![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 11 to 35 of 66. Go back in thread:
Posted by SLS on April 14, 2006, at 12:57:37
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up ..., posted by Flame on April 14, 2006, at 12:18:17
> Do you think that the remeron works better than Effexor?
The suggestion by Crazy Horse to consider Remeron is a good one. Unfortunately, it is all trial-and-error. We don't yet have in practice a way to determine in advance what drugs people will respond to. It is difficult to generalize that any one drug is better than another. Remeron is a drug that works very differently from Effexor. The two drugs actually complement one another. To combine the two drugs creates a treatment known as California Rocket Fuel. It is a potent combination. I don't know what I would do if I were in your shoes. For my own treatment, since I have already demonstrated a resistence to many different drugs, I would favor simply adding the Remeron to Effexor.
Remeron tends to be sedating at first. I don't know how it would affect your husband when mixed with alcohol, but it probably isn't smart for him to drive until you see how he reacts. 30-45mg is considered therapeutic. It might be a good idea to begin at 7.5mg and titrate gradually.
- Scott
Posted by Flame on April 14, 2006, at 13:09:41
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up ..., posted by SLS on April 14, 2006, at 12:57:37
Scott,
I appreciate your explanation.Of course I know the responses to different meds are totally individual. I guess I was just wondering what the "general" thoughts about remeron were .. and you gave that to me. (Thanks!)
I just did another search on the remeron and it mentions weight gain as a problem. My husband has gained at least 25 pounds since he started on his Effexor, ambien and mirapex regimen. I am sure that we can attribute a good deal of that to all of the alcohol he is drinking .. (?) Also, when he gets home from drinking, he quickly takes his ambien/mirapex meds and eats his way through the kitchen. (He eats and eats!) I have heard that this is a side effect of ambien. Anyway .. he is very close to being 275 pounds on a 6 ft frame. He DOES NOT need to be gaining any more weight.
I know .. a lot of questions .. and all in regards to the individual situations. Something that I would like to pose to my husbands doctor, IF I can get that chance ...
Posted by gardenergirl on April 14, 2006, at 13:23:09
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up ... » SLS, posted by Flame on April 14, 2006, at 13:09:41
Hello Flame,
I can appreciate your worry and frustration. I'm going through something a bit similar with my inlaws, and it's really difficult when the person doesn't seem to want to or may not be able to help themselves.I think there's a lot of good advice about your husband's care here. One thing you might consider is some therapy for yourself for support. It can be hard on a spouse or partner when a loved one is struggling so much. And there's no question that it affects the other person, too. A bit of supportive therapy can help you cope, which in turn will likely benefit your husband as well.
Take care,
gg
Posted by Flame on April 14, 2006, at 13:53:48
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up ... » Flame, posted by gardenergirl on April 14, 2006, at 13:23:09
Hi GG,
Thanks for your response to me!Yes, I have been in and out of therapy also .. in trying to learn how to deal with my husband's depression. As mentioned in my first post here, my current all time high frustration is now coming from the fact that my husband is advocating that he "can't" work because of his depression.
I have been VERY supportive thus far (married 27 years) of my husband. I am finding (for whatever reason) that I can't be supportive of him NOT working. As already mentioned, it is about putting me over the edge .. making me look at everything else that has gone in with my husband and thinking that this might be "it". The "it" that finally tells me that I am done.
It is so VERY hard to continue living with someone that refuses to help himself. I guess this is the way it always has been, but me realizing/understanding that my husband is NOT going to work anymore .. well, that is what really made me understand that nothing is EVER going to change.
As far as counseling for myself .. well, I don't do that anymore. Ultimately every counselor that I talk to about "our" problems always end up advocating (after about a half year of counseling) that they can see no reason why I stay.
Posted by Crazy Horse on April 14, 2006, at 14:02:08
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up ..., posted by Flame on April 14, 2006, at 12:18:17
> CH,
> I agree totally in how you liken the drinking while on antidepressants with fighting fire with fire!
