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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by alexandra_k on June 23, 2005, at 18:24:42
In reply to Re: Would you ask your T if he is attracted to you? » happyflower, posted by Shortelise on June 23, 2005, at 17:52:38
Hmm.
I wouldn't ask.
Nope.
Because it is most likely the question will be avoided and be turned into 'why is it so important for you to know? What would it mean to you if I was, what would it mean to you if I wasn't' etc etc.
But I might ask about why he seems to look embarrased (?) when you talk about sex.
Actually... I probably wouldn't because I know that I do get quite embarrassed talking about sex. I only really talk about it on Babble to tell you the truth. So I guess I wouldn't find it suprising that he would look embarrassed. What is suprising to me is that some people do not.Hmm.
Posted by alexandra_k on June 23, 2005, at 18:25:40
In reply to Re: Would you ask your T if he is attracted to you? » Shortelise, posted by alexandra_k on June 23, 2005, at 18:24:42
Posted by happyflower on June 23, 2005, at 20:34:57
In reply to Re: Would you ask your T if he is attracted to you? » happyflower, posted by Jazzed on June 23, 2005, at 17:35:54
I guess since he might night answer my question or turn it around on me and why I want to know, I guess there is no point in asking, making us both feel uncomfortable. We are in such a good place right now, I don't want things to change.
I still do think he is attracted to me, and if he is, and I "expose" him, his boundries could tighten, and that wouldn't feel good.
I guess I can just enjoy myself knowing that such a great guy like him could be interested in me, if we met in another place and time. The funny thing is that all the changes in him, it being anyone else, I would say that they are trying to impress me because they like me and want to show that they are interested in me.Oh, well, I guess I will just keep my little secret! Who knows maybe after therapy is over, he will confess his dying love for me, and wants to wait the 2 year waiting period so I can fufill his love! lol A girl can dream, can't I?
If he acts odd again when I bring up sex, I will ask him about it. The last time I was talking about when women peak sexually in their 30's and that now I know what it felt like to be a guy at 18. This is an example when he looks away and down. I guess it is too much for him to know he has a horny women accross him, especially since he is attracted to me. Boy, it must be so tough to be a T. But come to think of it, If I said that to most guys, would they get turned on? Maybe I am being inappropiate?
Posted by Jazzed on June 23, 2005, at 21:27:01
In reply to Re: Would you ask your T if he is attracted to you? » happyflower, posted by Tamar on June 23, 2005, at 18:21:47
>>Most of the stuff I've read indicates that there aren't many therapeutic gains to be found in a therapist's dislosure of his attraction to a client, and I think they tend to believe this. Of course, we clients might see things differently!
>
> If you are fairly sure he is attracted to you, it might be more fun to flirt wildly than to get into a discussion about attraction!
>
> > > Oh, and if you think he's probably attracted to you, then you might well be right. It's pretty common. After all, he's only human! But the poor soul can't do anything about it. Mwhahahaha!
>
> Hope you find a way to decide what to do.
>
> Tamar
Tamar,Sometimes your posts just have me rolling on the floor LMAO! I didn't want to say anything, so thankfully you did! If you're uncontrollably attracted, I think you should try to seduce him! Give those good old red fingernails a workout! LOL Sorry happy, I couldn't resist!
If it was me, and I was attracted, and I was sure he was also, and I didn't have any qualms about an affair, I don't know what I'd do, but I think this might be up there on my list. Hope that doesn't offend anyone.Jazzy
>
Posted by Jazzed on June 23, 2005, at 21:38:07
In reply to My decision! :), posted by happyflower on June 23, 2005, at 20:34:57
> I guess since he might night answer my question or turn it around on me and why I want to know, I guess there is no point in asking, making us both feel uncomfortable. We are in such a good place right now, I don't want things to change.
Yeah, you're right, and since you have the feeling he is attracted to you maybe it will be up to him whether he just can't stand it anymore, and has to confess to you. Keep us posted. Great material for fantasies!
>
> I still do think he is attracted to me, and if he is, and I "expose" him, his boundries could tighten, and that wouldn't feel good.No, you're right, that would feel really bad.
>
>
> Oh, well, I guess I will just keep my little secret! Who knows maybe after therapy is over, he will confess his dying love for me, and wants to wait the 2 year waiting period so I can fufill his love! lol A girl can dream, can't I?Sure, why not?! Like Tamar said, he's only human!
