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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 5 to 29 of 29. Go back in thread:
Posted by Tamar on June 18, 2005, at 12:35:03
In reply to 10derHeart, posted by Dinah on June 18, 2005, at 0:16:46
> That was a fabulous idea, about Babblers writing a book about terminations.
>
> The ones written by the professionals seem to miss the mark. A lot.I second that! It's a brilliant idea. I wonder who would publish it... I'm sure there's a market, so it shouldn't be difficult to find a publisher. Maybe it could be an edited collection of people's stories. Or it could juxtapose people's stories with discussions of theory. Or something else entirely!
What do you think 10der?
Posted by Daisym on June 18, 2005, at 13:13:38
In reply to Re: 10derHeart, posted by Tamar on June 18, 2005, at 12:35:03
I'm sure I spelled her name wrong but I'm at work and can't look it up.
Anyway, my point is, maybe we can ask her how we can combine our "wisdom" and get this thing out there.
Just a thought...
And I also happen to know that we have a couple of "professional" writers who hang out here and THEY know who they are...
Posted by pegasus on June 18, 2005, at 14:42:05
In reply to Re: 10derHeart, posted by Tamar on June 18, 2005, at 12:35:03
Oh, yes, definitely this is a good idea. I like the idea of juxtaposing our personal termination stories with literature about termination. Especially if we can develop a framework for it that presents some specific ideas about how to make a good termination, and how not to.
I haven't really found much in the professional literature about termination anyway. Have any of you? It seems like there are just brief references to it. Usually just mentioning how one shouldn't abandon one's clients.
pegasus
Posted by Dinah on June 18, 2005, at 14:57:49
In reply to Re: 10derHeart, posted by pegasus on June 18, 2005, at 14:42:05
I've tried to cumulate all the books I can find on termination, regardless of orientation.
I still haven't found one that really expresses the reality of it. Therapists are so lucky to think that their version of reality is true.
Posted by gardenergirl on June 18, 2005, at 18:31:20
In reply to Re: 10derHeart » pegasus, posted by Dinah on June 18, 2005, at 14:57:49
I did a tiny bit of research about termination for a paper a few years ago. There is some stuff out there, usually in the psychodynamic arena.
I can definitely see the benefit of a book styled similar to Lock's but perhaps with more stories? When I get my dissertation on track, I would love to participate.
gg
Posted by 10derHeart on June 19, 2005, at 18:33:16
In reply to Aren't we going to have access to Ms. Lock?, posted by Daisym on June 18, 2005, at 13:13:38
> I'm sure I spelled her name wrong but I'm at work and can't look it up.
It's Lott. If you ever want to look quickly, it's at the top of this board, since hers is our very favorite book...:-)
> Anyway, my point is, maybe we can ask her how we can combine our "wisdom" and get this thing out there.Yup. I was thinking of that, too. But, I'm guessing if she's a guest here the last part of July, I am going to be visiting a friend where's I'll have severly limited access to Babble, and I may miss the whole thing :-( (Hope not, but it happened with the Babble party, and so I might plan for the worst and hope for the best on this one.) Worse, I'll bet I would be too anxious and timid to write such a post to her. Being afraid of sounding stupid is HUGE for me - and lately it's been really bad. Hopefully, someone else could, though...?
> And I also happen to know that we have a couple of "professional" writers who hang out here and THEY know who they are...Ooo...hope they identify themselves. Their input would be invaluable! I think I can sustain my interest, drive and encourage others to share stories (barring any deep depressions), but all the surrounding stuff...I have no clue about.
Thanks for replying to this, Daisy. I know this topic cannot be something you personally want to delve into very often, for very good and understandable reasons. Just shows once again how much you care about others.
Not to mention...you and everyone else on this thread are making me feel like someone, who has a good idea, that real people, good, smart people, really care about and see as at least possible.....*that* is mind-boggling to me, to where I almost don't believe it. Like part of me is holding my breath, waiting for the, "okay, we were just kidding. that's stupid and who do you think *you* are to mention ideas like that...." Blah, blah, blah.
My reactions to this may have to be brought up in therapy....
Posted by 10derHeart on June 19, 2005, at 18:34:21
In reply to Re: Aren't we going to have access to Ms. Lock? » Daisym, posted by 10derHeart on June 19, 2005, at 18:33:16
Posted by sunny10 on June 20, 2005, at 12:34:54
In reply to Re: Aren't we going to have access to Ms. Lock? » Daisym, posted by 10derHeart on June 19, 2005, at 18:33:16
I had the first appt, hour long, with my new pdoc last week. She will mostly be doing 15 min med checks, but she was pretty thorough while gathering info.
One of the questions she asked me is whether I "ever actually completed a full course of therapy".
It hit me out of the blue. No therapist had ever let on that there was a set "flow" or "course" that we would be going through together. All my T's always just prompted me to talk, nodded their heads, asked questions about how I "felt while talking", et cetera, until I basically just bored us both to death and we agreed to stop treatment.