>
> I really don't think that he would even consider going to AA. He doesn't believe that he has a problem. He says that he can stop whenever he wants .. that he just doesn't want to.
>
> Definitely he needs counseling, but he won't!
>
> The remeron ... being an SSRI .. his current doc told us that the Effexor is good 'cause it works as an SSRI AND another way .. (I forget what that was now ..?)
>
> Do you think that the remeron works better than Effexor?
>
> Thanks much for your reply to me!
>
> FlameYes I think remeron works better than effexor..it did for me anyway. Remeron is an SNRI..Serotonin Norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor. You get mor "bang for your buck" with an snri, than an ssri. Effexor is an snri also, but i don't think it's as strong as Remeron. Effexor didn't work for me at all. Talk to his doc about Remeron, also tell him that your husband drinks. Good Luck.
-Crazy Horse
Posted by Crazy Horse on April 14, 2006, at 14:08:00
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up ..., posted by SLS on April 14, 2006, at 12:57:37
> > Do you think that the remeron works better than Effexor?
>
> The suggestion by Crazy Horse to consider Remeron is a good one. Unfortunately, it is all trial-and-error. We don't yet have in practice a way to determine in advance what drugs people will respond to. It is difficult to generalize that any one drug is better than another. Remeron is a drug that works very differently from Effexor. The two drugs actually complement one another. To combine the two drugs creates a treatment known as California Rocket Fuel. It is a potent combination. I don't know what I would do if I were in your shoes. For my own treatment, since I have already demonstrated a resistence to many different drugs, I would favor simply adding the Remeron to Effexor.
>
> Remeron tends to be sedating at first. I don't know how it would affect your husband when mixed with alcohol, but it probably isn't smart for him to drive until you see how he reacts. 30-45mg is considered therapeutic. It might be a good idea to begin at 7.5mg and titrate gradually.
>
>
> - ScottYes, i agree with Scott combining the two could be just what he needs..a very potent AD!
-Crazy Horse
Posted by Racer on April 14, 2006, at 14:20:54
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up ... » gardenergirl, posted by Flame on April 14, 2006, at 13:53:48
Hi, Flame.
Welcome to Babble, and I'm sorry about your situation. That's a rough one, and I've been in a similar situation after my husband was laid off from his job a couple of years ago. My quality of life certainly suffered... (Although I'm the one with major depression, so the dynamics are a bit different.)
I agree with GG that therapy for you, with maybe a starting point of, "Doc, I am staying with my husband, because that's the choice I've made -- but I need help to adjust to this situation." That might help, despite the T's almost certain frustration about it. Personally, I think it's a good choice, from the standpoint that you really don't sound like someone to leave until you're truly sure there's nothing left to try. It might get to that point, but you might still have a few options left before that.
My only new advice is this: while his doctor can't talk to you, he can *listen* to you. Legally, he can't even admit that your husband is his patient, but if you call him, you can say, "I know you can't talk to me, but listen: my husband drinks heavily every night; when he was on Ritalin, he would take it all the first day; he's saying that he won't ever work again; he refuses to stick with therapy; I'm at my wit's end, and can't stand to see him doing this to himself. Can you think of any way to get across to him that the alcohol really is a problem that interferes with anti-depressant response? And maybe help with the other issues?" Ideally, although I don't know many doctors who would necessarily do this, the psychiatrist might require that he be in therapy in order to continue treatment. Or might refer him for some residential treatment. Of course, it might be that the doctor would just say, "Gee, that's too bad..." But at least it's something else to try, right?
Another option for you to consider is marriage counseling. From what you've written, I think it would require you to say something along the lines of, "Honey, your choice: marriage counseling, or duelling divorce attorneys." Or, since you don't really want to do that, maybe "Marriage counseling, or you move into the guest room and pay rent there as a boarder until you choose to do something to help yourself." I'm fortunate, because my husband did agree to marriage counseling without quite that much in the way of ultimatums -- about the time the pdoc I was seeing had my husband take me to the psychiatric ER because he considered me a high risk for suicide...
