Posted by adamie on February 14, 2002, at 16:38:49
hi. with my extremely severe depression and anxiety i have been feeling horrible and sometimes suicidal :*. so far it seems that out of the 12+ meds i've taken... the ones that work for anxiety along with depression have worked the most. many of the meds such as prozac made me much worse though. after one dose i felt suicidal. so much mind torture. i dunno what it is. whenever my illness is worse my head feels burning, and harder to sleep. heart beating faster. in my head it feels like all the chemicals are somehow damaging me. but i have to take something. i have had this illness since summer. i was perfectly happy but i took ativan and now it has almost killed. twice i almost attempted suicide.
after many meds it seemed that i have been getting worse as winter came. SO MUCH WORSE. i guess some of my illness could be seasonal. i hope to maybe get a light box soonnnnnnnnnnnnn. i went on zoloft 50mg, ativan .5mg 2-3 times a day, risperdal .5mg. and immovane for sleep. at first it seemed not too horrible as in i didn't feel too suicidal. but now it is justw orseeeeeeeeeeeeee. at first it was like i was a bit stable but now it's just much worse. it is hard to spend my time. each day is a pain of trying to wait for time to go by. yesterday somehow i felt a bit better. maybe it was because i didn't take zoloft. i actually had some motivation. but also i started buspar yesterday and am weening off ativan. without the ativan i felt suicidal before. hopefully buspar can replace it? i take buspar 5mg twice a day now and soon i take 10mg twice a day. yesterday was my first day and my sleep was a bit more disturbed than usual. normally i wake up many many times and need to try to go back to sleep. but today my dreams felt dark and even some nightmares. normally i dont have much nightmares. and in my dreams i feel so happy. meanwhile being awake feels horrendous. what can i expect from buspar?
is there some med that is not chemical heavy?? it's like my brain cant handle all these chemicals. head is BURNING. too much mind torture. every day is hard to be alive and i have discovered that death may not be so bad. since we weren't alive before we were born. and we just dont remember any of that. so surely death cant be too bad. oh well. i feel horrific and dunno what my future holds. i have tried so many meds. and recently it has just been so much worse. i dunno if i will ever get better. and i have nothing. i am unable to complete school. i cant think and concentrate. i cant work. every day is scary. my mom doesn't take my illness seriously and threatens to kick me out. my fiance left me and seems to be never coming back. oh well.
can someone tell me what are the best anti-suicide drugs out there. i want mind torture gone. i dont want every minute to be painful to be alive :*.
poster:adamie
thread:94144
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020208/msgs/94144.html