Of course, talking about how my coping skills got me through the week got me nowhere. I am mainly just exhausted all the time from pretending to be fine with everything.
I thought "termination" was just a fancy phrase for agreeing not to see each other anymore.
Are there really supposed to be set goals and objectives? And were the T's supposed to let me know this?!?! If I actually "accomplished something", it would be nice to know. Self-esteem boosting if nothing else!
I feel cheated....
Posted by pinkeye on June 20, 2005, at 18:31:11
In reply to 10derHeart, posted by Dinah on June 18, 2005, at 0:16:46
I don't know if publishing a book is possible with several authors, so how about starting a blog where we can write our experiences? Maybe Dr Bob can open one and give us access?
Posted by Dinah on June 20, 2005, at 19:23:40
In reply to how about starting a blog for termination? » Dinah, posted by pinkeye on June 20, 2005, at 18:31:11
It wouldn't need to have several authors. Just several contributors. :)
Posted by 10derHeart on June 20, 2005, at 21:08:52
In reply to Re: how about starting a blog for termination? » pinkeye, posted by Dinah on June 20, 2005, at 19:23:40
Wireless 'net works at my hotel and is not too expensive. Woo-hoo!
> It wouldn't need to have several authors. Just several contributors. :)
Right. Like Ms. Lott's book and many others that are collections of case studies, and/or stories about a specific thing...
I think it would be quite a project, but isn't impossible. For right now, maybe we can just stay open to any and all possibilities. Like kind of a "dream big" thing...
But Pinkeye, I very much like the blog idea anyway. It could be a handy repository for termination stories whenever a new person feels like writing one there. Unless it would become DB's *property* or something at that point.... I am totally ignorant on those kinds of things.
Let's just try to keep the idea alive anyway...which y'all are doing already.. :-)
Posted by Jazzed on June 21, 2005, at 7:41:56
In reply to Re: how about starting a blog for termination? » Dinah, posted by 10derHeart on June 20, 2005, at 21:08:52
Hey 10der! How ya doing? Glad you're able to keep in touch!
Jazzy
Posted by Tamar on June 21, 2005, at 8:40:03
In reply to 10derHeart, posted by Dinah on June 18, 2005, at 0:16:46
I was thinking about this again and wondering if it might be an interesting idea to involve a psychology professional/academic in it so that it could be a collaboration/discussion between theory and praxis. And maybe if we found the right person it could be co-edited by him/her and a non-professional.
But maybe that would make it less appealing to the client market. And maybe a psychology professional/academic wouldn’t have much inclination to do it unless they were going to get professional credit for it. Hmm…
Either way, I wonder if the publishers of Lott’s book might be interested in something like this.
Any comments?
Posted by Dinah on June 21, 2005, at 12:27:47
In reply to termination book, posted by Tamar on June 21, 2005, at 8:40:03
My therapist thought it was a great idea. He said that there was definitely a lack of that type of information.
I also confessed to my library of books on termination. I told him it was like watching Halloween or Alien.
Posted by messadivoce on June 21, 2005, at 17:24:10
In reply to Re: termination book, posted by Dinah on June 21, 2005, at 12:27:47
I will contribute my story in all the gory details, not one but both of my messy terminations. I would be willing to help edit. I would be willing to put my entire real name to my story. This book NEEDS to be written!!! We need to ask Ms. Lott about this!!!
Voce
Posted by Tamar on June 21, 2005, at 18:02:01
In reply to Re: termination book, posted by Dinah on June 21, 2005, at 12:27:47
> I also confessed to my library of books on termination. I told him it was like watching Halloween or Alien.ROFL! You're so funny!
Posted by messadivoce on June 21, 2005, at 19:03:46
In reply to Re: termination book » Dinah, posted by Tamar on June 21, 2005, at 18:02:01
that I'm a professional writer. I've had a few short stories published, but it's more of a hobby than anything else. But I do write a lot. Anyway, I think we should ask Ms. Lott if she thinks a book like that would be feisible.
Posted by 10derHeart on June 21, 2005, at 21:59:01
In reply to Not to infer......, posted by messadivoce on June 21, 2005, at 19:03:46
> that I'm a professional writer. I've had a few short stories published, but it's more of a hobby than anything else. But I do write a lot. Anyway, I think we should ask Ms. Lott if she thinks a book like that would be feisible.
Me, too, me too! Never hurts to ask, right?
Welcome back, you!! And...you're getting a bit predictable...I KNEW your reaction would be full of enthusiasm, cap. letters and lots of !!!!! :-)
I'm so glad I just let our anything on my mind when I posted to pinkeye (I first mentioned this in a post to her above..) - I am usually way too intimidated by all the smart folks here to put any idea like that in writing, feel too inadequate. But this time I didn't edit myself 'cause I was so caught up in the moment of answering pinkeye.....and it was okay!
