![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 66. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by kerria on November 7, 2006, at 11:19:26
It feels like i can't go on because of the hurt and self hatred inside. i feel so so bad.
at another forum people are comforting and giving themselves hugs for saying mean cruel things to me- how much i frustrate others because their advice is impossible for me to do. HOW MUCH i frustrate myself.They can forget it and never talk- never write to me again but i'm stuck with myself and parts 24/7
There isn't communication still- enough to function in the world.
It hurts so much- people misunderstood so much what is happening- why i can't do things like divorce my h and get a new T and - i'm trying actually to get a new T but love h-and need h and parts are so untogether so much in disagreement with whatever i do all the time.people posted a long thread that had nothing to do with me. tears
they jumped me
tears
i'm so hurt by them and by the attacks
and so hurt that i'm so stuck and can't change because i can't communicate with parts.Their anger shocked me- i feel so bad that i wish everything could stop.
tears
that forum was the place where i shared innermost things that i don't even tell T- to be so misunderstood and rejected and have some people so happy at being so mean and hateful - only to hurt me- today they're giving each other hugs- saying it's ok- it's ok to hurt someone How could they be helping me? i already agree with everything that i wrong with me- knowing what's wrong doesn't help. tears. i can't go back- they suspended my account- for no reason but that i was too upset at the negative comments.
then later reinstated it- but how can i go back? How can i go on? i feels so so bad. no one can help me- i found no one to heelp communicate with parts.
i don't want to live anymore. Everything is too painful physically emotionally. i just received disability- what my thread was orinially about in the first place- and the benefits make it impossible for me to go to therapy twice a week. That was my goal.
i will only get $115 a month. medicare disability will only pay for 50 percent of therapy- and how could i come up with the rest? my h doesn't agree in therapy- thinks i have a demonic problem, doesn't think t would help.
tears. it hasn't helped.
i don't think i will ever get better and hate myself for being like this. Other people do too- all my friends - except for two- feel good about jumping me there and saying so many negative things.
i'm so tired of fighting so hard to have no one notice- struggle to work pt and have everyone critical- i can't get there on time. forget so much , switch so much i look like i don't know what i'm doing- i don't know what i'm doing. tears. That's my problem.
Don't say anything critical-please- i already know i'm a mess- i already know more negative things than you do about the way i think and live. i can't stop it- it's parts of myself i hate more than anyone- i can't communicate or change it yet. maybe t twice a week would help- with the right T. maybe nothing will ever help like h says.
All the criticism doesn't help- i already agree- i already can't live with myself. why can't people understannnd the just because you know something is wrong- i'm stuck in this helpless hopeless mode that frustrates people- it doesn't mean i can change it and it doesn't help to hurt me more than i already hurt. i lost or am losing everything that matters to my life and my friends - most of them jumped me - said one negative after another- making up lies and saying the worst things they could think of. Then today they ccomfort each other- it's ok to be so mean- i deserved it why? because i can't communicate with my parts yet.
tears.
i hate my life so much.
i can't even afford t now- how can i possibly afford t with 115 per month? and a small paycheck if i can manage to switch tto ggo to work? even if a T took medicare they only cover 50%
why is the government so unfair? i only applied for disability because i needed therapy twice a week- It's Still not possible. seven years once a week made me so disfunctional- so disabled.
tears,
kerria
Posted by Phillipa on November 7, 2006, at 11:52:19
In reply to my friends jumped me :(, posted by kerria on November 7, 2006, at 11:19:26
I know about the Diability can't afford a good therapist or how to find one and at $60 a visit???Love Phillipa
Posted by muffled on November 7, 2006, at 14:58:56
In reply to my friends jumped me :(, posted by kerria on November 7, 2006, at 11:19:26
You guys don't have such a thing in the states(?).
We have them in Canada.
My T is amazing. She does sliding scale. She mostly loves her work. She's not in it for the money.
I thrilled Kerria that you are trying to find a new T. good for you.
Deneb has had problems in other places too. She finds it very hard to stay away, and ends up getting hurt.
Mebbe the friends who didn't jump you on the other site could come here? This site has its probs, but its generally pretty supportive....
Yeah I can see where 2x/wk T would be helpful to settle parts....
But mebbe 1x is better than nothing if you get the right T.
Keep trying Kerria, looking for a T. Cuz when you get a good one it really is a wonderful thing.