Another option, which probably doesn't sound so great to you right now, is to kick him out until he is willing to be more responsible. Think temporary, rather than permanent -- "I can't live this way. Either you need to contribute in some way, or you need to find another place to continue your current path." But any sort of ultimatum like that really has to be something you can live with, and you have to make sure that he knows what would constitute acceptable contributions. Is it enough that he stop drinking and do some sort of work on himself? Or does he have to have a job? If he has to have a job, what's the time frame on that? And you need to be able to live with it if he doesn't choose to do that.
It might also help to keep in mind that depression really is a disease, and it has primary and secondary effects. The primary depression does damage, but then it also leads to secondary effects -- like not sticking with therapy because it's too hard, drinking because it helps you cope, etc. Your husband really is sick, and really is suffering. It's just that you're the tertiary effect: it's hurting you, too.
Weight gain is a dirty secret of many antidepressants, and if you add in the alcohol, that's a problem. Ambien is not supposed to be taken more than a few days at a time. And it doesn't sound as though your husband is responsible enough to deal with Nardil or Parnate. Many forms of alcohol are on the lists of Forbidden Foods. And "a little bit isn't going to hurt" doesn't apply -- a little bit might actually kill him.
{sigh} I don't know what to advise, really. Depression is a terrible thing, and it really can suck half the life out of you. (Speaking from first hand experience.) But you're right -- it's terrible to watch someone you care about NOT do anything to help him/herself. Good luck to you.
I'm sorry this got so long. And I'm sorry you're going through this. I wish I had some answers for you, but I do wish you well.
Posted by Racer on April 14, 2006, at 14:41:29
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up ... » Flame, posted by Crazy Horse on April 14, 2006, at 14:02:08
> >
> Remeron is an SNRI..Serotonin Norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor. You get mor "bang for your buck" with an snri, than an ssri.Actually, Remeron isn't an SNRI -- it's a norepinephrine/serotonin ANTAGONIST, which is a bit different. But, it's also said to be a very effective drug for a lot of people. And I'm just a little nitpicky about things like this...
>>Effexor is an snri also, but i don't think it's as strong as Remeron. Effexor didn't work for me at all. Talk to his doc about Remeron, also tell him that your husband drinks. Good Luck.
I absolutely agree -- get the message about the drinking to his doctor. Call and leave a voicemail, if necessary. Make an appointment and go in saying, "Doctor, my husband [insert full name here] is scaring me -- he drinks to excess, says he has no problem, won't help himself, and wants a drug to do everything for him. Can you give me a prescription for relief from 'my' problem?" (Well, OK, that only works if the doctor has a sense of humor...)
And the one thing about Remeron is that it can cause a kind of rage in some people. I don't know how alcohol would affect that -- but that's in interesting question, if you ask me -- but it's something to watch very carefully.
Good luck
Posted by gardenergirl on April 14, 2006, at 15:02:49
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up ... » gardenergirl, posted by Flame on April 14, 2006, at 13:53:48
>As already mentioned, it is about putting me over the edge .. making me look at everything else that has gone in with my husband and thinking that this might be "it". The "it" that finally tells me that I am done.
It's good to know your limits, but it also sounds upsetting.
>
> It is so VERY hard to continue living with someone that refuses to help himself. I guess this is the way it always has been, but me realizing/understanding that my husband is NOT going to work anymore .. well, that is what really made me understand that nothing is EVER going to change.Are you finding any relief at all in coming to that realization about change? I guess it could be both depressing and freeing to think that.
>
> As far as counseling for myself .. well, I don't do that anymore. Ultimately every counselor that I talk to about "our" problems always end up advocating (after about a half year of counseling) that they can see no reason why I stay.I can imagine that could be frustrating. Perhaps they were trying to validate your experience, but if that's not what you're looking for, I can see how it might not feel helpful.
Wishing you the best,
gg
Posted by blueberry on April 14, 2006, at 19:24:21
In reply to Husband Giving Up ..., posted by Flame on April 14, 2006, at 8:43:41
I agree with so many...the drinking has to stop. Or at least slow down to one small glass a night.
