![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 42. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Temmie on July 22, 2003, at 23:55:48
Help help help. I still can't see straight. I talked with Paul tonight ... and feel like I still love him.
On so many levels ... I know ... you know ... he is harmful for me -- and I can't rectify -- can't understand how he could do what he did.
How can a man go from ... pardon me ... but intimacy with one -- to intimacy with another? His lips ... his hands ... you know -- how does one do that?
How can he tell me over the phone (and in Jane's company), that I'm the one he truly loves (with her sobbing in the background)?
How can he not understand the betrayal? ("That's just the way I am?")
Is this what being a sociopath is?
What makes sexual infidelity taboo?
How can he "go back" with Jane, when supposedly she's the one who attacked him -- more than once, I understand -- and whether I understand it correctly or not, their relationship was certainly a volatile one.
How can he go back with the one who filed assault and battery charges against him, causing all manner of legal/employment/financial snafus?
How can he not understand the nature of commitment, fidelity and truth?
Why do I continue to feel so connected with this one??? You know? On such a deep ... solar level ... nd what can I do to really start unhooking from those snares?
* * * * *
I have a tentative "coffee date" coming up with someone I've met online. I'm scared to death, and worse, I've seen his picture, and he's attractive enough -- but I'm not feeling drawn to him .... I wish ...
... I could find some with my sort of hippie/bohemian roots -- who could understand my flexibility between Birkenstocks and blue jeans and, well -- Birkenstocks and blue jeans. I have a very modest lifestyle these days. I'm not the modicum of success. I don't have "after five" clothes anymore ... and don't know what I truly have to offer, or how to wrap my life, my ideas, or my -- whatever -- around the concepts of things more mainstream -- but -- obviously -- being with Paul, literally (with his driving and at-risk behavior) put my life in danger ...
And loving him has so damaged my sense of integrity and self.
Boo hoo.
Any ideas out there?
M.
Posted by Mercury on July 23, 2003, at 0:55:37
In reply to Still Reeling in Confusion and Hurt of Infidelity, posted by Temmie on July 22, 2003, at 23:55:48
Hey Tamster, let me try to answer some of these questions for you. Maybe it will bring a bit of clarity.
Q - How can a man go from ... pardon me ... but intimacy with one -- to intimacy with another? His lips ... his hands ... you know -- how does one do that?
A - Men are not naturally monogamists. We have to work at it. Those of us who with defective characters may find it impossible to overcome our animal impulses. Especially those of us who are alcoholics. As Paul most certainly is.
Q - How can he tell me over the phone (and in Jane's company), that I'm the one he truly loves (with her sobbing in the background)?
A - Paul is incredibly selfish and self centered. He has lost his capacity to empathize with others. He has no sense of shame, or remorse, or integrity. Its all been washed away by the drugs and booze.
Q - How can he not understand the betrayal? ("That's just the way I am?")
A - He understands just fine. He just doesn't care. He doesn't care about you, or Jane or anyone but himself. He only cares about drugs and alcohol. If he doesn't get clean, I'll bet he's dead or in jail in a year...2 tops.
Q - Is this what being a sociopath is?
A - Yes. And your continued relationship with him keeps you in danger.
Q - What makes sexual infidelity taboo?
A - I think that in this case we're talking less about "infidelity" and more about "abuse". He's actively abusing you. Right now. And Jane too.
Q - How can he "go back" with Jane, when supposedly she's the one who attacked him -- more than once, I understand -- and whether I understand it correctly or not, their relationship was certainly a volatile one.
A - Because he is insane.
Q - How can he go back with the one who filed assault and battery charges against him, causing all manner of legal/employment/financial snafus?
A - See previous answer.
Q - How can he not understand the nature of commitment, fidelity and truth?
A - See previous answer.
Q - Why do I continue to feel so connected with this one??? You know? On such a deep ... solar level ... nd what can I do to really start unhooking from those snares?
A - There's nothing wrong with caring for someone. You just have to know when its appropriate to put yourself first. And in this case sister, its more than appropriate. I think you need to give yourself permission to put yourself first in this case.
Those are my answers. I hope they help. Now this is my advice to you again. Leave him ALONE. Don't talk to him ever again. Cut him off for good. And totally. He's bad for you. You are in danger as long as you stay connected to him.