>
> If he acts odd again when I bring up sex, I will ask him about it.I think that's more than reasonable. You shouldn't feel funny talking about sex with your T, if you're comefortable with it! I'd be in trouble because I love to talk about sex! It's a big deal in my life, so it WILL come up, heck it HAS come up already! No problems there, that's for sure! I can tell my new T is willing and able to talk about it anytime.
>I guess it is too much for him to know he has a horny women accross him, especially since he is attracted to me. Boy, it must be so tough to be a T. But come to think of it, If I said that to most guys, would they get turned on? Maybe I am being inappropiate?
LMAO!!!! Nope, I don't think that's inappropriate. Sounds like an okay topic to me. Maybe sex should come up again on purpose, so you can have your talk with him? Make it safe for you though, so he doesn't tighten up those boundaries.Jazzy
Posted by pinkeye on June 23, 2005, at 21:48:01
In reply to My decision! :), posted by happyflower on June 23, 2005, at 20:34:57
I really admire your confidence !!! And I hope for your sake, that he admits to liking you..
I never thought of myself as likeable.. so maybe that is why I thought your T won't admit it to you as well.
But you are pretty sure he likes you, so enjoy it and flirt around !! and have fun. Don't point out his actions to him, because he might get guarded.
Posted by happyflower on June 23, 2005, at 21:51:37
In reply to Re: My decision! :) » happyflower, posted by Jazzed on June 23, 2005, at 21:38:07
> > >
> Yeah, you're right, and since you have the feeling he is attracted to you maybe it will be up to him whether he just can't stand it anymore, and has to confess to you. Keep us posted. Great material for fantasies!
>
> I don't think a T would admit it, I guess it harms the therapy process but I guess he doesn't have to confess, because I think I already know! lol Yeah, it makes a great fantasy! Hmmm. only question now is what color of nail polish, red or dark pink? Lipstick? hmmmmm. bra? hmmmmm? what kind of panties? A girl has to be prepared! lol
Besides we do know that T's and client do hook up, there are bad stories there, but I just don't think we know the good ones. I think there was someone on these boards who is engaged to her T. So it can happen, unlikely, but possiable. :)
Posted by happyflower on June 23, 2005, at 22:02:09
In reply to I do admire your confidence:-) » happyflower, posted by pinkeye on June 23, 2005, at 21:48:01
> I really admire your confidence !!! And I hope for your sake, that he admits to liking you..
>
I don't think he will ever admit it though, and I am not going to ask! lol I guess I don't need him to confirm it anyways, because it isn't going to lead anywhere anyways. It is fun to think about it, but I am a realist.> I never thought of myself as likeable.. so maybe that is why I thought your T won't admit it to you as well.
> I think you are likeable, sweet, and so caring! I think you just don't know it yet! :)
> But you are pretty sure he likes you, so enjoy it and flirt around !! and have fun. Don't point out his actions to him, because he might get guarded.Yeah, I think I will just have fun and not worry about it. It is fun to flirt with other people too. Thanks pinkey!
Posted by happyflower on June 23, 2005, at 22:03:04
In reply to Re: I do admire your confidence:-), posted by happyflower on June 23, 2005, at 22:02:09
Posted by Jazzed on June 24, 2005, at 8:47:13
In reply to Re: My decision! :), posted by happyflower on June 23, 2005, at 21:51:37
> >
> > I don't think a T would admit it, I guess it harms the therapy process but I guess he doesn't have to confess, because I think I already know! lol Yeah, it makes a great fantasy!How often are your sessions? Boy, my thoughts would be consumed in between!
>Hmmm. only question now is what color of nail polish, red or dark pink? Lipstick? hmmmmm. bra? hmmmmm? what kind of panties? A girl has to be prepared! lol
Yes, and pamper yourself a bit, so you feel extra special when you go! I'd go with the dark pink nails, but that's just me. Remember I'm not one for dressing up for my docs/Ts. LOL, good that you can even question no bra! No chance of that for me! Isn't your T very conservative, how would he react to the no bra look? Well, he IS a man, but how would he feel on a deeper level? My husband is a total boob man.
