respect my Therapists privacy and luckily there wasn't really much on her on the Internet.
I read few other posts about being "in love" with your therapist.. and i liked what one person said, to try to visualize your relationship going further.. but I don't want anything... I mean, obviously I am not dumb, I know she is a professional and it will not go anyway, but still.. its hard not to be obsessed with someone who listens to your deepest darkest secrests and does not outwardly judge you and whose job it is to totally be there for you and want the best for you. You know?
Well I hope you have a happy new year...
thanks again!
Posted by wishingstar on December 31, 2006, at 19:11:56
In reply to transference? i think so...., posted by youngaddict on December 30, 2006, at 23:12:38
Hi youngaddict... I dont think I've seen you around here before. Nice to meet you. :)
I can relate very strongly to what you wrote about. I had an experience with a T (ex-T as of a few months ago) and felt/did many of the same things you mentioned. She was also a very bad T, so it was pretty much a disaster, but I was terribly dependent on her. If you'd like, I'll send you a babblemail later and tell you about my experience. I'm sort of embarassed about it myself and I'm not sure how I feel about posting it all at once on the boards (although really, I've posted it all before.. just in pieces). But if youd like to hear, I'd be happy to share my thoughts.
You're definitely not alone.
Posted by sunnydays on December 31, 2006, at 20:38:10
In reply to transference? i think so...., posted by youngaddict on December 30, 2006, at 23:12:38
I want that about my therapist too. He is so kind and gentle, and I wish he were my father AND mother, all in one. He alone would be better than either one of them alone or both combined. I'm sorry I don't have any advice, other than to hang in there, and to talk about it with her. Maybe not the Googling, although I know many here have talked with their T's about that, but maybe just start with the wish you expressed in the last part of your post. It is really really normal, and my T was so happy when I was able to tell him (he kind of already suspected, but I could tell he was really really touched). It's a huge compliment to them that someone can like them so much, and even if it is transference, it can help to get it in the open and talk about it (maybe ESPECIALLY if it's transference). So try to bring it up. If your T is good, you'll have good results. Good luck!
sunnydays
Posted by youngaddict on December 31, 2006, at 22:10:13
In reply to Re: transference? i think so.... » youngaddict, posted by wishingstar on December 31, 2006, at 19:11:56
Hey
I would love if you sent me a babblemail about it.. thanks!
I was talking to my good friend who is down here visiting and she is a therapist. it was nice to talk to her about this transferrence issue. when i said i wish she (my T) was my mom, she was like, "you mean you wish your mom was like her" which is true.i didn't tell her complely everythign I did and am thinking, but it was good to tell another person who understands and is a therapist.
well hope to here from you soon.youngaddict.
Posted by muffled on December 31, 2006, at 22:11:54
In reply to Re: transference? ....**S.injury trigger**, posted by youngaddict on December 31, 2006, at 16:23:27
> Thanks so much for your response. I know that I should totally respect my Therapists privacy and luckily there wasn't really much on her on the Internet.
**yeah, sorry bout that. But thats one place where I had a real bad moment w/my T. The privacy thing. And I understand it........
>its hard not to be obsessed with someone who listens to your deepest darkest secrests and does not outwardly judge you and whose job it is to totally be there for you and want the best for you. You know?
**OH MAN!!!! Well said!! You got it in a nutshell!!!
And sigh, yes, I do know...
But its not so bad these days for me really. So I guess it does get better.
Happy new year to you too.
Muffled
Posted by Fallsfall on January 1, 2007, at 10:08:19
In reply to Re: transference? i think so...., posted by youngaddict on December 31, 2006, at 22:10:13
The book "In Session : The bond between women and their therapists" might help you to understand some of what is going on. Your situation is certainly not unusual.
Posted by youngaddict on January 1, 2007, at 12:45:17
In reply to Re: transference? i think so.... » youngaddict, posted by Fallsfall on January 1, 2007, at 10:08:19
thank you. i just ordered it on amazon..
:)
Posted by LadyBug on January 1, 2007, at 14:19:07
In reply to Re: transference? i think so...., posted by youngaddict on January 1, 2007, at 12:45:17
This book helped me realize how normal transference is in therapy. I hope it arrives soon and you can get reading. It was a real turning point for me when I read the book. I keep it by my bed and have read many parts several times. Happy reading and I wish you the best in trying to figure out this process. It's hard!!!