Now go have that coffee. The blue jeans are "ok" but leave the Birkenstocks for another time. **smile**
Mercury
Posted by fallsfall on July 23, 2003, at 3:43:30
In reply to Still Reeling in Confusion and Hurt of Infidelity, posted by Temmie on July 22, 2003, at 23:55:48
You know that Paul is very bad for you. You deserve better than Paul. You won't find anyone better if you are still swooning over him.
Maybe you could decide one day at a time that you will not talk to or see him. Just promise yourself when you get up in the morning that you are going to stay away from him. You just have to make it to bedtime. Then you can rest. The more days you string together the easier it will be.
What bad will happen if you don't talk to him for a day?
You are worth this effort. He isn't worth anything. Be strong.
(((((Temmie)))))
Posted by Temmie on July 23, 2003, at 6:11:29
In reply to Re: Still Reeling in Confusion and Hurt of Infidelity, posted by Mercury on July 23, 2003, at 0:55:37
Thank you, both. Mercury, I appreciate the male point of view (and your excellent explanation of alcoholic behavior). You've done such a nice job answering my questions (and I should probably stake out a few Al-Anon meetings). Fallsfall -- both of you -- you're right. I've got to STOP. I called him yesterday, and what the h*ll for? I was working on a presentation at a friend's house last night and thought about it all the way home ('round midnight, feeling week and lonely, and half-wishing we could talk again) -- I was wondering -- good grief -- what had gotten into me? Contacting Paul was tantamount to tacit approval of what he'd done (where did THOSE fancy words come from), and also didn't/doesn't make him accountable for consequences re, behaviors which I'd always said were crossing the line. Is this making sense? (So, Mercury -- I was thinking, "Dang it, I've gotta stop calling." And Fallsfall -- I was also thinking, "Just a day at a time." In fact, I was even thinking I could pay myself, or give myself a sticker or something -- for each 24-hour chunk of time I made it through without initiating contact. Hanging up the phone is going to be another matter, but ... I can get there. I can turn my ringer off. I can get a new cell number. I can just hang up.
Thank you for supporting me and for spelling things out -- plain and simple.
** Should I return things to him then? Books, photos? The "dialogue journal" we had? **
And, Mercury, I have a nice plair of Liz Claiborne jeans, and sandals with a bit of a heel, and a snug (but attractive) top for Thursday night. Woo hoo! It can't hurt to just meet and talk with another, will surely benefit my self-esteem (assuming I get a favorable response). I'm still working on "shaking my thang" (even though it's so unlike me), and I'll keep you all posted. Heck if I pay myself $5 a day between now and Thursday, I can even by myself a new lipstick. (!) Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. It really helps to have everything spelled out CLEARLY! I'm going to read and reread the Q&A post. XXX, Temmie
Posted by Temmie on July 23, 2003, at 17:13:58
In reply to Re: Still Reeling in Confusion and Hurt of Infidelity, posted by Mercury on July 23, 2003, at 0:55:37
Where/how did you learn so much about alcoholism/addiction? Are you in AA/NA? Are there sites online that would be more convenient than going to meetings?
FALLSFALL -- If you're reading -- I've got $5 in my cap. No calls to Paul in last 24 hours, and none from him.
Bless you both,
Temmie
Posted by fallsfall on July 23, 2003, at 19:09:52
In reply to MERCURY -- Your knowledge - ALCOHOLISM, posted by Temmie on July 23, 2003, at 17:13:58
Posted by Temmie on July 23, 2003, at 19:19:07
In reply to Re: Money is a good thing! Congrats (nm) » Temmie, posted by fallsfall on July 23, 2003, at 19:09:52
I heard from you just in time, FallsFall. I seem to get lonesome ... wistful (whatever) for Paul in the evening. It's so tempting to call. I just have to remind myself about all those things Mercury wrote (thank you, dear, you're amazing). I deserved better, and Paul knows it (but as Merc says/said, "doesn't care."). It's all about the buzz for him ... or perhaps it's relief from his pain. I don't know. I'm (despite cheery words) nervous about tomorrow's meeting with this guy. I'm afraid he'll fall in love/lust with me ... and I'm definitely not ready for that. Oh well. Tune in this time tomorrow and I'll tell you all about it! For now, I'm sitting on my hands .... Not going to pick up that phone (and my bedtime reading is "How to Break Your Addiction to a Person" which I ordered some time ago from Amazon).
See. I knew even then. I was going to need help with this one. Hypnotic. That's how Jane descibed him to me -- and that's what it was like.
Seductive, sensual, spiritual and hypnotic ...
That's how it was.
Not real, but a thrill.