Take care,
Glad to see you, been thinking of you,
Muffled
Posted by TherapyGirl on November 7, 2006, at 15:08:06
In reply to Sliding scale T's?, posted by muffled on November 7, 2006, at 14:58:56
My T's practice does sliding scale and we're in the States. Of course, she is a pastoral counselor like yours, Muffled. But I believe there are others who charge on sliding scale as well.
Posted by wishingstar on November 7, 2006, at 15:12:04
In reply to Sliding scale T's?, posted by muffled on November 7, 2006, at 14:58:56
Yes, they do exist in the states. I'm in Va and my therapist works on a sliding scale. It's a United Way sponsered counseling center. I pay the lowest fee - $10 an hour. Shes a LPC. Sometimes it seems like its hard to find these places though.
Posted by kerria on November 8, 2006, at 21:50:48
In reply to my friends jumped me :(, posted by kerria on November 7, 2006, at 11:19:26
Thanks Phillipa, Muffled, TherapyGirl and Wishingstar for writing to me.
i'm devastated about what happened at that forum. i can't believe that they attacked me like that- today one person is writing how i reminded her of someone in her family- another says she didn't know why- but no one is sorry they hurt me so much. They just wanted me out . tears.i hate myself because parts inside agree with all the negative things that they said against me. i don't know what to do about it. i can't communicate with my parts.i wish something could help- i feel so bad .
i'm still so hurt. i thought they cared about me. - it's always so hard - i never have any friends, therapy is so impossibly hard. physical pain is so triggering and so hard to control - facing surgery and parts are terrified.
Saying all these things look to others like i'm whining- it's everyday life for me. i wish i didn't have to identify with it either. My life is a nightmare. A part always thinks the most negative thoughts about me- hates me for who i am- nothing i could ever change- hates me - always has s. thoughts. it's so painful to live- that makes it easy to listen.
people don't care that they hurt me- it's ok to be mean - something in me brings out the meanesst in others- they always end up a. me.
tears. T even said that. One or more of my parts sabotage me - sabotage relationships. i don't want to let people a. anymore. tears. it hurts too much already- i'm not going to get better and i can't live like this.
Posted by kerria on November 9, 2006, at 10:05:44
In reply to Re: my friends jumped me :( » kerria, posted by Phillipa on November 7, 2006, at 11:52:19
Posted by Phillipa on November 9, 2006, at 18:21:09
In reply to Re: my friends jumped me :( » kerria, posted by Phillipa on November 7, 2006, at 11:52:19
Kerria what does that mean? love Phillipa
Posted by Phillipa on November 9, 2006, at 18:23:16
In reply to my friends jumped me :(, posted by kerria on November 7, 2006, at 11:19:26
Oh the money. Is there a sliding scale therapy in mental health? Love Phillipa
Posted by kerria on November 10, 2006, at 8:35:03
In reply to Re: my friends jumped me :(, posted by Phillipa on November 9, 2006, at 18:23:16
No Phillipa- thank you for writing- i know that you care about me.
i feel so so bad about how mean so many people were at that forum. It reminded me about being jumped as a kid - beat up by other kids that some were my friends. sometimes i'm so afraid to live.
i never know when something will happen- people i love always turn on me:( They hate me when i put sad faces like that- at the end of sentences- but that's how my life is- i have other parts but they're not real to me now.At that site now there are people saying that i reminded of them of someone else - someone in their family that they hate- or whatever- and took it out on me-
i'm NOT that person. i never attacked anyone there EVER. Why do they now- say- it's ok- to "Be who you are" etc, and practically no one thinks about how much i am hurt by thier comments- they were so full of hate and it was directed towards me for no reason. i'm not their wicked stepmother or friend from their past. tears.
i'm so hurt- it was so triggering . i feel like i lost all the support i have.
i don't have a good relationship with a T- it's dissolving now- i see another mon.- trying to find someone to help me.
it hurts so much physically- i have nerve pain from a backpacking injury at the end of 2003- i had a fall and then terrible pain that never stopped.i need surgery in Jan- for the pain which may never get better and it's so hard. Parts inside think that they're abused everyday and i have to keep reminding myself it's not from abuse. it's from the injury. i hate switching and having my life so out of control and everything is a struggle that no one understands. People misunderstand everything i do and say.
i had somone in my family call me the most hurtful names yesterday- i feel so so bad. i can't get out of the depression i'm in.
Why is it always ok the people abuse me? Why am i like this- that people just hate me? i love my entire family so much./ i was so shocked that those things were said- i was also hit and things of mine and the house were damaged. i blame myself- i hate my parts- they don't act the way i want- it's so hard to be so separated and so disfunctional.
