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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by adamie on February 14, 2002, at 16:38:49
hi. with my extremely severe depression and anxiety i have been feeling horrible and sometimes suicidal :*. so far it seems that out of the 12+ meds i've taken... the ones that work for anxiety along with depression have worked the most. many of the meds such as prozac made me much worse though. after one dose i felt suicidal. so much mind torture. i dunno what it is. whenever my illness is worse my head feels burning, and harder to sleep. heart beating faster. in my head it feels like all the chemicals are somehow damaging me. but i have to take something. i have had this illness since summer. i was perfectly happy but i took ativan and now it has almost killed. twice i almost attempted suicide.
after many meds it seemed that i have been getting worse as winter came. SO MUCH WORSE. i guess some of my illness could be seasonal. i hope to maybe get a light box soonnnnnnnnnnnnn. i went on zoloft 50mg, ativan .5mg 2-3 times a day, risperdal .5mg. and immovane for sleep. at first it seemed not too horrible as in i didn't feel too suicidal. but now it is justw orseeeeeeeeeeeeee. at first it was like i was a bit stable but now it's just much worse. it is hard to spend my time. each day is a pain of trying to wait for time to go by. yesterday somehow i felt a bit better. maybe it was because i didn't take zoloft. i actually had some motivation. but also i started buspar yesterday and am weening off ativan. without the ativan i felt suicidal before. hopefully buspar can replace it? i take buspar 5mg twice a day now and soon i take 10mg twice a day. yesterday was my first day and my sleep was a bit more disturbed than usual. normally i wake up many many times and need to try to go back to sleep. but today my dreams felt dark and even some nightmares. normally i dont have much nightmares. and in my dreams i feel so happy. meanwhile being awake feels horrendous. what can i expect from buspar?
is there some med that is not chemical heavy?? it's like my brain cant handle all these chemicals. head is BURNING. too much mind torture. every day is hard to be alive and i have discovered that death may not be so bad. since we weren't alive before we were born. and we just dont remember any of that. so surely death cant be too bad. oh well. i feel horrific and dunno what my future holds. i have tried so many meds. and recently it has just been so much worse. i dunno if i will ever get better. and i have nothing. i am unable to complete school. i cant think and concentrate. i cant work. every day is scary. my mom doesn't take my illness seriously and threatens to kick me out. my fiance left me and seems to be never coming back. oh well.
can someone tell me what are the best anti-suicide drugs out there. i want mind torture gone. i dont want every minute to be painful to be alive :*.
Posted by Panic AttacK on February 14, 2002, at 17:19:49
In reply to Buspar, anxiety, and mind torture, posted by adamie on February 14, 2002, at 16:38:49
I am going through exactly what you are going through. It is horrible. Every minute I am awake... i am miserable.... My anxiety attacks last allllll day and the only time i feel good is when im sleeping. So i take small pieces of REMERON at night and it really is great. It knocks you ouT!! I have tried all types of different meds and everything made me worse. Paxil made my panic attacks 100x's worse... heart racing.sweating.... shaking... like convulsions.... cant sleep...i have been in the emergency room so many times i am like a frequent there. I am miserable right now. I went out drinking last night and i feel like dying. Alcohol makes my anxiety 100x's worse the NEXT day. But i have a drinking problem and im not quitting. impossible! I love it. Anyways, I think about suicide all the time also... i picture the way i would kill myself and i even get ready sometimes to "DIE". Ill tale a shower and get dressed so i dont look miserable when they find my dead body! I just want the anxiety to go away. I am very sensitive to meds so im FU*KED! No way out... well just know your not alone... there are so many thousahds of people that feel the way we feel and people that are much worse than you and I. As hard as it is to believe... I feel that nobody has anxiety as horrible as mine... my anxiety comes for no reason... i wake up and i feel like dying. I can be watching a movie and just feel like shit and cant concentrate on anything. Anyways... take care of yourself
Posted by Kai on February 15, 2002, at 22:06:56
In reply to Re: Buspar, anxiety, and mind torture, posted by Panic AttacK on February 14, 2002, at 17:19:49
> I am going through exactly what you are going through. It is horrible. Every minute I am awake... i am miserable.... My anxiety attacks last allllll day and the only time i feel good is when im sleeping. So i take small pieces of REMERON at night and it really is great. It knocks you ouT!! I have tried all types of different meds and everything made me worse. Paxil made my panic attacks 100x's worse... heart racing.sweating.... shaking... like convulsions.... cant sleep...i have been in the emergency room so many times i am like a frequent there. I am miserable right now. I went out drinking last night and i feel like dying.
You are killing yourself by drinking and taking meds. There is no way to tell what is working or not if you drink alcohol. Alcohol makes you not sleep. Alcohol makes you sweat. Alcohol affects your heart. If you are serious about wanting to not feel sick, you have to stop drinking first. Your meds are worthless with alcohol.
Alcohol makes my anxiety 100x's worse the NEXT day. But i have a drinking problem and im not quitting. impossible! I love it. Anyways, I think about suicide all the time also... i picture the way i would kill myself and i even get ready sometimes to "DIE". Ill tale a shower and get dressed so i dont look miserable when they find my dead body! I just want the anxiety to go away. I am very sensitive to meds so im FU*KED! No way out... well just know your not alone... there are so many thousahds of people that feel the way we feel and people that are much worse than you and I. As hard as it is to believe... I feel that nobody has anxiety as horrible as mine... my anxiety comes for no reason... i wake up and i feel like dying. I can be watching a movie and just feel like shit and cant concentrate on anything. Anyways... take care of yourself
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