Posted by fallsfall on July 23, 2003, at 20:51:37
In reply to The hurt ... it's a cyclical thing, posted by Temmie on July 23, 2003, at 19:19:07
Posted by ROO on July 24, 2003, at 8:53:52
In reply to The hurt ... it's a cyclical thing, posted by Temmie on July 23, 2003, at 19:19:07
Temmie...just curious from your description of him...
what was his zodiac sign? (I'm so flakey)...actually
if you give me his birthdate, birthyear...I can find out
both his sun and moon sign. I'm curious about this hypnotic
quality...
Posted by Temmie on July 24, 2003, at 12:59:53
In reply to Re: The hurt ... it's a cyclical thing, posted by ROO on July 24, 2003, at 8:53:52
My personal beliefs are that Paul and I are both old souls who have lived and loved together many times. I knew him. I knew him the instant I met him (and I loved him from then on). He is spiritual, sensual, etc. etc. ... and yes, hypnotic. He's a nurse, a certified t'ai chi practitioner, and a Buddhist. I mean, he's actually taken vows in one of the Buddhist sects. Can't remember which one. Anyhow, 11/17/49 for him ... 5/12/53 for me. Not sure what my beliefs are on astrology anymore, but would be curious to entertain your findings. More soon. Thanks everyone, T.
Posted by Temmie on July 24, 2003, at 13:23:50
In reply to Re: The hurt ... it's a cyclical thing, posted by Temmie on July 24, 2003, at 12:59:53
Enabling, detaching, etc. I did not call Paul last night, but I called to talk with a mutual friend -- and it didn't feel right, but I so wanted to know what was going on -- and in such, opened up that whole attachment phoenomena. You know. Mercury, when you said STOP (or whatever that profound directive was), you meant stop at once. I get it. A classmate today put it in terms of saving my life -- and being necessary for Paul to save his. He will not have to make any changes at all, so long as people are aiding his limping along. Myself included. I just want to understand myself better -- and want to "unhook." I don't want to hurt anymore. I don't want to feel guilty. I don't want to feel concerned. I want my choice here to be clear -- and to put the responsibility for Paul taking care of himself (and his myriad problems) back on his shoulders. Good grief, I've got enough problems of my own -- but number one -- feeling that emotional door close would be a help. Anyone got website referrals to Al-Anon stuff?
Temmie
Posted by Greg on July 24, 2003, at 13:56:40
In reply to Looking for a link here re. ALCOHOLISM ..., posted by Temmie on July 24, 2003, at 13:23:50
Hi Temmie,
If you type alcoholism into any search engine, you'll get hundreds, if not thousands of sites to look at. I'm a recovering alcoholic of over 14 years, if I can answer any questions, please ask. But remember, I can only give you my own experiences and they may be completely different from someone elses.
I hope today is a better day for you.
Greg
Posted by Temmie on July 24, 2003, at 14:01:43
In reply to Re: Looking for a link here re. ALCOHOLISM ... » Temmie, posted by Greg on July 24, 2003, at 13:56:40
Thank you, Greg. I'm just lazy. Was looking for the best -- the quickest -- etc. I gotta do my own leg work, you're right. I hope today goes well for you, too, T.
Posted by ROO on July 24, 2003, at 17:05:19
In reply to Re: The hurt ... it's a cyclical thing, posted by Temmie on July 24, 2003, at 12:59:53
I thought he might be a scorpio when you said
hypnotic.I ran both your stats through an astrology program, just
for laughs. Take it with a grain of salt. I'm not sure
I believe in this stuff either, but I'm fascinated nonetheless.Anyway, here's what the program said when I did a compatibility
chart:The conjunction of composite Moon and composite
Mars indicates that you arouse very strong feelings in
each other, but by itself it does not indicate whether
they are good or bad feelings.In a love relationship, for example, this aspect
indicates that you will have a very strong emotional
involvement. The relationship will probably stir up both
positive and negative emotions in both of you.If your relationship is basically good, you will simply
experience a heightened emotional involvement,
although with a greater tendency to quarrel. But if your
relationship is not otherwise very sound, it will be
destroyed by the fighting that this aspect produces.One of the strong points of this aspect is that in a
sexual relationship it creates a good deal of sexual
energy.Mars square Neptune in the composite chart can be
quite difficult. It indicates that your intentions and the
way you interact weaken each other's effectiveness.
