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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on December 3, 2003, at 14:52:18
So last week I confessed to my therapist (in writing) that I was experiencing major transference. It actually came about as we were going over a list of my worries. In response to each worry, I had to write out a rational response. Worry #14 read:
14. I will not get over my Transference (I worry Dr. P. feels uncomfortable about my transference. Perhaps he doesn't notice. O well, I guess he knows now! I worry maybe Dr. P. is a therapist who doesn't believe transference exists)
My rational response was :
Transference is natural, according to everything I have read and you will work through it. Dr. P. has been teaching/practicing for over 20 years, I'm sure he can handle transference or at least make sense of it and not be offended or scared.
I could tell he was slightly shocked after reading this - I really could have sworn he knew I had a crush on him. Anyway, we are doing CBT now and I think that is his forte. I did give him the Deborah Lott book which he says he has read. Upon reading my statement about my transference he said not to worry, that he had read the Lott book and that he was not scard or offended. He just didn't want it to get in the way of therapy. I assured him I had no desire to seduce him (so I lied, I Do want to seduce him but I only want to fantasize about that). The exchange was awkward and we moved on IN A HURRY to the next worry! I can tell he was sort of taken aback by this.
My problem is that I really want to talk about this. One of my goals in therapy is to get over my father figure fixation. My transferece is purely a Daddy-crush. I have read on this forum in particular that CBT therapists pretty much suck concerning transference. I keep envisioning however that maybe I'll be the one client of his to make him open his eyes and face up to the transference reality. After all, I can't be the ONLY female client of his to have a crush on him!
So I have an appointment tomorrow. How on earth can I re-open this topic without making him feel awkward or me embarassed? I thought I might open the session with a recent dream I had which is chock full of transference symbolism. Any thoughts?
Posted by Karen_kay on December 3, 2003, at 15:14:48
In reply to CBT and Transference (long), posted by Miss Honeychurch on December 3, 2003, at 14:52:18
Well, you've made progress in being honest. Last week you told him you were offended that he made the comment about the hussy in the picture. Why not just bring up the dream and ask him what he thinks it means? (What was the dream by the way?) If he is way off, ie. it is about your rough childhood or something, then you can give him your version of what you think it means. This will open the door for some honest dialogue about your transference crush on him. A little bit of transference is a good thing and is very therapuetic!
Now, I'm not suggesting in any way you do this but if it were me......
If he were to become uncomfortable I would say
"You weren't uncomfortable checking out my brother's hussy girlfriend and commenting on it. Why are you suddenly uncomfortable with the fact that I have a small crush on you. This is normal anyway. What's wrong with you?"
But, I don't suggest you say it unless you want to :)
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on December 3, 2003, at 15:22:07
In reply to Re: CBT and Transference (long), posted by Karen_kay on December 3, 2003, at 15:14:48
O my God, I would SO love to say that!
My dream started out with me waiting in a long line to use the bathroom which was just a hole in the ground. I was somewhere in Indochina. Anyway, by the time I reached the hole, I fell over and completely exposed my privates to everyone. I was so humiliated. I then went to another hole where I urinated in front of a strange man (one of my main no-nos in life is going to the bathroom in front of anyone, even if they are behind a shower curtain!)
I interpret these two scenes as my embaressment of exposing myself to him. I figure maybe we can move on from there.
Posted by Karen_kay on December 3, 2003, at 15:36:10
In reply to Re: CBT and Transference (karen kay), posted by Miss Honeychurch on December 3, 2003, at 15:22:07
> O my God, I would SO love to say that!
><<Then say it!!!! What is he going to do??
> I interpret these two scenes as my embaressment of exposing myself to him. I figure maybe we can move on from there.
<<Exposing yourself how? As in your mind, or exposing the fact that you have a crush on him, or your fantasy of seducing him, or all 3? If it were me I'd lie and say he was the stranger, just to see what he says. Then I'd say, "Just kidding. Ha Ha!!" But, anyway. Do you have a problem at all opening up to him? Do you think that you will now that he knows you have a crush on him? I don't have more of a problem opening up to my therapist since he knows, but I have always had a hard time telling him what's going on. But, are you afraid that he'll see you differently (maybe as the sexy woman you are :)
Get back to me
Karen
Posted by lookdownfish on December 3, 2003, at 15:44:01
In reply to Re: CBT and Transference (karen kay), posted by Miss Honeychurch on December 3, 2003, at 15:22:07
Your dream interpretation sounds good - you should turn professional ;) I think you should definitely bring it up, whether by starting with the dream or just directly. Don't let him get away with avoiding the issue. After all, you're the client, he's providing a service. Why not tell him just what you said to us: "I really want to talk about this. One of my goals in therapy is to get over my father figure fixation"
> He just didn't want it to get in the way of therapy
I think it is more likely to get in the way of therapy if you don't discuss it.
Posted by Dinah on December 3, 2003, at 15:57:07
In reply to CBT and Transference (long), posted by Miss Honeychurch on December 3, 2003, at 14:52:18
Wow! What a great way to tell him! I am SOOOO impressed. You managed to tell him how you feel, let him know that you understood what it was and were not threatening the boundaries, and gave him a gentle reminder that he should be able to handle it appropriately.
I think Lookdownfish is right. It's more likely to get in the way of therapy if you don't discuss it. Maybe that's just what you should tell him. It's true that many CBT therapists aren't great at transference, but it's also true that they should darn well learn to get better at it. A situation that regularly arises even in CBT should be part of their training and supervision.
Hold him to his responsibilities, even if it makes him uncomfortable.
(Sorry, pet peeve. :) )
Posted by fallsfall on December 4, 2003, at 7:34:03
In reply to CBT and Transference (long), posted by Miss Honeychurch on December 3, 2003, at 14:52:18
I agree that not talking about it could jeopardize therapy.
Bring it up as open and honest as you can. If he still doesn't want to talk about it, then ask him THEORETICALLY how he handles transference. If he says that he ignores it and works on the current day to day issues, then tell him that is NOT good enough. Ask if he has talked about you in Supervision, if he hasn't then ask him to do that. You can also ask to have a consultation with someone who is more active in dealing with transference (i.e. a Psychodynamic therapist). If you think the CBT that you are getting is good from this guy, you might be able to supplement with a couple of sessions from someone who can help you handle the transference, so you can get back to the CBT. In this case it would be like going to a specialist - not really a big deal.
Tell him the transference is impacting your life outside of therapy (i.e. you are spending time on this message board trying to figure out how to make sense of this, plus my guess is that you are distracted much of the time) - and certainly impacting your therapy.
I let the transference go on too long, because I didn't know what it was. You need help with this - either from him or from someone else.
Good luck.
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on December 4, 2003, at 8:24:49
In reply to CBT and Transference (long), posted by Miss Honeychurch on December 3, 2003, at 14:52:18
Thanks for your advice guys. The transference is rather distracting. I guess my main fear is that if I keep bringing it up he may terminate me, a fear I know a few of us have. I'll start with the dream this afternoon and try to make him not steer off course.
Posted by Dinah on December 4, 2003, at 9:04:35
In reply to Re: CBT and Transference (long), posted by Miss Honeychurch on December 4, 2003, at 8:24:49
I actually wanted to apologize for my irritable post. I was plain irritable yesterday. I understand completely wanting to move cautiously, and I think you're doing an admirable and very clever job.
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on December 4, 2003, at 9:14:16
In reply to Re: CBT and Transference (long) » Miss Honeychurch, posted by Dinah on December 4, 2003, at 9:04:35
Dinah, I didn't think you were irritable at all! Just perfectly logical.
This is the end of the thread.
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