Everyone has great suggestions here...it's so cool!
Published stuff? I'm even more impressed.
When's Ms Lott going to be here? Anything firmed up yet?
Posted by wheeler on June 22, 2005, at 8:05:30
In reply to termination book, posted by Tamar on June 21, 2005, at 8:40:03
I don't usually post here, although I am quite a lurker! But right now I am going through a very painful termination, and I just wanted to say what an awesome idea I think this book is.
Posted by Dinah on June 22, 2005, at 12:42:12
In reply to Re: termination book, posted by wheeler on June 22, 2005, at 8:05:30
Would it help to talk about it?
Posted by Tamar on June 22, 2005, at 15:32:37
In reply to Re: Not to infer...... » messadivoce, posted by 10derHeart on June 21, 2005, at 21:59:01
> I'm so glad I just let our anything on my mind when I posted to pinkeye (I first mentioned this in a post to her above..) - I am usually way too intimidated by all the smart folks here to put any idea like that in writing, feel too inadequate. But this time I didn't edit myself 'cause I was so caught up in the moment of answering pinkeye.....and it was okay!
Goodness - you ARE one of the smart folks! I've read hundreds of your posts, 10der, and your wisdom never fails to touch me. You have such a skilful way of articulating feelings, and you always get straight to the heart of things. So don't go putting yourself down, OK?
Hugs,
Tamar
Posted by 10derHeart on June 22, 2005, at 21:04:08
In reply to Re: termination book » wheeler, posted by Dinah on June 22, 2005, at 12:42:12
...that you felt comfortable coming out of lurking for a moment, anyway. We would be honored to listen to any part of your story, if you're up to sharing. I can't guarantee we can make it all better - no - but, we do understand and we have many caring ears to listen. I can't imagine what I would have done without Babble when I had to lose my T. last summer - it was SO hard.
It gets better. Hope you feel like sticking around.
Posted by 10derHeart on June 22, 2005, at 21:15:34
In reply to Re: Not to infer...... » 10derHeart, posted by Tamar on June 22, 2005, at 15:32:37
I'm sorry. I don't mean to whine or sound like I'm looking to be "stroked." But - maybe I am sometimes. This whole idea of sometimes feeling EXTREMELY stupid - even though for years I thought my intelligence, humor and ability with spoken and written words WERE strengths - keeps leaking out in therapy now. I don't know what changed or when. But I guess it's really a problem with me now - this sudden insecurity, feeling utterly dumb, lesser than others...it's pretty confusing.
Anyway, your words are so awesome, I will print out this post. I rarely do that, but this one is too good. Thanks for taking the time to prop me back up. (I see a mental picture of me tripping and falling on my face when Ifeel putting myself down is right.) I know it's not completely true, I just....can't accept it all the time.
Anyway, you are so steady and faithful. I have grown to cherish you (((Tamar)))
PS - Gosh, hope I haven't made 100's of posts!!! If so, I AM a chatterbox - smart or not !
Posted by Susan47 on June 22, 2005, at 22:03:13
In reply to Yes, Wheeler, so good.., posted by 10derHeart on June 22, 2005, at 21:04:08
The way I read your post the first time, it sounded like you "lost" your T because (s)he died. Then I re-read the sentence and laughed at myself, but at the same time I was thinking, but it is a death, not of the therapist, but a death of something inside me. What?
Posted by wheeler on June 23, 2005, at 8:09:37
In reply to Re: Yes, Wheeler, so good.. » 10derHeart, posted by Susan47 on June 22, 2005, at 22:03:13
Thanks so much, you guys really are amazing!
Tuesday the 28th is my last appointment and I'm still trying to understand it all. Like most of you, I have read and read and read, and intellectually I think I have a grasp, but it still hurts none-the-less.
One of my biggest problems is the anxiety I feel in between sessions and when my T goes away. I also have anxiety in my sessions and many times I struggle to talk, although sometimes I am succesfull.
I have been seeing my T for about 3 1/2 years about other non-anxity issues, (relationship problems, depression, attachment stuff...etc). Most of these issues have been addressed and resolved. However the anxiety in between and during sessions is still there.
For the past 6 - 8 months we have been working on termination and my hope was that the angst/anxiety regarding therapy would be gone, or at least diminished, but it hasn't. At this point my therapist has said that she sees no reason for me to continue as my 'real' issues have been addressed and she's done all she can with the anxiety but it looks like I just have to deal with it! She said that it appears that therapy is causing me to have anxiety so if I stop therapy my anxiety will stop.Does this seem right? I'm pretty much ok with terminating, but I don't understand how it's ok for me to leaving knowing that I'll still have anxiety/angst. I really don't want to spend another 6 months working towards termination but I'm scared of the angst.
I'm also pretty angry with my therapist about this. I feel like she's 'dumping' me.
This is the end of the thread.
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