> Besides we do know that T's and client do hook up, there are bad stories there, but I just don't think we know the good ones.
I agree, and you know they're out there. My 1st shrink married a patient. Poor woman!
When's your next session?
Jazzy
Posted by happyflower on June 24, 2005, at 11:24:59
In reply to Re: My decision! :) » happyflower, posted by Jazzed on June 24, 2005, at 8:47:13
> > >
> >
>
> How often are your sessions? Boy, my thoughts would be consumed in between!
>
I started off at every other week, then I told him I wanted to go weekly to keep the momentum going. But this month it has been every other week because of his vacation and his medical stuff. I started therapy in Jan. of this year. I really don't think about him so much anymore. In fact I just kind of kid around here sometimes about it. He is attractive to me in a lot of ways but I have given up the thought of it being any more than it is. But it is fun to fantasize about it. :)> >Hmmm. only question now is what color of nail polish, red or dark pink? Lipstick? hmmmmm. bra? hmmmmm? what kind of panties? A girl has to be prepared! lol
>
This is just my way of having fun with it. I do wear a bra in public, but when I am home, it is off baby! ( Did you see the Bra subject on social) lol He is a kid of the 70's , so I am sure he would like the braless look maybe privately around him. He would probably would not want a wife to look to sexy in public. I think he has a naughty side to him, I can just tell. lol I think I will go with dark pink, besides it is new! lol I have to keep my nails painted or they look really bad because I garden. Plus it protects my nails too.
> Yes, and pamper yourself a bit, so you feel extra special when you go! I'd go with the dark pink nails, but that's just me. Remember I'm not one for dressing up for my docs/Ts. LOL, good that you can even question no bra! No chance of that for me! Isn't your T very conservative, how would he react to the no bra look? Well, he IS a man, but how would he feel on a deeper level? My husband is a total boob man.
>>
> I agree, and you know they're out there. My 1st shrink married a patient. Poor woman!How did you find this out? Did they wait 2 years after therapy? How much of it do you know?
>
> When's your next session?My next session is Wed. 11am., I am looking forward to it, it has been a long 2 weeks! :)
>
Posted by caraher on June 24, 2005, at 11:52:02
In reply to My decision! :), posted by happyflower on June 23, 2005, at 20:34:57
> I guess since he might night answer my question or turn it around on me and why I want to know, I guess there is no point in asking, making us both feel uncomfortable. We are in such a good place right now, I don't want things to change.
Sounds like the best decision to me!
> If he acts odd again when I bring up sex, I will ask him about it. The last time I was talking about when women peak sexually in their 30's and that now I know what it felt like to be a guy at 18. This is an example when he looks away and down. I guess it is too much for him to know he has a horny women accross him, especially since he is attracted to me. Boy, it must be so tough to be a T. But come to think of it, If I said that to most guys, would they get turned on? Maybe I am being inappropiate?
I don't think there's anything inappropriate about saying that, but from my male perspective I'd say that remark would certainly pique heightened interest, especially if uttered by someone I found attractive!
I've thought about asking my T this kind of question, only in a more abstract way. I really don't care if she is attracted to me, I don't entertain romantic or sexual fantasies about her. But I would like to hear an honest answer about what kind of first impression I probably make for the mythical typical woman because of my social anxiety problems. My usual tendency is to shy away from eye contact, smiling etc. in part because I tend to believe I'm a basically unattractive and am better off drawing as little attention to myself as possible. I don't want to make others uncomfortable because they have to deal with a beast like me, nor do I want my face rubbed in my own physical deficiencies.
Now I've done a lot of work on this and have improved quite a bit, to the point that I almost believe that sometimes others actually like it if I say "hi" to them or smile. I guess if I felt like I was at least of "average" attractiveness for my age, etc. I'd feel a lot more comfortable, and that would be my motivation for bringing it up.
Posted by happyflower on June 24, 2005, at 12:04:15
In reply to Re: My decision! :) (followed by personal ramble), posted by caraher on June 24, 2005, at 11:52:02
> > But come to think of it, If I said that to most guys, would they get turned on? Maybe I am being inappropiate?
>
> I don't think there's anything inappropriate about saying that, but from my male perspective I'd say that remark would certainly pique heightened interest, especially if uttered by someone I found attractive!