Counseling or psychotherapy would be extremely helpful. Finding a church you both like would be incredible.As for med changes, I personally would actually lower the effexor dose some, and then add to it either zyprexa or remeron.
Posted by john berk on April 14, 2006, at 22:26:23
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up ... » Flame, posted by blueberry on April 14, 2006, at 19:24:21
Hi, I am dual diagnosed with depression and alcoholism, and i have to totally agree with Crazy Horse,
i have not gotten any good results with any AD unless i was at least 2 weeks sober, i was a binge drinker during the first 2 years of my prozac expeirence, and found relief in about 3-4 month's of continued sobrietry, [not complete relief by any means, but good response for ocd and major depression] but when i returned to drinking, even for a weekend, i was almost back at square one, maybe it is just my unigue chemistry, but alcohol fueled my depression, and vice versa for years.i can only relate my personal expeirence, but until at least a brief period of sobriety is found for your husband, i really don't know how any AD can be effective, or how you would even know what is and isn't working. Alcohol clouds the picture too much. one or 2 drinks is fine, but when you talk about a night of drinking, more than a few times a week, that is not only masking the symptoms, [and beleive me, i sympathize greatly with your husband and his pain]
but also doing very little justice to the pharmacutical picture and his depression recovery.it is the hardest struggle imaginable, because, [and i think Crazy Horse will agree here]when you self-medicate with alcohol, the alcoholism takes on a life of it's own, even if the depression were now to remit spontaneously, you still have the drive/need for alcohol, it is a vicious cycle. but here again i am only speaking from an affirmed alcoholics veiwpoint, mine] so i think you,[Flame] your husband, and a good therapist must decide if it is social, or medicinal drinking, it's a fine line at times.
but i still think that meds in the long run will work much better with a sober lifesyle, at least in the short run, good luck Flame to you and your husband, have a good holiday...john
Posted by Meri-Tuuli on April 15, 2006, at 4:51:28
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up ..., posted by Flame on April 14, 2006, at 11:17:27
>I have read on a few internet sites that the Effexor that my husband is on may have brought on this sudden "need" for drinking every night. I don't know if anyone on this BB has had that same experience?
Yep, it was bizarre - I would feel 'plastic' and you somehow just needed a drink(s) to feel like youself again. It was weird. I haven't ever experienced anything like that on any other med I've been on! Also I was on only 75mg of effexor, so I can't imagine what the 375mg must feel like!!!
Well the urge left once I had stopped the effexor. Also, effexor can sort of sap your motivation and give you apathy. So I wonder if that is why your husband doesn't want to work as much. I was in college at the time, and well, I defiantely lost the drive to do well. Luckily my grades that semester didn't count.How much does your husband drink at the bar? I mean, if its only 3 or 4 beers, that isn't too bad. I don't know. Maybe its a useful vent for him, and to see his buddies.
Kind regards
Meri
Posted by flame on April 15, 2006, at 6:48:40
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up ... » Flame, posted by Meri-Tuuli on April 15, 2006, at 4:51:28
Hi Meri,
So obviously, with your reference to feeling "plastic" you were feeling basically nothing? .. And the alcohol brought you, once again, back to "feeling" again?There was another reference to how the Effexor just made you crave carbs (alcohol) because of how it worked in your system. (Really can't remember all the details.) But that was another's analogy. And then there was even another that said it was a bad drug to put someone that already had addiction problems on. Of course my husband's dr. would have no idea of his past, 'cause I'm sure my husband wouldn't mention it.
I'm wondering if you're right (once again!) about the Effexor sapping his motivation? Apathy? .. I don't know??
Let me tell you this. My husband can/will do all of the things HE wants to do. He has hobbies that he gets into BIG TIME .. devotes all of his time to. There are many things that my husband does DO, but in my opinion, it has to be something *HE* wants to do. That's what gets me so frustrated about his feelings about never working again. How can he say something to the effect of "I am pretty much done working for my lifetime. I just don't have it in me anymore." And then go on his merry way to spend large amounts of time doing something else? Makes no sense to me at all! (Maybe this is the Effexor talking?)
