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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Lateralis on May 2, 2002, at 14:42:44
What prompted me to wake up and get my own mental health in order was that I wanted to share my life with the man that I love. I want us to have a future together, and so does he. Where my problems go just as far as depression and anxiety, I know I just posted a few moments ago, his seem to go way deeper than that, and I have no idea what to do. A little background on him would be that he has be diagnosed with depression, but he also heard voices, I don't know what they diagnosed him as with that, "schizoaffective" maybe? Anyways, he hasn't heard voices since he was 17 or so, also the last time he took any meds since he believed he could handle everything on his own. I met him when he was 21. He hasn't always been like this in our relationship, it seems to come and go, this time it just doesn't seem to be going anywhere. These are a few of his symptoms:
-irrational thoughts, as in seeing images in his mind of mass murders, suicide, etc. he once imagined how many cars it would take to hit him before he died if he opened the door while going down a freeway
-complete loss of of love/caring - he doesnt give a damn about anything in the world, not me, not his parents, not himself, not the bills. this is where the next one comes into play..
-can't hold down a job, or stick with anything.
-lies, and lies, and lies, and lies. Not huge lies, like he slept with someone else, but small lies, and they're all the time. Is this a personality trait or something else?
-huge mood swings, mad for no reason, never happy, sad for no reason
-sleeps all the time
This is just a small example of some of the things going on. He also gets suicidal at times, feels like he has to punish himself, or hurt himself. If I cry he feels like he has to be punished for hurting me. He can't support me because he doesn't care, because he can't, etc. It's taking quite a toll on us, and especially on him. I really want to help him. I'm lucky because I have insurance (my mom's) and can go to a doc. He went to a free clinic and they gave him Zoloft and Remeron for the side effects, this didn't seem to work really well. The Zoloft ran out before he could get in to see the doctor again so we're back to square one. He doesn't feel like they really listened to him and gave him the right, or enough meds, for what was going on, so he's skeptical of the free clinic, but we can't afford a doc. We're stuck between a rock and a hard place. If you can offer any advice, or any thoughts on what might be going on with him, please let me know. We live in the Houston, Tx area, if you know of any alternatives to the free clinics. I also want to know how I can help him, how do I support him or be there for him? what can I do to make things easier for him? Thanks a lot.
Posted by cmcdougall on May 2, 2002, at 15:48:06
In reply to Boyfriend seems to be psychotic.. how to help??, posted by Lateralis on May 2, 2002, at 14:42:44
Dear Lateralis,
Please don't take offense, and PLEASE pay attention. There is probably nothing you can do to help this person. It sounds like he has serious problems and needs a lot of help. Unfortunately, there are real difficulties getting treatment when you are poor and have no insurance.
First, give him the phone number for your local Mental Health/Mental Retardation Office. They are a state agency in Texas that operates on a sliding scale. I once received excellent care there. My own pdoc volunteers there once a week, and so do many other pdocs in town.
Understand that it is up to your boyfriend to seek the help and follow through with it. Don't call and make the appointment for him. It is important that you give up the idea that you can help him change, or talk him into getting help. Sorry. :-(
The fact that you fell in love with a man with those problems actually says alot. Please spend some time thinking about why you really love him. Talk about it w/ your own therapist. Good looks and charm really don't mean diddly-hoo-haw. If he won't take steps to care for himself, how can he really care about you? Think of your life together now, then contemplate 20 years of exactly the same thing. Is this the man you will choose to father your children?
I wasted the best years of my youth on a man w/ lots of problems. I believed that my devotion and loving care would some day lead him to a cure. After 16 years I finally got tired of trying and dumped him. He is still sick, likes himself just fine that way, self-medicates with beer, and always finds some woman who will take him in and try to love him to wellness. He is oh so handsome and can be charming if he chooses. I now realize these women are sicker than he is, and so was I.
I've told you that sadly, there is little you can do for your love. This is what you CAN do to help him. Encourage him in his therapy if he decides to go, remind him of appointments and med refills, but don't take on that responsibility. Nothing will work if he doesn't truly desire to try. That's about all I can think of. Others here can surely offer more.
What I am compelled to do is try to help you. I am here if you need me. We all are.
Love and luck,
Carly
Posted by sid on May 2, 2002, at 18:51:47
In reply to Boyfriend seems to be psychotic.. how to help??, posted by Lateralis on May 2, 2002, at 14:42:44
I must agree with Carly.
Over time I've learned that first you must take care of yourself, then you can choose to help take care of others, but unless they are children or mentally handicapped people, they must be their "primary care takers."
It sounds like you're in a relationship that's way too complicated to continue it as a romantic endeavour. He needs to be taken care of by professsionals first and foremost, not by someone who's in love with him. If you stick by him, please make sure you don't become his caretaker; that's not what love is, if you include yourself in your definition of love. You can't do it all. What do you get out of this relationship? What good does he do you? In what ways does he take care of you? You need to give but also receive, else you will find yourself emptied out at some point.
Posted by Lateralis on May 2, 2002, at 19:13:04
In reply to Re: Boyfriend seems to be psychotic.. how to help?? » Lateralis, posted by sid on May 2, 2002, at 18:51:47
I do understand what has been said in regards to my relationship with this man. We've been together over two years now and there's much more to it then the few details I was able to include in my opening question. I wasn't at the point where I was going to say "If he isn't going to get himself help then I must move on" but I knew he would need it before we would get married and have kids. I never told him he needed help, I never pushed ideas or hinted at it, I just listened and consoled him when he talked about his past experencies. One of the main reasons he's hesitant to go back is, to put it shortly, he's rather traumatized by how he was treated by docs as a kid. But it was he who first told me that he wanted to seek help. He asked me to help him find the local free clinic because we just moved to this city (I lived here before) and I did. The clinic is open 24 hours a day 7 days a week and he knew that and one day he came to me and said "lets go" and so we went. I can't just turn my back on him because he's not well. I don't feel that our relationship is in trouble. I was hoping if someone knew of maybe a diagnosis, or of a medicine. I appreciate your concern for my well being, but I do feel that I am both giving and recieving in this relationship and if it turns to sour then I would rethink it. Just last night he took me out for a night on the town and completely wined and dined me. He's not a bad person, and he has admitted he needs help which is a big step.
Posted by sid on May 2, 2002, at 19:19:20
In reply to Re: Boyfriend seems to be psychotic.. how to help??, posted by Lateralis on May 2, 2002, at 19:13:04
Good for you, and him, then. But never forget yourself in all this, love can be a slippery slope. It can also be the greatest thing.
This is the end of the thread.
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