Just like when i was a little kid- i can't have anything because someone will destroy it in a fit of anger. tears. or hit me in a rage- or say negative things about the way i am that i hate also but can't change.
Then the disability lowest amount ever heard of- makes therapy so hard to afford- i hope my h never cancels me from his insurance- he doesn't agree with therapy- thinks i have demons- not DID.
won't pay for therapy mostly- never at all.i hate how no one appreciates me or wants me . my life is so painful that it doesn't make sense to go on with being so in pain and feeling like such a jerk. someone who everyone wants to abuse- and put me in more pain than i already am.
i tried EVERYTHING to get better- paying my entire payck so many times for t that didn't work. now i keep looking for t to the disagreement and non support of my h and friends and family.
tears,
kerria
money is a bad problem because it makes t possible but the pain and self- hatred is worse- and the sx of not communicationg with parts that make me a failure in everything- i'm not succeeding with anything. It's too much struggle, i feel so hurt by the people at that forum who hurt me- ganged up on me for no reason. tears . i thought they were my friends.It's so hard to share at online support groups- i always hate what i write and so so many others hate what i write too. Then they hurt me so much . i hate being like this and needing support. No one understands or can help and i always end up being so hurt. Then i have no one to go to at all.
Posted by muffled on November 10, 2006, at 14:27:06
In reply to Re: my friends jumped me :( » Phillipa, posted by kerria on November 10, 2006, at 8:35:03
And I'm so thrilled that you have been able to try another T! Thats good. How did you find this T? I hope it works out. If not, keep trying.
Sorry its so hard :-(
Sometimes I get so lost and confused. I can't even begin to imagine your chaos.
Its nice to see you posting.
Take care,
Muffled
Posted by rs on November 10, 2006, at 15:26:17
In reply to Re: my friends jumped me :( » Phillipa, posted by kerria on November 10, 2006, at 8:35:03
I know I do not post here often. Honestly not sure why.
What I am going to say might get me to never be able to get comfortable to post.
First of all please everyone forgive me. I really am a nice caring person. Some people know me here and I feel that think that of me.
kerria I am a member at that forum. I am hurt with what your saying about everyone. Not a singel person was doing that. They have always supported you with caring. How many times did you not take anyones advice etc? Yes some were frustarated with your responses. No matter what wasa said they were wrong.
I am sorry. But I cannot see you bashing them all like you are here.
To all of you I am sorry and do not post because I feel like I would be jumping in on people conversations. I will not post again about this. I just need to do this.
You are all wonderful caring people here.
Caring thoughts to all of you and you also kerria. I am sorry that you feel like you do. But please do not bash all of them.
Posted by kerria on November 10, 2006, at 15:57:50
In reply to Well, I'm not rejecting you Kerria, » kerria, posted by muffled on November 10, 2006, at 14:27:06
Hi Muffled.
i didn't try another T.
i have an appt on Monday. It's actually a dr who's in training. There's a very limited amount of t visits- 40 per year and i still have more left- it's from my h's insurance.
Hopefully it will work out- it's hard to leave T - i'm not leaving him for sure- just seeing the new one next week. One visit.
Why would disability be so unfair?
$115. is barely one visit per month. i thought that i'd be able to go to t twice a week- maybe then i can actually get better or at least be able to function better than now. Everyone is always angry with me about things i don't remember doing or can't help.
i'm so depressed about everything.i can't get over what happened. It was a part of my day to go there- all the people in the world that i confided in are there. It hurts so much that the administration allowed it to happen to me- here people have to at least be civil- there's its so weird- you never know when people will start posting to each other and make up a story that has nothing to do with you and before you know it- you can't defend yourself - they brought all these ugly lies in and part- truths- things i hate about myself. it puts me in such a bad placee- i feel like hurting myself because i can't change and am too frustrated to go on.After reading what they said i hated myself so much.
Now they're saying that they were so mean because i reminded them of someone else. Why did they allow that to happen to me? i kept saying "What if this was YOU? how would YOU feel if someone said that to you? No one cares.