>
Thanks for being honest, it is always good to get a male perspective on this. He is human after all even if he is a T. By, the way, welcome, I don't seem to reconize your name, if you are new!> I've thought about asking my T this kind of question, only in a more abstract way. I really don't care if she is attracted to me, I don't entertain romantic or sexual fantasies about her. But I would like to hear an honest answer about what kind of first impression I probably make for the mythical typical woman because of my social anxiety problems. My usual tendency is to shy away from eye contact, smiling etc. in part because I tend to believe I'm a basically unattractive and am better off drawing as little attention to myself as possible. I don't want to make others uncomfortable because they have to deal with a beast like me, nor do I want my face rubbed in my own physical deficiencies.
>
How would you feel if she did say that she thought you were attractive? Would that make you feel different torwards her?I am sure you are not a beast, and are being too hard on yourself. After all you are in therapy, so you can't be all that bad, you want to change and improve your life. It is the people who don't see anything wrong with themselves that worry me! :) It think finding someone attractive is very different for everyone. Like for instance, I think Richard Gere is totally hot, but Tom Cruise is nothing special to me.
> Now I've done a lot of work on this and have improved quite a bit, to the point that I almost believe that sometimes others actually like it if I say "hi" to them or smile. I guess if I felt like I was at least of "average" attractiveness for my age, etc. I'd feel a lot more comfortable, and that would be my motivation for bringing it up.
Well I like that you said "Hi", and I bet others like it too. Smiles are contagious! :) (see I bet you are smiling right now) lol
>
Posted by caraher on June 24, 2005, at 13:04:00
In reply to Re: My decision! :) (followed by personal ramble) » caraher, posted by happyflower on June 24, 2005, at 12:04:15
> Thanks for being honest, it is always good to get a male perspective on this. He is human after all even if he is a T. By, the way, welcome, I don't seem to reconize your name, if you are new!Thanks. I don't post a lot so I'm not surprised you don't recognize my name...
> How would you feel if she did say that she thought you were attractive? Would that make you feel different torwards her?
That's an excellent question. But I honestly don't think it would change things for me. She is very professional with well-defined boundaries. I think she is quite attractive, and in fact that's been helpful for me as far as the social anxiety because she encourages eye contact. In the safety of the therapy setting I had the chance to experience the anxiety about looking someone like that in the eye to learn that it would not necessarily prove harmful or fatal to either party ;)
>
> Well I like that you said "Hi", and I bet others like it too. Smiles are contagious! :) (see I bet you are smiling right now) lol:) Well, maybe you wouldn't like it if you knew me (yeah, yeah, I know, I'm just speaking what goes on in my tiny brain :) )
Posted by happyflower on June 24, 2005, at 13:15:40
In reply to Re: My decision! :) (followed by personal ramble), posted by caraher on June 24, 2005, at 13:04:00
Posted by Jazzed on June 25, 2005, at 6:51:12
In reply to Re: My decision! :) » Jazzed, posted by happyflower on June 24, 2005, at 11:24:59
>He is attractive to me in a lot of ways but I have given up the thought of it being any more than it is. But it is fun to fantasize about it. :)
Well, if it give you fantasies, that's good imo., and if he's nice to look at, well that's a bonus! ; )
> This is just my way of having fun with it. I do wear a bra in public, but when I am home, it is off baby! ( Did you see the Bra subject on social)Oh yeah, I saw it, and commented that mine are too big to do that. Wish I could. B4 I had kids they were perfect! I'm talking to a surgeon about reduction later this year.
>lol He is a kid of the 70's , so I am sure he would like the braless look maybe privately around him.
So, give it a try, and see his reaction, might be fun to throw him off like that, but I think I'd stay away from any discussion of sex that session. Don't want to do any major damage! LOL
>I think he has a naughty side to him, I can just tell.
That's fun. So, at least you know he's normal in that regard! ; )
> How did you find this out? Did they wait 2 years after therapy? How much of it do you know?
Oh, it was no secret. He was in the same social group as my brother's in-laws, but not directly social with them. They didn't like him so much, mainly bec. of what he did to me. Anyway, the woman he married, lived in OUR neighborhood, we all saw it coming. And NO, they did not wait the two years. He asked her while she was still in therapy with him! He was still married to his wife, but divorced her, and she was in the process of divorce at the time. Then they got married within the year. I genuinely felt sorry for her because of how he messed me up, and because of the things he told me about his first wife. She had a LOT of problems. Geeze, you just HAVE to wonder if he wasn't the root cause.