Yes, I wish it was just 3 or 4 beers a night .. nope! My husband has AT LEAST 10 beers (probably more) a night and always winds up the night with a shot or two.
I've been thinking the past couple of days. I am almost wondering if he gets a big time buzz out of taking his Ambien when he gets home from the bar at night. (So he looks forward to that buzz?) He looks and acts awful when he does this, but it has become common practice now. It has to be important to him, 'cause we CAN have very good sex, UNLESS he takes the ambien after drinking. I have told him this time and time again, but it doesn't seem to matter to him. Thus the theory of him looking forward to his nightly ambien/alcohol buzz.
I sure do appreciate you taking the time to tell me how Effexor made you feel. Some very important things for me to try to bring up to my husband's dr. (IF my husband will allow me to accompany him ever again!)
Thanks! ~Flame
Posted by flame on April 15, 2006, at 6:53:01
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up ... » Flame, posted by Crazy Horse on April 14, 2006, at 14:02:08
CH,
Do you think that the Effexor made you feel apathetic? Did it take your motivation away? Adding the remeron, would that maybe "help" this?Flame
Posted by flame on April 15, 2006, at 7:09:49
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up -- response got VERY long » Flame, posted by Racer on April 14, 2006, at 14:20:54
Racer,
Wow! You really just layed it all out on the line, didn't you??? (Thats a GOOD thing! :-) )I know all of you folks think that "therapy" would help me "adjust" to my husbands depression. I really think that I had already adjusted to his depression .. UNTIL I realized that he was giving up working. THAT is the issue that I need to adjust to ..but don't think I ever will. I (for whatever reason) cannot accept that. Maybe it is because I *know* I have no control over my husband. And I've accepted that and don't nag him nor get myself upset about his depressive modes. (At least I try very hard!) So, I've accepted THAT part and work very hard to NOT let his depression affect me. But when it comes to the finances .. well, no matter how you swing it, that DOES affect me.
The counseling thing for either my husband or as a couple ..well, I'm very willing to do, but my husband is not. He tells me (I don't believe him) that he believes that counselors/psychologists are all in it just for the money. His real feelings about this ..is that he is scared to death to work with someone on his problems. (He wouldn't verbalize this, but after talking to several of his previous therapists throughout the years, we have all come to that conclusion.)
Kicking him out HAS crossed my mind. But how we would swing THAT. There is not enough money for him to live somewhere else. (Why am I worrying about him?)
Who knows? There (probably) are no real answers to my husbands complicated illness. I appreciate you and so many others great support. Thanks for *listening* to me here. It helps to be able to vent. .. And I have learned a few things, that maybe will help. Anyway, things I can at least ask his dr.
~Flame
Posted by flame on April 15, 2006, at 7:18:06
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up ..., posted by john berk on April 14, 2006, at 22:26:23
Hi John,
You know, we used to "social" drink with absolutely no problelms. My husband did not feel the need to sit down at the bar every night. (At least I did not see that.)It was not until he was on the Effexor for about six months, that this changed. He goes to the bar 5/6 nights out of the week. And, as I mentioned in a previous post, it is NOT just 3 or 4 beers. It is probably over 10 beers and always a couple of shots to wind the night up.
It is *very* frustrating for me, as I know I have no control over this.
..So is it going to take me leaving him for things to change? When I say change, I know that would be for me only. I cannot expect anything from my husband. Would it be worth it for me, to not have to live with these frustrations day after day? (Just doing a little personal ranting here...)
Posted by Meri-Tuuli on April 15, 2006, at 8:08:54
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up ... » Meri-Tuuli, posted by flame on April 15, 2006, at 6:48:40
Hi Flame,
> So obviously, with your reference to feeling "plastic" you were feeling basically nothing?