Muffled- i think i'm not doing well enough for support groups- it's so hard to even see my writing.
i wish there were an answer - ssomeone who could help me. i wish i could get out of life and fix everything about myself so i didn't have to mess up my family. everything's too hard,Today i got to work three hours late- left an hour early to go to lawyer's to contest the small amount they want to give me- i was too late for the appt - cancelled-he just talked on the phone- i can't function- i lose too much time. Things like going to the lawyer's scare me so much. i struggle to work- it's not worth it at all-. i have to go bankrupt- i can't afford to pay bills. i totally forgot to say that when i called him. He said just try to find out why amount is so low. i have to take time off from work to ask SS why . If i ever can get there.
kerria
Posted by Phillipa on November 10, 2006, at 18:21:10
In reply to Re: Well, I'm not rejecting you Kerria, » muffled, posted by kerria on November 10, 2006, at 15:57:50
Kerria I don't know what you work as, how old you are, how many years you've worked, as Disability payments are based on past salary. See I didn't work for over 20years as I was a housewife. Then nursing pretty good salary. And for l5 years. Oh a few parttime in high school secretarial. But on that I get $850/month. Not enough with meds, docs, and all my living expenses to even consider seeing a therapist weekly. Are there no agencies that work on a sliding scale based on your Disability? Can you not call them on the phone, have them do a search on salary and years worked or do you have to present identification first? Love Phillipa
Posted by Lindenblüte on November 11, 2006, at 0:06:32
In reply to Re: Well, I'm not rejecting you Kerria, » muffled, posted by kerria on November 10, 2006, at 15:57:50
Hi kerria,
I'm sorry that you are hurting so bad. That sounds like so much to deal with all at once.When I had my first phone conversation with my new T, she told me her rate per hour, and that on my insurance plan, I would have 25 sessions this policy year and a 35$ copay. I wanted to see her twice a week.
She asked me if that was a good rate- would I be able to afford regular therapy?
I think it's a good policy for the therapist to ask, especially knowing that so many of us are vulnerable and bad at asking for what we need.
Kerria, what do you think you need- twice a week? And you have 115 dollars a month for this, and can you contribute anything else? then present this to your new doctor, and then ask about what the options are.
Anyways, sorry you're hurting- it's so difficult when the body gets confused between current pain, pain in the past, and pain in the mind.
take good care of yourself, okay?
-Li
Posted by kerria on November 11, 2006, at 14:45:21
In reply to Re: my friends jumped me :(, posted by rs on November 10, 2006, at 15:26:17
rc- thank you for writing.
What advice did i not take?
i took Every single person'd advice that i could possibly take- i have done very thing that i can. The only thing i didn't do was leave my h.
That's a big decision- i have to think about it some more- if it's ok. You can understand, no?i Never said one negative thing to any one at that forum ANY TIME EVER.
i Never sarcastically said "Pass the whine and the cheeze"- hey- i dislike my parts also and i hear enough -- TOO MUCH of that inside of me already- which is why i was so so hurt by the comments of those that wished me well besides those that couldn't give a d---. Even they said themselves that they were taking out their anger on a quality that someone else had- and another person said "I don't even know why i said what i said to her." No one could explain- they all just jumped me.
i am and have been a worse mess than ever- since last week i can't do anything- i'm trying to change Ts- THEIR ADVICE- my appt s on monday. i lose so much time i might lose my job- the place - the only place where a part lives. i haven't been able to hike- leave the house almost at all.
The worst thing that it did when they gave me all the critical remarks about how frustrated they were about me (i am MORE FRUSTRATED THAN you can imagine about myself ALSO) is incease the inside- inner conflict amoung parts so i can't stand to live with myself- i keep sabotaging and part sabotage everything i attempt to do and all my relationships.
Now i even lost my cat- who is a comfort to my littles we can't do without.
tears.
i wish i wasn't so hurt and damaged because i love my friends there- mostly everyone that said negative things i though was my friend.
i took all their advice- i don't know what advice you mean and what advice that they mean that i didn't take.
What is the advice that i didn't take that warrented them to say the mean things to me and made my life a living hell because all the conflict and no friends online or irl?
tears,
kerria===please tell me what it is - i'll do it.
See if it makes a difference and they will say they're sorry for attacking me.
Posted by kerria on November 11, 2006, at 14:53:41
In reply to Re: my friends jumped me :(, posted by rs on November 10, 2006, at 15:26:17
Please don't accuse me of bashing anyone- i was as shocked as they were - i thought they were my friends- i never bash my friends.
The lie was that i don't take anyone's advice- i take everyone's advice- it's a bashing statement.
The thread was about my disability that came through was too low to afford treatment.
