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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by messadivoce on May 22, 2005, at 21:44:47
Obviously, some people's T's are perfect at everything. Like Daisy's......(grin)
But honestly, does anyone ever think that their T must be a perfect "fill-in-the-blank-here?" Of course this probably has everything to do with transference. For example, I am convinced that my ex T is the perfect father. He told me that he has 2 kids, 6 and 3, girl and boy. I can only think that he must be the kind of dad who will not only set up the wading pool in the backyard, but spend some time splashing around in it with the kids. The kind of dad who hugs his kids every day (especially his daughter) and takes her seriously, and listens when she talks, and thinks she's the greatest thing ever.
Hmm, I'm only talking about his daughter now. Does that give you any clue as to how I see him?
Okay, so what kind of perfect thing is your T? Perfect parent, adult child, caretaker, cook, what?
Posted by Dinah on May 22, 2005, at 21:56:04
In reply to Fill-in-the-blank perfection, posted by messadivoce on May 22, 2005, at 21:44:47
His wife was in the office once, speaking to the secretary with exasperation about one of his personal qualities that I've noticed myself. He's been clear that his daughter doesn't see him as the perfect Mommy I see him as. I know he's not the perfect therapist. He picks up every minuscule microscopic scrap of lint on the carpet, while keeping his desk (and his schedule) an unholy mess.
He's got a pretty good sized ego. He smokes cigars. He picks his nose. His shoes are too shiny for me to ever fully trust him. His hair always looks like it's just been cut. He likes money... a lot.
He's been fired more times than I'm comfortable with. He's had failed marriages.
He sometimes isn't even as perfect a therapist/mommy as I would like. He gets exasperated. He speaks without thinking. But he's a good enough therapist/mommy, and that's good enough for me.
Hmmm... He says I overvalue his interpersonal skills. And I think he's extraordinarily good at emotional holding. He *feels* just right, most of the time. He's fabulous at projecting calm and safety. So maybe I think he's better in that way than he is. But not perfect.
Posted by daisym on May 22, 2005, at 22:28:29
In reply to Nope, posted by Dinah on May 22, 2005, at 21:56:04
He's not perfect!!
He takes vacations. He doesn't work Holidays.
He doesn't know exactly how to use his cell phone.He has other clients. He refuses to get overwhelmed by my dependency needs.
He only has tissues on one side of the room. Mine!
Posted by Dinah on May 22, 2005, at 22:56:55
In reply to Nope, posted by Dinah on May 22, 2005, at 21:56:04
While he's not perfect, and I know it. And I'm not perfect, and I know it.
I may have the delusion that our therapeutic relationship is well nigh close to perfect after ten years of hard work of fighting to relationship.
Maybe that's my transference.
Posted by LadyBug on May 22, 2005, at 23:13:51
In reply to Fill-in-the-blank perfection, posted by messadivoce on May 22, 2005, at 21:44:47
I "think" my therapist is the perfect mother to her 5 children. They are all in their 20's. I think her children are all perfect as well. I think she has the perfect marriage/husband. I don't think she has any bad habits. I think she eats good food and get's a good amount of sleep and excercise. I think she's perfect. But that doesn't mean I don't get angry with her sometimes. I think she likes to spend money especially on clothes. She has to have about 5 closets full for her work!!!!! I'm sure she is the perfect friend. I'm sure she's close to a perfect therapist, but there isn't such a thing. Oh ya I'm sure it's transference, but I still believe all this about her.
I guess this was a loaded topic for me tonight. I'm disappointed with her right now!!!!!
I just want to be her little girl and have her take care of me the way I think she could. I'd like to go to her house and hang out and just watch her!!!! Dream on!!! The perfect dream.....LadyBug
Posted by Tamar on May 23, 2005, at 7:15:51
In reply to Fill-in-the-blank perfection, posted by messadivoce on May 22, 2005, at 21:44:47
I sometimes think of my ex-T as perfect, and I always get annoyed when I think that way. I imagine he has a good marriage and a nice family life and a nice house and a nice car. I know he’s professionally successful; I believe he’s very good at applying himself to his work, and I compare myself unfavourably with him. I wish I were a better parent, a better spouse, and a better employee. I wish I were more like how I imagine him. I’m sure if I were a man I’d be convinced his penis was bigger than mine!
I don’t want him to be perfect. I want him to feel petulantly aggrieved at the rule that says we can’t be friends. I want him to harbour unprofessional feelings for me. I want him to meet me for coffee. Sigh.
I read somewhere recently about a survey of psychologists, in which they were asked whether being psychologists made them better parents. Most of them said no, but being parents made them better psychologists. I can imagine that.
Posted by Shortelise on May 23, 2005, at 12:31:16
In reply to Fill-in-the-blank perfection, posted by messadivoce on May 22, 2005, at 21:44:47
I think mine knows how to love.
Posted by 10derHeart on May 23, 2005, at 12:56:36
In reply to love, posted by Shortelise on May 23, 2005, at 12:31:16
> I think mine knows how to love.
Oh dear, that turned on the waterworks for me....I think my ex-T. did/does, too.
Thanks for posting that, ShortE - you're awesome.
Posted by pinkeye on May 23, 2005, at 12:59:55
In reply to Fill-in-the-blank perfection, posted by messadivoce on May 22, 2005, at 21:44:47
Funny, now that I think about it, I don't think he is perfect at all. Not in anything :-)
I think he is very much like me - trying to be a good person and happy person. And trying to be affectionate and controlled and do a good job and be helpful. But I don't think he is basically born perfect.
I think I used to idealize him long back, but have come out of it long long back.
Perhaps it is because I know more of his life than you guys know about your Ts.
Posted by Shortelise on May 23, 2005, at 13:22:14
In reply to Re: Fill-in-the-blank perfection » messadivoce, posted by Tamar on May 23, 2005, at 7:15:51
"I’m sure if I were a man I’d be convinced his penis was bigger than mine!"
This made me laugh - a nice, warm, long laugh.
Nice post, T, thanks.
ShortE
Posted by Shortelise on May 23, 2005, at 13:22:53
In reply to Re: love » Shortelise, posted by 10derHeart on May 23, 2005, at 12:56:36
Posted by Dinah on May 23, 2005, at 14:28:26
In reply to Re: Fill-in-the-blank perfection » messadivoce, posted by Tamar on May 23, 2005, at 7:15:51
Posted by gardenergirl on May 23, 2005, at 17:19:36
In reply to Re: Fill-in-the-blank perfection » Tamar, posted by Shortelise on May 23, 2005, at 13:22:14
I read the whole post, I swear! Never ever saw that penis sentence.
Repression at its finest. :)
gg
This is the end of the thread.
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