No, it was more of feeling "chemical-ly" or "tin-ey" or "metallic" (I don't know how to describe it! "Metallic is probably the best); it was a definate discrete feeling that I haven't felt since coming off (or before) effexor. Its really hard to describe. But it made me drink to relieve the weird "metallic" feeling.
Effexor definately made me crave carbs and sweet things. I would eat whole loaves of this sweet cinnamon bread, and then icecream and fudge sauce. Hmmm. I would also binge drink, although I did that before the effexor anyway (I was in college after all!).
Search the archives for apathy and effexor here. I'm not sure if its a common side effect, but it certainly was with me. SSRIs are notorious for apathy.
Good luck to you and your husband. I understand that it must be a very difficult situation for you both.
Kind regards
Meri
Posted by john berk on April 15, 2006, at 8:11:30
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up ..., posted by flame on April 15, 2006, at 7:18:06
Hi Flame, it's good that you are able to vent here, that is very theraputic for you, and we all understand for sure.
hmm, maybe it is the effexor, i don't know, when i first began prozac, my entire family thought it escalated my drinking, even my parents wanted me to get off it, not to mention my girlfriend.there is some research linking prozac to increased alcohol consumption, i don't know about other meds, but possibly this is true for many!!
if you say your husband drank socially up until 6 month's ago, it sounds more either the meds or increase in depression, not "alcoholism", i hate to even throw that term around, but it is applicable to me though.unless you feel it would make a radical change in your relationship , or your husbands drinking, i don't think leaving is the answer.
i think he really needs you, you sound very supportive, and the fact you are here on the board looking for answers shows you love him a great deal.
i think it would do either you, or both of you guys together, possibly meeting with a good p-doc or therapist, your husband may need a med change, and i suppose you could both use the counseling!! i wish you so much luck, i know your husband needs you a great deal at the moment, you a really great influence in his life. take care...john
Posted by Crazy Horse on April 15, 2006, at 9:56:58
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up ... » Crazy Horse, posted by flame on April 15, 2006, at 6:53:01
> CH,
> Do you think that the Effexor made you feel apathetic? Did it take your motivation away? Adding the remeron, would that maybe "help" this?
>
> FlameWell, for me effexor didn't help at all. My guess is that it's not helping your husband either. But adding remeron could "fuel" the effexor, and the combo can be very effective in hard to treat depression problems. For me, the combo was Paxil and remeron. Paxil alone helped a little, adding the remeron did the trick, pulled me out of a very deep depression. But remember, this is without alcohol...when i would drink, even with the remeron and paxil i would go down hill fast! To me, outside of the MAOI's (Parnate and Nardil) Remeron is the best ad i've ever been on, and i've been on nearly all of them. You will have to be aggressive on your husbands behalf, because in his current state he cannot help himself. Don't give up on him. Best of luck.
-Crazy Horse
Posted by HappyGirl on April 15, 2006, at 15:06:20
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up ..., posted by flame on April 15, 2006, at 7:18:06
Hi:
>>>> So is it going to take me leaving him for things to change? When I say change, I know that would be for me only. I cannot expect anything from my husband. Would it be worth it for me, to not have to live with these frustrations day after day? <<<<--- In my opinion, .... it's so hard to say, but you need to make 'limit/boundary' on your husband's behaviour whether he's Bipolr of not. Because, you're ABSOLUTELY not his 'Mommy.'
Besides this fact, you need to take good care of yourself. In one of your previous posts, your husband is NOT a young man, at age 51(?), then in my guess, you, too not to be a young lady. If you, both are young, I'd say, ... up to the age 35 or close to that age, ... then it's a kind understandable. However, a grown-man at age 50 or over, I am NOT able to comprehend your husband's behaviour.
However, this decision is all up to you. If you're able to put up with him, then you need to search more constructive answer, ... 'How to live with a man with unacceptable behaviour. Or, as someone else's suggestion, probably you both need to get a good counselling for 'rebuilding' with your husband.
Good Luck to you, both.
H.G.