What does this have to do with taking advice anyways?It was brought up for the purpose of hurting me- not everyone but some that hurt me- my real friends were as disturbed by what happened as i am - what if the exact thing happened to you- it could? RS- how would you feel if you had conflict inside like i do and no supportive h and no supportive T and they attacked you? wouldn't it feel hurtful to you?
i love my friends- i am so hurt and not only hurt- i'm a terrible terrible mess inside because all my parts agree with the hegative things against me-- tears, i can't live with myself.
tears,
kerria
Posted by Lindenblüte on November 11, 2006, at 14:57:50
In reply to Re: Well, I'm not rejecting you Kerria, » kerria, posted by Lindenblüte on November 11, 2006, at 0:06:32
Hi Kerria,
don't take all the advice that your friends give you. Sometimes people give bad advice. I have a reputation among my college friends for giving terrible advice. The hilarious thing is that they still come to me for advice. Why? Because my advice is SO bad, that by the time they finish telling my why my advice is bad, they have actually figured out a lot of the problem in the first place.Do you have anyone right now who is keeping you safe? Is your husband someone who you can get comfort from?
I'm so sorry everything is messed up right now. I hope you can weather the storm and stay connected to the things that matter most to you. It's hard to make connections to online folks- you have to trust so much and the more you trust, the more vulnerable you may feel. I hope you will start feeling stronger soon.
You've been through the hardest part, Kerria. These words are things that hurt, but they cannot abuse you. You've survived the worst- and done the best you could. I hope you can move away from the hurting places and move towards a place where you feel comforted and soothed.
-Li
Posted by Lindenblüte on November 11, 2006, at 15:06:56
In reply to rs- i didn't bash anyone - i was bashed. » rs, posted by kerria on November 11, 2006, at 14:53:41
Sometimes even our friends and loved ones say things that hurt us. Maybe they mean well, kind of like a mother who has to clean her child's scrape with peroxide. She does this, knowing that it will sting and burn, but out of love nonetheless.
And sometimes our friends don't know us well enough to know what hurts and what is okay.
Sometimes they are being careless, and forgetful.
Sometimes even our best friends will strike out deliberately- not because they want to inflict damage on us, but because they are hurting SO bad themselves that they don't know any other way to express it than by spreading the pain.
Try to remember that you love your friends, Kerria, and that those deep bonds are stronger than a single conversation. Try to remember the history and the feelings, and when your hurt has subdued a litte, you may be able to understand what happened in a different way.
-Li
oh- you may want to be careful of civility guidelines if you start referring to a particular person who has hurt you, but may be a part of the psycho-babble community. please take care of you, Kerria, try to get some rest and reach out for some comfort in your surroundings.
Posted by kerria on November 11, 2006, at 15:26:31
In reply to Re: my friends jumped me :(, posted by rs on November 10, 2006, at 15:26:17
RS- Haven't i always been a caring person to every person without exception?
When have i not cared about someone- whether they took my advice or not?
i have always cared and not said i was frustrated with anyone. i have always supported - always. i have never bashed you- i don't even know who you are but i would feel so hurt for you if what happened to me happed to you or to anyone else. i have never been a part of that kind of sarcastic posting to anyone in any forum- ask people here if i have been caring with all of my words.
Why do you say that i'm not caring?
i never thought a negative thing about anyone and people attacked me because they were frustrated with me.i'm frustrated with myself enough. and i am a caring person to others- it's myself and parts that there's so much conflict with- that thread made it so unbelievable worse- and now you try to criticize again. It hurts so much. If you were me you would know.
Please write to then and say how hurt their words made me, thanks, and also that my cat is gone so my littles are a mess- you know how hard it is when your pet that you love is lost- it feels so so bad.
Thanks so much,
kerria
Posted by kerria on November 11, 2006, at 17:47:28
In reply to Re: Well, I'm not rejecting you Kerria, » Lindenblüte, posted by Lindenblüte on November 11, 2006, at 14:57:50
Thank you for not rejecting me Li - and your comforting words. Not everyone at the other forum was involved- but mostly everyone- i found that i had some friends who were also upset about what happened.