Usually one of you acts in such a way as to confuse or
delude the other, but also you may have a negative
reinforcing effect on each other.The only way to deal with this aspect is to stop
playing ego games, which is easier said than done,
because such games are usually played out
unconsciously. Neither parnter is aware of what is
going on.In an extreme case you may be consciously deceitful
toward each other. In a marriage, this might be done
through infidelity; in a friendship, it might be actions
that intentionally go against your friend's interests.The only defense is to be completely honest with
each other and at the same time reasonably gentle in
your honesty.
The conjunction of Sun and Venus in the composite
chart is one of the strongest indications of a love
relationship between two people, even in a
friendship. It does not primarily indicate a sexual
relationship; instead it signifies love, pure and simple.
The attraction indicated by this aspect is so powerful
that it can bring together people who are
incompatible by ordinary criteria.If the relationship is laden with conflicts, even a strong
feeling of love between you may turn to hatred. In
most cases, however, this will be a very fine personal
relationship.
he conjunction of composite Sun and Mercury
signifies that there will be a great deal of mental
activity in this relationship. This aspect is good for
verbal communication between you.You both should be wary of the tendency to
intellectualize your emotions rather than deal with
them at the gut level.You have an unusual similarity of thinking, or at least a
better than average ability to understand each other's
thinking.Mercury is a planet of travel, not always in the literal
sense of the word, but in the metaphorical sense; that
is, you like to be continually exposed to new ideas
and experiences together.One of the most positive attributes of this aspect is
the ability to be detached from what you are
discussing. Because of this detachment you may
even be able to talk about your relationship and arrive
at understandings that will help you both to get more
out of it.n a relationship with composite Sun opposition Pluto,
the most difficult problem will be power struggles.
There is a real danger that if this relationship breaks
up it will degenerate into open warfare.One or both of you must learn to curb your desire to
dominate the other. When the power of Pluto is
misused, the response tends to be violent, and no
matter what you think, with this aspect the power is
likely to be misused.There is a danger that through struggles for
domination one of you may emerge so much the loser
that you will not easily be able to recover a sense of
pride and self-confidence.The trine of composite Sun and Neptune indicates
that there is a good deal of idealism in this
relationship. You will feel that it is an extraordinary
union between two souls, perhaps even a spiritual
union. Many of the thoughts you want to communicate
to each other will not have to be spoken, for you will
know beforehand what the other person is thinking.The spiritualizing power of Neptune tends to negate
the physical realm. For this reason, a relationship with
a strong Neptune, such as this one, is likely to be
platonic rather than physical.In a friendship it is perfectly all right to commune at
such a high level, ignoring practicality. But in a love
relationship, especially marriage, practical concerns
have to be dealt with, and it may be difficult to bring
yourselves down to that level.But because Neptune rules self-sacrifice, one of the
strongest bonds between you will be your willingness
to give selflessly to each other at any time.
Posted by Mercury on July 24, 2003, at 18:58:19
In reply to MERCURY -- Your knowledge - ALCOHOLISM, posted by Temmie on July 23, 2003, at 17:13:58
Yes Temmie, I've been in AA (and sober) now for 3 weeks. And there is no substitute for going to meetings.
Mercury
Posted by Mercury on July 24, 2003, at 19:08:30
In reply to Hurt of Infidelity -- Merc and Fallsfall, posted by Temmie on July 23, 2003, at 6:11:29
You're welcome. Wondering...why do you want to go to Al-Alon? In answer to your question
** Should I return things to him then? Books, photos? The "dialogue journal" we had? **
No. Throw them in the garbage. Burn 'em. Leave em at the road side in a plastic bag. Whatever. Just get rid of them. Oh, and forget your camera. Consider it the price of freedom. All of these "things" are meaningless save for what you ascribe to them. In other words they are ties to the past. Excuses to contact Paul. Toss 'em out and fugeddaboudit!
Jeans and sandals are nice. But they aren't what's gonna sell it. Its all about the attitude. Sexy is a state of mind. Remember that.
Mercury
Posted by whiterabbit on July 24, 2003, at 20:23:13
In reply to Re: MERCURY -- Your knowledge - ALCOHOLISM, posted by Mercury on July 24, 2003, at 18:58:19
Posted by temmie on July 24, 2003, at 21:29:28
In reply to Re: Hurt of Infidelity -- Merc and Fallsfall, posted by Mercury on July 24, 2003, at 19:08:30
... otherwise referred to (with one friend, at least), as "Rebound Guy." (But that's just cruel.)
Dennis is sweet. We met for a drink ... which turned into drink(s). Then we lingered over dinner. He is a sweetie. I was not initially attracted to him, but it's such a relief to be able to talk with someone openly and honestly .... We'll see where it goes.
