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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by terrics on April 11, 2004, at 11:53:09
Just thinking about something T. said. She said what we have is NOT transference, and what is happening has never happened to her before(in practice 30yrs.). I write to you guys about her all the time. I love her, but I think it is transference. What else could it be?
[P.S. I was accepted into the DBT program...cannot wait for some sanity...However they were supposed to call last week to tell me when I start and they didn't call. I'll call them tomorrow. Happy Easter to anyone celebrating]. terrics
Posted by fallsfall on April 11, 2004, at 12:56:25
In reply to How could T/transference, posted by terrics on April 11, 2004, at 11:53:09
Perhaps she feels that *she* doesn't have transference (well, it would be countertransference in her case). But if she *does* feel that her feelings for you are *real*, I question whether it is Ethical of her to tell you so.
If you feel like your feelings are likely to be transference, and you have talked to her about your feelings and she isn't helping you work through them, then I question her skill and motives.
I'm sorry, terrics, I'm just having a really hard time figuring out why this could be good for you. I hope that when you start with your DBT individual therapist that you can talk some of this through with her/him.
If the skills training group doesn't start immediately, maybe you can see your new DBT therapist before the group starts.
Posted by pegasus on April 11, 2004, at 15:59:47
In reply to How could T/transference, posted by terrics on April 11, 2004, at 11:53:09
Hi terrics,
I say this all the time, but I really want to repeat it again. Just ignore me if you're getting sick of this.
I don't think relationships are either/or in terms of transference. I think there's a bit of transference in every relationship, and a bit of unique stuff that relates only to that particular relationship. Gardenergirl had a great post on it a while back. I'll link to it here again if I can find it.
So, your T saying that your feelings for each other are *not* transference sounds suspicious to me. It sounds to me as though she does not completely understand what transference is. In which case, her opinion about that would not be valid. And if she does understand it, then I wonder on what basis she's deciding that your relationship is somehow free from it.
Transference isn't the same as delusion, really. It just means that your life experiences have given you a tendency to look at and behave within relationships in certain ways, based on past relationships that you've been in. I don't get how one could have any relationship that is free from those effects. Although, certainly, some are more prone to it than others. And therapy is the classic case where we expect it to crop up especially strongly, because of the strength of the relationship.
Anyone, feel to correct me if I'm wrong here.
pegasus
Posted by Fallen4myT on April 12, 2004, at 10:32:05
In reply to How could T/transference, posted by terrics on April 11, 2004, at 11:53:09
I don't know Terrics my T told me once what I feel is NOT transferance. I think he was saying it is not based on my unmet needs nor based on feelings for others..but he clearly sees it as based on just how I feel for HIM and that he feels the same...and for me..that is cool.
Posted by platinumbride on April 12, 2004, at 14:11:12
In reply to How could T/transference, posted by terrics on April 11, 2004, at 11:53:09
Terrics,
I am relatively new to this forum and haven't read your previous posts, but I kind of question your T's own emotional stability in bringing that up.
I have learned the hard way that a bit of professional distance is (sigh) a good thing. It keeps things a bit objective, and isn't that one of the reasons we are seeking the help of a T in the first place?
Try as I might, I just can't see that as ethical - what she said, this female to a male client. I think the red flag you are seeing is justified.
I had a therapist once who really blurred the boundaries all the time but didn't see that she was doing so. She would tell me waaaaaaaaay too many things about her personal life. She made me feel as if we were buddies, when of course we were not. She even stunted my way of comunicating because my use of profanity made her uncomfortable, and didn't her feelings count for anything here? Ultimately, our sessions which often stretched beyond the alloted 1 hour, turned into me listening to her problems and anxities! If I had it to do over again I swear I would nip it in the bud, end the relationship and find another, more professional person to deal with. Instead, I stayed with her and wound up feeling all neurotic about her and her professional deprtment. When I brought it up she became defensive and had a thousand excuses and defenses, which led to her repeatedly reminding me that SHE was the one in control; that I was the totally messed up client. Her finest hour was when she let me know that she could crush me if she wanted to.
I'm sorry that this got to be a little "me, me, me! this is all about me!!!" here. But what I mean to say (after my own personal tangent) is that unprofessional deportment initially made me feel special and like I really had it together. It made me feel like I was her "most favorite-test" client. But in the end that special feeling became the breeding ground for something unconscionable - the great moment where she took back her "power". I sort of see what you wrote about becoming a similarly uncomfortable and damaging situation. Maybe this post is too subjective, but even if it is, it is well-intentioned.
I hope this is helpful. I just can't see any good coming from statements such as the one you mentioned in this thread.
Diane
Posted by terrics on April 13, 2004, at 9:57:06
In reply to Re: How could T/transference, posted by platinumbride on April 12, 2004, at 14:11:12
I am female and so is my T. terrics
Posted by platinumbride on April 13, 2004, at 14:29:15
In reply to Re: How could T/transference » platinumbride, posted by terrics on April 13, 2004, at 9:57:06
Posted by terrics on April 14, 2004, at 17:28:02
In reply to So sorry!!!! I feel like a loser! !!! (nm) » terrics, posted by platinumbride on April 13, 2004, at 14:29:15
Your not a loser. What are you apologizing for? How can anyone tell what sex anyone else is on the board unless they use a male or female name. terrics
Posted by platinumbride on April 14, 2004, at 19:52:16
In reply to Re: So sorry!!!! I feel like a loser! !!! » platinumbride, posted by terrics on April 14, 2004, at 17:28:02
Thanks terrics....
I still kind of marvel at your post, though...I hope that everything turns out OK.
Diane
Posted by terrics on April 17, 2004, at 10:45:29
In reply to How could T/transference, posted by terrics on April 11, 2004, at 11:53:09
This is the end of the thread.
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