Posted by flame on April 17, 2006, at 7:14:11
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up ... » flame, posted by Crazy Horse on April 15, 2006, at 9:56:58
CH,
I can't remember .. did you say how long you've been on the Remeron/Paxil combo? Is there a chance (like other meds my husband has been on) that this would work great at the beginning, but stop working after a while?
What is *your* experience with this? Do you have any side effects?
Thanks for all of the time you have taken to respond to my posts!
Flame
Posted by flame on April 17, 2006, at 7:42:30
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up ..., posted by HappyGirl on April 15, 2006, at 15:06:20
Hello HappyGirl!
Thanks much for your response to my post(s)!
You are SO RIGHT about me needing NOT to be my husband's mommy! But .. at times, (way too many times) that is exactly what I feel like!
Boundaries are so terribly hard to implement with an individual such as my husband. He doesn't seem to get it, no matter how many times I may say or show him how serious I am about something.
Yeah, 51 is too mature to be thinking this way. .. And to young to be thinking that he is "done" with working. (I am a few years younger.)
... Being able to "put up with it" my husband (the situation) as it is, is the million dollar question. Can I .. will I? If I Do .. HOW?The counseling thing .. yeah, maybe I will consider seeing someone again for "me". I have learned that there is absolutely NO SENSE in me suggesting/urging my husband to go to counseling .. 'cause if he doesn't want to be there, it will do him no good.
Flame
Posted by Crazy Horse on April 17, 2006, at 8:23:12
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up ... » Crazy Horse, posted by flame on April 17, 2006, at 7:14:11
> CH,
>
> I can't remember .. did you say how long you've been on the Remeron/Paxil combo? Is there a chance (like other meds my husband has been on) that this would work great at the beginning, but stop working after a while?
>
> What is *your* experience with this? Do you have any side effects?
>
> Thanks for all of the time you have taken to respond to my posts!
>
> FlameI'm not currently on this combo. I'm currently on Parnate (an maoi inhibitor). I was on the Remeron/paxil combo from about the year 2000-2005, that's a long time for me. Most meds only work a year or less for me, if they work at all.
But that's me, your husband and i have a different type of depression. For him, if it works, it could work indefinitely. There really is no guarantee with these meds, just trial and error. And as i've read many times here...your miles may vary. Best wishes.
-Crazy Horse
Posted by Caedmon on April 17, 2006, at 8:53:42
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up ... » flame, posted by Crazy Horse on April 17, 2006, at 8:23:12
Hi Flame,
I'm sorry I don't have any good advice. Your story is sad to me, I empathize. I think Wellbutrin could be helpful. I also think that he needs to go sober; he probably needs to be on a GABAergic medication either to help transition or else to treat some underlying stuff that the alcohol is currently treating. Benzodiazepines (or maybe an anticonvulsant) might help.
Lastly consider that, as you have mentioned, you are not his mom. He is lucky to have your support but I would not be *over*-supportive to the point where he is relying on you. I hate these mental illnesses but I admit that you would not be doing him a favor if you accomodate someone who is not willing to try to get help. That's how the situation sounds to me anyway. Best of luck,
- C
Posted by HappyGirl on April 17, 2006, at 23:10:43
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up ..., posted by flame on April 17, 2006, at 7:42:30
Hi flame:
It's SO hard to understand your feelings towards your husband. However, I DO know very well from reading your response to mine shows you are still in love with your husband.Loving someone like your husband might be NOT easy for anyone, but in your case, it has something to do. Probably, you and your husband has a strong bondage that is more than a man and wife's relationship.
In my suggestion, ... if you're in that situation/feelings, then try to accept him without any judgemental remarks/comments. Because, your husband has already 'self-esteem' problem due to his mental ill. If you'd say about his incompetency, you'd send him in a wrong direction. He needs a verbal encouragement from you, although you've been providing him with financial aspects.
Also, I, too agree with you as to counselling to get a proper guidance. There are a lot of professional folks, but you need to find a right one who understands your situation well.
H.G.
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