> My next session is Wed. 11am., I am looking forward to it, it has been a long 2 weeks! :)
> >I can understand. The wait seems endless. I'm going to ask for more frequent sessions, at least for the summer, so we can get into it and get going with it. I'm so impatient!
Jazzy
Posted by Jazzed on June 25, 2005, at 6:58:42
In reply to Re: My decision! :) (followed by personal ramble), posted by caraher on June 24, 2005, at 11:52:02
> I've thought about asking my T this kind of question, only in a more abstract way. I really don't care if she is attracted to me, I don't entertain romantic or sexual fantasies about her.That's a good idea, after all she is your "test" relationship for the real world, right? And if you say what you said above, then it doesn't put her on the spot.
>My usual tendency is to shy away from eye contact, smiling etc. in part because I tend to believe I'm a basically unattractive and am better off drawing as little attention to myself as possible.
You know, the first thing that attracts me to a guy is a great smile. A real genuine, from the heart, smile. My p-doc is really nice, very warm, and has a super awesome smile. He's not someone I would normally find attractive, but his smile is disarming, at least IMO. Helps that his manner matches, and he loves to laugh.
So smile away now that you're feeling better about yourself! I'm sure you have a wonderful smile. You have a great personality on the boards.
>
> I'd feel a lot more comfortable, and that would be my motivation for bringing it up.
>
She would probably feel flattered that she has helped you get to this point in your life!Good luck with that!
Jazzy
Posted by happyflower on June 25, 2005, at 7:15:13
In reply to Re: My decision! :), posted by Jazzed on June 25, 2005, at 6:51:12
>
> > So, give it a try, and see his reaction, might be fun to throw him off like that, but I think I'd stay away from any discussion of sex that session. Don't want to do any major damage! LOLNo way am I doing that! lol I am too shy and would feel so embarrest! lol Plus after nursing 2 babies, they aren't as perky as before! lol But it works for my fantasies.
You know I think Susan should write a fantasy book about women and their T's. I am sure since the feeling is so common, it would sell like hotcakes! But I bet she would do a more fun
ending! lol :)
> I'm going to ask for more frequent sessions, at least for the summer, so we can get into it and get going with it. I'm so impatient!I am impatient too! Have a good weekend! I am going to the Elkhart Jazz Festival tonight so I won't be around much! :)
>
>
Posted by Jazzed on June 25, 2005, at 7:44:22
In reply to Re: My decision! :) For Susan too! » Jazzed, posted by happyflower on June 25, 2005, at 7:15:13
>
> No way am I doing that! lol I am too shy and would feel so embarrest! lol Plus after nursing 2 babies, they aren't as perky as before! lol But it works for my fantasies.I'm sorry, hope I didn't offend! I know what ya mean, I had 3 out of 4 babies who nursed. Wowza, it really isn't fair is it?
>
> You know I think Susan should write a fantasy book about women and their T's. I am sure since the feeling is so common, it would sell like hotcakes! But I bet she would do a more fun
> ending! lol :)OMGosh, some of her posts make me feel like I need to go get some sex! And of course, they have such a sensual feeling. She creates wonderful visuals, and has a real way with words. Yes, a book would sell like hotcakes, and I'll get in line to buy one now.
Susan, you out there? How 'bout it?
>
>> I am impatient too! Have a good weekend! I am going to the Elkhart Jazz Festival tonight so I won't be around much! :)
Dam*! I was hoping you'd go see Sharkboy and Lava Girl in 3D w/me and my son! Hey, did you know, there's been research that indicates jazz fans get 30% more sex than other ppl. Interesting!
Jazzy
> >
> >
>
>
Posted by happyflower on June 25, 2005, at 7:59:07
In reply to Re: My decision! :) For Susan too!, posted by Jazzed on June 25, 2005, at 7:44:22
>
> >
> > >
> I'm sorry, hope I didn't offend! I know what ya mean, I had 3 out of 4 babies who nursed. Wowza, it really isn't fair is it?Well since we don't offend each other, how about an agreement? How bout we be as crazy with each other and not worry about offending each other. I guess it could happen, but I think we are stong enough to tell each other! :)
> > > Dam*! I was hoping you'd go see Sharkboy and Lava Girl in 3D w/me and my son!My kids want to see this, tell me if it is good! We still have to Madagascar. Now that one looks good!