LadyBug
Posted by wishingstar on January 1, 2007, at 14:45:59
In reply to Re: transference? i think so...., posted by youngaddict on January 1, 2007, at 12:45:17
Yes.. this is a wonderful book. Like ladybug said, I've also read parts of it more than once. I think you'll like it. :)
Babblemail still in the works...
Posted by happykat on January 1, 2007, at 20:49:56
In reply to transference? i think so...., posted by youngaddict on December 30, 2006, at 23:12:38
Hi!
I'm also relatively new here. I found babble right before Thanksgiving in the midst of a total transference crisis. I've gotten alot of good advice from this site. People here really do understand what you are going through and are very supportive.
Long story short, I also ordered "In Session" which BTW was a lifesaver for me. I too want my therapist to be my mother or as your therapist friend said, 'I wish my mother were more like my therapist'.
I bit the bullet and talked to my therapist about my transference feelings a few weeks back and was fortunate that my therapist completely understood what I was going through and has been very supportive. I also found that by discussing it with her that my feelings don't seem as overwhelming.
"In Session" really helped me put words to my feelings and to help me understand where those feelings are really coming from. For me its been an amazing experience. It's strengthened my bond with my therapist and helped me correlate my past experiences with whats going on in my life now.
That being said, I would definitely read up on transference before you make a decision about whether or not to discuss it with your therapist. Apparently some are more responsive than others when it comes to this topic. Lott's book and this site should help you to realize that you are most definitely not alone.
I wish you the best of luck and hope things go well for you.
Regards,
happykat :)
Posted by happykat on January 1, 2007, at 20:51:19
In reply to Re: transference? i think so...., posted by happykat on January 1, 2007, at 20:49:56
Posted by Tamar on January 2, 2007, at 5:44:06
In reply to transference? i think so...., posted by youngaddict on December 30, 2006, at 23:12:38
Hi there! You are definitely not alone, as you can see! I'm also going through a bit of dad/mom transference with my therapist at the moment...
I wanted to give another perspective on the Googling: As far as I can tell, lots of people Google lots of other people: friends, partners, colleagues... just to see what's 'out there' about significant people in their lives. Anything on the internet is in the public domain and isn't remotely private. So although therapists might find it a little disconcerting to learn they've been Googled by their clients, they really ought to understand that it's commonplace, it's not just about the therapist-client relationship, and it's not in any way an invasion of privacy. Anything that people want to keep private should not be on the internet.
Having said that, I think there are still some therapists who don't really understand that the internet is not a place for private material and who might worry that Googling is the first step to stalking. I happen to think that's not true; almost everyone Googles their therapist, whereas stalking a therapist is still pretty unusual. So one doesn't seem to lead to the other.
There are lots of ways to invade a therapist's privacy, but I really don't think that Googling is one of them. And I think it can be comforting when we're missing our therapists to Google them and read the stuff that's in the public domain about them.
But... on the other hand... you might find out things you didn't want to know! So it's worthwhile being careful with Google!
Cheers,
Tamar
Posted by youngaddict on January 2, 2007, at 14:55:03
In reply to Re: transference? i think so.... » youngaddict, posted by Tamar on January 2, 2007, at 5:44:06
everyone:
i love that you guys have all supported me on this. its hard for people to understand who don't feel this way. i haven't driven by her house except twice and i am trying to let it go. knowing that i don't really want anything with her... i did order that book and it should arrive by this weekend i hope. so... i will read it cover to cover!
i am dealing with another thing right now thats put this thing on the backburner.. i was clean for 28 days and got high. so i am trying to deal with that right now.
Posted by youngaddict on January 2, 2007, at 19:42:52
In reply to Re: transference? i think so...., posted by youngaddict on January 2, 2007, at 14:55:03
I talked to my therapist today and couldn't even tell her how I got high and she guessed and then I guess because I had smoked before I went (like three hours before) and I guess I was still high. Anyway at the end she said to me that shes never had as much problem understanding me. I wasn't making sense, I was rambling, and she was angry with me because I had 28 days clean and then f*cked it up and said that I needed to take responsibility for my actions. I totally feel even worse because I upset her.
now I feel awful because I need her approval so badly, even though I know shes there to help me and not to judge me I think she was trying to use a "touch love" take responsibility tactict. She was not accepting to any of my excuses which is good, but bad for me. Because now I have until Thursday when I see her again and I feel this NEED to see her right now.
I see her three times a week. Thats really f*cked up rigght? Does anyone esle see their T that much? Does this mean I have really repressed awful memories and a really f*cked up childhood? that she needs to see my that much? no wonder I am having transference issues.... any advice? anyone else see the T that much?
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