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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 23 of 23. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sunnydays on September 30, 2006, at 20:21:47
Do any of you ever want to hug your Ts? Sometimes I really want a hug from him, I feel so sad and just wish he would give me a hug. I've never talked to him about it, and I don't know if he would or not. He talks so gently to me though when I'm sad. Do any of your Ts allow hugs?
sunnydays
Posted by TherapyGirl on September 30, 2006, at 20:45:30
In reply to T's and hugging, posted by sunnydays on September 30, 2006, at 20:21:47
Mine does, but she has looser boundaries than some of the Babbler's Ts. It works for me, though. Of course, it took YEARS (probably 6-8) for me to ask her. Now she hugs me once at the end of every session and she sits beside me and holds me as needed (but I have to ask first).
Posted by bottomfeeder on September 30, 2006, at 20:54:45
In reply to T's and hugging, posted by sunnydays on September 30, 2006, at 20:21:47
> Do any of you ever want to hug your Ts? Sometimes I really want a hug from him, I feel so sad and just wish he would give me a hug. I've never talked to him about it, and I don't know if he would or not. He talks so gently to me though when I'm sad. Do any of your Ts allow hugs?
>
> sunnydaysI would love a hug from my T, but I've never asked. I don't know if she would and I can't see myself ever having the courage to talk about it. I sure would like to know though. Hopefully you are braver than I am and can ask. Good luck SD!
Posted by muffled on September 30, 2006, at 22:09:59
In reply to Re: T's and hugging, posted by bottomfeeder on September 30, 2006, at 20:54:45
My T will hug, but it just felt weird mostly.
Posted by Emily Elizabeth on September 30, 2006, at 22:52:11
In reply to Re: T's and hugging, posted by muffled on September 30, 2006, at 22:09:59
After I had been seeing her for about 5 yrs 2x/week, my T said to me, "Sometimes I just feel like I want to give you a hug. Can I give you a hug?" OMG! Yes! I never even thought about asking b/c I didn't think she would.
Now she will offer or I will ask after a hard session. It is really a special thing for me. I remember her hugs when I feel alone or scared.
Best,
EE
Posted by Racer on September 30, 2006, at 23:03:36
In reply to Re: T's and hugging, posted by Emily Elizabeth on September 30, 2006, at 22:52:11
My T -- I hope, I so profoundly hope -- wouldn't hug. My marriage counselor will pat/rub my shoulder, which makes me cringe -- I do NOT like that, and work at avoiding it when she does it.
There are a lot of times I crave that sort of contact, but I also shrink from it. Go figure -- guess I'm nuts, huh?
Posted by LadyBug on September 30, 2006, at 23:44:21
In reply to T's and hugging, posted by sunnydays on September 30, 2006, at 20:21:47
No Way will my T hug me!! And there's been plenty of times I've needed one. In the beginning, she let me give her a hug once or twice, but we talked about it later. They are a boundary breaker. Dang, she offered a hand shake instead...........no thanks!!! I think a hug would be ok on ocassion, but that's a no for me. She said on our very last visit we could hug for as long as we want. Who wants to wait till then? I've just aceppted this boundary.
Posted by kerria on October 1, 2006, at 1:36:17
In reply to T's and hugging, posted by sunnydays on September 30, 2006, at 20:21:47
no.
Posted by frida on October 1, 2006, at 2:30:33
In reply to Re: T's and hugging » sunnydays, posted by kerria on October 1, 2006, at 1:36:17
For me ..a hug breaks through my wall and defenses and allows me to let go... but I can't ask my T because I fear so much being rejected.
She held me a few times in 6 years...
In those times it was her who reached out...it was always in very difficult sessions in which I made some kind of progress..or when I could allow myself to cry. Now it's been a while since she last did that, some months, and I miss that so much. Sometimes just having her rub my arm when I'm at the door about to leave, brings me tears.
The times she did hug me, were so so healing to me. One day I was crying (one of the few times I've cried in T) and she came over and stroke my hair and then held me. I cried with all of me as never before and never again.
She does sometimes reach out a little more after my session, she sometimes touches my arm or back and that means a lot to me.
It's scary for me to ask because I am afraid of being rejected...this way I know she might hug me if she considers it right...and I can hope...that someday she'll hug me again...it's painful though, to have this need.Frida
Posted by Gee on October 1, 2006, at 10:05:01
In reply to Re: T's and hugging » kerria, posted by frida on October 1, 2006, at 2:30:33
One of my t's would hug. Everytime after I see her now she'll give me a hug. Sometimes before we even start. But I guess our relationship is a lot different than most people and their t's. She's way more of a friend. I know I could call her from anywhere and she would be there in a second. She might be coming to where I am for a weekend, and we're going to hang. We're both hoping it works out.
Posted by Dinah on October 1, 2006, at 10:24:39
In reply to Re: T's and hugging, posted by Racer on September 30, 2006, at 23:03:36
I don't like to be touched. It took me well over five years before I wished any contact at all. Then I'd just ask for a handshake on rare occasion.