I have a therapy appointment with a new doc tomorrow (it's been probably two months in the waiting) who specializes in abuse-recovery issues. Presumably Doc U will be able to illuminate some of my understanding re. why I was attracted to such a dysfunctional, substance-addicted abuser ... And, in the meantime, Merc, you'll be happy to know -- Dennis thinks I'm beautiful and -- gasp -- foxy -- and dang it -- he wants to take me to the Carribean (or out on his boat until we can get there). I don't care. I'm just glad to have spent a fun evening with someone I can be upfront and honest with, who seems to honor my feelings, interests, desires, etc., including my need to TAKE THINGS SLOW.
Wheee! We'll see where this goes. I'm writing from campus and will drive home when I feel sober enough to do so. Betweeen you, Merc, Fallsfall (and Zoo? Sorry, I'm not clear on names at this point ... for the astrological eomparison) ... thanks to everyone's enouragement -- I feel a wee bit clearer about the need to STOP things immediately, to step aside from the role of Enabler, and to permit Paul the privilege of figuring things out by himself.
More soon.
XXX, Temmie
Posted by Mercury on July 24, 2003, at 22:45:27
In reply to OMG -- Back at computer after date with EMT Guy, posted by temmie on July 24, 2003, at 21:29:28
Great for you Temmie! Good show! Out with the old, in with the new! Now...just in case you thought I advocate the "party girl" mentality, let's have a reality check for a moment shall we? I'm gonna give you some more of that "guy" insight. This is what I think you should do. Don't call this Dennis guy back. At least for a while. First of all, never trust a man who invites you to his boat on the first date! LOL! But second, I think you should put this whole "rebound" thing to bed ASAP. Here's how. Go on a second date with someone else as soon as possible. This time, ask out someone you know. Just for dinner. Nothing deep. Then identify someone else...maybe a stranger, and see if you can get THEM to ask you out. But be subtle about it. Don't worry about failing. If it doesn't work try with someone else. Again, be SUBTLE. You don't want them to know what you are doing. Use the ol' Jedi mind trick! Then let these guys court you for a little while. Let them treat you to some nice nights out, let them buy you gifts, and shower you with attention. Enjoy yourself. Take your time. Be special. Then after a while, you'll find the right guy. Either it will be one of these first few (hey maybe even Dennis) or you'll catch the eye of someone else. Most guys want a girl who's "in demand". Just be open with them. Let them know you are dating other men as well. The will appreciate the honesty. Let them compete for your affections. If any of them have a problem with that...well then, he wasn't right for you anyway.
I feel like dear Abby! LOL!
Mercury
Posted by fallsfall on July 25, 2003, at 0:31:29
In reply to OMG -- Back at computer after date with EMT Guy, posted by temmie on July 24, 2003, at 21:29:28
You Go Girl!!!
I am so proud of you! You found out that other guys can be pleasant, and maybe even have a couple of good traits that Paul is lacking.
What a big step to take - and what a success!
(Now you just have to get me out on a date...)
Posted by Temmie on July 25, 2003, at 1:45:55
In reply to OMG -- Back at computer after date with EMT Guy, posted by temmie on July 24, 2003, at 21:29:28
... and I do mean everything. I do need to slow things down. I hope you're getting my drift here. D talked about things he'd like to do with me, to me, for me, etc. Eeegads. I had way too much wine -- and I demurred, discussed, etc., but said repeatedly, I wanted to progress SLOW.
Fortunately, he doesn't know my last name, my phone number, where I live, where I work, etc.
I've gotta take a break.
Paul had a message on my cell, "Hi Sweetie, bla bla bla." I deleted it (and others). I called our mutual friend in NY and said I probably wouldn't be able to call her again, because talkin with her kept the avenues (of emotion) open ... and I couldn't do that ...
Yuckie! It's 1:30 in the morning, I've just woken from a fitful sleep, and Merc -- I'll read again/respond to your suggestions above when I have more time.
I do want to wait before intimacy. A long wait. That's all I can say for now. Temmie.
