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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Daisym on October 2, 2006, at 23:42:53
Last Thursday, my therapist said he wished good things for me. He wanted me to have sweet things in my life - things that made me smile. He said that at the end of the session, sort of out of nowhere.
I asked him today where that came from. He said he suddenly felt it - deeply felt from his heart that he wanted me to be happy. And he wanted me to know that he wanted that for me. But he said he did wondered afterward if it would freak me out and if I would take it to mean he wished I would hurry up and be done with therapy.
Actually I thought about it a bunch of ways. It touched me but it made me sad too. I felt his caring, but it also seemed clear that he doesn't think of himself when he thinks of good things in my life. At least not like I do. I know what he meant. I just have a hard time seeing myself trusting anyone like I trust him. Or wanting to. He said he thinks that will change - maybe very slowly - but eventually. For now he'd just like to see me work less and play more. I told him I don't know how to play anymore -- everything feels so serious. He said we could work on that too - he is going to give me homework - a prescription to play. I said it sounds dangerous. He grinned - and said, "good."
I miss him tonight. First time in weeks I've felt this sort of tender sadness after a session. Geez, I'm not happy when I'm not connected to him...and now, what? I'm not happy being connected either? *sigh* Therapy is so hard.
Posted by madeline on October 3, 2006, at 6:03:35
In reply to I don't know what I want, posted by Daisym on October 2, 2006, at 23:42:53
Daisy,
I hear you that therapy is hard. I had one of those sessions yesterday that just left me emotionally "gone".
I don't know if this will work for you, but lately I've just relaxed against my relationship with my therapist - it is what it is. Sometimes I get really scared, sometimes I feel completely loved, sometimes completely abandoned.
But I can trust that neither the good stuff nor the bad stuff will last. In that way it is like a glimmer of a real relationship. It has ups and downs and in betweens and that's tough.
Yesterday, I quoted an emily dickinson poem about hope during my session and my therapist I swear started to cry. He didn't want me to leave. I, on the other hand, couldn't wait to get out of there ;).
Just in case you are curious the stanza in the poem is as follows:
Hope is the thing with feathers
that perches in the soul
and sings the tune -- without the words
and never stops at all
Take care
Maddie
Posted by Fallsfall on October 3, 2006, at 8:42:27
In reply to I don't know what I want, posted by Daisym on October 2, 2006, at 23:42:53
That tender sadness can actually feel good. For me, it means that there is real caring going on. When I can enjoy that caring, it makes it easier to be patient for the next time I'll see him. I'm not good at being patient, but I can do it once in a while...
Posted by annierose on October 3, 2006, at 12:07:36
In reply to I don't know what I want, posted by Daisym on October 2, 2006, at 23:42:53
Sigh.
He wants only good things for Daisy. He wishes he had a magic wand to help bring about a brighter tomorrow.
I would love to know what you are going to do for your homework. Prescription for fun --- so many different opportunties. What did you decide to do?
I'm glad you feel connected again.
Posted by pegasus on October 3, 2006, at 12:20:41
In reply to I don't know what I want, posted by Daisym on October 2, 2006, at 23:42:53
I'm sorry it's hard, Daisy. I wish good things for you, too.
My thoughts about the T relationship recently are along the lines of how maybe it's so painful because it's invoking a fundamental human need (for attachment) in a way that we weren't really designed for. We're designed to attach to our completely caring, ever present, protective and nurturing mothers. Instead, if we're lucky, we attach to an intermittently there, boundaried, etc therapist. Of course it's confusing. It's good and helpful, but also we naturally want something quite different - both more than we get, and less than we get in various ways. I wonder if it would be more healing to actually get another chance at having a motherlike caregiver. I'm thinking probably not, at least once we're adults.
I hope you can sometimes feel the beauty of your tender heart, along with the pain of it.
((daisy))
p
Posted by Dinah on October 3, 2006, at 16:28:25
In reply to I don't know what I want, posted by Daisym on October 2, 2006, at 23:42:53
I think I'm kind of happy when I leave a session already missing my therapist. It generally means that something special happened, and I'd like it to happen again.
Of course, it generally doesn't, at least not right away. :)
But that's therapy.
I asked for a hug today, and got one, and wondered again why I ever ask since being emotionally held is so much more satisfying. Hope must spring eternal that it will be even more satisfying. :)
Posted by LadyBug on October 3, 2006, at 17:01:40
In reply to I don't know what I want, posted by Daisym on October 2, 2006, at 23:42:53
Oh how I relate. I wish I could pin point the "real" feelings. It doesn't feel good. Therapy is so hard. And your T is so good. He reminds me so much of my T. in the things he says to you. I hope you figure out what you're feeling and that you can continue to talk it through with him.
This is the end of the thread.
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