At about eight or nine years, I started talking about hug issues on Babble, making clear that I wasn't talking about me. He was careful, realizing that I could be talking about me. At ten years I asked for a hug. I asked him if he wanted to discuss the reason. He said after ten years, just asking was a good enough reason. I've had less than a handful since then, and once was his hugging me when he saw me for the first time after Katrina where he was staying in his city of evacuation, and once was when I was in strong hsyterics because he was moving. And boy, that time was a story. We'd been in the city for a day, and we hadn't run the water yet, it was steaming hot and no way to bathe, but we'd arranged a session before we went back to our evacuation city. I stunk to high heaven. And as I sobbed and heaved and he sat with his arm around me, I kept wailing between gasps that "I smeeelllllll". Which I really really did.
Posted by sunnydays on October 1, 2006, at 12:40:27
In reply to Re: T's and hugging » sunnydays, posted by TherapyGirl on September 30, 2006, at 20:45:30
I would love it if he would sit next to me and hold me, but I'm not sure I could ever ask for it. And I'm not sure if I actually would want that. It's probably a more pleasant thought than it would be in reality. I'd probably get scared.
sunnydays
Posted by sunnydays on October 1, 2006, at 12:41:42
In reply to Re: T's and hugging, posted by bottomfeeder on September 30, 2006, at 20:54:45
I don't think I could ask for a hug. I may ask him what he would do if I wanted one. Part of it is that I'm not sure I do want one because it might scare me more. I don't want to make a mistake and do something that would increase my fear more than it already is. So I don't think I'm ready to ask for one yet.
sunnydays
Posted by sunnydays on October 1, 2006, at 12:42:16
In reply to Re: T's and hugging, posted by muffled on September 30, 2006, at 22:09:59
Yeah I'm worried about it being weird. Thanks for replying.
sunnydays
Posted by sunnydays on October 1, 2006, at 12:43:21
In reply to Re: T's and hugging, posted by Emily Elizabeth on September 30, 2006, at 22:52:11
That would be the best, if he asked me. But I don't know that he would, especially with the stuff we're working on right now. It probably actually wouldn't be a good idea, thinking about it realistically and not from the little kid part of me that just wants a hug to make it all better.
sunnydays
Posted by sunnydays on October 1, 2006, at 12:44:33
In reply to Re: T's and hugging, posted by Racer on September 30, 2006, at 23:03:36
Not nuts at all! I sometimes crave a hug when I'm upset, but then if someone does touch me, I'll shrug them off and stiffen and not really want to be touched after all. So I'm not sure a hug from my T would be so great after all.
sunnydays
Posted by sunnydays on October 1, 2006, at 12:45:46
In reply to Re: T's and hugging, posted by LadyBug on September 30, 2006, at 23:44:21
Yeah, I'm not sure if my T would, especially with what we've been working on. It sounds like it's been kind of hard for you having the boundaries change. I would probably freak if the boundaries changed, so it's probably best not change them and even ask for a hug.
sunnydays
Posted by sunnydays on October 1, 2006, at 12:46:10
In reply to Re: T's and hugging » sunnydays, posted by kerria on October 1, 2006, at 1:36:17
Posted by sunnydays on October 1, 2006, at 12:47:56
In reply to Re: T's and hugging » kerria, posted by frida on October 1, 2006, at 2:30:33
Wow, that sounds really powerful. That's kind of what I want, is for my T to hug me when I'm crying. The problem is I never cry, which is a whole other story... I really wish I knew how to feel feelings when I'm there. But we're working on it, and it'll come when it comes. Thanks for replying frida.
sunnydays
Posted by sunnydays on October 1, 2006, at 12:49:03
In reply to Re: T's and hugging, posted by Gee on October 1, 2006, at 10:05:01
She's your T and she's going to hang out with you socially? Yeah, I think that's a little different than most people's relationships with their T's. But if it helps you, I guess it would be alright.
sunnydays
Posted by sunnydays on October 1, 2006, at 12:50:29
In reply to Re: T's and hugging » Racer, posted by Dinah on October 1, 2006, at 10:24:39
Wow, that must have made you feel so accepted that he was willing to hug you even though you smelled. I don't think I'm going to ask for a hug right now, because I'm really not sure I want one. It's more of a thought that might be nicer as a thought than in reality.
sunnydays
Posted by zenhussy on October 2, 2006, at 10:48:25
In reply to T's and hugging, posted by sunnydays on September 30, 2006, at 20:21:47
Posted by cassie17 on November 14, 2006, at 14:04:59
In reply to T's and hugging, posted by sunnydays on September 30, 2006, at 20:21:47
Being hugged or held by my T is commonplace when I've been upset, and now that I only see her a few times a year we always hug hello and goodbye.
This is the end of the thread.
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