Posted by Temmie on July 25, 2003, at 8:44:25
In reply to Re: OMG -- Back at computer after date with EMT Guy » temmie, posted by fallsfall on July 25, 2003, at 0:31:29
Do you want to date? Do you have -- how to say --- "access" to men at work, school, or home? Might you respond to a pesonal ad? Write one yourself? Do you have time for a companion? It's all easier said than done ... it takes a lot of courage, I know ... but you're sweet, sensitive, intelligent, giving, supportive, thoughtful, etc., and would be a terrific catch for any number of people! Why not fill out the personality profile at eHarmony.com (warning, it's exhaustive and might best be done in stages). It won't cost you anything, and you might be surprised to have a "match" pop-up in your area .... Otherwise, checkout some of the other online services ....
What do you think?
Much affection, Temmie
Posted by Temmie on July 25, 2003, at 8:57:53
In reply to Re: OMG -- Back at computer after date with EMT Guy, posted by Mercury on July 24, 2003, at 22:45:27
You are such a sweetie. I love talking with a man "on the sly," about the male POV. I'm sure others are enjoying/benefitting from your advice and suggestions, as well.
I don't have "access" to other men at work/school/home, although I've caught my professor's eye (what a cutie, and how charming, from Duesseldorf, and soooo interesting, but married). We do have an alternative "Village Voice" kind of newspaper where I live, though, and I'll peruse the personals there and -- heck -- maybe I'll even write one.
Dennis is a major sweetie, but not my "type." Whatever that means. You know, I'm an old hippie, I like rock-and-roll (although I'm hardly up-to-date with Cold Play, David Gray, Beck, and a lot of the news artists my son has introduced me to). I'd rather go to the Chicago Blues Fest than fly to New Orleans to listen to Dixie (which D suggested). I don't golf. I don't, as you know, own any "after five" clothes, and I don't care for men wearing cologne ... or jewelery. Heavens, I sound like such an elitist or a snob.
I also wasn't comfortable talking about sex, including D's claim that he didn't need Viagra, and detailed information about some of the things he said he wanted to do to me.
Yikes!
On a plus note, he was gentlemanly. He walked me to the campus library (I didn't want him to come to know/recognize my car), he stopped when I asked him too, he told me repeatedly how beautiful I was, he has an alternative (and somewhat interesting "take" on things (I'm more New Age spiritual -- I'm a priest in one of the Gnostic Orders (!), he's more pragmatic -- a former Major in the Air National Guard, for Heaven's sake), he's got money, he sounds generous (yes, generous in bed, too), he's -- from what I can tell -- fairly level-headed.
Oh. I have a tummy ache this morning from FIVE glasses of wine. That's not good.
If nothing else, going out with D signaled one of the first important ... necessary ... steps in letting go of and moving away from Paul ....Other than that, I don't know what to say.
I appreciate, value and love all the support I've received here. If this is "legal," and anyone wants to talk more extensively/privately, feel free to write me via: temenos512@yahoo.com
Best,
Temmie
Posted by Temmie on July 25, 2003, at 9:03:28
In reply to Re: Astrological Analysis, posted by ROO on July 24, 2003, at 17:05:19
Thank you, ROO, that was certainly an interesting analysis. There's a lot in there I might highlight as quite accurate. Some I don't have any experience with ... in terms of agreeing with or not agreeing. Paul is a sweetie. You should read some of the things he's written me! (Yes, Merc, I'll have to throw those out or leave them in someone's dumpster to find, enjoy, reflect upon.) He's incredibly romantic, and so loving ... attentive. Sigh. Can't go there. The IDEA, however, of just "dating" period is quite interesting. I suppose there's an endless permutation of possibilities with all the singles in this area (if I could only find them all, or just a healthy sampling of some), and perhaps I'll write again and ask if you'd do another profile.
Is this program available online?
Wishing you love, joy, peace ... Temmie
Posted by fallsfall on July 25, 2003, at 11:03:53
In reply to After date w/ EMT Guy -- Fallsfall, posted by Temmie on July 25, 2003, at 8:44:25
I have actually been dating just a little. I found two interesting people on an online dating service.
The problem is that I'm disabled with Depression. So I'm not a lot of fun to talk to because I don't do anything so I don't have anything to talk about. (I do great with Mental Illness, but most people don't consider that the best topic for a date) I was supposed to have a date 3 or 4 weeks ago, but I cancelled it. My life was so stressful because I was changing therapists, I couldn't imagine trying to focus on any one thing more than 15 minutes. I need to call and set that up again - but it is scary.
Since I'm not working I don't meet a lot of people. I go to two support groups, but they are fairly heavily Mental Illness focused, too. I know I need to get out more, but everytime I try to get inspired to do something new another crisis crashes down and I feel like I can't do it.
Well, I have a new therapist now. Maybe things will change. Dating is on my mind.
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