Hey, did you know, there's been research that indicates jazz fans get 30% more sex than other ppl. Interesting!
Well they didn't ask me, because I sure don't! lol Maybe thats why my T and trumpet teacher, and mailman looks so good! lol Oh, well....maybe the mailman will come through. The other day, he said is that you playing that trumpet? I don't know what he meant by that, but he didn't say anymore after I admitted it!
---Horney flower
Posted by Jazzed on June 25, 2005, at 8:09:58
In reply to Re: My decision! :) For Susan too!, posted by happyflower on June 25, 2005, at 7:59:07
> >
> > >
> > > >
> > I'm sorry, hope I didn't offend! I know what ya mean, I had 3 out of 4 babies who nursed. Wowza, it really isn't fair is it?
>
> Well since we don't offend each other, how about an agreement? How bout we be as crazy with each other and not worry about offending each other.It's a deal!
>
> My kids want to see this, tell me if it is good! We still have to Madagascar. Now that one looks good!We have to see that too, but his friends have seeen it, drat! I'll let you know.
>
> Well they didn't ask me, because I sure don't! lol Maybe thats why my T and trumpet teacher, and mailman looks so good! lol Oh, well....maybe the mailman will come through. The other day, he said is that you playing that trumpet? I don't know what he meant by that, but he didn't say anymore after I admitted it!
Ask him!
>
> ---Horney flowerLOL, have fun at the concert, horn!
Posted by caraher on June 25, 2005, at 10:24:12
In reply to Re: My decision! :) For Susan too!, posted by Jazzed on June 25, 2005, at 7:44:22
> > You know I think Susan should write a fantasy book about women and their T's. I am sure since the feeling is so common, it would sell like hotcakes! But I bet she would do a more fun
> > ending! lol :)
>
> OMGosh, some of her posts make me feel like I need to go get some sex! And of course, they have such a sensual feeling. She creates wonderful visuals, and has a real way with words. Yes, a book would sell like hotcakes, and I'll get in line to buy one now.
> Susan, you out there? How 'bout it?Hmmm... maybe Susan needs more incentive than just royalties to turn her writing talents toward a book...
Susan, if you're reading, once you publish the book everyone on Babble wants you to write you'll probably have your pick of a fairly large number of men who would love to help you out with your unsatisfied desires. Your steamier posts don't just turn on the ladies, you know ;)
Posted by Susan47 on June 26, 2005, at 18:47:06
In reply to Re: My decision! :) For Susan too! » Jazzed, posted by happyflower on June 25, 2005, at 7:15:13
I know my side, and I can fantasize his so well, with so many different scenarios of his own thoughts and feelings, I've certainly written the books in my head so many times, and every time there's something different about it, some new twist a person could add to the story. Like, a he said she sort of thing, a way to organize our perceptions about these therapy types of relationships. Something that might be fun and also helpful for patients and for T's. There's a demand for books like that. Sigh. But I'm no writer. Who here is a writer? Calling all writers.. how do you learn to write??? Without actually taking the course.. it can't be done, can it.
Posted by Susan47 on June 26, 2005, at 18:50:15
In reply to Re: My decision! :) For Susan too!, posted by Jazzed on June 25, 2005, at 7:44:22
If you're not talking about me, then my face is really, really red. Like, popping and sweating, the cheeks fully puffed out the skin shiny, you know that hurt feeling you get when you really blow your cheeks out? Like a burning sensation. I'm exploding with embarrassment, my mouth is making that bum shape. That used to be big in cartoons when I was a kid, that anal mouth. Hah. Oh yes, and the crossed eyes. I'd love to see some of those old cartoons right now. :)
Posted by Susan47 on June 26, 2005, at 18:51:51
In reply to Re: My decision! :) For Susan too!, posted by happyflower on June 25, 2005, at 7:59:07
I did Madagascar with my son, it's not really my thing but he loved it, I'm glad I took him. There wasn't enough adult humour in it to satisfy me, I guess. But there were quite a few good laughs.
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