The problem is inside me- that's why it hurts so much- it's so hard to live in so much confusion and pain. people are angry if i just say that because it sounds like i'm comparing with everyone else and saying that i think that i'm having the worst time compared to everyone else. Whatever i say is misinterpreted to mean something i didn't intend- or maybe a part did intend and i couldn't help it. Then i say i'm ssssorry- but no one hears. They say i don't take responsibility over what my parts say- then i say i'm sorry again - it isn't heard again.
it's so unbelievable- people are so frustrated with me- what if they WERE me and had to live with me 24/7?
i wish there were someone to help- to make it all better- the forum is a support group i had some friends - it made life so much more possible but then so many people became so frustrated with me (i am frustrated too)
i wish someone could make it all better- i need a healing- hearing all the attacks was too triggering and we're hurt already.The thing about taking advice - i DO take it- some parts don't- we're all split in everything and i can't do any more than we're already doing to get better and the struggle is too hard already. T thought i should think about hospital maybe even. i'm such a separated mess.
Why do you think that someone would follow me here to write that me saying i was hurt was hurting her?
my gosh!
Why is he or she trying to tell me that i don't feel hurt by what happened? i should know- that's why i came for support here. i feel so bad that i don't know what to do.
Things aren't so easy at home - either. and we're so so frantically worried about my cat- my closest accepting loving friend. i need her so much to come home. tears.
Thank you Li for writing to me, not rejecting me.Take care,
kerria
Posted by kerria on November 11, 2006, at 17:55:10
In reply to Re: Well, I'm not rejecting you Kerria, » kerria, posted by Phillipa on November 10, 2006, at 18:21:10
Thank you Phillipa for not rejecting me.
The lawyer said to go to disability because he doesn't know why it should be so low. i was a stay at home mom for a while too. After i had a job i was struggling with the disability- though i didn't know what it was.
Still $115 a month is lower than anyone and i can't go the t twice a week- the only reason that i applied. i need help- we're too much a mess inside- need to function - family- marriage , life falling apart.Thank you Phillipa for being so accepting always. You're a very cool person,
kerria
Posted by kerria on November 11, 2006, at 18:03:44
In reply to Well, I'm not rejecting you Kerria, » kerria, posted by muffled on November 10, 2006, at 14:27:06
Thank you Muffled for being so nice to me.
i found the new T at the hospital where i see my T- this is a new dr to the trauma program- not that new- but new and in school still i think.
i hope that it works out- i'm so afraid to go- i had to switch to another part to call him. My T doesn't know but we talked a lot about it- getting another T-.i'm very afraid of going- i hope that i can.
That is taking advice of some people on the forum- changing Ts. Everyone doesn't know that i am taking their advice.Thank you Muffled.
Do you see your T once or twice a week?
Take care,
kerria
Posted by rs on November 11, 2006, at 23:10:43
In reply to rs- i didn't bash anyone - i was bashed. » rs, posted by kerria on November 11, 2006, at 14:53:41
Kerria and everyone here I will not post again and if I came across wrong I am sorry.
I care kerria and will not post again.
Caring thoughts.
I am sorry to all of you.
Posted by ClearSkies on November 11, 2006, at 23:28:56
In reply to Re: Well, I'm not rejecting you Kerria, » Lindenblüte, posted by kerria on November 11, 2006, at 17:47:28
Me neither Kerria. No judgement.
No real understanding either of your parts and how they go in different directions leaving you to deal with all the feelings and the aftereffects of those feelings.I had trouble at another forum where I was uncomfortable to begin with, and then I made a comment on a subject that was apparently not politically correct, and my entire thread went POOF! This single act without any benefit for me to defend myself, just shattered me.
I had been posting there long enough except to meet a few regular contributors, but no one with whom I stay in contact off the boards.
I was puzzled and confused by the quick and undoable act that (to me) invalidated everything I had expressed. I left quite bitter and didn't even try to take a second look to see what it was about theforum that upset me so. Funny things trigger me badly: emoticons (except those made by punctuation; avatars annoy me to no end. And any animation means I probably won't read any of the poster's contributions.
So I'm back where I fee safe. Civility are broad in nature because of the number of boards it has to emcompass.
I'm sorry you feel so badly and have tears. I have been down that road, Kerria, to have felt a sudden change of heart to one that it intolerable.
It's best to move on, T-wise, or at least explore some of your other possibilities for treatment.
At the very least, keep a daily journal chronically your mood states during the course of day. Try to make it a daily habit for six weeks, and it doesn't matter what you write or for how long the journal entry is. I call it my worry borad, my to do list, my accomplishments, the whole bag good and not so good.
SD I read your thread with comcern and care about you. Although I have not been in a similar situation with a health care giver, it is hard for me to imgaine except in many "what if?" scenarios.
Let it go, Let if go, if you cna. Designate a space for journal entry, a quiet place of solitude and uninterrupted time. That wll lesson your anxiety in making the writing at all.
ClearSkies
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